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Spend time really thinking about what you want out of life (kids or no kids)...commit to it (whatever side it may be)....jump off the fence and never look back.
Best of luck to you. Both my husband and myself were in the 'no kids' category until 7 years into our marriage and literally at the same time, switched teams, and now have 2 daughters...a decision we'll never regret. Either way...you'll be happy...you just have to get off the fence first.
Life is Short...Run Long
not every child turns out to be an unconditionally loving well adjusted adult. I am sure parents of people in jail, or living on the street due to addiction, or estranged due other issues etc. might not be recalling their decision to have kids so fondly.
Personally I think that unless you have an extremely strong drive to have kids you shouldn't, the planet is already crowded enough, and kids are so much hard work and responsibility that if you are not really sure you want to have them you probably ought not to. This said it is in our genes to want to reproduce, and our genes have a lot of tricks up their sleeve to have you bond with a child when it comes, so you're likely going to be ok either way :)
This is very true. My sister has never liked kids much, and never planned on having any. Until she changed her mind. But even then, she wasn't going to be "one of those" parents.
I'll be damned if she isn't as batty about her 6 month old son as any mother I've ever met.
I'm sure that you'd lead a happy and fulfilling life without kids, and have the opportunity (and means) to do a lot of cool stuff. With kids that changes things a bit, but chances are you'll find yourself equally happy - just in a different way. I wouldn't use the prospective guy as any sort of a yardstick as to whether or not to have kids, but if after you've examined what you want out of life you determine that you do want kids, he sounds like a stand-up father.
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On the other hand, I have a couple of friends who just don't want to be moms. That's fine and it's their choice. I respect them for their decision and sticking to their guns. Having kids is a ton of work but they are so much fun.
Good luck whatever you decide. Follow your gut and your heart. This guy may be great...but, he may not be "great for you" in the long term. He may be though---only you can figure that out.
If you love this guy and can see a life with him, sounds like kids is not a negative.
Tri Hard !
Might I suggest that you interact with children of friends, and see how that feels, though I guess if there was really a strong maternal desire, you would already have done so. I know women friends of my friend with kids who have almost no interaction with the kids when they visit.
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If you're anything like me (and, of course, I have no idea), I wouldn't recommend hanging around kids as a way of figuring out if you want kids. Like I said, when they're not yours, they're really not all that charming.
I've never wanted kids and neither has my husband. We made the decision before we got married and haven't regretted it. We celebrated our 12th anniversary this fall and both will be 40 in a couple months. This was the right decison for us without a doubt.
Not everyone is so clear and my personal advice is if you aren't sure, don't have them. There is too much at stake to have kids unless you really want children. If you can't commit at this point, after having been with this guy for 6 years, you need to face up to the fact that you both might have different visions of your lives and if so, move on so you can both find partners to be happy with.
"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
I've worked at summer camps for 7 years. Those kids run me ragged. I love it at the end of the day when I send them home. I can't imagine having to deal with a kid alllllll day when they're on summer vacation and stuff, I am far too wrapped up in ME to want to think about taking care of someone else all the time.
I like babysitting, like the summer camp thing, I like kids in small quantities. I love my little brother and like taking care of him for a weekend or so now and then but I get excited when mom comes to pick him back up, too.
The one time I've wanted kids: last winter, I went out to eat with my boyfriend - at a table near us, there was a mom and her two kids. The three of them were all sitting on the same side of the table and sharing a dessert, mom between the two kids, it was just this picture of love... I would love to know what that feels like, it looked amazing.
maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
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My wife wanted kids, I didnt. I loved her, so we now have a kid. I love my child more than anyone in the world. There are certainly no regrets in bringing the little guy to the Earth.
But, to be completely honest, I absolutely HATE the lifestyle changes that has come along with it. I despise getting up at all hours of the night to calm down a screaming baby, making myself wiped out in the morning. Screaming kids drive me freaking nuts, even though I have had to learn to tolerate it from mine occasionally. My clean house is now strewn with all these dang toys, the car is packed with baby crap. Every decision we make is based around that little screaming dude. From what house to buy, what car to own, where we are eating, what my next career will be, every decision big and small is influenced by it.
I must love the little bugger to pieces to keep from running for the hills and never coming back.
This is a man's point of view, I pitty what women have to put up with. The wear and tear on the body, the sickness, the hormonal changes. I really wonder how the worlds population is as high as it is. There must be some magical "maternal instinct" to force women to go through that agony.
To be clear, I do not regret our little guy, I love him. In a short period of time, we have had a wonderful time with our son. Yet, there are certainly a lot of times where I say to myself: "Damn, this sucks".
My reply was that you'd be surprised how many women, even on this site, don't want kids. I'm in my 30s and have never once wanted children. I have a godson who is 7 months old and I love him to death, but after spending time with him, I'm ready to return to my life.
We are in the minority though, as most women and men do want to have kids. I think it's a deal breaker for a relationship. I'd never ask a guy to change the way he feels and I would expect the same.
I vote no on kids and yes on dogs!
We're out there, you just have to look ;-)
Come crawling faster
I think the key is to decide what YOU want to do before making any decisions. Selfish? Maybe, but better to be selfish now then realize in 10 year when you have two brats running wound that this is not what you wanted.
I DO KNOW THIS...Nothing...not one personal, athletic or business accomplishment would have been as sweet or meaningful without having my children share in that success. They drive me and inspire me to be a better person...every day.