A little background - divorced for 10 years, dated including a serious relationship since divorce. Last guy I dated was almost 4 years ago - found out he was still married (first date on a bike ride he told me all about his divorce - i am now friends with the wife). Anyway made me look at the pattern of liars (my ex was a liar). So moved cities, did not date - tried here and there but nothing really.
Finally, now that I have been in one place for 3 years, my kids are teenagers settled in school, settled into job etc I decided to test the waters.
I meet a guy who is also a triathlete - we go for a bike ride all good. Later in week go to dinner all good - chemistry there etc His last relationship they are still friends - he said it just ran its course....
continue to see him - all going well until last week. He gets a promotion at work - good news right? but then something does not seem right I ask if all ok he claims "personal issues" not fun to be around right now yadda yadda.
warning bells going off in my head.
we had plans to get together friday night. Friday midday this text conversation happens:
HIM: Do you mind if I cancel for tonight? I am dealing with some personal stuff that has me stressed and feeling really down. I am no fun to be around right now and just need some time alone. SOrry for being such a downer and for backing out on you.
ME: No problem but would be happy to cheer you up. I don't expect to be entertained. Isn't the point of having someone in your life is that you don't have to go through shit alone? You don't have to just go through alone I am happy to listen and help you process.
HIM: Thanks. Sorry I am so fucked up right now
ME: I don't think you are fucked up but I would rather be included than shut out. I am a family doc :p. I do lots of counseling. Of course I could just distract you too :)
HIM: Don't take being shut out personally. I have never felt like this and I just need some time alone time to think things through. I will call you next week when I get back from XXXX.
So I take younger son to dinner with friends and when I get back, get on Facebook and sparky has checked into a restaurant. alone my ass.
ME: If you wanted to go date someone else tonight just man the fuck up and say it. I don't really care but the way you did this is just wrong.
HIM: Wow, I was out with my buddy XXX tonight talking through some shit I have in my life. Yes my ex girlfriend is causing me major issues internally, but I was not out dating somebody. You are the only person I have dated in 6 months., but I am still messed up over being dumped. I really like you, am very glad I got to know you, but no fault of yours I am F'd up.
ME: Rest assured I did not look at this as my fault this is all on you. My instincts were right on. You lied to me. Look up one message you state you want to be alone that was not the case. And you lied about how your last relationship ended. I asked because you talk about her a lot so clearly you admire her. I do not deserve to be lied to.
and nothing since.
Clearly I deserve to be with someone who sees my worth, and he does not seem to be it but I am pissed off - thought I screened properly.....