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Dear Red States
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Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics, so we've decided we're leaving.

We in New York, Mass and CA intend to form our own country and we're taking all the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Md, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Vermont, the rest of the Northeast, and DC also.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the entire nation and especially to the people of our new country called "The Enlightened States of America" (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma, AZ and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research, the best beaches, and we'll take all of the creative gay people you don't want anyway.

We get Barack and Michelle, Bill & Hillary, Andrew Cuomo, Elizabeth Warren, and Dianne Feinstein. You get Bobby Jindal, Rick Perry and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Apple, Intel, Microsoft and all the smart technology. You get WorldCom, the Koch Bros, and all the coal/oil pollution.

We get Harvard, Yale, Columbia, UC, Stanford and Princeton. You get Ole' Miss.

We get Silicon Valley, NYC, San Fran, Seattle and 85 percent of America's venture capital and best entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama and Arkansas.

We get two-thirds of all the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition states, so we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of angry single moms and deadbeat dads.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve Ripple at your state dinners), 90% of the best cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all the living redwoods, solar power, the Sequoias and condors, all the Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, UC, UCLA, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all the obese Americans and their projected healthcare costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all the Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, plus Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We also get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you very much. You get Appalachia…

You get the 38% of those in the Red states who believe that the world was created in 7 days and that Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, the 62% who are pro-life for fetuses but not for the kids who are actually born or their Moms, those who believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, the 44% who know that evolution is only a theory, the 53% who still believe that Saddam was part of 9/11 and had weapons of mass destruction, that Obama was born in Kenya, and the 61% of those crazy bastards who even believe they have higher morals then we do.

We're taking all the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

A Citizen of the Enlightened States of America
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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Already posted a few days ago. I laughed my butt off the first read.

Prior to the election GOP supporters on LR seemed to outnumber Dems by about a 10:1 ratio. Either that or they were just more vocal.
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Re: Dear Red States [cerveloguy] [ In reply to ]
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cerveloguy wrote:
Already posted a few days ago. I laughed my butt off the first read.
Prior to the election GOP supporters on LR seemed to outnumber Dems by about a 10:1 ratio. Either that or they were just more vocal.

They are more vocal. We don't have time nor desire to engage on brainless discussions.
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Re: Dear Red States [cerveloguy] [ In reply to ]
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cerveloguy wrote:
Already posted a few days ago. I laughed my butt off the first read.

Prior to the election GOP supporters on LR seemed to outnumber Dems by about a 10:1 ratio. Either that or they were just more vocal.

Sorry about that. I did a couple of searches before I posted but nothing come up.

Yeah, I think it's pretty obvious that conservatives outnumber liberals on this forum by a long shot. Although, it shouldn't surprise anyone since they're well known for their whining, complaining and fear mongering.
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Re: Dear Red States [Maui_] [ In reply to ]
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Maui_ wrote:
cerveloguy wrote:
Already posted a few days ago. I laughed my butt off the first read.
Prior to the election GOP supporters on LR seemed to outnumber Dems by about a 10:1 ratio. Either that or they were just more vocal.


They are more vocal. We don't have time nor desire to engage on brainless discussions.

"engage IN brainless discussions" .... and yes, you all do .... frequently, I might add.

I see we have another intellectual liberal on our hands.

"The right to party is a battle we have fought, but we'll surrender and go Amish... NOT!" -Wayne Campbell
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Re: Dear Red States [burnman] [ In reply to ]
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+1
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Re: Dear Red States [burnman] [ In reply to ]
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Don't you love the irony?
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.


Formally known as Cherrycracker
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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Don't let go of us here in AZ. yeah- we've got our right wing crazies, but we're importing a lot of mexicans to help us out and this state has some blue regions. I'm holed up in a blue fortress- armed with tofu and organic blueberries and a hybrid tank.

we'll be with you in a few years.
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Re: Dear Red States [justgeorge] [ In reply to ]
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So easy to piss you guys off. You know what they say… Anger is a symptom of emotional insecurity.
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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Hey...I'm in Texas. How easy is it to immigrate to ESA?
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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Oh No! What will I do without pineapples and fine cheeses?

I guess I'll take solace in the fact that I am much less likely to be murdered by my fellow neanderthals than you are by your fellow enlightened folks.
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Re: Dear Red States [Francois] [ In reply to ]
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Francois wrote:
Hey...I'm in Texas. How easy is it to immigrate to ESA?

We'll take you no problem.
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Re: Dear Red States [dannynoonan] [ In reply to ]
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I guess I'll take solace in the fact that I am much less likely to be murdered by my fellow neanderthals than you are by your fellow enlightened folks.

Wrong. 9 of the top 10 most violent states are Red States.
Last edited by: lakerfan: Nov 9, 12 21:53
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Re: Dear Red States [burnman] [ In reply to ]
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burnman wrote:
Maui_ wrote:
cerveloguy wrote:
Already posted a few days ago. I laughed my butt off the first read.
Prior to the election GOP supporters on LR seemed to outnumber Dems by about a 10:1 ratio. Either that or they were just more vocal.


They are more vocal. We don't have time nor desire to engage on brainless discussions.


"engage IN brainless discussions" .... and yes, you all do .... frequently, I might add.

I see we have another intellectual liberal on our hands.

What are those four dot things? Is that something in the English language about which I didn't learn?

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"i disagree with your analysis [or judgment], nevertheless you have the responsibility of moderating this board so i honor your authority to make the moderating decisions."
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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Fortunately, we can now also take Florida, my new home.

Also, I don't want to let my alma matter Arizona go, so we'll have to figure out a way to get them out too.
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Re: Dear Red States [klehner] [ In reply to ]
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"What are those four dot things? Is that something in the English language about which I didn't learn?"

And what's with the "you all"? Didn't we all learn that "you" is sufficient in itself to indicate the plural?

Slowguy

(insert pithy phrase here...)
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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lakerfan wrote:
I guess I'll take solace in the fact that I am much less likely to be murdered by my fellow neanderthals than you are by your fellow enlightened folks.

Wrong. 9 of the top 10 most violent states are Red States.

Yeah that was almost a given without even looking it up. It's difficult to find a societal or health ill that isn't more common in the South and Appalachia than the rest of the country, which happens to correspond fairly well with the red/blue division.
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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You need to do your homework on this issue! Your logic is flawed!
The correct way to do the "Red/Blue" analysis is county by county...rather than state by state...larger urban areas in the Northeast and coastal states skews the data to make the country look very "Blue".... Here is the county by county from 2012 to show what I mean http://fairlyconservative.com/.../county-map-2012.jpg

But back to your point....Imagine the country was divided in half down the middle which it pretty much is, based on the popular vote..... Romney supporters got to live under his presidency/regulations/companies/laws/tax code/fiscal policy on one side--Obama supporters on the other. How long before the Obama side collapsed?
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Re: Dear Red States [JDRUN] [ In reply to ]
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JDRUN wrote:
Romney supporters got to live under his presidency/regulations/companies/laws/tax code/fiscal policy on one side--Obama supporters on the other. How long before the Obama side collapsed?

I don't know. But I know the Romney side wouldn't be there anymore to see it anyway. You'd all be dead from complications of obesity, or gotten shot ;-)
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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Cool. Where do I apply? Where can I find a job? A place with good food :-)
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Re: Dear Red States [Francois] [ In reply to ]
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You'd all be dead from complications of obesity, or gotten shot ;-)

Huh??
Step 1. I guess you didn't do the "Red/Blue" analysis county by county.....clearly you can see the large urban counties went "Blue" try it again http://fairlyconservative.com/.../county-map-2012.jpg

Step 2. Google crime rates/murder rates etc. within those "Blue" counties then repeat process for "Red" counties

Step 3. swallow pride ;-)
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Re: Dear Red States [JDRUN] [ In reply to ]
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1. clearly you missed the ;-) (and I'm in Texas...aside from Fort Worth every single larger city went blue)

2. hmm...confounding effect maybe? Lot more crimes in urban areas than rural areas. Just a thought...

3. I'm as blue as it gets. As far as I know, we won, right? ;-)
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Re: Dear Red States [lakerfan] [ In reply to ]
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The waters a tad chilly but jump on in...

http://www.davidmixner.com/...tates-of-canada.html

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Re: Dear Red States [ThisIsIt] [ In reply to ]
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ThisIsIt wrote:
lakerfan wrote:
I guess I'll take solace in the fact that I am much less likely to be murdered by my fellow neanderthals than you are by your fellow enlightened folks.

Wrong. 9 of the top 10 most violent states are Red States.


Yeah that was almost a given without even looking it up. It's difficult to find a societal or health ill that isn't more common in the South and Appalachia than the rest of the country, which happens to correspond fairly well with the red/blue division.

Actually, most of the most violent areas (cities themselves) of the South vote Blue, so maybe you could keep them
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