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Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode
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OK, I'm guessing a few of you out there have to deal with miserable, unhappy coworkers, who envy your healthy lifestyle and general joie de vivre, right?

Short summary:
  • Work in extremely small environment -- about 25 folks in a 4 floor bldg, 6 in immediate office, though "praise jesus" I have my own confined office on separate floor
  • coworker in question is a 51 y/o lawyer (so presumably intelligent) and extremely obese -- blankets hostility with humor
  • our office overlooks the parking lot
  • miserablecoworker (hereinafter MCW) has taken to making snide remarks about my "coming and going when I plz" (tho I'm always in b/4 her but then also lv b/4 her -- but that's neither here nor there, she's NOT my boss!!!)
  • so warped mind that I am, have taken to parking away from bldg, just to fuck with her and lo & behold, have found out via the secty that every day my car isn't "in my spot" inquiry is made from MCW about where I am, blah blah blah. Secty replied one time: "she's here I've been instant messaging her." to which MCW said "Oh, don't let her fool you she's IMg from home!" Her jaw about dropped when I popped into the main office.

She'd NEVER ever ask where my car is because I have my handy dandy retort, "what? is it annoying you that you can't keep tabs on me even though you're not my boss."

So today, unintentionally, I park near a building where I'm volunteering after work so again, I'm not in my assigned spot, and the secty tells me said co-worker was ranting about "where is she?"

My head is about ready to explode. WHAT effing business is it of hers what my hours are. Let's assume for argument's sake I'm supposed to be here 7:30 to 4:00 but really am here, oh, 9:00 to 3:00. If my boss is OK with that, really, is it any of her business?

I know, I know I'm supposed to soothe myself with that she's just envious that I'm a happy, healthy person, embracing life, but it's not really working, and a nice in your face rant is feeling really good but I know oh-so-not-appropriate -- though should I confront her?

I swear I'm gonna go postal soon over this. I can't totally avoid her b/c my boss likes us to all eat lunch together so I must be present for that......OY

Thanks for any words of wisdom and "listening"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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I really, really don't understand why you care one squat what she says. She is a small-minded, unhappy person who is trying to bring other people down so that she feels better about herself. Don't get angry - just feel bad for her that she can't find any other way to make herself feel good. She is obviously extremely jealous of you.

Why don't you play with her a bit. If she comments on why you're late, tell her you had a pedicure appointment at 10 so you decided to sleep in and then give her a big smile. Keep it light-hearted so you never get into a tit-for-tat situation. Never bring yourself down to her level and never feel like you have to justify your work hours to her. Once you do that, you've given into her tactics. In fact, I think you should just start parking in your normal parking spot again. Why give her that satisfaction of having power over you like that? (unless it makes sense for you for other reasons)

Good luck with it. It's when I read threads like this that I'm happy I work from home.
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [DawnT] [ In reply to ]
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 If she comments on why you're late, tell her you had a pedicure appointment at 10 so you decided to sleep in and then give her a big smile

That's priceless on so many levels because she's completely freaked out by open toed shoes and women who have pedicures.

I love it.

and yes, you are lucky to work from home! Other than this crazy woman, I do have an otherwise dream job...... :)
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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just be glad it's not your boss that's keeping tabs on you! i used to be required to either email my supervisor or physically walk up and say goodbye when i was leaving for the night...and no, i was not an hourly, non-exempt employee, just worked for a major micromanager

i like the pedicure suggestion :)
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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this witch won't be around forever. seriously, try not to let her get to you. remember we only have how many decades left in our lives, any time spent on her is less time on whatever you want to do.

now, with that said, i can see how it would be a bogg.

the way i see it your choices are to either:
a) forget about it and not engage in it; for example, you don't need to be told that she is looking for you, you just simply unplug for it in every regard. this sounds good in theory, but...we're all human and she sounds super annoying and god awful. possibly she is impossible to ignore?

b) mess with her for your own entertainment.

c) track her menacing behavior, and have a frank disucussion with HR about it. print out notes, and record everything on paper--including times and details of the instance. let HR know you've been notified 10, 12 times (or however many times over the last 2 weeks) by several people that she is marching around the office looking for you and being an overall interferrance. tell HR you have to stop your productivity to deal with her interference, and you're tired of it. you could also communicate to HR this concerns you, given this person is acting unstable towards you (which, clearly she is) and you require a resolution (which, you do).

i would most likely go with C, as her behavior sounds mentally unstable and i would try to rise above it to handle it swiftly, professionaly, and possible scare the shit out of her (so she either quits, or leaves you alone).

as for eating with the witch everyday--i think i would have to talk with my boss about that...something has got to give. things like this is why people go postal. you don't have to be a "family", you don't even have to "get along". all you have to do is work together and that is a different thing entirely.
Last edited by: kittycat: Apr 2, 08 9:10
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [kittycat] [ In reply to ]
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I second part "C" of kittycat's message. Document, document, document though. Be firm but dispassiontate in your comments to HR (or your boss).
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [kittycat] [ In reply to ]
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Kitty, thanx for that. B, was my modus operandi till today and I thought, egads, how long is this gonna go on.

I am going to quietly do C and at least have some basis to perhaps explain my lunchtime absences.

Amen to the whole work as family phenomena that's grown up. I mean I do care about these people, as anyone would having to spend 8 hrs a day with these folks, but my barometer has always been: Would I choose YOU to associate with but for the fact we're thrown together in a work environment. Sorta the same with neighbors. Once in awhile you find a gem, but overall.....

Most don't get this, till they move onto another job and then ponder how they never hear from anyone at the old place anymore. Duh.

Thanks everyone for the comments, or maybe I just needed food :) as the "goin' postal" explosion has subsided
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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When reading these kind of threads I understand why I've always been self employed in my entire adult working life.

I anybody hassled me like that at work I'd tell them to f*ck off and mind her own business. Of course I'd then probably get myself immediately fired. Guess that's why I chose working for myself. But as you mentioned she's not your boss, so that might not happen.

She's obviously jealous about something to be so petty towards you.
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cerveloguy] [ In reply to ]
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>>I anybody hassled me like that at work I'd tell them to f*ck off and mind her own business. <<

No kidding!!

And it makes me realize how great I have it at work, coming and going on my own schedule.

clm

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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I think she may be crushing on you.


;-)

jk.


Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (James Bryant Conant)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (Doug Stern)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (William Shakespeare)
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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In the last 3 years I've been either fired or almost fired from 2 large companies because I just couldn't take this kind of bullshit. Not something I'm very proud of. I just can't seem to function in a corporate environment very well anymore. For the last year I've been doing consulting/contract work at one of those previous employers and I love it. I work from home most days and have not long term investment in anyone's success so I can say things as I see them without fear that I won't get a promotion because of it. As I tell my friends, I love working at xx but not for xx. My husband works for xx and seems to be doing really well, I just can't be a real employee anymore.

My frustration came mostly from see people who shouldn't succeed getting rewarded just because the kiss the right asses. I swear, I was about to go postal. My situations were different because the companies I worked for had thousands of employees and were pretty sure they were the best thing since sliced bread. I'm in high tech and I swear if I have to listen to one more smarmy MBA who is 15 years younger than me tell me that I need to work synergistically with the other teams I will kill someone. Hence, no longer working for said companies.

I agree that documenting is the best approach. I would be careful though because she may have a benefactor there working on her behalf behind the scenes. I have a hard time believeing management doesn't know about this so there must be a reason why she isn't being put in her place. I'd figure that out first before talking to HR. Luckily she isn't your manager. A bad HR rep will defend the manager but a good one will listen. It is hard to know what you have until you take the risk.

At a minimum, get everything written down then figure out the politics behind the scenes before you make your move.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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ok here cindyloohoo, i guess my take on it is ... why oh why are you spending the energy on it at all? i wouldn't document a daggone thing or otherwise pay one speck of attention to it. the zen approach ... just let it be what it is. it doesn't have to affect you one bit. just go about doing what you were doing otherwise. she's invisible. worked with husband no. 1 the alcoholic ... he just kinda stopped hitting me after i didn't give a damn anymore. (that's only half-joking but it was a long long time ago)

good luck maintaining your cool calm composure.
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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I have nothing really to add to this thread besides "Holy CRAP!" I've had petty co-workers over the years, but that's seriously messed up. I agree with all those who say not to waste your energy on her, but I know how much harder that is to say than do. (If it was me, it would be REALLY hard not to just leave my car in my assigned space all the time... ) Good luck!

M

------------------------------------------------------------
The beatings will continue until morale improves
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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Seriously, that person was my boss once. I've been self-employed since I gleefully ran away from that job. There are few times in my life I've hated a job so much.

Good luck - it's easy to say just ignore it until you're the one in the situation. If I were in your shoes I'd probably do a little bit of B & C. C b/c it's the right thing to do from a corporate standard (assuming you have an HR department that can deal with this - you said there were only 25 people at the firm) and B b/c it would just be fun to screw with her and that would keep me sane until I had enough documention to go to HR.

Good luck!


http://smallfoodbiz.com
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [mdraegernyc] [ In reply to ]
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Seriously messed up is right!

But whoo-hoo, after an awesome 2 hr. brick this morning I feel great and "crazy lady" called in sick and I'm telecommuting tomorrow and I just found out witchy lady is going to a fat farm for two weeks starting Monday.

Yoga starts tonight, so I'm hoping to bring some Zen back into my life. I hate that I'm so spongy and start absorbing those around me -- it's great when you're around happy, positive people, but these miserables just take a toll on ya!

I envy you self-employed folks!!! I did it for a year in 2003 and was way too stressed out about the bottom line.

Thanks everyone for reinforcing the obvious: to stop spending energy on it!!!

:)
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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Perhaps she needs an outlet for all her frustration...like training for a triathlon?
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Re: Petty Coworkers: Help my Head not Explode [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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Glad you get a break from her for a while. I would probably try to ignore it as suggested above. Next time the secretary mentions that she was looking for you, just tell her you don't really care and don't bother with the updates (in a nice way). For me, documenting it would just get me even more worked up.

I have a similar situation at work. A girl who was hired somewhat recently (I've been here 5 years) always makes passive-aggressive comments about me being "late" (by a few minutes... usually because I have been up since 5:30 running 10 miles or something... we have a very flexible work environment, I get my work done, my boss doesn't care... what's the problem?!) such as commenting that she was *almost* late today and omg how horrible that would be. It really bothers me! I try not to let it though, my only concern is how my boss feels. This coworker is very passive-agressively bitchy ALL THE TIME (and also completely sedentary/overweight...) though so it takes a lot of energy to ignore it. I will end my personal rant now, but believe me, I feel your pain! Enjoy youre break... :)

...................................................
Training for: Barb's Race HIM 8.2.08
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