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Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon?
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I'm currently an electrical engineering student and am training for my first Ironman. I've been doing triathlon for a year now (2 HIMs, 4 Olys) and I find that most people I meet don't understand the lifestyle that comes with triathlon in general, not to mention the long distance events that I find myself enjoying the most.

I can't imagine my life without triathlon in one capacity or another, and find myself isolated from people my age since no one really understands the lifestyle. When I go to races, I don't see many people my age in general, and an even smaller amount of women my age there.

Once I graduate, I plan on relocating to Boulder area to live in one of the capitals in the sport. Beyond that, what advice do you all have for a young man trying to find someone in the sport? This sport has changed my life, and I want to be able to share it with someone special.

Thanks!

Gone with the wind

Instagram: palmtreestriathlon
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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Join a tri club, cycling club, running club and Masters swim team. I wouldn't get too hung up on just dating a triathlete, but rather someone who is active and likes to be fit. And you never know - you may get tired of triathlon and want to do different things in the future. I did tris and Ironman for many many years, but moved to bike racing and loved that just as much. I now am loving gravel biking and swimming. Life changes.

Good luck!

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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A story for you:

When I was younger, and a burgeoning biologist, I found it incredibly hard for me to relate to others around me. Through undergrad, I was one of the lone wolf types who wasn't in our biology major as a pre-med student. No one "got" me. Let alone boys. I was at the point in life where I couldn't imagine my life without a biology career, but I was just missing that personal part of the equation, with someone to share this passion.

After graduation, I dated a bunch of guys who were smart, but didn't get biology, let alone research (they were all engineer types who were plug-and-chug application, not R&D). I was frustrated that they didn't understand my passion for research, my odd work hours, etc. I swore I needed to find someone out there just like me.

And then, I did. And it was MISERY.

Our hours never aligned well enough when we wanted/needed to be with each other to develop our relationship into something healthy. And then on top of that relationship stressor, it became competitive. He got his result faster. He disagreed with my methodology. He started mansplaining things I had been doing, and had been published on, years before meeting him. He only valued me as a partner if I was having a successful run in my laboratory, but the caveat to that was only if *he* was also in a successful phase. The relationship ended, in a fiery DTMFA situation, and it almost drove me mad.

And then, almost by accident, I met my husband. IT guy, knew nothing of biology outside of birds and bees stuff. He championed me through my PhD program. He supported me as I supported him and his career, even though my IT knowledge is limited to "turning it off and turning it back on". What attracted me to him was his sense of humor, his compassion, and the fact that he can cook a mean salmon en croute. We're still living happily ever after, 11 years after meeting and almost 9 years of marriage.

The end.

OH, and ps- I started my triathlon obsession about 4 years into our marriage. He needs to be led to the gym by the ear. But he's the best damn sherpa this side of the Atlantic.

Team Zoot
Tailwind Trailblazer
I can tell you why you're sick, I just can't write you an Rx
2019: IMTX|IM 70.3 OOB| IMMD
Last edited by: Dr_Cupcake: Jul 17, 19 5:35
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [Dr_Cupcake] [ In reply to ]
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Lots of wisdom in both those answers.

I have been married more than 25 years. I was a runner before we married, but not that serious about it. He was the same. It is fair to say we were active but not consistent, valued a healthy lifestyle, but were young enough not to have to work at fitness.

Being active and valuing health has helped keep us together, but we haven't always been equally active at the same time. I was much faster and more accomplished as a runner than him for a long time. Then we started swimming and he surpassed me. We have done tris together and separately. I love training and long races. He likes racing and short events. We try to support one another even though he thinks I'm nuts to do a 10k swim and I think he's crazy not to eat ice cream.

So yeah, join various clubs and meet some fellow sports enthusiasts, but don't be too worried if you don't find a complete match. Fall in love with a swimmer or a runner--close enough!
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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I met my husband of 22 years in the local cycling club during the early 1990s. We were friends first. We did the same Wed night group rides, Tuesday night training races and did a lot of weekend races together with other friends as well. Like someone already said you'll meet like-minded people with similar interests in the local triathlon, running, cycling and swimming clubs/groups. In Boulder you'll have amazing opportunities to meet people. If you do most of your training alone it will be harder to meet people.

Edit for a PS - we did take off a decade training and competing for various reasons. But we both got into running and marathons later and then triathlons. We've done 3 full Ironmans together. It hasn't always been easy but nothing worthwhile in life ever is.
Last edited by: 70Trigirl: Jul 17, 19 12:07
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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Met my husband through cycling (we belonged to the same club). Fast forward a bunch of years - he was in a bad car accident and can't ride without serious pain anymore.

Make sure you have more in common than just your sports.

In case there is confusion - it sucks that he can't ride, but we are still happily married.
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [edbikebabe] [ In reply to ]
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Thank you everyone for the replies! All of your insight has given me a lot to think about, consider, and plan for the next couple years in school before I move to the Boulder area. I greatly appreciate all the help!

Gone with the wind

Instagram: palmtreestriathlon
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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Useful, helpful, insightful replies. My husband and I have been a couple for 19 years, married almost 15. Both 42. He's been a cyclist since he was 16. I came to endurance sports much much later- started running when I turned 30. There is no perfect balance. I kinda sprung triathlon on him like surpriiiiiiise Imma train for a 70.3 and it's in 10 months and I need a bike, by the way, no I can't ride yours dude you are 2.5 inches taller than I am...and he's training to ride Race Across America next summer. So our general rule is make it work. Make the schedule work somehow, because we don't train for vanity: it's crucial to our mental health, our general dynamic on the daily, and we have two relatively little kids- so I don't know what I have added, but everyone's ideas are valid and good and if you expand your thinking about what kind of person you could happily partner up with, you may find that person to be a triathlete or you may find that person to be a trapeze artist or accountant or marketing manager or any somesuch random occupation I can think of after I have only JUST refueled post-brick....Godspeed, and enjoy Boulder in the future, big community there of active peeps- my bro in law is there. I think everyone there is like genetically part triathlete anyway? And I'm from AUSTIN, so that's saying something.
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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Bag a cougar, hear they are all the rage these days..(-;
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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My husband and I met on our bike trainers in our then-coach's garage. He was focused on the workout and I was curious who the new guy was (though he probably thought I was the new girl because I had taken a few months off). He was training for his first IM, so I decided I had experience to share with him (was training for my 8th). I just kept showing up at all the same charity rides and some swim training sessions and we got to know each other. :)
I finally got a date with him after his first IM, and it worked out great. We met in 2011, married in 2014, have traveled to a bunch of races together, whether tri or running.

We've both hit the other side of 50, with some aches, pains, injuries, and other life stressors, but the *thought* of still doing tri and running races hasn't died, and we will keep trying to stay active even if not at IM training level. We need to get his knee healthy (meniscus) because he has it in him to BQ, but just had meniscus surgery. I want that BQ for him so badly. Me, I'd be happy to have the chaos of our world slow down a tad so I can do a local sprint tri, and get my head back in it. But we love each other very much even without tri.

The IM training was probably a good indicator of that we're going to take steps to stay healthy, and have a mind for adventure. We're all about that. Travel is our number one getaway. (though a granddaughter is sure distracting, because we sure like our time with her, too).
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [monty] [ In reply to ]
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monty wrote:
Bag a cougar, hear they are all the rage these days..(-;


LOL!!! So funny!!!

But honestly, this is not bad advice. :-)
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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Definitely join some type of club. If you're a student, see if your school has a tri club. My school's tri club has been responsible for 3 marriages so far in the past few years...one of them being mine lol. NEVER would have guessed that the guy who's now my husband would be the person I ended up marrying when I met him for our pre-season meeting at the beginning of the school year 5 years ago, but life is funny that way. After a year of marriage I can honestly say that marrying my teammate/training partner has been the best thing ever. Doing life together is fun, and I get free drafting practice with swimming and biking. He's pushed me to be a better all around athlete, and I'd hope he'd say the same about me.
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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monty wrote:
Bag a cougar, hear they are all the rage these days..(-;

And you'll need one as a recent grad living in Boulder!! $$ :-)

All kidding aside, Boulder is a great city with access to a lot of things outside triathlon - hiking, skiing, mountain biking, rafting, fly fishing, music scene ...I could go on.

Point is, you're young - don't pigeon hole yourself into one "type." You never know what might just work!
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [Dr_Cupcake] [ In reply to ]
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Dr_Cupcake wrote:


And then, almost by accident, I met my husband.....

This (but in your case it would be wife)

When you stop trying so hard to meet someone, that's when it will happen.

And keep this in mind:

"NEVER would have guessed that the guy(gal) who's now my husband(wife) would be the person I ended up marrying when I met him(her)"

This is how it happened for me.

Pink? Maybe. Maybe not. You decide.
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [Dr_Cupcake] [ In reply to ]
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Wow this is refreshing to hear. Thanks for sharing. What you are saying is there still is a chance.
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Re: Male Poster - Meeting a Life Partner in Triathlon? [palmtrees] [ In reply to ]
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If you want a good relationship then there had better be a lot more than just triathlon to share. Triathlon is only a hobby. If you find someone who also shares your hobby (or who may wish to investigate it) then good for you, but keep it in perspective.

My wife and I have numerous shared interests - scuba diving, triathlon, cycling, motorcycles, etc, etc. Its great that we do things together, but none of them are what cements our relationship. They're shared interests and nothing more.
Last edited by: cerveloguy: Oct 2, 19 10:42
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