Login required to started new threads

Login required to post replies

My work stuff....
Quote | Reply
is going ok. I stayed in my office. No cubicle walls but it's been ok before.

I'm mostly starting this thread to ask if extroverts ever get tired of talking? She has said the same story to EVERYONE who comes in (ie my other officemates).

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Um no sorry. ;-) (Ok we can learn to become better listeners which involves not talking)

------------------------
"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
The whole thing is one of those good "learning experiences." I am learning how to work with and be happy in a space with someone I don't like / don't get along with.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
venting a bit :-)

I am in a class with A. this semester. She interrupts the professor practically every 3rd sentence. I am all for asking questions in class - I do it regularly - but holy moly, it's like she never learned to raise her hand and ask a question. I was tired and cranky yesterday and so not in the mood for people in general, and sitting in class it was all I could do to not turn around and hit her over the head with my notebook... the professor is very, very patient and seems not to get rattled at the constant interruptions. I think it is my classmates and I who are annoyed.

And then yesterday, we were talking about weekend plans. I said I was going to visit Marie, another girl from our program who was only on campus once a week. A. was like "I miss her so much! Tell her she should come back and we can all go out; she can crash at my place." As if she and Marie are, like, best friends. (As I mentioned before, Marie was on campus once a week last semester). Secondly, if she actually did know Marie well, she'd know that Marie is pretty introverted (ok, you extroverts maybe don't pick up on this well ;-) and is like me on the go-to-bed-early-get-up-and-work-out thing, not go out all night. (That's why Marie and I get along so well!) I was just irritated...

[feeling better now that I wrote. I know it's dumb girl stuff. I just needed venting :-)] and I'm headed north this weekend to visit Marie AND meet Khai!

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
i think the short answer is mostly 'no'. extroverts are pretty much always extroverts. that said, many of us have, over time, developed a sense of time and place.

i, by nature, am very extroverted. i could talk to a wall. i start conversations in the grocery store, on line for lunch, at the post office - pretty much anywhere. i love telling stories and sharing anything i might know that someone else might find interesting. that said, at work i'm pretty quiet. it's simply not the place for constant interaction.

but being extroverted doesn't necessarily translate to wanting to go out all the time or late at night. i too like to get up early and train and do lots of things that involve alone-time. maybe this was just an interchange of "extroverted" and "highly social". she might also mean no harm. i have some good friends that are very shy/introverted by nature. after spending enough time with me and my constant talking, they loosened up. maybe that's the approach?

that said, both of those incidents would annoy the (*&# out of me.
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
What AndyPants said!

If she's a nervous talker then she could be stressed out by your silence/unwillingness to engage in conversation and talk even more. No real way to win that one.

I consider myself a recovering talk-a-holic. I'm a much better listener now and am learning not to say everything that comes into my head but sometimes it's tough. Strangely though, at work I'm generally the one trying to make the talkers go away, I've developed a fairly potent over-the-glasses-glare-of-death that usually works. Keeping my hands on my computer keyboard and my body oriented towards my computer while I only minimally turn my head to the talker adds to the effect. Rude but sometimes necessary.

At one point I had a particularly bad coworker who wouldn't go away so I left a pile of books on the spare chair in my office so she couldn't sit. I seriously debated installing bird spikes (the things they put on signs, ledges, etc. to dissuade pigeons from landing) around my office doorframe so she couldn't lean on it and talk at me.
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [callmefierce] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I don't think she means any harm.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [Alibabwa] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
In Reply To:
If she's a nervous talker then she could be stressed out by your silence/unwillingness to engage in conversation and talk even more. No real way to win that one.



Ah - irony that she could be stressed out by me! Interesting that you mention that, actually, as it might be true and I hadn't thought of that.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Last edited by: tigerchik: Feb 4, 11 10:46
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
It's one of those messed up situations where her actions make you uncomfortable so you get really quiet, which makes her uncomfortable so she talks more, which makes you turtle, which makes her get really hyper and chatty ...

Not sure where the middle ground is but if you can find a way to mellow her out it may help. Too bad you don't have coffee provided in your office, you could switch her to decaf!
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
One of my first bosses told me very bluntly in a performance review that I "interrupted everyone, all the time". I actually caught myself doing it in a meeting and was shocked and horrified at how bad it was. I have since that day been hyper-aware of it, and it has made me a much better listener. Which means I actually do stop talking sometimes.

As with most things, it takes age/maturity.

AP

------------------------
"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Related to this - not the specific incidents - but I stayed with a friend for the weekend and in talking with her about various stuff, I suddenly said "I need to learn to not take everything so personally."

So that is my new goal. Suggestion welcome [for making that happen].

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Oh man that's a hard one. I have that problem too. What I ask myself is "what do I control? what do I influence?" and I try not to get spun up about things I don't control. I learned that one from Gordo (read: Going Long) and have found it to be extremely appropriate for the big bad world.

AP

------------------------
"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Just the realization "don't take it personally" is helpful so far. You're right - the what do I influence/control is good too.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
My mom always used to tell me to think you're a duck, and let the water just roll off your back. I sorta find that imagery helpful.
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Breath! When you get stressed take a long, slow deep breath in and then let it out really slowly, all the while imagining the tension of the situation leaving your body. Repeat a few times if needed.

Find a mantra or phrase that is meaningful to you that you can repeat when needed. If "It isn't personal" works for you then try that.

Not quite the same issue, but a friend of mine had serious anger issues and the phrase "shut up" worked for him. He wrote it on a piece of paper and kept it in his pocket, when he started to get worked up he'd put his hands in his pockets and feel the paper, which would make him think "shut up" and snap him out of it. Something along those lines might work - what do you do physically when you get stressed? If you cross your arms or look at your hands maybe a bracelet with a saying or an image on it would give you a sensory cue to let it go?

Whatever works for you, stick with it. And share with us, if it's not too personal. As an ex-stress basket case/freak-out queen, believe me it is really, really nice to be able to let that sort of negativity and useless stress go.
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
"I need to learn to not take everything so personally."

This is an interesting thread and one that every breathing person could benefit from in some way. Over the years, I've found that being mindful of my thoughts and emotions has helped to decrease their negative effects. I also meditate twice a day. I've come to realize that my thoughts and, emotional responses to them, are not reality. While it doesn't work perfectly all of the time, I realize that its a process.

Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [squid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
there are some good things. She complimented my outfit today!

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
TC, I work in sales with a bunch of ego driven guys/girls that think their shit doesn't stink and are all highly extroverted. It's a "be heard or live with it" environment. A few years ago, one of my mentors gave me a little tip that has help TREMENDOUSLY for me and I think it goes along with your "don't take it personally" mantra.

So here goes: I had just sold a rather large deal that took us about 2 years to complete. I called the senior rep that had coached me through the deal/process and he quite bluntly said, "Congrats, and don't forget this success has nothing to do with you." At first I thought, "screw you!" But, then he said, "And remember on the next deal you work 2 years on and LOSE... it also is not about you."

In the end I've tried to remember "that it's not about me" in many other areas. Those include my marriage, parenting, other work relationships and a general outlook to people. I like it and just thought I'd share. Good luck!


________________________________________________
In a year from now, you'll wish you would've started today.
Quote Reply
Re: My work stuff.... [jayhawker] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Interesting. I will have to mull that over. Thank you for sharing!

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Quote Reply