Login required to started new threads

Login required to post replies

Prev Next
The "Honey do" list.
Quote | Reply
I'm certain that I'm not alone on this one and I'm looking for a little female perspective...

Why is there ALWAYS a "Honey do" list of things for me to do hanging on the fridge? As soon as one task is accomplished it is replaced by another one. And why has there NEVER been a list of things for my wife to do hanging any where? And don't say it's because I'm slow at getting things done and she is great at getting things done. The real point here is that I've never expected her to do anything for me. If I need something done I do it. So why am I expected to do an endless list of things that I don't necessarily want to do?
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I don't agree with the "Honey Do" list. I've never had one for my husband and never would even consider it. Putting a list on the fridge is demeaning, IMO. If it bothers you this much, you need to talk to her about it. You didn't say so, but if your house is like most others, then she's already doing the majority of "stuff" around the house (cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, etc). I realize that's not the case in many households, but in the majority it is. If so, then there's certain things that need to get done that she's either not comfortable doing or just assuming is your responsibility.

You need to sit her down and talk it out. Find a better way to split the work-load. Don't get upset at her. Just tell her you don't like the list and you need to find a better way to work through stuff that has to get done.
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Hi Sid, for some perspective...

The typical female (I'm generalizing here) does plenty of little things that the typical male (again generalizing) does not want to do. Like cleaning crumbs underneath the microwave, sending holiday cards/gifts to your family, deciding what color the curtains should be, planting flowers in the pot on the back deck, doing exhaustive research to find rugs that match the curtains, keeping up the circle of friends so you have a social life, coming up with new ideas for healthy food for the family, keeping your linen closet organized, making sure you don't hang obnoxious "art" on the walls, replacing the dish rag that you left laying in dirty water in the kitchen sink, ignoring his wandering eye, putting on make-up everyday and dealing with matching accessories that come with being female (a part time job in itself) and I think I could go on and on but I have a meeting to go to.

I think it's wise for all partners, both male and female, to appreciate all the little things in life that they do for each other and try not to sweat the small things.

Cheers!
Last edited by: trailbait: Oct 30, 08 13:21
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I think we all have lists of things we would like to do or have done around the house. I have a list, but I don't post it on the fridge. I make a list and try to sit down and talk to him about the things I would like to get done- remove the leaves from the gutters, remove the air conditioners for the winter, clean up the yard, wash the house, hang christmas lights, etc. Some of these things I can't do by myself- remove the air conditioners. Other times, I am busy doing the dishes, laundry, driving kids, grocery shopping and he is home watching movies. This would be an ideal time for him to help out with some of these items- well at least that's what I think. He thinks this would be the ideal time for him to watch movies:) Hence, I can understand putting the list on the refrigerator to avoid conflict and as items get done, they are crossed out. Unfortunately my husband does not like to discuss these items with me and never looks at anything on the fridge. Hmmmm I wonder why? Usually I'll mention the items once or twice in passing- hey we need to get those leaves removed. After that it's fair game for me to start doing it- which he hates for some reason. I can not get him to do anything unless I start doing it myself, then he will jump in. He says I take too long to get things done or it scares him when I'm on the roof, but I say at least I'm doing them. I guess there is always something to do around the house as seasons change. My husband never makes a list for me to do, however he calls me several times during the day and gives me items he would like me to do, which I usually get done that same day. Do you expect things out of your wife that you don't think about- doing your laundry, making dinner, grocery shopping, picking the kids up, dishes, setting up appts- dr, car, etc.?
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [nutty] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
With two kids in college my wife has gone back to work, full time, for the first time in our marriage. I am self employed and have a very flexible schedule. As a result I have been "pitching in" quite a bit. I do most of the cooking and about 1/2 the laundry. I feed the animals and vacuum the floors. We go grocery shopping together. I think we have divided up things pretty well.

I guess that the majority of the things on my list are things that she doesn't feel comfortable doing, so that's a valid point.
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I agree with what's been said already about sitting down and talking with your wife. My husband is pretty good about doing things around the house, but there are times when it seems like he only wants to do the four chores that he feels like doing, not the 500 other things that need doing. Over the years, we've managed to find a system where we each cover the chores that the other one really hates (for example, he does laundry most of the time because I'm not fond of it, where I'll do more of the dish-doing.) There have been times where I'll leave him a list of things that absolutely have to get done, but usually only in a situation where he's liable to forget and half the time at his request.

My guess is that your wife feels she does tons of stuff around the house and the "honey-do" list is her way of trying to balance the workload. Tell her that you don't like the list, but also what system you'd prefer (I'm afraid not doing anything isn't probably going to be an option) If there's a system of dividing out labor that you'd prefer, suggest it and then stick to it.

Good luck!

M

------------------------------------------------------------
The beatings will continue until morale improves
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
It's probably because she's short on time and either hasn't talked to you about whatever it is that needs doin' or just happened to think of it and write it down so neither of you would forget. She's probably got her own list for herself, too, it just might not be written down or not put on the fridge. She's also probably got the "us" list of things for you to do together, as well.

I ask my male roommate to clean out the gutters - he's taller than I am and deals with being on a ladder and the roof much better than I do (even though he's only 4 mo. out of knee surgery - I've crashed my bike in my living room ON THE TRAINER, I don't need to be on the roof with a hose) and those are the types of tasks I ask him for help with. I do most of the dishes....It may be that type of situation. And if your house is a house of any normal inclination - there are ALWAYS things that can be or need to be done. Hence, there are always lists.

Seems like you have a pretty good relationship and share the work, keep it up! Just don't lose too many socks.

AW
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Sid, you should post this in the LR. It would be great fun!
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [squid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
In Reply To:
Sid, you should post this in the LR. It would be great fun!
I thought about it. I'm sure the responses would be MUCH different.
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Most partnered men seem to have "honey do" lists, but mine is a mental list and not written down. My wife will ask me to do something, usually a few times before getting around to it, but eventually it gets done.
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
My husband asks me to put together "to do" lists for him. We're both so extremely busy that a lot of things get put on the back burner. We both agree it's great to have a list that you can eventually strike things off as they get done.
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [cerveloguy] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
If you could talk to my husband about the "eventually it gets done" part I'd appreciate it. More than one reminder then I'm nagging but one reminder never does it. The biggest problem in our marriage is this. Runs the dishwasher once every 2 weeks and he thinks he's helping around the house. Drags the garbage cans to the curb, after I gather all the trash and fill them, and he thinks he is making a real contribution.

Our house is a mess because I just don't have time to do everything and he won't do anything except the two things above. If I ever leave him it will be over this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Sounds like you've got to train him a bit better. That's what my wife did with me.:-)

BTW - I'll PM you some Murdoch photos later.
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [cerveloguy] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Yeah, the training thing didn't go over well. I married him too late. Early twenties is the right age for that BS, late twenties is too late. Plus he is the most stubborn, anti-authority person I've ever met. Training only inspires revolution.

I'd love to see photos of the pup!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Watcha talkin' about. I was 47 when moving in with my gal, a decade ago. So you can teach an old dog new tricks.

My first wife wasn't able to train me at all. Guess that's why I'm her ex.:-)
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Just recently, I became a stay-at-home dad. Our house has a 20 acre yard with 5 horses, 6 cats, 1 dog and an eight month old boy. My wife did a great job managing all this and kept the yard and house immaculate, before we switched roles. She also had pretty good meals for us when I was in town to enjoy them. Now that I have her old job, I not only need her to write me a honey do list, I need her to compose a handbook.

I really don't take it personally, in fact I ask her to write a list, so I don't overlook doing something that I used to take for granted. For example, I did not know the cats had to be fed and watered, I thought they just drank from the pond! Who knew that she used to vacuum every day! The food and sleep requirements for the 8 month old is a career in itself. The horses, they require more than just turning them loose in the pasture.

Good God I can not wait to have another regular job, so I can at least have a chance to breathe during the day!
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I'm already trained but the problem with being single and having a really neat house is that all the girls think you are a wuss or are gay.(cuds still has my man card and won't give it back)
Either that or they think you are too boring and then go on to date studly,cool,"I'm too manly to do housework" messy guys only to bitch a year later that they are messy.

Just my rant for the day brought on by seeing Emma Snowsill and Waldo at the local coffee-shop an hour ago and realising what a dateless loser I am.

Boo f'ing hooo!

.
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Ultra-tri-guy] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Refer to your Man Card Revocation card for ways to earn it back :P

Awwww muffin. Seems to me you need to visit the Cry Like a Biatch here thread :D


______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [cuds] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
 I never ask for more than 1 'task' at a time.
Garbage, helping with the dishes, small stuff is expected. Tasks I have to ask for are bigger stuff - like helping plant bulbs, trim bushes, clean up basement, etc, or if I need a load of laundry done soon and I don't have time.

I found this worked really well - Yesterday some house chores needed to be done. I made a list of them, put them on the coffee table, and announced it was time for both of us to get to work and he could pick what he wanted to do. Of course I ended up cleaning the bathroom! ha ha ha ha.
Anyway, it worked out REALLY well and we got all the stuff done on the list in about 90 minutes.
Plus we were both working at the same time. I have found this is most effective - I think he likes to see we are both working at the same time (so do I).
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
My hubby and I also don't have a honey do list. But we have had arguments in the past about housework. I HATE doing housework when he is lounging. (He, on the otherhand doesn't mind.) He works in film, so he'll be crazy busy for 6 months, then nothing for 2, then busy for 4... etc. So during the time he works, it has felt like everything was up to me. Which I hated. It would help if he would tell me he appreciated my hard efforts, but he sees these things like chores, and they therefore shouldn't need any thanks. SO, our solution was to sit down and make a list of all the big and little things that need doing, with time estimates, including getting the mail, and making appointments (he hates calling for dentist, eye, etc appointments). Then we divvied them up. We mark off on the white board when the task is done for the week, then Monday we erase the marks and start over. Right now since he's working, I'm doing a little more than half.

To be honest, he has ALWAYS cared more than I do about how clean and tidy the house is. Before he started working regularly, he did almost all of it. (I thanked him for it all the time, but he didn't value that. We are so different it that way!)
Even now, he takes some of the tasks I find really yucky - mopping, for instance. All of our floors are tile except bedrooms. But I guess he thinks cleaning the bathroom is yucky, so maybe it is even. :)

When something big comes up, we usually tackle it together, or we work at reminding each other.
Last edited by: Meowelk: Nov 3, 08 9:57
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Hey Sid,

Have you tried hiding?


Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [mccannathon] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Love it!!
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [mccannathon] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
That is one hella ugly couch.

---------------------------------------
Awww, Katy's not all THAT evil. Only slightly evil. In a good way. - JasoninHalifax

Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Sid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I hope that I never have to have a "blue" task versus "pink" task discussion. Otherwise, I'm taking my drills (both of them, cordless and hammer drill) and my cookbooks elsewhere. :) I was raised in a gender-neutral household and spent as much time baking as I did woodworking. The concept that I wasn't capable of doing 100% of the household chores has honestly never entered my mind.
Quote Reply
Re: The "Honey do" list. [Katy] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
As a woman you only see an ugly couch, just because its a hella ugly couch.
That is a man beautiful couch because it allows him to hide from work.
Quote Reply

Prev Next