I can only give my experience. Going through my divorce, I joined a running group and found both a social and a stress outlet. My divorce improved my running a lot!!!

I wouldn't wish a divorce on anyone, but you will get through it. Good luck.

I hear ya, my marriage ended just over a year ago with the divorce final in March. It was the worst time of my life.

I stopped all training because I just couldn't get the energy together. It took everything I had just to get through the work day and when I got home I'd collapse. I wish I'd done at least something because my comeback has been very hard.

I'd advise you to at least get out for a walk every day. Even if it is only around the neighborhood. Commit to that. If you are feeling good, step it up to a run. When I did get back into exercise I found swimming amazing therapy. The rhythm and weightlessness was really calming. I did that before running.

Most people told me to train hard but it just didn't work for me. If it doesn't work for you, that's OK. Don't beat yourself up over it. Don't feel guilty. You don't need anything negative in your head so give yourself permission to take time off if you need to.

Best wishes. If you want to send me a PM feel free to do so.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

Get a dog if you can. It has sure helped me get out and do something. Just walking her each day has made a huge difference in my attitude and perspective. Plus she always (yes always) makes me feel good.

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When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you suffer.
Dan

Buckle down & do what it takes to get through. Know this time won't last forever & you'll come out on the other end better for it. Try to stay positive, lean on those of us here as much as you can (amazing group, these broads, I tell ya!) and bitch, whine, scream & cuss as much as you need to.

If it held, I'll scream along....screw that asshole! (Help? No?? Well, I tried. I'm usually good for little more than a giggle or interpretation....)

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AW

Everyone reacts differently. Going through my divorce was what got me into triathlon in the first place. The only time my mind was a peace was when I was exercising, so I worked out twice a day, every day. Not knowing a thing about triathlon other than that, "it's what really fit people do," I signed up for one. Fell in love with the sport during that first race -- a race I'd never have done, if I hadn't been thrown completely upside down by the divorce.

But, everyone reacts differently to different types of stress. During the times that I've been dealing with very sick animals (I have no kids, so they are my babies), I have reacted as you are now -- training, taking care of myself, and pretty much everything that usually anchors me goes out the window, and I end up a basket case, with no focus at all, other than the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

JenSW had a lot of good suggestions, to which I will add a few: lean on your friends and family -- anyone who cares about you. Before my divorce, I was one of those people who thought that leaning on other people was a sign of weakness. I learned during that time that leaning on other people is actually just the opposite of weakness -- opening up to other people about your hurt and your fears and your guilt makes you a stronger person. Leaning on my friends and family went a very long way toward helping me regain some level of balance and perspective, when I was really floundering. I'd also suggest seeing a therapist, if you have decent insurance. Seeing the therapist helped supplement all of the support my friends were giving me. The fact that it wasn't the same kind of support was the trick -- the therapist knew questions to ask and things to say that supplemented what I was getting from my friends, rather than duplicating it.

Finally, know that you're not alone. I'm about to turn 50, and I've had a LOT happen to me over the course of my life. Going through a divorce 12 years ago remains the single most difficult thing I have ever done. It is a very rare person who isn't thrown totally for a loop by a divorce. It does get better; just know that.

The best advice I'll give anybody going through a divorce has nothing to do with triathlon training, but try (even if its hard) to remain as civil to your ex as possible. Try to work out details together and do keep lawyer involvement to a minimum or they will suck you dry. When I got divorced the ex and I sat down together and worked out all our details beforehand. We went to the lawyer and told him just to draw up the legal agreement and not to argue with us. The divorce cost us $3000. only. The lawyer told us that if every couple handled their divorce the way we did then a lot of lawyers would be going bankrupt. That was almost twenty years ago, our kids are now full grown and I've maintained a good relationship with my ex all these years. In fact, I called her last night. You're going to need lawyers, but as I say, keep their participation as minimal as possible.

At the time, we also had friends that were also going for a divorce. We told the couple how we did it but she insisted on taking her lawyers advice. Their result was about $70 K in legal fees and in the end she got no more than what he had offered before she listened to her lawyers.

A few years ago on another divorce thread another ST'er PM'd me about more details on my divorce. He figures I saved him about 10 K. But of course both sides have to be willing to co-operate.

Divorce is tough. I know, I've been there but try to be as logical about it as possible. Once emotions get out of control then it seems to cost a lot more, and not only in terms of finance.

Just remember this too shall pass. Be civil, regardless of the circumstances. Don't fight every last battle to the end - pick what's important and let the rest go. Even $. Sometimes it's just not worth it. I settled for a lot less than I could have won if I'd pushed for trial. But it shortened the process significantly so I was able to get on with my life, and still have almost all of what was legally owed to me (ended up ~40% not 50% but it just wasn't worth it).

We did mediation and resolved most issues except one, which is where the lawyers and the bulk of the $ was resolved (a 2nd property that was worth heaps it turned out). The mediation was great because we also both got to deal with emotional aspects, not just legal ones.

Another thing that helped was I told my boss early on, and he was extremely supportive, to the point where he never bothered me if i had to leave work for mediation or child-care issues. In fact the company ended up footing about 25% of my mediation costs and my final legal bill.

Oh and a lot of wine helped haha ;-)

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

He is keeping the dog we have......

I kept my dog also. She got just about everything else. :-)

I get the cats he get the dog and just about everything else.... At least I get to keep my bike!

Then I gave you bad advice. You should have got the lawyers involved. Just kidding. :-) Every case is different so just do the best you can. In time it becomes a forget about it, you move on and life continues.

But......if I were to get divorced a 2nd time, she could keep our five cats. But I'll take the dog. :-)

Go easy on yourself is the best advice I can give. If you can train, and it makes you feel good, then do it. If its just one more thing that's making you feel bad, ease up a bit. During the worst of my divorce, I just could not bring myself to go hard. Feeling bad about not training hard just made me feel worse. It wasn't until I gave myself permission to do what I needed to do, and not do what I couldn't, it got easier. As I get my life back in order, my training is improving.

That's a great point: don't feel guilty about training/not training. Don't add more stress to your already stressful situation by feeling as if you've failed, or are weak/unfit because your training is gone to hell. You already have enough stress; adding more for no real reason is not a good idea.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS