I'm with you on this. I'd be peeved too.

---

__________________________
http://www.aliciaparr.com/blog
http://www.performentor.com

Yes, I too am on Facebook. And LinkedIn. And Twitter. Which begs the question - do I exist in the physical world? Do I?

That sucks. I built up a Litespeed Bella for my wife 2 years back with Mavic Kysium's. While the bike and wheels are a bit overkill for her needs, the wheels have not been off her bike. I have similar wheels but 2 years older than hers.

---

---------------------------
When I die, I'd like to go peacefully. In my sleep. Like my grandfather.
Not screaming, like the passengers in his car...

Waaaaaay lame. Its like taking back the gift.

---

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

are you freakin kidding me???

That sucks, particularly since you were going to go for your christening ride... I hope you told him how shitty that felt. Like how your ride is less important than his. Or like how it's ok to skip the COMMMON COURTESY of asking.

A looooooong time ago, my ex and I went out to buy rollerblades. He picked out the $500 pair, saying he wanted to get back into roller hockey. That was a lot of $ for us at the time, but I let it go. He completely balked when I picked out a pair of $250 blades. I ended up with the shitty $150 pair. Once I split from him, one of the first things I did was go buy a really nice pair of blades - the ones I wanted ;-).

That experience left me learning that you need to speak up about things like this - earlier than later - or it can morph into full-blown resentment. It's not OK to say that your things/time/feelings are more important than someone else's - particularly if that other person is your spouse.

Good luck in your convo...

AP

---

------------------------
"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

I wouldn't be mad at all that he borrowed them (I say this as I currently have my husband's race wheels, camelbak, pump, and CO2 cartidges from his bike bags...only some of which he knows about....)

I would however be mad about tone of the response. That wouldn't fly with me.

(this is probably where Cathy calls me a womens again...)

I'm thinking that it wasn't so much the fact that he borrowed them that's the problem; and possibly not even (as much) that he didn't ask first (though I agree that those types of courtesies shouldn't be taken for granted). Where he really screwed up was in his reaction when you told him that you were planning to ride the next day. "I guess you're not" is an incredibly poor reaction, and shows no small degree of thoughtlessness on his part. However - if you don't speak up and just fume silently (or to your girlfriends, or here, where he won't read about it), it's as much your fault as it is his the next time something like this goes down. He needs to be made aware exactly how much his behaviour bothers you - and in no uncertain terms. You don't need to "go off" on him (it won't help) - but if you can sit down and explain to him in a calm, clear, and rational manner that you had been planning to ride the next day and when he just took them without asking - and then blew off your plans as a lower priority than his needs, just how much that bothered you, he'll probably get the drift and realize that he had been a jackass.

The guy obviously isn't a completely thoughtless jerk as he did get you something that you like (not a bowling ball that said "Homer" on it) - but most guys do need reminders every now and then.

---

<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

Yes, you are a womens.

Good reply.

---

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

IMHO, men who are into bikes don't really buy bikes for their women for the right reasons. They buy them to assuage their own guilt about their multiple purchases, or to equal it up so they can buy more bikes, or to borrow parts ;-)

My husband has, at times, borrowed my wheels and bought me a seat that he could use if I didn't like it. He also encouraged me to get some expensive aero wheels because then we could share them.

I'd be peeved if I were you, but it just confirms my theory of bikes being the new golf clubs. Hey honey, look what I bought you for Mother's Day! Golf clubs!

I'd be sleeping on the couch if I tried something like that. I don't dare mess with her bikes. What's hers is hers (and what's mine is also hers.:-)

personally, i'd kick him really hard in the quad (hopefully causing a nice charley horse) and say "i guess you're not racing now, so i'll just be taking my wheels". one dick move deserves another! ;)

seriously, i agree that it needs to be discussed openly rather than just vented about; you can expect the behaviour to continue unless you make the effort to address it with him directly.

cheers!

-mistress k

---

__________________________________________________________
ill advised racing inc.

I believe you're right....if you're with a cheap, immature, self-centered man.

Why is it that so many men post on the women's forum? It's like walking into a women's club, eavesdropping on the women, and then interrupting the conversation. Excuse me ladies, but menstrual cramps don't actually exist! It's in your imagination!

Why do you think the original poster chose to post here and not the main forum?

Did I hit a sensitive spot with my post, squid?

Did I hit a sensitive spot with my post, squid?

No but I obviously did.

I agree with the OP- I think she should be upset with her husband- that obviously wasn't my point. If you're going to make sweeping generalizations about groups people, you should expect to be challenged. Posting in the Womens Forum doesn't exempt you from that. Contrary to your experience, not all men are immature, self centered clods.

Why is it that so many men post on the women's forum?

Because it's a public forum. Men can post anywhere on ST, as can women. If Dan and the forum managers want to ban me from the Womens Forum, that's their prerogative.

Squid, of course you and everyone is free to post wherever and whatever you want. I have to question your contribution here, though.

I remember you replied to me in the "Braless" post I made some time ago. Your comments were not helpful. Personally, when I go to the Women's Forum, I am expecting information, support, and help, not snarky comments in your attempts to sound witty. Women provide each other with support. You are not a woman, and you do not provide support. If anyone questions this, take a look at squid's previous postings in THIS particular forum. Some PP was asking about his gray hair and whether he should dye it, asking the opinion of women. Squid replied with a comment that was not helpful but made fun of the OP.

If you want to be a troll, yes, you have that right. All the power to you, but you are not making any friends and, I for one will continue to call you out. I'm just tired of reading your venomous comments and not speaking up about them.

Calling my husband immature, etc. is insulting to the other posters who responded to this thread with similar opinions as mine.

Get a life and stick to what you know.

If you think your post was helpful to me or the OP, then you have a poor grasp of reality.

Squid, you need to the read the FAQs. While men are welcome on this forum, you have to understand the purpose of this forum.

From the post at the top of this forum:

"This forum was set up for women to discuss topics related to the sport of triathlon. Everyone, men included, is welcome to post a related topic or respond to any topic, however, posts that are not welcoming or supportive will be removed by forum moderators and you may be banned from posting in the future. Respectful debate and discussion to increase knowledge is the key to a great conversation.

Supportive—adjective 1. Giving support. 2. Providing sympathy or encouragement 3. Providing additional help, information, etc. 4. Medical. Helping to maintain a normal physiological balance."

Wow....calm down- it's not worth getting that bent out of shape over. I simply responded to your unflattering generalization about men. Granted, I could have been less sarcastic, for which I apologize. Truce

Thanks for some great support and feedback.
I am glad I had a chance to collect my thoughts a bit.
Okay.....an update:
My hubby got home from the Cross Race. I let him fill me in on all the details of the race, gave him a beer, then told him how what he said hurt me in that he made a thoughtless, selfish comment, and that next time he should be less flip and more considerate. He replied that, "I didn't mean for it to sound thoughtless and inconsiderate". He went on to say that he knew I wouldn't mind if he borrowed the wheels. He also agreed that, if the tables were turned, he would be a bit miffed.
I just don't think he put much thought into what or how he made the comment. I am betting in the future he'll think a bit before opening his mouth......at least he maybe more aware.
Funny though, the pit for the wheels was about half way through the course. He would have been hard pressed, depending on where he was, to change out the wheel and get back into the race before the 30 minute race was finished.
We both went to a Cross Race this weekend and didn't use spare wheels as our races were to close together and logistics would be pretty iffy.
Cheers!

I'm sure my wife would probably let me take her wheels (or anything else) any time - just as long as I ask first. I guess this is the moral of the story?

I don't ever have a problem with him borrowing something of mine. Though if it is a ski hat I tend to say no because he has a bigger head and stretches them out.....got to draw the line somewhere.
But, yes, the moral of the story is asking and attitude.