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Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas?
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Would like to hear some opinions on whether or not you allow your husbands to go and what your feelings are about it. I havent been there in years and my bro in law is planning a trip and my wife is not allowing me to go.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Why is she not allowing it? There are myriad reasons she may have said no, some or all of which may or may not be valid.

Is she concerned about the cost?
How is your behavior (have you a history of daliances with other women, a past alcohol problem or gambling issues)?
Do you already go on a guys fishing trip, a guys hunting trip, and 5 guys triathlon weekends a year?
How well does she know and like the company you would be keeping?
Is it a bad time to be away from work (proposed layoffs, busy time etc.)?
Have you family obligations - which includes something like sticking her with sole responsibility for seven kids for a week?
Are you a persistent workaholic and she'd rather you used your vacation time to spend some quality time with her?
Would she just miss you like hell?

Without knowing the reasoning - and a little more about your relationship - that's not a call any of us are equipped to make.

If the shoe were on the other foot, would you allow her to go under the same circumstances?
ETA: Would I allow my other half to go? Absolutely, were that amount of money not an issue in our case. I trust him implicitly, he does a lot for me in our day-to-day life, he supports my athletic endeavours, and isn't generally frivolous about finances nor a shirker of family obligations. It would be a rare treat, and I wouldn't begrudge it at all. I'm also lucky in that he'd rather go with me than any of the guys, so I get the best of everything :o)
Last edited by: UK2ME: Sep 18, 13 7:08
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [UK2ME] [ In reply to ]
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I posted this primarily to get some opinions from other married women about the "vegas man trip" in general, not to analyze why my wife is opposed to it which I already know is from her insecurity about strippers, and the general availability of sex/hot women.

I have never given her a reason not to trust me so no infidelity issues-5 years of marraige and 2 young children. No money issues. No other guy trips. She knows the other guys going--brothers-in-laws, although she doesnt like my brother (husband of the wife she hates--our sister inlaw). No family obligations although she would be watching our 3 yr old and 1 year old but lots of help from family available. Not a persistant workaholic and no she wouldnt miss me like hell--lol. And yes I would absolutlely let her go--In fact I have encouraged her to get out of town for awhile wherever she wants to go.

Again I'm looking for thoughts from other adult married women on their husbands going on guys trips to Vegas.

I think this all boils down to trust and this "trip" is just fleshing out the truth from my wife.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Theo911 wrote:
I posted this primarily to get some opinions from other married women about the "vegas man trip" in general, not to analyze why my wife is opposed to it which I already know is from her insecurity about strippers, and the general availability of sex/hot women.

...

I think this all boils down to trust and this "trip" is just fleshing out the truth from my wife.

The reasons behinds the "why" make a lot of difference when forming an opinion, whether you like that fact or not!
And I am an adult pretty-much-married woman, your target audience, so less with the defensive pushback if you don't mind. Believe it or not, I'm trying to help you :o)

Why do you want to go? What do the guys want out of this trip? Hookers and blow, strip clubs, gambling, shows, the experience of drinking on the strip? If they're the kind of guys who are going to go away for a long weekend and do nothing but perv at strippers and get laid as much as possible, I can dig why she'd be uncomfortable. I would be too - but I wouldn't rescind permission. Express my disappointment, perhaps.

If it's a trust issue, it's difficult. My ex-husband was almost entirely paranoid every time that I left the house without him that I was having an affair. Utterly convinced. After seven years of that and no tangible reason to not trust me, I finally decided enough was enough and I left him. (Yes, there was a little more to it than that.) For him, control over my whereabouts was a way of dealing with his own personal insecurities. I know.... BlahBlahBlahPsychobabble.

Do you still treat her like she's a hot woman - THE hot woman in your life? Or do you stare at other women on the street? Or maybe point out that she hasn't lost that baby weight yet/her roots are showing/she wears Mommy Jeans all the time now? Have you guys been able to have a rational conversation about this, or does it descend into a screaming match every time? Communication....

From what you're saying it doesn't sound like you've done anything to explicitly destroy trust in your relationship, so it comes down to whether you want to go anyway and to hell with her feelings, or whether you respect her enough to abide by her wishes. At the end of the day, you're a grown-up and if you book that flight and go, she can't stop you. But that's not a good foundation on which to build a marriage. Nor, for that matter, is framing things in a context of "NO! I forbid you!"
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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I would have no problem with it. Never would have, even when we were first married. The funny thing about it, though, is that my husband would want me to go with him so we could go to the strip-clubs together. :)

Married almost 23 years.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [UK2ME] [ In reply to ]
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UK2ME

To answer your questions, I want to go because I was invited by my bro in law to go as a guys trip during March madness. Its a fun week for gambling on bball games, great food, casinos and all that Vegas has to offer--and I dont mean strip clubs which I've had fun at before I was married but don't really care about now--not that I wouldnt go for awhile but not as 'into it' as I was when younger/single. So I'm not looking to get laid as much as possible with hookers and blow. Not worth losing my kids over.

My wife is a hot woman and very successful professionally. Keeps in shape, looks fantastic, and yes I tell her this but not really sure she can take the compliments due to her insecurities. Never has been able to. No I dont stare at other women, make comments, or have all my ex gf's as friends on FB (no chit chat with them either in any form). So far the conversation descends into an argument.

Honestly what I need is for another woman that she trusts to have a rational, reasonable, realistic conversation with her about Vegas and 'the guys trip'. I think in her head its all crazy sluts running around the streets offering bj's and cocaine to every guy on the sidewalk.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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My husband will jokingly tell his friends that I 'allowed' him to go out with them. It drives me nuts (which is why he does it). Saying "I don't want you to go" is quite different from "you aren't allowed to go" and is a whole other can of worms.

Unless there was a legitimate reason - money, lack of family vacation time, stress of taking care of home/family while he's gone - I would have no problem with it.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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I have some guy friends that did a weekend trip to Vegas a while back for march maddness. Their wives/SO's were all for it. See, they realized that not everyone goes to Vegas to to screw around (they could do that in their hometown and save a little money). They also realized that it's normal and healthy for husbands/SO's to have "guy time" whether it's in town or out. They love their guys and want them to be happy.

Now for the part you didn't ask for: Maybe sit down with her and, in a nonthreatening way, ask her what her concerns are. If they are reasonable, explain your reasons for wanting to go.
Last edited by: squid: Sep 18, 13 9:32
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Theo911 wrote:
which I already know is from her insecurity about strippers, and the general availability of sex/hot women.

Ding ding ding

She may be feeling insecure about her own hotness, especially if she knows it's something you tune into with other women (all guys do, but not all do it OUT LOUD). I don't know how you two interact but I promise you, if she's not feeling at the top of her game she's going to be very sensitive about you looking (even just looking!) elsewhere.

Helping her believe she's the hottest thing in your world could relieve some of the mistrust.

I'd happily let my hub go on this kind of trip because he wouldn't make me regret it. Good luck!
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Thank you for the clarification.

FWIW, I'd have no problem with you going. You sound reasonable, it sounds like a fun time. I think you're right in that finding someone that she trusts to have the conversation with her may be your best bet. Or, taking her to Vegas for a long weekend prior (and leaving the kids with some of that family support!) and proving to her that it's not all about the sex, drugs and rock 'n roll.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Of course I'd let him go. Sure he'll go see strippers, and drink too much, but I'm totally OK with that. He can get himself as many lap dances as he wants. He gets his sex at home thank you very much. Almost everything else is available to him whenever he, as an adult, feels it's appropriate. I'm his partner not his mother.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Okay, I'll be honest.

As a wife, whose husband has gone to Vegas (and is going for work
tradeshows later this month) - I don't like it. There I said it. Let the harassment begin.

For whatever reason, I have issues with a
guy's trip to Vegas. A guy's trip anywhere else, usually not an issue. Just Vegas. Maybe it is a subconscious layer of trust, insecurities , the Vegas stereotype - I dunno .
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [i-tri] [ In reply to ]
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Fair enough. I wouldn't really have a problem with it because my husband doesn't drink & the people he would go with would be boring & keep him out of trouble.

Under other circumstances I could see being uncomfortable with it.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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I don't "allow/disallow" my husband to do anything and vice-versa. If he wanted to go on a boys trip to Vegas, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. (I am secure in my hotness. ;-P) It doesn't hurt that my hubby's dream trip to Vegas involves poker and not strip clubs, but that's neither here nor there. Basically, if he wanted to do something that I wasn't comfortable with, we'd talk about it and come to some sort of compromise. If you want to go to Vegas and have an idea of why your wife doesn't want you go, it seems like you guys need to work those issues out. I've been married for sixteen years and counting, but I'd be out in a hot minute if he were the "You're not allowed to do this" type.

Good luck!

Michelle

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The beatings will continue until morale improves
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [i-tri] [ In reply to ]
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It's because of "The Hangover"

;-)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Well, I don't allow or not allow another grown adult to go where they want, first off.

And, really, honestly, I've never had a concern or even a thought about Vegas. I know all these guys hope it's going to turn out just like The Hangover, but it's not. Why not "allow" someone to go? Because there are strip clubs? And betting? And drugs? Newsflash: I'm pretty sure that exists wherever you live too -- though, maybe not, I dunno.

So, the whole idea of not allowing someone to go somewhere because they could do something bad is pretty juvenile and willfully blind to me.

Now, if you're planning a weekend of no-holds barred illegal (and possibly dangerous) debauchery that just happens to be in Vegas, then, yeah, I'd probably be upset if I was her too. Though I'd be more upset that you were a douche...

kelly dunleavy o'mara
@kellydomara
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Theo911 wrote:
I posted this primarily to get some opinions from other married women about the "vegas man trip" in general, not to analyze why my wife is opposed to it which I already know is from her insecurity about strippers, and the general availability of sex/hot women.

I have never given her a reason not to trust me so no infidelity issues-5 years of marraige and 2 young children. No money issues. No other guy trips. She knows the other guys going--brothers-in-laws, although she doesnt like my brother (husband of the wife she hates--our sister inlaw). No family obligations although she would be watching our 3 yr old and 1 year old but lots of help from family available. Not a persistant workaholic and no she wouldnt miss me like hell--lol. And yes I would absolutlely let her go--In fact I have encouraged her to get out of town for awhile wherever she wants to go.

My question is why you would stay married to someone like that? (Or have married her in the first place.)

Of course, I'm not married, so maybe that's why since I wouldn't put up with crap like that.

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Interesting timing as my husband is in Vegas for Interbike right now (and he's gone every year for at least the last 10 years). He has been there since last Friday and will not be home until Saturday night. He was also there the week prior working at 70.3 worlds. So, while his current and recent trips have been work-related, its Vegas - its obviously not all work and no play.

Aside from work trips each year - for as long as I can remember, he went to Vegas with his brothers and various friends for March Madness. Last year, a work commitment sent him somewhere else and he couldn't make the trip - but when work doesn't interfere, he'll always go for March Madness. He's also been known to fly out just for Superbowl betting...but I digress.

Do I have a problem with any of his trips to Vegas? Nope. Not at all. Periodically, I've joined him for Interbike and we'll try to take a trip there together when we can, which isn't often these days with two busy kids and my full-time job, but I would never consider crashing the guys trips, nor would I ever consider telling him he was not allowed to go.

Our reality is that my husband travels a lot for work. Each year when we look at his hotel totals, we realize he spends more time in hotels than he does at home. While there is a difference in work travel and "fun" guys trips, in many ways, they are the same. Would your wife tell you you aren't allowed to travel for work (if that is / or were a part of your job)? In my opinion, whether he is traveling for work or for fun, it is all about trust. I trust him. I miss him when he is gone - I married him because I truly enjoy being with him. However, we both enjoy our time apart doing our own things. We would never tell the other they "could not" do something that was important to them.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Would not only allow him, but would encourage it. My husband is headed to Mexico next week with some buddies. When the "planner" friend first pitched the idea, we talked about dates. I said that, as long as he didn't go during certain dates that would have put our household in a bind, he should go and enjoy himself. From past experience, he will send me hilarious emails while he is gone and will have me laughing so hard, I have tears running down my face when he gets home. Guys do funny stuff when there are no women around to impose maturity. He'll have fun. I'll laugh. And yes, he will look at cute young things with nice boobs when he is there. It's okay. We have a good thing going. Neither of us has any desire to mess it up.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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I wouldn't care if he went. I also know that LV is about the last place on earth he would choose to go to and that strippers, clubs etc are not his thing. Booze, food and maybe $50 in a slot machine; yes.

I trust him though and even if he did like strippers...meh. I'm sure 23 year giant old fake books would be like a trip to the zoo, exotic and not in our natural habitat.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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I got lucky. I married a United States Marine. Semper fidelis. Yes he is. He can do anything he damned well wants to, and once he sets his heels in the ground, heaven or hell will not move the man from his duty. Love him more than life itself.

He'd be sitting at the video poker machine drinking diet coke with lemon. And paying for his trip.

Marry the person you respect, and life is very good indeed.

~~ kate
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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I let my husband go to Vegas for his bachelor party. They ate good steaks, drank good scotch, smoked good cigars, and yeah, watched some strippers. He lived in Vegas for 2 years and doesn't like strippers - they make him sad - and only let the guys drag him there because it's traditional.

I trust my husband implicitly, and I think that's what it comes down to. If it was really important to him to get a lapdance, fine by me. If it was really important to me that he not, I know he'd respect that.

They also went to a massive gun range and shot heavy weapons. That made me a little jealous.


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You. You make me stronger.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Yes, I would let my husband go to Vegas. He doesn't drink, and he loves bicycles more than women, probably myself included, hahahaha! And yes, I am smoking hot (for my age, haha) and still pushing men away, but I think that has nothing to do with it. It's a trust issue, and he's earned my trust.

Also, he'd probably be in Vegas to start a road trip by bicycle from there.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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I don't "allow" or "disallow" anything. I'm not his mother.


mmm-mmm-Momo Charms
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [karencoutts] [ In reply to ]
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lol! Agreed about my husband loving bikes more than women. I'd be more worried about him in a bike shop than anywhere in Vegas.
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