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"We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage"
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Woman repeatedly consents to sex with husband when she doesn't want sex and is now calling her husbands actions sexual assault. She further deduces that marriage creates an "emotional setting in which woman feel unable or not allowed to resist male sexual overtures."


I have no doubt this woman is a hot mess, but I wonder what her ex-husband is really like.


https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/3/8/17087628/sexual-assault-marriage-metoo
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [Perseus] [ In reply to ]
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She would read a book while he had sex with her, and he couldn't kiss her. There is no way I could be interested in sex like that. That's why I can't understand the guys who have sex with a woman when she's passed out.

The woman is a mess, but the guy sounds just as bad, or worse. I can't imagine any good reason for a marriage like that to stay together.

I do disagree with her that what happened was sexual assault. She agreed to the terms, presumably to keep the marriage together - so she gave consent.
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [Perseus] [ In reply to ]
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Sexual assault in marriage is undoubtedly a real thing. Sometime it involves force, other times more subtle coercion.

However, I'm not sure this is the place to start the conversation. She's arguing that marriage itself is a form of coercion, which can be true for women in certain cultures - though she's arguing that this is the case for all cultures: that the two outcomes when pressed for sex are either acquiescence or divorce. I'm not sure I buy that argument, at least in today's day and age - it may well have been the case 50 years ago.

By the sounds of it, her husband doesn't seem like the most caring individual.
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]
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I had a 911 call for unknown problem at a residence some ten years back. Long story short, it was the morning after a wedding, both families present and everyone an emotional wreck. Bride was a substance abuse counselor with her own issues, groom was one of her former clients. She said he got drunk at the reception, got too aggressive with her in bed, told him she's not giving him consent for what he was trying to do, next morning accused him of rape. 911 was called after she told mom and dad her story. Both sets of parents and extended family all present, shell shocked. When I first arrived he was stroking her hair while she laid in bed saying nothing. One of the most bizarre things I ever encountered as a medic.

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing." -- Ron Swanson
Last edited by: sphere: Mar 11, 18 12:13
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [Perseus] [ In reply to ]
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Marriage is not to be confused with slavery.

If she were so up in arms about her treatment, then she should have divorced the guy.

That she stayed is all on her and nobody else.

Wag More, Bark Less
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [Perseus] [ In reply to ]
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I feel abused, as I'm forced to give my wife a massage as a precondition to sex.
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [AlanShearer] [ In reply to ]
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AlanShearer wrote:
I feel abused, as I'm forced to give my wife a massage as a precondition to sex.

Assume you read a book while giving the massage, so what's the problem?!
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [timbasile] [ In reply to ]
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timbasile wrote:
Sexual assault in marriage is undoubtedly a real thing. Sometime it involves force, other times more subtle coercion.

However, I'm not sure this is the place to start the conversation. She's arguing that marriage itself is a form of coercion, which can be true for women in certain cultures - though she's arguing that this is the case for all cultures: that the two outcomes when pressed for sex are either acquiescence or divorce. I'm not sure I buy that argument, at least in today's day and age - it may well have been the case 50 years ago.

By the sounds of it, her husband doesn't seem like the most caring individual.

Hell yeah, how about when I'm coerced into cleaning up the goddamn dishes, or watching HGTV?!? That's just as emotionally abusive.
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [SallyShortyPnts] [ In reply to ]
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SallyShortyPnts wrote:
That she stayed is all on her and nobody else.

That's not how it works anymore, according people like this thread's subject.


War is god
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [timbasile] [ In reply to ]
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timbasile wrote:
Sexual assault in marriage is undoubtedly a real thing. Sometime it involves force, other times more subtle coercion.


However, I'm not sure this is the place to start the conversation. She's arguing that marriage itself is a form of coercion, which can be true for women in certain cultures - though she's arguing that this is the case for all cultures: that the two outcomes when pressed for sex are either acquiescence or divorce. I'm not sure I buy that argument, at least in today's day and age - it may well have been the case 50 years ago.

[..]

There are a lot of topics that are taboo with regards to marriage. One is sexual assault towards women and the other is domestic violence against men which are mostly emotional and verbal but go under reported due to social stigma.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/the-number-of-male-domestic-1284479771263030.html
http://www.saveservices.org/2012/02/cdc-study-more-men-than-women-victims-of-partner-abuse/
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [OneGoodLeg] [ In reply to ]
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OneGoodLeg wrote:
timbasile wrote:
Sexual assault in marriage is undoubtedly a real thing. Sometime it involves force, other times more subtle coercion.

However, I'm not sure this is the place to start the conversation. She's arguing that marriage itself is a form of coercion, which can be true for women in certain cultures - though she's arguing that this is the case for all cultures: that the two outcomes when pressed for sex are either acquiescence or divorce. I'm not sure I buy that argument, at least in today's day and age - it may well have been the case 50 years ago.

By the sounds of it, her husband doesn't seem like the most caring individual.


Hell yeah, how about when I'm coerced into cleaning up the goddamn dishes, or watching HGTV?!? That's just as emotionally abusive.

I almost spit my drink out after reading that!
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [AlanShearer] [ In reply to ]
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AlanShearer wrote:
I feel abused, as I'm forced to give my wife a massage as a precondition to sex.

Back or feet?
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]
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rick_pcfl wrote:
She would read a book while he had sex with her, and he couldn't kiss her. There is no way I could be interested in sex like that. That's why I can't understand the guys who have sex with a woman when she's passed out.

The woman is a mess, but the guy sounds just as bad, or worse. I can't imagine any good reason for a marriage like that to stay together.

I do disagree with her that what happened was sexual assault. She agreed to the terms, presumably to keep the marriage together - so she gave consent.

i think this story also ran first in the guardian; anyway i read something like it there recently.

spousal abuse and rape is a problem, and it's real. but this just seems like the wrong piece to start that conversation.

more than anything when i read these sorts of pieces (which are fairly regular, at least in the guardian) i'm struck by the tone of resentment. why were you married if you clearly disliked this guy so much?

____________________________________
https://lshtm.academia.edu/MikeCallaghan

http://howtobeswiss.blogspot.ch/
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [iron_mike] [ In reply to ]
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iron_mike wrote:
spousal abuse and rape is a problem, and it's real. but this just seems like the wrong piece to start that conversation.

more than anything when i read these sorts of pieces (which are fairly regular, at least in the guardian) i'm struck by the tone of resentment. why were you married if you clearly disliked this guy so much?

Of course spousal abuse and rape are bad, and I can understand how it's not often discussed or taken seriously, but this woman is not the right person to champion the cause. She consented to the sex but because she didn't like it, or want it, she's now trying to make the claim that she was abused. That's not factual and it sends a horrible message to other woman. Just because you were not in the mood or didn't enjoy the sex does not mean you did not consent to the sex.

Furthermore, she erroneously assumes that the majority of sex assault happens in marriage because the majority of sex happens in marriage. She continues making biased assumptions based on her own experience when she states that marriage creates an environment for assault.
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [Perseus] [ In reply to ]
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Perseus wrote:
iron_mike wrote:
spousal abuse and rape is a problem, and it's real. but this just seems like the wrong piece to start that conversation.

more than anything when i read these sorts of pieces (which are fairly regular, at least in the guardian) i'm struck by the tone of resentment. why were you married if you clearly disliked this guy so much?


Of course spousal abuse and rape are bad, and I can understand how it's not often discussed or taken seriously, but this woman is not the right person to champion the cause. She consented to the sex but because she didn't like it, or want it, she's now trying to make the claim that she was abused. That's not factual and it sends a horrible message to other woman. Just because you were not in the mood or didn't enjoy the sex does not mean you did not consent to the sex.

Furthermore, she erroneously assumes that the majority of sex assault happens in marriage because the majority of sex happens in marriage. She continues making biased assumptions based on her own experience when she states that marriage creates an environment for assault.

Personally, when my wife says she is not in the mood that means no. If I were then to ignore her and have sex with her, yes that would constitute rape in my opinion.
This thread has been fascinating to read.

https://www.miles4matt.run/
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Re: "We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage" [M~] [ In reply to ]
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M~ wrote:
Personally, when my wife says she is not in the mood that means no. If I were then to ignore her and have sex with her, yes that would constitute rape in my opinion.
This thread has been fascinating to read.

I can't fathom trying to have sex with my wife, or anyone else, if they said no. I think in healthy relationships you talk about sex. When my wife says she's not in the mood she almost always suggests having sex tomorrow.
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