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Those voices…..
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I have a significant race coming up in a couple of weeks for which I have been training consistently (except for some time off for a crash and an early year flu).
I am not fast.
I have never been fast.
I will never be fast.
I am a bit older , a bit larger and , except for the swim, quite a bit slower than mop. But I get the job done.
Here is the dilemma: The group with which I train is solid (some pros who have won more than a few 1/2 and full IM's, age groupers who consistently place and qualify for Kona….you get the picture) AND has a good number of newbies who are making good progress due to a stellar coach.

The dilemma: Despite knowing that I have done the work and that I can complete the course, I am spending waaaay too much time trashing myself, my abilities and my body to the point where I am considering NOT doing this race (a 1/2 - of which I have done 6 or so) because I feel that I have not improved enough and, to be honest, am almost ashamed to be amongst those with whom I train (many will be doing this race also).

I know that I'm not the only one……What do you tell yourselves when you're busy digging the pit of "not good enough" ?
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Re: Those voices….. [toreishi] [ In reply to ]
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Hey toreishi, signed in to reply to your post (usually I lurk around here and am too shy to join in the womens discussions even though I love reading them, identify with a lot of what you ladies write and am rooting for all of you, always) - I'm in a sort of similar situation right now so here's what goes through my head. My mantra about why I do this stuff (the saying is from someone famous I think) "for those who want to but can't" and the spiteful b*tch in me does it in spite of "those who can but won't". Hope this is helpful for you - good luck in your race!
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Re: Those voices….. [jpurcellnyc] [ In reply to ]
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jpurcellnyc wrote:
Hey toreishi, signed in to reply to your post (usually I lurk around here and am too shy to join in the womens discussions even though I love reading them, identify with a lot of what you ladies write and am rooting for all of you, always) - I'm in a sort of similar situation right now so here's what goes through my head. My mantra about why I do this stuff (the saying is from someone famous I think) "for those who want to but can't" and the spiteful b*tch in me does it in spite of "those who can but won't". Hope this is helpful for you - good luck in your race!
This. I am as slow as a snail and do not care about speed. I am happy that I have the ability to move in more ways than others who wish they could or wont do. For as slow as I am, many people have told me I am their inspiration to get off the couch and move. For this, my job is done.


_____________________________________
DISH is how we do it.
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Re: Those voices….. [toreishi] [ In reply to ]
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This one really resonates with me. Sometimes I don't feel like I should/deserve to wear the team kit!

For me, two things help. First, I really like to swim and bike and run. So being out there many hours is just many more hours where I am actually enjoying the activity itself. I was raised to do only things I was good at, so there is a lot of satisfaction in my adult life now to choose things I enjoy, just because I enjoy them. And second, I found that, as long as I am not too shy or embarrassed, my teammates are super supportive, and I like them, even away from triathlon. They sometimes stay on the course and wait for me, cheering and such. It was great to see two of them waiting for me at Mile 25 of Ironman, for example (they finished just after I started my second loop). And at one of my last races, I started the swim (and stayed on the feet of, for 100 meters or so) with two of our junior elite racers, and they were super sweet teenagers who simply seemed thrilled that I knew their names and gave me high-fives when they saw me on the run. Maybe because I make cookies shaped like swimmers/bikers/runners wearing the team kit. ;) Or maybe just because triathletes are nice.

I also make a point of NOT talking trash about myself or my skills, even if it's true. I do like to try to guess where/if we will pass on the course (e.g., one year I bet my coach I'd see him running down the final hill at my first half, just as I was riding past him down the same hill, and wouldn't you know, that's exactly where we passed). And I can realistically talk about my expected times without apologizing or trying to joke about it. I think that helps.

Hope you find your own way to feel better, and do the race.
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Re: Those voices….. [toreishi] [ In reply to ]
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I just think about all of the people who made me feel at some point that I cant/shouldn't do something, and I use that energy in my training and races.

You shouldn't feel pressured because you're not as fast as the others. The course is the same length for all of you, and it's still an accomplishment to finish. I always make little inner gagging noises at the, "you're only racing yourself," people just because it doesn't jive with my type A competitive spirit, but unfortunately, it's true. You set your own goalposts. You also can't "race" in improvement because people are just different and people's bodies react in different ways and based on their own history and limitations. Everyone has limitations. Everyone can always be better. We work with what we have.

As long as you keep progressing and enjoying it, enjoy the team and the people in it, keep doing it, and damn the torpedoes. They'll be cheering for you when you finish.
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Re: Those voices….. [toreishi] [ In reply to ]
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You're better than good enough. Think of the number of people that can't (and probably wish that they could) do what you do! You're in the top 1% (or somewhere around there)of the world's population when it comes to endurance sports. And the reality is your training partners don't view you any differently than the rest of your group.
You're a triathlon BEAST! So start telling yourself that and don't stop until the finish line. And have fun.
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Re: Those voices….. [toreishi] [ In reply to ]
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I can sympathize, as I am currently trying to keep myself from freaking out about a race on Saturday. I did the same one 3 years ago and had a blast, then did it again 2 years ago and broke my wrist on the bike course (it's an off-road tri with some fairly technical bits on the mountain bike trails). The break was bad enough that I still have some pain from it, and I've been a bit timid about trail riding since. I was seriously BOP last time I completed the race - 51/56 finishers - mostly due to my total lack of mtb skills and having to hike-o-bike-o a bunch of the course.

This was supposed to be my "A" race of the season, then I got hit by a car a couple of months ago while cycling. I'm pretty much completely recovered now, but I'm going into this race with a total of about 3 trail rides under my belt this year (one of which I crashed on, doing major damage to my left knee a couple of days before I became a hood ornament). I'm terrified that I'm going to hurt myself badly out there, though my last couple of trail rides have been awesome (even though there were some pants-shittingly tense moments here and there).

I'm dealing with it by telling myself that my only goal is to actually get to the end of the race, and that I really do this stuff for the fun and challenge. If it was easy I'd get bored with it, and even if I just end up taking my bike for a walk in the woods (which will assuredly happen - just not sure what kind of ratio of ride/walk there will be), I'll have a fun time if I can remain unbroken. I'm thinking of leaving my water/crush/dustproof camera in transition and throwing it in my pocket at T1 so I can take some photos of the bike course when I'm strolling - I'd love to get a pic of the giant rock garden that broke me - and to remind me that I'm allowed to be a bit of a tourist out there this time. Once I get to T2, I can go out and hammer as hard as I like on the run course!

I also went out on my mtb and rode a trail I've been a total wuss about - our horrible winter did some damage, heaving up footbridges and digging sinkholes that I've been too much of a weenie to ride. Well, I attacked those obstacles yesterday and fucking owned that trail! Totally clean run, felt good on my mtb, and now think I might have some kind of chance at using my bike rather than just carting it around on Saturday. Sometimes one killer workout is all you really need to get yourself back in the right headspace.

I can't tell you why you're racing - only you know what motivated you to get involved in this silly business called triathlon, and that motivation should be what carries you through. Even just developing a little mantra to drown out the negative thoughts - something simple like "I AM STRONG AND I WILL CONQUER!" - can help you turn the focus back to your own awesomeness rather than comparing yourselves to others. Keep in mind, too, that even those people who seem to have it all in this game probably have their own insecurities!

Best of luck to you - cheers!

-mistress k

__________________________________________________________
ill advised racing inc.
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Re: Those voices….. [toreishi] [ In reply to ]
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This post could have pretty much been written by me. Started triathlon in 2010 at age 38 with absolutely NO athletic background. Pretty much always the back of the pack. At indoor cycling sessions when we did time trials and had to call out our distance at the end of it, mine was always the lowest. In outdoor cycling groups, I am always dropped off the back and the group has to wait for me. Just this morning at open water swim group I was the last one to complete the warm up - the other 15 or so swimmers were standing waiting when I finally got there. These group sessions really f*#k with my mind...when I train alone I feel like I am doing OK or making progress, but when put up against others in a group, it makes me feel terrible about myself. I have my first half ironman this weekend and was feeling pretty good about it until this morning's swim, which has kind of shaken me up.

My issues, like yours, are compounded by the people I train with/associate with. Only I have it worse. I am married to someone who routinely wins or places in his age group. Has done 17 IM's, including 6 Konas (with #7 this October). Is the reigning Ultraman Canada champion and course record holder. We have a shelf in the basement dedicated to age group awards, etc. He is really humble and low key about it though...he's just really good and really talented and puts in the hard work. Couple this with our friends who are professional triathletes/a multiple IM champion/coaches/top age groupers, and you can only imagine how inadequate I feel! I always worry that my husband is embarrassed by my poor performance and wishes he was with someone at least a bit more equal in talent.

The race this weekend is an out of towner but there is a large local contingent going. I am going to be the last one to finish out of our group - everyone is going to be showered and cleaned up by the time I hit the finish line (assuming that I do). I might even cut it close to make it to the awards ceremony. I am trying hard to get my mind around it all and keep a positive attitude but it is hard.

At the end of the day, I know that I have done all I could have done training wise (had a rough time with an ongoing ulcerative colitis attack and a crazy work schedule). I know that people I work with that aren't particularly athletic have told me I inspire them. So that will keep me going. Dead f*#king last is better than did not finish which is better than did not start. I am not fast because I am not willing to do the hard workouts that hurt and make you puke - my train of thought is that if it is that unpleasant doing the training, why bother? So I'll go out there and do my best with what I have and see what happens. Not everyone can be first, someone has to be last or close to it. Just think of it as getting your money's worth or enjoying the course longer...:)
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Re: Those voices….. [glowstickgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I did UMC as part of a relay team with CaptainCanada. I did the run. I then went back twice and crewed. Amazing race and those people are FIT! Made me feel like a fat, lazy pig even though I did the double marathon. You run in some tough circles to be an athlete in.

I also crewed Badwater twice and they are animals. Super nice ones though.

I've always felt over weight, slow and an outsider. But I decided I do this for me and the big challenge is to see if I can do it too. In a race, we all cover the same distance. We race the same course and we made the same commitment to train. In that way we are all equals. I've found the fast athletes are overwhelmingly supportive and super nice. That's why I always ultimately (heh) felt comfortable amongst the Ultraman athletes.

Set your own challenges. Trust in your training. Relax and take the day as it comes. You can't control everything but you can control how you react to the unexpected. Be mentally ready to change your plan if something goes wrong or if you are feeling amazing. Flexibility on race day is hugely important and I don't think people appreciate that.

Be proud of yourself before the race even starts. You are a superstar already.



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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Those voices….. [toreishi] [ In reply to ]
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>>


Be Prepared-- Strike Swiftly -- Who Dares Wins- Without warning-"it will be hard. I can do it"


>

RayGovett
Hughson CA
Be Prepared-- Strike Swiftly -- Who Dares Wins- Without warning-"it will be hard. I can do it"
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Re: Those voices….. [raygovett] [ In reply to ]
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For one thing--some of those people who are really fast now don't always last in the sport...they get injured, slow down, etc. and then because they aren't getting the results they want they quit. Also, think long term and enjoy the sport. I train with a group where I am by far the slowest swimmer (lots of lessons, etc but I will always be a crappy swimmer), I have my good days on the bike since I have really worked hard on the bike and running I am by far the slowest (and oldest and currently nursing a nagging injury). I still stay active and do what I can and if anyone has a problem with it then it is their problem not mine. I am doing what I love and you should too!!
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Re: Those voices….. [toreishi] [ In reply to ]
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I am decidedly BOP, I am overweight (by which I really mean "fat", not just "carrying 5 pounds more than racing weight"), I don't think I've swum at all this year and I'm crapping my pants about my race on Sunday. But damnit, I've paid the registration fee and I've paid for the hotel, and I'm going to do it anyway. I always go out with 3 goals in mind:
1) Don't die.
2) Finish
3) Get my sprint time under 2 hours.
I've achieved the first two four times now, and I'm yet to achieve the third. One day!

Written on my fridge are the following words of ST wisdom:
DFL (Dead Effin' Last) > DNF > DNS
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Re: Those voices….. [UK2ME] [ In reply to ]
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Check. Done.
I was the bookend to "training partners" (stretching the term because we see each other at the beginning of those training sessions……) female pro 3-peat winner and first amateur amongst other notables.

It was NOT pretty (well, the course was beautiful ,at least, because I spent a lot of time out there).
Thanks all for your good thoughts and words.
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