Sorry, thought Spring Break was over. The roommate is kind of the Womens Forum soap opera!

I just got back - talked to her on the phone as I was driving so I haven't seen the ring yet.

He said he wanted to do something really special for the proposal (or is it a proposition? :-) outside but the day he planned to ask her, we got a major snowstorm. So he ended up asking her in our apartment - she said "he got down on one knee and I told him "can you look at me, the one knee thing is scary!" LOL. la la la now she's engaged.

No, I don't know if they've set a date yet, or if I am going to be a maid of honor in a yellow dress ;-)

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Tell her congrats from the Women's :)

Glad she's happy.. to each their own. Good luck rockin that yellow bridesmaides dress! haha

Now we're fighting over, AGAIN, how many nights he stays at our place. I told her "the rule is 2" and she said "what about when you're not there on the weekends?" and I pointed out that he is in our space - meaning mine, I.'s, A.'s --- the two girls who live in the other room in our two-bedroom apartment. It turned into a fight and we're all meeting with the community coordinator later.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

WAIT! There's more people in your place? So you have two bedrooms that are each shared by two, and then common living space/kitchen (assuming)? Dude, wow. I'm surprised anyone lets anyone have "nightly" guests.

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______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

Good Luck. But I don't see how you will need it. I really can't see the Community Coordinator siding with your roommate. The room is assigned to the two of you and there should be no one else there. And if you ever do allow guests (when mutually agreed upon) than that is just a bonus. I am curious though, what does dorm rules say about guests? When I lived in the dorm, we were not allowed overnight guests. I mean if no one complained it was overlooked but if someone brought it up -- the guest had to leave.

Correct as to the set up: 2 dorm rooms, living room/bathroom/sm kitchen in the middle, 4 girls.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

rules say no more than 2 nights a week

and I don't think that means 2 nights EVERY week

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Just because there's a new title with their relationship and she's done with swim season doesn't mean that the rules get reconsidered. Hold your ground, chicky. It's not right that you should have to share your personal space all the time - he's got his own pad for a reason, doesn't he want to get his rent money's worth?! - when you're working so hard at school.

Have her grades stayed the same this semester as always? Hard to believe she has enough time to divide her focus up that much. But doesn't mean you should be expected to divide yours as well.

She's the one that mentioned the doghouse - maybe you could buy him a doghouse and he could sleep on the lawn....

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AW

One of the things I told her this morning was "you do not NEED to sleep with him every night."

I've been wanting to say that for 2 months... just not wanting to deal with her anger, as I knew she'd be mad about it.

She lashed back with "you can't tell me that, he's my fiancee, I want to sleep with him every night."

I said "you may WANT to but you do not NEED to or HAVE to." I pointed out, when she talked about "I don't want to move into his place and pay rent" that she could stay HERE and he could stay THERE. But the brain signals of "it is possible for us to be apart for a night" doesn't fire correctly in her head.

it also flusters her that I can stay incredibly calm and talk, and she gets very upset... I've had enough therapy to be able to very rationally work through stuff, she has an emotional reaction and gets all stirred up.

Anyway I was very proud of myself for finally saying, "you do not NEED to be in bed with him every night" because I really have wanted to tell her that FOREVER.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Do they ever stay at his place? Why not? Seems like it would be easier, especially if you give them a hard time.

They do indeed stay at his place some nights but there are rules about how many nights she can be there too.

My giving them a "hard time" - um - I've been VERY tolerant of his being here for far too long. Now that I am setting a boundary she is unhappy.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

You have been tolerant, moreso than I would have been. Things do change now that they are "engaged", there is apparently an expectation that they be together, but you are correct in that it is still not a need. Whatever.

There is something to be said for being able to rationally talk through things...but I'm not there. I either turn into a sniveling, crying mess or screeching banshee. It only drives the emotional response further when there is none from the other person as you feel like you're not "getting through". But still....

It's your space too, you have been understanding. About her not wanting to move in there and pay rent - what does she think will happen once they're "happily ever after"??? They'll just figure it out? School year is almost over, everyone's headed into the home stretch - tell her you've dealt with it for 3/4 of the year - ask her to respect you enough to try to understand that this is a tough season for you - training, wrapping up school, thesis, etc.....

Then tell her to go jump off a cliff.

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AW

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you were out of line; I don't think you are. I can kind of understand her point when you aren't there (unless you think he's going through your stuff when you're gone), but when you are there you have the right to say you don't want him there. I was just curious about why it was so important that they stay at your place all the time.

I agree, if they both live in places with restrictions then they probably need to either find different places to live or just deal with the restrictions. I can understand their desire to sleep together, but if it's that important, then they need to figure out a way to make it work that doesn't require everybody else to accomodate them. Her "want" doesn't constitute an emergency on your part. If she needs him so badly, then she should get an apartment or find a different roommate.

She has the rest of her life-til death do they part-to sleep in the same bed. Tell her not sleeping together will keep that "honeymoon phase" spark in the sack! I had a similar situation in college and the roomate's girlfriend would eat us out of house and home. Many screaming matches ensued. The bright side-the year is almost over and (hopefully) you'll get a better roomie next year!

She is moving out :D

her choice - she's moving upstairs.

I just scored a room to myself!

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

NICE!

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______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

Yes.

The only thing to deal with now (she'll be gone by Friday) is the hostility that I know will be encountered when she comes in to get the rest of her stuff. As she was moving some things out on Monday, she was completely bitchy to my other roommates. She got very mad at me yesterday, and today, so I'm fully expecting her to lash out at me.

The fight with her this morning resulted in a panic attack. I called mom and was like "can I come home so I don't have to see her for the rest of the week." Mom pointed out that would be giving her an awful lot of power... so I am staying here... and when she comes to get her stuff, I'll just go for a walk/go to the library/remove myself from the situation.

But I'm already thinking of how I can rearrange stuff, maybe make bunk beds, have my bike set up on the trainer... :D

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Good for you! I'd stay there while she's there. She has no power over you, at all. Clearly you are in the position of power here and don't forget that. People can be asses and if she chooses to handle this like a child then it is just that, her choice. You've been reasonable and the adult in the situation so don't let her get under your skin. I'd even as if I can help her move :D

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

She doesn't need help - she's got Ryan for that :D

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Oh, the things I would like to say to her, it would be entirely fun to be bitchy right back, I think. But I won't - it would not make it any better, and that is not the type of person I am. (I can think it! I just won't say it)

I think it's safe to say at this point I'm out of the wedding... :-)

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Keep a smile on your face while she's moving her stuff and be really nice, this will make her even madder. Reminds me of a saying-don't get mad, get even!

Do you mean this thread is actually going to end?!?!?!!!!

:-)

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"your horse is too high" - tigerchik

as of Friday I'd say yes!

I was so tired, I laid down for a nap around 5 pm and woke up around 8, just in time to go to bed. I heard them come in to get some of her stuff... happy to not have to talk to her as I was half asleep.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

You're exactly right, it wouldn't do any good, but it would feel great. And with some time and distance from the situation you might be able to get your friend back.

You'd be surprised how weird wedding people are...I was in one that basically was the worst experience ever - the bride had decided she didn't want to be married and had met the man of her dreams (NOT THE ONE SHE WAS MARRYING) the weekend before the wedding (she's now married to THAT ONE and has two kids) and I was the one that ripped her tail for having been dumb and "fragile" enough to go through the marriage in the first place. It was ugly..UGLY...but she left me in there because she didn't think anyone else would look right and couldn't get a dress in time. Weird. Awkward. Turned out ok though - we're friends again now, even if I never get to see her.

Long story to say that there's maybe some hope. But you do get your space from here on out..so that's a good thing - everyone can be happy.

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AW