well, i can tell you that depending on the level of stress, i can become mean and impatient, striving too much for perfection. some days i really think it is best i have no co-workers, otherwise, i could very well be Miranda Priestly, lol.

(and yes, i do wear prada. i am blowing it out of proportion by the way.)

outside of work, i'm a very generous person...even when work might trickle over I'll be more uptight, but I'm still am generous and fun personality. work is all together different though--there is just something about high stress at work that makes me fierce, i cannot explain it. when the stakes are high, this are the times i'm specifically referring to. when the stakes aren't high, i'm relaxed and know everything will flow smoothly.

additionally, i'm ok with being confronted about how stress makes me (or how i allow it to make me) behave. generally, my husband sees most of this cause/effect and he helps me to take a chill pill ;)


if friends can't be called out on how stress is making them act, that is not good. i don't care who a person is, they need to be able to be called out and scraped off the ceiling from time to time. i believe we all need this checks and balance in every capacity of our lives. (if your friends can't tell you something, who can?)

also i read a great line last night...if you look for the ridiculous in all things you will find it. i'm going to remember that for my own use. ;)

"well, i can tell you that depending on the level of stress, i can become mean and 100% impatient. some days i really think it is best i have no co-workers, otherwise, i could very well be Miranda Priestly, lol.
(and yes, i do wear prada)"

2 questions about your answer:

- Do you know (has anyone told you or can you tell of yourself) if your 'meanness'/impatience carries over after the "stress time" has gone?

- Do you feel that your true personality is quite different of that 100%-impatience & meanness? Would someone who knows you unders stress, recogize 'the real you' if they saw you in a neutral time, not under stress?

Lauren

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Lauren Muney
certified physical fitness trainer
certified health coach
wellcoach
http://www.physicalmind.com

There is no escape from your life... solve the problems and get on with it.

"Just tell her you love her and you think she kicks ass" ~AndrewinNH

"I'm moving [Lauren] to guru status" ~Last Tri in 83

Probably not what you had in mind. In my experience "personalities" are seldom static and are defined by the constraints of surroundings and situations. Stress or anxiety is a suppression of a fear response. All the "acting out" behaviors do is vent that suppression. Probably better than an aneurism. Personally I go for a run when black animal fear creeps into my work day as it so often does. Hard intervals run it off. My peers drink a lot.

yes, i can tell a difference, and my husband can to. since he sees me at work, he is the one that can tell the most. the difference is an internal level of anxiety, it's almost like a physical reaction to stress. mentally, it's like a short fuse. at times like this i'm incapable of bullshit, it's intense. luckily these are not frequent times--maybe once a quarter for a week. after this time resolves i require down time to relax, so i can get back to business as usual.

for someone who only knows me only during this time specifically in business, they might think i'm a tough business woman, but probably realize i've got only good intentions at heart. so maybe i should say tough, instead of mean. they might not believe that purina commercials can break might heart though, lol.

I have been seeing quite a bit of 'stress' exhibited here at work. Lots of short tempers, hasty demands, withdrawl/disassociation, illogical decisions, touting of one's accomplishments, and seeking of face-time with higher-ups... I think - in any situation - the way one deals with stress is a reflection of what they think will result in their own safety and self-preservation.

For me, I usually try to keep it in or will talk to 1-2 other people, but I find myself mulling over it constantly...looking for new angles and new information. I think I usually try to seek out people who might share my feelings or who have been in a similar situation, and I tend to find a lot of comfort in finding that our feelings are mutual.

Physically, I tend to get an upset stomach. I still sleep deeply but am aware that I had disturbing dreams, which I don't remember when I wake up. I tend to get heart palpitations, too.

As far as other people being involved, it is appreciated but most causes of stress cannot be fixed by someone else. In my case, someone 'caring' is not going to change the fact that I may or may not have a job at the end of the week. But, it is always nice to have support and to know that people care.

"...Physically, I tend to get an upset stomach. I still sleep deeply but am aware that I had disturbing dreams, which I don't remember when I wake up. I tend to get heart palpitations, too."

MY!

Then let me say *I* care to you, too! What are your de-stressors? (Obviously NOT 'sleeping'!)

Lauren

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Lauren Muney
certified physical fitness trainer
certified health coach
wellcoach
http://www.physicalmind.com

There is no escape from your life... solve the problems and get on with it.

"Just tell her you love her and you think she kicks ass" ~AndrewinNH

"I'm moving [Lauren] to guru status" ~Last Tri in 83

It has helped a lot to talk in confidence to some of my co-workers and know they are feeling the same way. I suppose that is the 'misery loves company' approach, but we have also shared job leads and contacts. And sending out resumes (or anything else proactive) helps a lot too...

And of course training helps! I have had some really good runs lately where it's easy to get lost in what I'm doing. Trying to pick up some new things (culinary classes, etc) just to keep myself growing and learning and challenged...

Interesting thread. I get grumpy and short tempered when stressed and the people who suffer most are not the people I work with, but my family. At work, you have to keep it together and behave appropriately or you get fired. At home -- fair or not -- it usually takes years before inappropriate behavior permanently ruins relationships. The problem is that I generally knew I wasn't being the nicest mommy or the best wife, but I just couldn't help it. Honestly, after dealing with so many pieces of shit in litigation (including my own clients and a good part of the judiciary), most days it was downright impossible to come home at the end of the day all sweet and nice.

I've been home the last year and a half with my kids. I never thought of myself as anything other than a professional, and I still don't really fit with the mommy crowd. But, I've never been happier in my life. I do want to go back to work, but I can't go back to what I was doing.

""Interesting thread. ...At home -- fair or not -- it usually takes years before inappropriate behavior permanently ruins relationships. The problem is that I generally knew I wasn't being the nicest mommy or the best wife, but I just couldn't help it."

Thanks for thinking this thread is interesting. I think it's a common problem that doesn't get discussed often in a 'fair forum'. (usually, it's ignored or "advised to death").

Obviously you are a lawyer by profession. I've talked to several lawyers about stress (one got seriously depressed simply from the rigors of the profession - the "pieces of shit" you described), and both found that a metaphysical approach helped them ease. (see something I found online: http://www.contemplativemind.org/programs/law/nojustice.html )

I think it's wonderful that you have this period of reflection about stress -- and it's impact on the family and the world around you.

I'll admit I posted this thread 'selfishly' so I could learn more about peoples' behaviors whom I care about; however anything you learn about yourself through this (ha!) 'confessional' maybe you can change your own behaviors in the future.

I truly believe that we are conditioned to do a certain behavior from repetition. (I'll use the example of suffering it on family). However, I ALSO believe that with AWARENESS of the behavior, we can stop it before it gets out of control. We now know to rest, think about how we love our families, and then "unwind" in quality (not grumpy) ways.

Thanks for your honest response,
Lauren

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Lauren Muney
certified physical fitness trainer
certified health coach
wellcoach
http://www.physicalmind.com

There is no escape from your life... solve the problems and get on with it.

"Just tell her you love her and you think she kicks ass" ~AndrewinNH

"I'm moving [Lauren] to guru status" ~Last Tri in 83

Lauren,

I have kind of a unique perspective about stress. First, I work in a field that is considered rather high stress (firefighter/paramedic). Second, I am trained and participate on a team that helps my coworkers handle stress of an acute nature. The sort of stuff we do is kind of a programmed, peer-led group therapy that is called Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM). Therapy is kind of a bad term, because there is no real treatment happening. It is more of a screening with some education.

I know that I have a reather high-stress load and have a personality that can react rather harshly to it. Fortunately, I also have a very loving and understanding wife who recognizes this stuff in me. There have been times where I have come home from work and after 15 minutes of being home, she just hands me my running shoes and pushes me outside. I usually get the idea pretty quickly!

Our CISM team is designed to provide 2 kinds of services. First we can do defusings, which occur very soon after a specific incident (say the death of a child). The idea here is to get everyone who was on that incident and provide a forum where we can overview what happened and discuss what happened. The second service we provide is called a defusing, which occurs maybe 2 days to a week after such an incident. These are generally more formal and we typically have a mental health professional present for them. Both defusings and debriefings have a model that we follow that we use every time. While not required, we try to get everyone there to be involved and participating, so the group can do the work.

In our training for this we learned little phrases like, "Normal reactions to abnormal situations." This would be like if someone said they have been having trouble sleeping after a certain incident.

It really is facinating stuff to me, and I have really learned alot about myself in the process.

To try and answer some of your questions I would suggest that it is not best to ignore "stress overspill" in someone that you really care about, like a good friend or family member. I would think that there is usually a way to spiral into the subject to attack it obliquely so that you can nudge it a little. With some people, going straight at this subject would put up all of their defense mechanisms. As with all things, timing is the key and be prepared with specific examples of their behavior. Mostly though, I think it is important that you just be a friend.

Bernie

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"Slowbern has always made astute observations."-Casey 03/10/2009
2013-2014 Detroit Lions---13-3 until proved otherwise.