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Shower thoughts
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Because this place needs an enema. I have to admit I have gotten lost on r/showerthoughts more than once.

taken from: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/...6a5ae4b03bc4d03e8d5f


The best liar you know is not the best liar you know


Google translate is like a person who knows many languages but is not good at any of them.


Cars should have "Sorry" lights you can activate when you do something stupid.

Nowadays it is almost rude to ask a question instead of Googling it first.



A 'slim chance' and a 'fat chance' are the same thing


Language is just agreed upon gibberish


The fact that google autocomplete our searches leaves in evidence how unoriginal our problems really are.


Pulled hamstrings sound delicious if you don’t know what they are


Maybe the first person to get a wish wished that magic never existed.


Fanta have missed a trick in failing to create lollipops and calling them Fanta-sticks.

In Toy Story, if a toy died, the kid would have no idea they are playing with the corpses of the other toys friends.

Since the more expensive brooms provide such a huge advantage to the players, Quidditch is basically a pay-to-win game


There should be a font for sarcasm.


The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf


Self-driving cars won't be ready until 2030 because that is when Alexa will be old enough to drive


Sleeping is just the free trial of being dead.


It's getting harder and harder to tell which headlines are coming from The Onion....



Our hands have fingertips, but our toes don’t have toetips...however we can tiptoe

Imagine how awkward sexting would be if we still had switchboard operators.


We turn alarms on to make them go off.

Snipers and surgeons need steady hands for the opposite reasons.


Thanks to Gwen Stefani, a lot of people will always remember how to spell Banana.



Home is where you don't wipe the toiletseat before sitting down

We are so fucked.
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Re: Shower thoughts [j p o] [ In reply to ]
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With respect to golf one could say the same thing about triathlon. Agreed about Quidditch again somewhat like triathlon. Maybe life is like triathlon

Life is full of froth and trouble, two things stand in stone
Kindness in another's troubles, courage in one's own
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Re: Shower thoughts [j p o] [ In reply to ]
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"I think I've cracked the code. double letters are cheaters except for perfect squares (a, d, i, p and y). So Leddy isn't a cheater... "

JasoninHalifax
Dec 1, 17 9:57
Last edited by: Leddy: Jan 12, 18 8:11
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Re: Shower thoughts [j p o] [ In reply to ]
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Gwen Stefani taught us how to spell bananas not banana.

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?
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Re: Shower thoughts [BLeP] [ In reply to ]
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BLeP, I really don't want to know your shower thoughts....

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Re: Shower thoughts [JasoninHalifax] [ In reply to ]
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You've known me long enough to know that I don't have thoughts.

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?
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Re: Shower thoughts [BLeP] [ In reply to ]
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BLeP wrote:
You've known me long enough to know that I don't have thoughts and never shower.

FIFY
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Re: Shower thoughts [BLeP] [ In reply to ]
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BLeP wrote:
You've known me long enough to know that I don't have thoughts.

I bet you only think about the white meese.


We are so fucked.
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Re: Shower thoughts [j p o] [ In reply to ]
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Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey was made for this kind of contemplation. https://thanh3.wordpress.com/...ghts-by-jack-handey/

24) Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: “Mankind.” Basically, it’s made up of two separate words, mank and ind. What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind.
23) If you’re a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it’s real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
22) I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.
21) For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
20) If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you.
19) Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
18) Can’t the Marx Brothers be arrested and maybe even tortured for all the confusion and problems they’ve caused?
17) If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
16) To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?,” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”
15) I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, “I helped skin Bob.”
14) It’s funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.
13) If you’re a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
12) When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we’d all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn’t until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
11) Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
10) If you’re in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it’ll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
9) I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
8) To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kind of scary. I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
7) Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
6) One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh, no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
5) If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting!
4) It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
3) If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
2) If you’re a cowboy and you’re dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
1) If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”
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Re: Shower thoughts [wimsey] [ In reply to ]
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I have a question. Did he steal number six from Calvin and Hobbes or did Calvin and Hobbes steal it from him. Sorry cannot find the comic to post. If anyone can please post it.

Life is full of froth and trouble, two things stand in stone
Kindness in another's troubles, courage in one's own
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Re: Shower thoughts [len] [ In reply to ]
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I don't remember the disneyland joke being in a C&H strip, and I fancy myself something of a Calvin & Hobbes fan. That said, it has the ring of a Calvin's Dad joke...


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Re: Shower thoughts [wimsey] [ In reply to ]
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That was the one I kept finding as I was searching for the Disneyland one. Love it

Life is full of froth and trouble, two things stand in stone
Kindness in another's troubles, courage in one's own
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Re: Shower thoughts [wimsey] [ In reply to ]
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-You could never bring a dog on the space shuttle because he would stick his head out the window and his face would burn up.

-If you’re boxing, I think a good thing would be to never let the other guy’s glove hit your face. Because, you never know where that glove’s been.






Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/
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Re: Shower thoughts [j p o] [ In reply to ]
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Re: Shower thoughts [j p o] [ In reply to ]
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I always like the one about the fact that we're just driving our own meat-covered skeleton made of stardust while hurtling through space to our doom. Good times.


War is god
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