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I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all?
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Hey there, fellow Womens. I've been having a difficult time these past few weeks as training has ramped up for my first race of the season. Maybe we can commiserate / complain / come up with solutions together.

I work full-time and even without kids or a huge training load (15 hours is a great week for me) I find I am tired all the time, I never see my husband, the house is a mess, my dogs barely recognize me anymore, I rarely get dinner on the table before 8 p.m., etc. Yesterday's schedule was literally wake up at 4:40 a.m., bike, eat, commute, work, run, commute, make dinner, bathe dogs (they had rolled in something disgusting), internet for a half hour, bed. I try to meal plan/prep as best as I can (i.e. make the next day's lunch while I am making dinner) and take advantage of the pool and running trails near my office to save time, but there's only so much I can do with my 24 hours.

My husband is great with doing stuff around the house, but he doesn't cook beyond grilling (and we do a lot of grilling because it is quick and easy) and ordering take-out, and he simply doesn't notice (or claims he doesn't) when the shower is getting gross, for example. And don't even get me started on things like making doctor's appointments, car repairs, special events, etc.

We have just started a serious discussion about a house-cleaning service and we already have a dog-walker come once a week. I'm hesitant to do any food delivery/prep services since I have multiple intolerances and they are SO dang expensive. I would do more meal prep on the weekends, but, but -- that's when I do my long rides and long runs!

Is there a piece of the time-management puzzle I'm missing? What do you do to keep things under control without having to live in squalor and eat take-out for every meal? Thank you!!!

http://mediocremultisport.blogspot.com
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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When things start to feel like they are spiraling out of control I remind myself that I am just an AG athlete. I do the sport for fun and to push myself. Sometimes skipping a workout to get stuff done around the house is worth it. Good luck balancing life with training :)

Jen Yanda
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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How long is your work commute?

Maybe you can designate one weeknight, or part of a weekend day to housekeeping - and then do the bare minimum the rest of the week?

Can you run with your dogs? With a toddler & a husband who works long hours, that has been great for me. Even if you could take them on part of your run, drop them at home & finish up (depending on the dogs/length of runs). I have off-leash areas all around me, so running with a pooch is even easier.
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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The commute can be a killer. I'm fortunate to work a ridiculously flexible job from home. I don't know how people manage to train + commute + work normal hours + etc.

Also, if you can afford to bring in a housecleaner, BRING IN A HOUSECLEANER! It will free up time, plus you'll free up the psychic energy of worrying about cleaning the house. In fact, if you can afford it, outsource as much as you can. I have a cleaning lady come in every week, and I used to have groceries delivered to avoid going to the grocery store. And as soon as that service is available where I am now, I'll sign up for it asap.

As for meals, keep it extremely simple. I'm fortunate that my husband and my two year-old will eat almost anything, so I make a ton of vegetables and rice at one time. Throw some chicken breasts or salmon on the grill, and you have a good meal that doesn't take a whole lot of time to make. Stir fry is your friend!

And at the end of the day, all you can do is all you can do. That means that some days, workouts won't get done. And that's okay.
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Jyanda] [ In reply to ]
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Jyanda wrote:
When things start to feel like they are spiraling out of control I remind myself that I am just an AG athlete.

Oh believe me, I'm not fooling anyone. =) Logically I know this is a first-world problem.

edbikebabe wrote:
How long is your work commute?

Maybe you can designate one weeknight, or part of a weekend day to housekeeping - and then do the bare minimum the rest of the week?

Can you run with your dogs?

It takes me a half hour to get from walking out the door to sitting at my desk. It's not terrible. I do appreciate that running near my office right after work helps me miss sitting in rush hour traffic.

I already do the bare minimum, lol. But that's a good idea. I try to keep the kitchen clean as I go and my husband can manage the dishes and laundry, but the bigger projects like cleaning the bathroom... ugh.

Yes and I do when I am not running right after work. My crazy lab mix LOVES to run with me. =) (Sadly, this only tires her out for a few hours.)

csb wrote:
I'm fortunate to work a ridiculously flexible job from home. I don't know how people manage to train + commute + work normal hours + etc.

Also, if you can afford to bring in a housecleaner, BRING IN A HOUSECLEANER!

Throw some chicken breasts or salmon on the grill, and you have a good meal that doesn't take a whole lot of time to make.

I used to work from home about half time, which was nice for sneaking in a lunchtime run, but it was in an industry with the potential for long hours. I'm actually much more consistent with after-work training now that I know it will be a rare occurrence to work past 5 p.m.

I am leaning toward housecleaner, at least for the bathroom. We're successful enough that we can afford a few nice things and I appreciate a bathroom I didn't have to clean more than diamonds, lol.

During the week we pretty much live on grilled sausages and steaks and quick-cooking fish, with sides of steamed veggies. =) I do use my crock pot regularly during the winter but maybe I need to search for some fresh summer crockpot recipes.

Thank you for the ideas and discussion -- keep 'em coming!

http://mediocremultisport.blogspot.com
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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Could you bike to work and get some training miles in that way?

When it comes to meals I love cooking in big batches and freezing things and also making things that will last several meals (most recently a carrot salad that did for dinner for both of us one night and lunch for both of us a couple of days later; also a potato curry that did dinner one night and then three breakfast servings). I also try to build meals off the same things so I can do as much prep as possible in one go and then the subsequent meals take less time (and there's less washing up if you did all your chopping on one day).
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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I can definitely sympathize with your struggle. I've been focusing on trail running lately, but when either myself or the hubby is in training for a long-course race, it really takes a toll on the household. (We've never tried both doing one at the same time, I don't know how people do that.) We both work FT and have two dogs/no kids so a similar situation to what you've described.

Two things that have helped us:
• Before training begins in earnest (or on a lighter week, take an extra weekend day off) prep a bunch of crockpot meals and freeze them. Then you'll have a couple of dinners ready to dump into the crockpot when you need a little extra breathing room. I also try to put aside an hour or so on the weekend to prep breakfasts for the week, grill some extra proteins and a couple of veggie-heavy sides to add into lunches. (My go-tos are a shredded beet and carrot salad and some kind of kale salad, but there are tons of options. Even a tray of roasted veggies works great.) This makes my life infinitely easier.

• We break up the cleaning into 15 minute increments and try to do them daily. It's amazing how much you can get done in 15 minutes and it really makes a difference if you can keep it going. Generally, the spouse in training will miss a few of these, but it keeps the spouse that isn't training from being solely responsible for everything, which definitely gets old.

I'll also add a "me too" to the poster who commented that we do this for fun, as a hobby. Sometimes, it feels like the training is the most important thing, but it's really not. If taking a day off once in a while will make the rest of your life better, do it. Ultimately, you'll be a better athlete if the rest of your life isn't constantly stressing you out.

M

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The beatings will continue until morale improves
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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Are you me?

No kids here and I can't imagine how people with kids do it.

Can you hire someone to clean your house? This takes off a load of stress especially if your husband thinks cleaning the bathroom twice a year is acceptable.
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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I'm also a ~15 hours a week, and am tired most of the time... but that makes sense, right? An average of 2+ hrs of exercise a day is a fair amount.

How much sleep do you get? If you eat dinner at 8, say you go to bed at 9, that's 7.75 hrs of sleep. I combat the tired with an 8pm-5am sleep schedule. Two 9pm-4am days this week wore me out completely.

I'm also with whomever said "do 15 min of cleaning a day." Per the long workouts on the weekend, I always found I did better with workout + clean right after BEFORE I crashed on the couch.

Food: I eat a lot of pbj and scrambled eggs :P almost no cooking time. Your husband may not be cool with that... I'm single, and hence can get away with eating like a 6 yo.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
Last edited by: tigerchik: May 14, 15 19:12
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Sadly, biking to work isn't an option, but I would if I could.

I like the idea of prepping crock-pot meals in advance. Usually I just do the "chop veggies, throw in meat, set" routine.

I definitely do NOT get enough sleep, sadly. If I am feeling truly exhausted, I will skip a workout. In fact, I skipped my bike trainer ride this morning for an extra hour of sleep and I feel a lot better already.

Husband is meeting with a potential cleaning service today. I'm intrigued by the 15 minutes of cleaning right after you work out plan. Maybe I could consider it part of my cool down! Plus I'm all gross anyway so I can just wash of sweat and cleaning products in one shot.

http://mediocremultisport.blogspot.com
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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GET A CLEANING SERVICE!


I'm no longer training since my knee is dead to me but when I was training for Ironman my house was a disaster. My (now ex) husband was a total asshole about doing any cleaning and didn't want a cleaning service to invade his space.

I hated hated hated living in a dirty and disorganized house but it was such an overwhelming project that I just couldn't face it most days. I will never live like that again. Even with a co-operative husband women (more often than not) do the worst of the housework. Laundry is easy, takes 5 minutes to sort and load the washer, sit down and watch TV, get up 45 minutes later, take less than a minute to transfer it to the dryer, sit down and watch TV for an hour, then max 10 minutes to fold. Cleaning the bathroom? Whole other level. Comparing apples to oranges.

This was the only thing we ever actively fought over.

The 15 minute rule is a good one. I also find that as soon as I sit down when I get home from work I am doomed for the rest of the evening. Key is to keep moving. Make lunch, start dinner, 15 minute picking up the house/set out workout and work clothes for tomorrow. By the time you eat you can rest the remainder of the evening.

Anywhoo.....sleep is critical. Naps on weekends are so lovely. Start getting ready for bed an hour earlier than you are used to. Even if you aren't in bed, just getting started means when you are ready you can crash at a moment's notice. If you eat at 8:00 put your PJs on as soon as the kitchen is wiped down.

Be sure you are eating to support your training. Low calories will contribute to feeling exhausted. Low nutrients will do the same. It isn't just calories it quality of calories that make an impact.

I find being dehydrated makes me tired too so keep up on the fluids.

This sounds weird but I really miss that hard training tired. Enjoy being tired, you've earned it!

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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I recall a time when I was training upwards of 25hrs a week with a toddler in the house and a full-time job. Exhubby was a messy guy and never cleaned. It was a disaster. We had two bathrooms, so K and I used one (the downstairs one with the better tub for her) and he had full reign of the upstairs one - that one I refused to clean. Needless to say at some point he asked for help cleaning it and I just gave him the gloves and the vim and said "have fun". Things were well on the way to divorce long before training for IM - it honestly just sped it up haha. So I actually didn't really care to see him at all. :-)

Training was like you, 4am. I also trained every work day at lunch, and did try to schedule my training into two big volume days (basically I did two big bricks a week, Sundays and Thursdays, then swam Tues, Wed and Fri, and ran Mon-Thurs at lunchtime). Zero training in the evening - that was my K time!

For food, I just got to a point where I ate the same thing day in and day out so planning was dead simple (breakfast: plain yogurt & granola; lunch and dinner: big-ass salad with chook or tuna, avo, fruit, etc.). The only place culinary creativity existed was for K - but even that was pretty simple. :-)

If you can't ride or run to work, or run with your dogs, that will suck some time out of your week for sure.

And for the house: be brutally honest about what is acceptable or not re: level of tidiness. For me: I refuse to iron clothes, or buy any work clothes that need drycleaning. I have a standard list of chores to be done weekly - and we get them all done in ~2hr or less (and this is for a 3500sqft house). Write them down. Put it on the fridge. Set aside a specific time and day to do them. Make sure hubby knows he's part of the chore team. I hate clutter and a dirty house but I am also realistic in that if I want to go ride all day Saturday, I better get those chores done Fri night or I'll be doing them Sunday morning when I am tired.

Look at what else you spend your time on - write down everything you do in a week and look for things to STOP doing.

Good luck. It's never easy.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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Do you have a coach? A good coach can help you meet your triathlon goals and have a life at the same time.
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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What distance are you training for? I decided training 8-12 hours and doing a solid half ironman distance is more satisfying for me than what I would have to give up to do the full. Your message confirms that feeling for me. I do understand folks wanting to go the full distance though and more power to them.
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [chicklamino] [ In reply to ]
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Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and ideas.

This discussion has pushed me over the edge into getting a cleaning service, at least for the bathroom. I hate doing it and don't want to make the time, so why not? In the meantime, I'll try the 15-minute trick for the rest of the house. I may end up sitting down for less time than I am now, haha, but hopefully coming home to a non-disaster will be worth it. I should say that my husband is not the caveman type and is great about things like dishes, trash and laundry, but he has, shall we say, lower standards when it comes to cleanliness. I'll try to get him on board for the 15-minute cleaning spurt plan.

I don't mind training in the evenings as I look forward all day to running, and my husband is often still wrapping up work anyway. Plus the hassle of getting sweaty and then un-sweaty within an hour lunch break doesn't appeal to me. I just need to keep things simple and streamlined in the evenings so we do have SOME time. I need to find a wider rotation of grilled meats + steamed veggies that works for us, haha. Maybe roast a bunch of veggies on the weekend that I can re-heat during the week, too. I do eat pretty much the same thing for lunch every day (salad with grilled chicken) so that helps a lot.

I'm currently planning for my second 70.3 later this summer. I have NO IDEA how people with full-time jobs train for a full distance, let alone people with full-time jobs and kids. How is that possible??????

http://mediocremultisport.blogspot.com
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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Quote:
I have NO IDEA how people with full-time jobs train for a full distance, let
alone people with full-time jobs and kids. How is that possible??????

When I was doing 2 IM distance a year -

train
work
train
eat
sleep

Having a flexible work schedule helps. And I didn't do any deep clean (and didn't much care). Vacuum, keep the bathroom semi-clean, keep the kitchen tidy (since I ate out most of the time). I took my laundry to the man on the corner to do. Social life was with other triathletes, except a weekly dinner with a "civilian" friend.

Somehow I can't get motivated to train that much anymore.

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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1. Housekeeper. 1x/week. Can change and launder sheets, towels, dog blankets, etc
2. Blue Apron (food) maybe once a week.
3. Coach or one of the free training programs. Try not to get wound up in someone else's goals. As someone pointed out, it's a hobby, so maybe don't turn it into (another) job.
4. Your husband is already part of the team, so don't try to get him to do more. Sounds like the relationship is already a bit strained. You guys both being stressed about it won't help.
5.http://www.epicurious.com/archive/blogs/editor/2010/07/recipes-to-make-and-freeze.html
Breathe.
KS

Karen ST Concierge
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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Sounds like my life! I'm in the same boat...married with no kids, working full-time (often 50 hours/week), training on average 15 hours/week...and in my bedroom there are two huge loads of clean laundry waiting to be folded! I'm pretty sure they've been there since Sunday night. Usually I just end up picking my outfits directly from the hamper. :) I'm currently training for my fifth 70.3 and will be training for a full in September 2015.

In addition to what others have mentioned...here are my 2 cents.

– Having a coach is great. This is the first year I've had one (third year of triathlon racing) and he's provided some great balance in my training. He's introduced higher intensity runs and bikes, which I think has translated to slightly shorter workouts and more efficient training.

– As for seeing your husband...Does he also do triathlons? Thankfully my husband is doing some of the same races as I am, so we'll often workout together. If your husband doesn't do triathlons...you should try getting him into it! :)

– One thing I'm considering is taking a day off from work here and there for my own well being...especially when I get into training for the full. I might take a Friday morning off...or even a full Friday off. That way I can either do my long run/ride during the week and have a more relaxing weekend...or clean the house and take care of chores.

That said, based on what others have posted, I'm going to look into getting some housekeeping!
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [jenth] [ In reply to ]
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jenth wrote:
– As for seeing your husband...Does he also do triathlons? Thankfully my husband is doing some of the same races as I am, so we'll often workout together. If your husband doesn't do triathlons...you should try getting him into it! :)
Sadly, no. I can sometimes drag him along on a 3-mile run with me and that's about it.

jenth wrote:
– One thing I'm considering is taking a day off from work here and there for my own well being...especially when I get into training for the full. I might take a Friday morning off...or even a full Friday off. That way I can either do my long run/ride during the week and have a more relaxing weekend...or clean the house and take care of chores.
I've though about this, too, kind of like a summer Friday thing -- take one Friday off a month for errands and long runs and whatever.

I am also going to re-dedicate myself to the crock pot next week. I usually get into the habit for winter (when it's so nice to come home to a yummy, warm meal) but I'll look for some lighter, warm-weather friendly recipes. I'll make it part of my Sunday food prep, and then when I come home Monday that's one less thing to worry about.

http://mediocremultisport.blogspot.com
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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These cooking things have really helped me.
I have a rice cooker with a timer. You set the time for when you want the rice to be DONE. So I set it up in the am, and have it set for when I'm going to be done with my workouts in the evening.
I have meats frozen in individual bags - I thaw in the microwave and finish on the stove, maybe takes around 10 mins. Chicken cooks quickly if you cut it up first, oh, and use a lid. Keeps it from drying out.
Zip loc brand makes "Zip and steam" bags. For veggies or other food. You put stuff in them and then steam in the microwave. I also buy fresh veggies that come in 'steam in the bag' type bags.
Crock pot! There are lots of places online for crock pot freezer meals - you prep the meal, put it in the freezer, then thaw and cook in the crock pot.

I like this thread, I am going to have to start to implement the '15 minutes of cleaning' thing. House cleaning just really gets away from me because I see "all this stuff" I have to do.
Yesterday I did yard work for 45 mins (I HATE yard work), and was pleasantly surprised at how much I got done in that little amount of time.

I also sometimes make pre-mix seasonings - like for taco or chili. I also am totally fine with eating meat with salsa on it and steamed veggies with olive oil and sea salt on top.
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [determination] [ In reply to ]
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determination wrote:
Zip loc brand makes "Zip and steam" bags. For veggies or other food. You put stuff in them and then steam in the microwave. I also buy fresh veggies that come in 'steam in the bag' type bags.

I have two small and one large of these microwave veggie cookers. Meat on the grill + frozen green beans in this bad boy = dinner is ready in 10 minutes.

https://www.pamperedchef.com/...F5746C8B226C05661033

I kind of cheated this week and took a lasagna out of the freezer -- I had made one for us when I made another for friends who had a baby a while ago. It's been lasagna for lunch and dinner for the last three days. (Husband hasn't complained yet.) They are SUCH a pain to make, though, I don't see them being a regular thing.

http://mediocremultisport.blogspot.com
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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Do you have a local caterer that sells things to go? We have a great caterer here and you can buy a pan or half pan of fresh or frozen lasagna and other housemaid delicious dinner entrιes that aren't as crappy as what you get in a grocery store.

Kind of like cooking but not.
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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I've hesitated for a while about replying to your post, because you say that you are looking for commiseration and empathy, and I don't have much of that to give. When women get together, they often play a game of "how useless husbands/partners/men are", for not understanding what work really goes on in running a household. "The things we women have to do" etc. Now, because I like to fit in, I play along with this game most of the time and chuckle ruefully along with the crew.

But, in all honesty, I don't get it. Do other women - and intelligent, educated women to boot - really take on a greater share of the burden of household tasks than their husbands/partners/grown kids? I guess they do, because they say so. But why? And do women choose to clean floors and toilets when they work FT and can afford a cleaner? Why? Can someone explain these things to me?

For example, I am puzzled by your suggestion, MM, that you take on responsibility for making doctor's appointments - for your husband, I presume; or for getting the car fixed, or arranging special events for both of you. Why do you do that? Surely these are tasks for both of you (and if you're tired, then more for him). And as for your husband not noticing when the shower is dirty, I'm with him on that. If it's not dirty enough for him to notice, it's not dirty enough for anyone to clean. I'm not really sure how a shower can get "gross" actually. Doesn't it get cleaned every time you take a shower?

OK, full disclosure, I never clean the shower. My cleaner comes in once a week and does it (I suppose). If she didn't, it wouldn't get done. The rest of the week the house is a tip, but that's ok. I have work, I have a husband and kids I like to hang out with, I train, I have a life to lead outside the house and that doesn't include effing boring domestic tasks.

Let it go, and get some sleep.
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [alexxm21] [ In reply to ]
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alexxm21, I appreciate what you're saying, but I think you're reading into my post a bit too much. I don't think I said anything about "how useless husbands/partners/men are" beyond how mine doesn't really cook nor notice when things are getting dirty. I did say my husband was great with doing stuff like laundry and dishes. And I didn't say I made doctor's appointments and planned special events for him -- I was referring to things like doctor's appointments and special events taking away from what little time I have carved out to get things done around the house. But looking back, I can see how that was unclear.


I've never really been in a financial position before to be able to hire out things like housecleaning. I'm sure there are both men and women who take pride in knowing they keep their own house beautiful. I am not one of them.


As long as I have to work full-time, it is going to be a struggle to get everything done within those 24 hours. This post was simply a means to share ideas, tips and tricks.




http://mediocremultisport.blogspot.com
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Re: I'm exhausted, I barely see my husband, the house is a mess. How do you manage it all? [Midtown Miles] [ In reply to ]
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MM, I did misread you. Sorry. I can see that. And I was ranting a bit.

I don't have any tips or tricks. But I honestly don't think there are any that you haven't thought of. If 24 hours are too few to do everything you want to do, you're trying to do too much.
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