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So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out...
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and she tells me, "you are being so unfair and unreasonable."

We share a dorm room. There is not much space in it. Last week, he didn't have a car (he had a motorcycle), so her reason was "well it's too cold to send him home late." (My responses of "then send him home EARLIER or WEAR A WINTER JACKED did no good). He got his car back. Last night, she spent the night at his place. It was fantastic: I was up at 3:30 am, could turn the light on!!! and get some homework done (I'm the anti-college student... I work early AM, not late at night).

Tonight they came back and I nicely pulled her aside and asked, "is Ryan planning on spending the night?"

"Yeah. I have six am practice."

"Could he not, please? I am tired of having him here all the time. I don't sleep well while you two whisper and make loud kissing noises, and that's not fair to me. This is my space too."

She gave me this whole thing about how she's having "such a hard time right now" and "he's the only person I have."

Uh-huh. And getting to cuddle with someone all night is going to solve alllllll of those problems. (I bit my tongue but I SO wanted to say that).

She was all mad at me... I told her quite simply, "the rule on overnight guests is no more than 2 nights in a row" (I pulled that off the top of my head, I'm going to have to find the contract we signed, but she didn't question it). I told her I don't care what she does when I am not here (I'm on the island on the weekends and usually at least 1 weeknight).

But I, apparently, am being unreasonable and unfair for not letting him stay over. I think she hates me now: which is a good thing, because she's an extrovert and very prone to drama, which means she needs SOMEONE to cling to and talk to... which has been Ryan. If not him, I have to deal with her. If she is not speaking to me, I get a quiet room, quiet quiet quiet.

When she got mad, at first I got all upset. But I think this setting boundaries thing feels good...

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Way to go, TC!! Good for you!
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Yay!!!!!!!!! Good for you!!!!!!!
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Good for you. Sometimes you have to be the 'bitchy' one to make your life enjoyable...or even tolerable. She'll get over it.

It seems you are gone a fair amount of time and it only makes sense that they would want to take advantage of that time to spend in your room. At least in college I always 'coordinated' with the roommate for who was staying at the boyfriends. Not that we were allowed to have anyone stay overnight at my school.
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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and I think you handled it alot better than i did with my roomate, tearing off teh comforter telling them "youve got to be fucking kidding me- get out"
way to class it up chick, well done
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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More power to you. Since I'm 46, I was reading it and identifying as if someone were treating my daughter that way. She is self serving and disrespectful of you. The excuses she was making will only get more plentiful. You had to set your boundaries. Don't relent.
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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What everyone else said, pretty much!!

GOOD FOR YOU. It's sometimes hard to stick up for yourself and you did it wonderfully.
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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You rock! Way not to punch her in the face cuz I might have. In the middle of the night. And kicked the boyfriend in the balls while he slept. Then... no, I will not give it all away :D


______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I didn't realize it was a dorm room, duh. It is unacceptable that he would sleep over at all! No privacy? It is way too much of a violation of your privacy.

I'm impressed you said she could have him over at all.

Good for you for not putting up with it and saying something. Really, it is hard to confront someone when you live in such a small space and can't get away from them if they are mad. Good on ya!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
I didn't realize it was a dorm room, duh. It is unacceptable that he would sleep over at all! No privacy? It is way too much of a violation of your privacy.

I'm impressed you said she could have him over at all.

Good for you for not putting up with it and saying something. Really, it is hard to confront someone when you live in such a small space and can't get away from them if they are mad. Good on ya!
Yeah, I, too, thought it was an apartment. Not a single dorm room. Any overnights would be a no go. Nada. None. She's the one being unreasonable and unfair. Way to go standing up for yourself. Strange boys in your bedroom, invited by the roommate or not, should be verboten. And I'm note even a womens.

*****
"In case of flood climb to safety"
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
I'm impressed you said she could have him over at all.

Initially, I didn't... she just assumed it was okay for him to sleep over. As in, I woke up one morning and there were TWO people in her bed.

Once and awhile I truly don't mind. It's the every night thing... particularly on nights when I have to study and stuff (this is kind of a hellish week for me: handed in an 8 page physics paper yesterday, a 12 page kinesiology paper, took a quiz and a test... and I have a test tomorrow).

I was dating someone last year and he spent the night - on occasion. I ALWAYS asked her first. So I'm willing to treat her the same, ask me first and it will most likely be okay.

I'm pretty sure that by the end of today she'll have forgotten about it, as I am headed away for the night and she can do as she likes.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [diva] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
Since I'm 46, I was reading it and identifying as if someone were treating my daughter that way.

LOL. I was upset after because she was mad at me and called my mom. Who told me, "you have no reason to be upset. It's okay to set boundaries. Go to bed."

Thank you guys for the support.

tc

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Last edited by: tigerchik: Oct 29, 08 0:51
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [Leloo] [ In reply to ]
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I'm totally proud of myself. Yesterday was my long day... I got up, finished one paper (ha! a thesis section, that I had to get to my professor yesterday morning so we can go over it today), ran, did housework, went to physics, finished physics homework, handed that in, brought the paper to my advisor, went to another class, swam, had a 2 hour physics lab, nearly fainted from hypoglycemia walking to FINALLY get lunch after lab, studied for a quiz (that I missed last week) and an exam (same class), took the quiz and the exam, got a B and an A in that order, was done class at 8 pm. Came back to my room and told Adi "No. More. Ryan."

I had a totally overwhelming and crazy day yesterday. I survived and thrived in it :-) any day you can be that busy and get 3 hours of training in is good... I am proud of me.

And I had a very nice quite night last night. Sleep is wonderful!

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Wait a minute......we're talking a one single little dorm room?! Not a suite, right? If this is the case you've been way too generous. What the hell is your roommate thinking? I wouldn't have let him stay at all.
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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...nearly fainted from hypoglycemia walking to FINALLY get lunch after lab

Sounds like a great day, except for this small, little detail. You need to find something like a Clif Bar that you can always have stuffed in your bag. Then, if you don't have time to eat you can at least have something small to tide you over until you can eat properly. Find a bar that you like and buy a whole box of them. Make sure you always have at least one with you at all times.
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [cuds] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
You rock! Way not to punch her in the face cuz I might have. In the middle of the night. And kicked the boyfriend in the balls while he slept. Then... no, I will not give it all away :D

Cuds, I'm now officially terrified of you.....

Regarding the main thread, I remember one time in college - I was then living in a one room dorm with a bunk bed. I was in bed on the bottom. My roommate was in the top bunk, and his girlfriend was standing next to the bed while they whispered and whatever to each other. Honestly, she was standing inches away from me - not only where they doing all the annoying things tc is describing, but she was invading my personal space while doing so.

I eventually stormed out of the room and watched TV in the lounge, and I think they got the hint

_________________________________

Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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You should be proud of you :-) I LOVE climbing into bed on days like that ...I feel like I've kicked the day's butt and usually sleep like a rock.

So it was a dorm room ...I was seriously hoping it was a suite, but I had my suspicions :-\ You were WAY too nice. If you are gone that much, she should be free to do what she wants on those nights. However, I'm guessing the guy has an apartment if he lives that far out, so I would strongly encourage her to stay there the rest of the time ...what she is doing is just not cool in such a confined space. I would go nuts if I had to listen to people whispering/making out/*etc* all night from about 5-10 feet away.

As for the hypoglycemia, you should pack a little something for post-swim!!! Or, at least that is what everyone tells me ...I am so bad about it. I want to stay on my eating 'schedule' no matter what ...but I encourage you to not be like me, especially if you are doing crazy marathon swims (my longest ever is 3600 lc meters).

I hope you have another awesomely productive day!!!
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [DawnT] [ In reply to ]
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Dawn, I had a carnation instant breakfast + milk drink in physics lab. Good idea about always having an emergency snack though.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [squid] [ In reply to ]
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The way our building is set up, it's 2 dorm rooms (2 people each) each joined by a common room... so kind of a suite... but the bedroom part of it is still small - and we share it - if we had our OWN rooms I wouldn't care.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Last edited by: tigerchik: Oct 29, 08 8:23
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [TriStrut] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
Cuds, I'm now officially terrified of you.....
Perfect. But who would of thought that a stalker would become terrified of the person they are stalking? :P


______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [squid] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
What the hell is your roommate thinking?
"Oh, I love my boyfriend so much and I don't care about if it bothers my roommate that he's over here all the time because he makes ME so happy."

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http://trainingoferic.blogspot.com/
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Way to go, TC! Way to stand up for yourself! I'm so proud of you!

I have a question, though. Her boyfriend has a place. Well, what type of place is it? Is it a dorm or dorm suite? Or is it an apartment?

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http://trainingoferic.blogspot.com/
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [Leloo] [ In reply to ]
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Yeah, TC was way too nice. I have a house with roommates and I don't mind overnight guests as long as I don't get an extra roommate.

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http://trainingoferic.blogspot.com/
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [erichollins] [ In reply to ]
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I don't know "what" he lives in, actually. It is aways off campus and she doesn't have a car, which presents a bit of a problem. Plus she has 6 am swim practice 2x a week. Thus it is easier for HER if they stay here. Which, they are not going to do anymore on nights I am here!!!

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: So I finally kicked my roommate's boyfriend out... [Leloo] [ In reply to ]
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Leloo today needs to be "awesomely productive" in terms of studying for a physics test. Then Friday becomes a THESIS workday as does the weekend.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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