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Social Media Stalker
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I guess I really should go and post this over in the LR but I'm worried I'll just end up hearing what Duffy has been getting up to with Mrs Duffy and an assortment of sex toy vegetables or it will just get nasty and I'll burst into tears. So I thought I'd try here..

For those of you who use LinkedIn I have this odd social media scenario - Well to me it seems odd.

A guy popped up a while ago with an invitation to connect (it was very polite) and it took me a little while to work out he was a very early 'boyfriend' - like the one I popped my cherry with when I was 16. He lived in another town in another state, we met at a camp, went to visit for a weekend, job done, moved on with my life.

I don't really want to revisit that time in my life, so I didn't respond. Now he's checking out my profile every week or so and has re-iterated the invite with a "'it would be great to catch up after all this time"

No it wouldn't!! It would be creepy!!!

I have this dilemma where I don't really want to be rude, but I also have no interest in getting 'back in touch' and feel like I have the right to choose who I connect with in social media land. For me, LinkedIn is my professional contacts, and I don't want to constantly see a reminder of my awkward teenage years there. It didn't help that his profile pic up until recently looked like a shot from his wedding - (black tie, buttonhole flower etc)

So gals, what would you do? Continue to ignore him and hope he gives up and goes away, or politely explain that I'm not interested?
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Re: Social Media Stalker [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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If this were happening to me, I would be honest and let the guy or anyone else from my past that there is no interest between me and him/them. Telling the truth is not being rude and that is the last thing you should worry about.


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DISH is how we do it.
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Re: Social Media Stalker [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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I don't use linked in but is there a way to block like there is on FB?
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Re: Social Media Stalker [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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I would un-link him with no comment. I think you can do that and not send a notice. You owe him no explanation.

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
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Re: Social Media Stalker [trackie clm] [ In reply to ]
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trackie clm wrote:
I would un-link him with no comment. I think you can do that and not send a notice. You owe him no explanation.


x2
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Re: Social Media Stalker [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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I agree with Cathy and the other poster to just unlink him. If he continues to pester you and you don't want to be rude/get into a whole thing, you can always respond that you use LinkedIn for business connections only I assume that you didn't work with/for him if you did, "recent" business connections.

Good luck, that's frustrating. I had an ex send me an email out of the blue many years ago and it was super creepy and weird. It's hard to know how to respond in a way that isn't going to encourage or activate the crazy.

M

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The beatings will continue until morale improves

My blog
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Re: Social Media Stalker [nad] [ In reply to ]
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nad wrote:
trackie clm wrote:
I would un-link him with no comment. I think you can do that and not send a notice. You owe him no explanation.



x2

+1
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Re: Social Media Stalker [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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It sounds like you didn't ever link to him. Unfortunately there isn't a way to block him from viewing you profile.

I'd send him a quick note and let him know you only use LinkedIn for professional associates and for people you have career connections with. I've done that.

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Jen - @ultragrrl

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Social Media Stalker [JenSw] [ In reply to ]
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A rare occasion where I disagree with JenSW:

"I only use LinkedIn for work" could easily be heard as "contact me via some other source," especially by a crazy person.
If your message is "I don't want to talk to you," simply don't respond at all. Any other response, well, then you're talking to him ... sending the message "I don't want to talk to you, except to tell you that I don't want to talk to you." A crazy person may see that as opening a dialogue (they tend then to ask why, or try to persuade you that you really should give it a try, or something like that).

Gee, PhD
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Re: Social Media Stalker [Gee] [ In reply to ]
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Valid point.

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Jen - @ultragrrl

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Social Media Stalker [Gee] [ In reply to ]
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I don't know that he's a crazy - just a bit strange & creepy in my opinion wanting to connect with a teenage girlfriend from a brief encounter a few decades ago. How the hell did he even remember my name, let alone find the energy to look me up?

He's been quite polite so far, so I've sent him a very brief message letting him know that I prefer to leave the past where it is.

If I hear from him again I'll point him in the direction of some of my less polite, gnarly bike riding mates - they've got to be good from something:-)

Thanks for the input, womens - very much appreciated!!
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Re: Social Media Stalker [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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Ignore him. He will go away.
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Re: Social Media Stalker [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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Oddly, I get a lot of these guys. Some make some sense -- one HS guy tracked me down via google or whatever search engine we all used back in 2004 after I didn't go to my 20th year reunion. It was a nice message, saying I was the only old friend he didn't get to see and I was an important part of his HS years ... I did answer that with something like what you wrote (I skipped the reunion b/c I didn't want to talk about my current life right now, but I am fine and maybe will come to 25, whatever). But recently I got a FB request with a message from a guy who said, "you may not recognize my name...we went to X elementary school together, blah blah blah." Well, I only attended X elementary in first grade, and I really had no desire to share anything on FB with him, so I didn't answer that one at all. I am all for nostalgia, but that's over my line.


A little OT, maybe, but I find it interesting that we womens are often taught we should always respond to people, or else we are being rude. At least that was true when I was growing up. And then we feel this need to explain ourselves -- here's why I don't really want to talk to you, go out with you, whatever. My male friends don't seem to do that nearly as much -- or maybe even at all!
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Re: Social Media Stalker [Gee] [ In reply to ]
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Gee, I think you are mostly correct about us guys. But also I think people in general feel less of a need to explain themselves to a stranger or even casual acquaintance as they get older. I used to feel that I shouldn't be" rude " to, say, telemarketers or Jehovah's witness's that show up at my door, I should hear them out and explain why I don't want what they're peddling. Now I simply hang up the phone or close the door
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Re: Social Media Stalker [trackie clm] [ In reply to ]
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trackie clm wrote:
I would un-link him with no comment. I think you can do that and not send a notice. You owe him no explanation.
this



"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Re: Social Media Stalker [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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I always thought you women were supposed to the sex of communication.......

A simple thanks but no thanks message will in 99% of situations resolve your issue. No communication or expecting someone to take a hint causes more stress on both sides than needed. It is not that you owe him anything, it is about what you owe yourself.

So stop being a kid and woman up and communicate what you want or in this case do not want. You will not be considered a bitch or mean. If fact it will be the opposite.
Now for the 1% that are crazy well nothing is going to help that situation.

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Re: Social Media Stalker [gymrat] [ In reply to ]
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gymrat, that's exactly what I ended up doing - sent a brief message saying I preferred to leave the past where it was.

I felt a little like I was in a no-win situation of being a bitch if I ignored him a second time or being a bitch for gettting in touch just to say I had no interest in talking to him but there you go.

In other news, millions in the world don't have access to clean water, education or democracy. There's tougher things in life to deal with... )
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Re: Social Media Stalker [gymrat] [ In reply to ]
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Spoken like a man who after many years rekindled romance with his long-lost prom date. ;)
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Re: Social Media Stalker [Gee] [ In reply to ]
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Hey now:

Am I going to have to change my name???

LOL

2017 Cervelo P2
2017 Cervelo S2
itraininla.com
#itraininla
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Re: Social Media Stalker [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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Send a brief message saying I prefer to leave the past where it was (x 4 or 5 at this point)

If he still keeps contacting you, unlink him.
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