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That creepy feeling
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I was walking from class to the pool today when a guy - he's got to be at least 50 - stopped me and asked, "are you doing the Black Bear Tri on Sunday?" (my college's annual sprint tri). I didn't quite recognize him, and I think he could tell, because he said "I see you at the gym all the time."

"Maybe," I said. "I'll decide tomorrow."

"If you are I thought I'd come watch," he said. "To see you..." and he mumbled something about "knowing a couple other people that were racing.

Tell me that would give you a really creepy feeling too. I did recognize him as someone I've seen at the gym, after he told me that. But how does he know I'm a triathlete, all I do at the gym is RUN... can't be clothing, the only thing I run in is a sportsbra/shorts so it's not like he would've seen me wearing a race t shirt or anything.

I just have this weird creepy feeling...

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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A - trust that creepy feeling. Your instinct is always right when something tells you that something is just not right. I'd be careful for a while (and I would skip that tri, if it's not big a deal to you) and make sure you don't walk alone at night etc. Maybe even change your gym routine up so as not to see him there. Always trust your gut!

Rach
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Re: That creepy feeling [runlikeamother] [ In reply to ]
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if I do the race there will be plenty of other people around... would get my brother to come, for one.

Good idea on changing the gym routine, not walking alone at night. *shudder*

Hope you're recovering well from Kona. Do we get a RR?!

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Argh. WTF is up with these weirdos?

I second the advice from runlikeamother:

Be safe and don't do the tri. Keep your eyes peeled for him when you are out and about and shake up your routine. There was a good thread on here a couple weeks ago on stalking. If you haven't read it you should. Just gives you warning signs and advice.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I second what everyone said. I had a guy 'stalk' me at a couple local tris about 4 years ago. He wasn't a triathlete but would show up. After I skipped a tri he stopped showing up.

Point out to a couple people/friends who he is right away.

Vary your routine some and be careful (tell others where you are going and when you'll be back if you are going alone).

It's not unusual for people to know you do triathlons even if you only run at the gym, but if you get a bad feeling about someone don't ignore it.
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Probably harmless, but follow your intuition.
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Add my vote to all of the above with an exception - if you want to race, race. But have people you know and trust around any time you aren't on the course and make sure you describe the person to them if at all possible.

I would have been majorly creeped out as well.

And not to hijack or distract, but are those of us that don't dare run in just sports bras and shorts allowed to be angry at those of you that can?? I would frighten people (Godzilla! Godzilla! Ahhhhhh!....as they all run in fear with hands on face) and not be allowed back at the gym...but it would make parking easier and be entertaining....again, sorry to interrupt. I'm going to do a core workout now.....

AW
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Maybe he's been at another tri in your area and recognized you - if you do enough races you start recognizing some people over and over.

What stands out to me and kind of sets off some alarm bells is that he mentioned he was going to watch the race just to see you. If it was just case of a guy recognizing you and stopping to say "hi", he would have said something like "I'm planning on watching that race because I know some people competing. Maybe I'll see you there". Instead he said he was only thinking of going if you're there, which is creepy.

The gym you work out at - is it a college gym, or is it a separate health club (like a Gold's Gym, Bally's, etc.)? You mentioned that this happened while walking from class to the pool - so this incident occur on the college campus? I ask these two questions because I'm assuming your school has some sort of security staff/dept (or if it's a large school, even it's own police dept). It might not be a bad idea to mention or report this to them. They might be able to have someone keep an eye out at the gym, pool, dorm, or other places you frequent. If your dorm has a "R.A." (or whatever it's called there), it may be a good idea to mention this to him/her. The worst that could happen is that they confront the guy, and it turns out he's harmless and gets his feelings hurt.

_________________________________

Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.
Last edited by: TriStrut: Oct 16, 08 15:06
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Trust. Your. Instincts.





Come crawling faster
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Re: That creepy feeling [AWARE] [ In reply to ]
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I kind of think everyone saying "don't race" is overreacting... particularly if I have a couple people there aware of it... would SUCK to miss this race, it's my school's... I want to race in MY POOL. And I should do very, very well.

I want to race :-(

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: That creepy feeling [TriStrut] [ In reply to ]
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TriStrut, good points.

To answer your questions:

University fitness center
Yes, talked to him on campus - in our student union. Made me late for swimming, was not happy about this, LOL.

The creepy part to me really is... how the heck does he know I do triathlons? I don't think HE'S a triathlete (or else he'd be racing, right?) and if you were a triathlete then maybe you could pick someone out as one (I've definitely got the runner legs, and broad swimmer's back...I look the part :-) but it's just weird. I am trying to remember if I ever talked to him at the gym, people will occasionally see me and ask "when's the marathon" or something like that (run for an hour and the world thinks you're marathon training....)

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Last edited by: tigerchik: Oct 16, 08 15:52
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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TC please be careful and trust that creepy feeling. Go with your brother and have fun! Stay away from the creep!!
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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chances are he noticed you and asked someone about you and they said you were a triathlete. If he were hotter and younger you'd be flattered, and possibly interested. His actions aren't necessarily creepy except that he's more than 2x your age (at least you think). I find that creepy and I bet most women do. However, there are some guys who that's normal for, and some women your age who wouldn't have a problem dating a guy 2x as old as them. I train with a guy who is dating a 20 year old and he's 46. He's a completely harmless guy. Chances are this guy is harmless and would quickly realize you aren't the type of girl he wants to date and he'll leave you alone, but you should take precautions and make people in the real world (ie, your friends) aware of who he is.

Race, but be careful, and if he starts coming to other races you do, then consider skipping one or two to break his habit.
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Re: That creepy feeling [PirateGirl] [ In reply to ]
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yeah, I wouldn't find it creepy if it were someone my own age. I'd be flattered...

I think my intuition right now is saying, race, tell Ian (my brother) about the guy, point him out if he shows up... that is what I would need to feel safe.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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After sitting on it - I agree - good point on the age thing. Race, just make sure your brother/friends are aware. Good luck, kick some butt!
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I agree with what most everyone else said. My EDO counselor told me that she used to teach self defense classes to women...and that 9 out of the 10 women who came to the class after being assaulted had had that "creepy" feeling and not heeded it.

BTW...you do realize, I hope, that you give out an awful lot of personal information on Slowtwitch. The first thing I would do if I had run-ins with someone who seemed to know a fair bit about me would be to reassess my online prescence.
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Then race, my friend. Race your heart out and do well. Get your brother there, tell him about the situation, give him a brief description of the guy then put it out of your mind and race your best race. Sport is the thing we do to get away from the world, the thing we do for our release and our fun. Don't let someone ruin that for you because as someone else said - it's clear you're an athlete, maybe he asked someone about you (which should still be a compliment even if he's older, it's not like he said "you're a triathlete and I want to do you now...") or maybe he's seen you around on your bike or outside of the gym with some race stuff on, or unintentionally overheard you speaking with someone else. I'm just throwing out random scenarios because all of these things have happened to me - I've seen someone on a bike and recognized them from the gym and said hi (I didn't know them and still don't), I've seen someone at the grocery store with a shirt on from a race I did and made a comment and I've asked people about others at the gym that I've seen before. Having a creepy feeling means your antennae are working and you're looking out for yourself - but it doesn't necessarily mean the guy's a creep. His comment was a bit off - but again playing devil's advocate - some people have really stupid social skills and say stupid stuff. Ever been nervous talking to someone you're interested in?

I date a cop and I tend to either be overly paranoid about people because of him or be waaaaay too trusting of them because of my own upbringing. But I also have a photographic memory, so I remember faces and names eerily well (sometimes), so I can really creep people out sometimes when I recognize them from X or Y....and there are times I don't make much sense blabbering (case in point...). So....do what you want to do, but be smart about it, and enjoy it.

Again, playing devil's advocate...but always be true to yourself. Just pay attention to the rest of the world. Got it?

Alli

AW
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I definitely agree with trusting your instincts. I think sometimes as women we don't do that enough. I don't think skipping the race will make a difference since he obviously sees you at the gym. I do think approaching you like that is really strange. An older man with any sense would know that was not the way to 'get to know you'. If some guy my husband's age did that to my college age daughter, I would be at that race and I would let the man know his actions were inappropriate. IF he is a weirdo maybe someone, your brother or a friend, could go up to him and tell him that his 'attention' is inappropriate; then he will know that other people are aware of him and his actions. That could serve as a deterent if he had any 'creepy' ideas.



Nor do I use punctuation in the way a child sprinkles glitter over a ribbon of glue on construction paper - Trash Talk
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I would have been creeped out too!

On a side note...We did a sports clinic with my business last week called "Women's Self defense" It was only an hour and it was soooo helpful. We had one instructor who taught us some handy tips on what to do if someone comes at you while you are running, biking or just walking to your car. I know it doesn't make me a black belt but I would suggest anyone get a couple of friends together and go to your local Tae Kwon Do or karate place and see if they will give you an hour. I know we don't have much time but it is so valuable- we also even opened it up to mom's and daughters. Just a thought!

COtrimom


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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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First- I say you should race. If theres gonna be hundreds of people at this race, what could he possibly do? Creepy old guy wont get too far with that many witnesses.
Second- you run in a sports bra at the school gym? thats awesome, our gym (UConn) had manditory sleeves- no tank tops, wife beaters- you needed at least teeshirt sleeves- unless you were at the climbing wall or playing skins in pickup basketball. I hate shirts when i work out, and I def wouldnt have minded some of the girls around to be rocking sports bras (and because I was their age, as you said, it cant be considered creepy)
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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As a 50 year old man, I might refer to what this guy has done as "doing his homework". Back in the day, if we were interested in someone of the opposite sex, we'd find out whatever we could about the person so that we knew what we were getting into and to demonstrate, at the appropriate time, said interest to that person. So he sees you at the gym, is interested, asks around (maybe), keeps an eye out for you to figure out who/what you are, then sucks it up and strikes up a conversation (at great personal risk, if the responses on this thread are any indication!).

Think of it this way: how many initial interactions like this one end in relationships or nothing, and how many end up as stalker incidents? I'm guessing something around 100,000 : 1. It's your choice whether to respond with paranoia (some will call it caution) or feeling flattered. If it's the age difference, ask yourself what the problem is with that. There are those older guys who give up nothing to twenty-somethings, and indeed pass 'em in some pretty important areas :-)

----------------------------------
"i disagree with your analysis [or judgment], nevertheless you have the responsibility of moderating this board so i honor your authority to make the moderating decisions."
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Re: That creepy feeling [brikins13] [ In reply to ]
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pfft. college tri at 9am on a Sunday morning, the people there will be (1) athletes, of which there will not be tons, and (2) whoever I drag out of bed to cheer for me.

On running in a sports bra at the gym:
if I go early in the morning I can get away with it. Because there is no one else there. Technically I think there is a shirt rule... which is dumb because you can wear a string bikini in the pool and that is perfectly acceptable but a sports bra that covers a whole lot more, no dice.

HATE the feeling of a sweaty shirt clinging to me. Hate hate hate.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: That creepy feeling [Old and Haggard] [ In reply to ]
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Wow, I'm not getting a nice feeling from your post either. Are you saying you think it's okay for a 50 year old to be interested in a 21 year old? cuz from the 21 year old perspective, ummm it's not cool at ALL.

If college boys want to hit on me, fine, they're my age, dating's fun and so is just plain flirting. As long as they don't try and talk to me during a swim workout and make me miss an interval. Training is far more important than boys.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I'm thinkin that aside from the sanitary aspect of making people wear teeshirts in the gym, they may also let it slide cause... well. you're in shape. If they let it go when the gym was packed with all the fatties who go to the gym to socialize while walking 2mph, then the fatties would think they can pull off the sports bra thing too... Our gym was not so friendly towards real athletes, and enforced their rule pretty effectively.
On the note of older guys hitting on young girls- hell, im 23 and I feel creepy/dirty even looking at a girl in high school (even tho the train i take is flooded with all the private school girlies). and they're just a few years younger than me. A 30 yr gap, not only could this 50yo guy be your dad, he could have had like 10 children before you!
and just to stir up commotion- as wrong as I think that is, I wouldnt mind a cougar hitting on me...
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Re: That creepy feeling [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I'm with you on the old man creepy thing. I had this older guy (definitely past mid-50's) that kept sending me messages on the online dating thing and it was totally weird and made me feel really uncomfortable.


______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way
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