I’m sorry. It is not easy. And there is no justifying it.

The best piece of advice I was given when my brother in law passed at 32, 8 months after diagnosis (which came weeks after they lost their baby), was that if you try to rationalize it you will drive yourself mad.

My wife’s best friend who is 4 months pregnant with her first lost her father two nights ago to suicide. We were with her tonight.

Sometimes there is no rationalization.

I am truly sorry for your coworker and asp for you, as this is obviously hitting you hard enough to be open about it here.

Sometimes shitty things happen. And there is no rhyme or reason. And nothing we can do about it.

The grieving process is real and helpful. But I’ve given up trying to rationalize.

Make sure the coworker gets help for the twin.

My mother-in-law's best friend had twin sons and a younger daughter. One of the twins died in a motorcycle accident. A couple of years later the other twin ended his life.

The father apparently had an issue keeping his hands to himself and ended his life before going to jail. So they don't know if the other twin's suicide was a result of losing his twin, issues with the dad, or a combination.

But in case it was the result of losing a twin - it might be safest to get the surviving twin some counseling, just in case.

I'm sorry for your coworker and family. I can't imagine, and don't want to. My heart goes out to them.

This is very true. One of my sister's friends were a set of twins. One died driving drunk. The other twin had lots of problems following his twin's death.

All organisms come into existence and all organisms die. That's really the only rationalization there is. It's just the way it is.

A co-worker of mine had their 16 year old son hang himself, with no apparent warning signs. Don't know how you keep going after something like that.

It's no wonder belief systems that convince people they will see their loved ones again are so appealing.

I don't believe that.

Not all forms of religion believe that. I grew up in the Presbyterian church, the one that used to believe in predestination. But at the time, it didn't.

Either way, I think humans misinterpret religious readings to think that just because God can guide anything that it will be guided.

The whole modern "name it and claim it Christianity" of the "well God willed it that person let me pass in line at Starbucks to get at work on time." I feel like from that example all the way up to the tragic untimely death of people it cheapens God's power to think that he has taken up every single possible thing on Earth. From what color coffee mug you drank out of this morning, up to the death of a person.

The answer is, nobody knows His ways. And it's my personal opinion folks are very wrong to say "it's part of God's plan". Right, it's a convenient/lazy thing for religious folk to say to try to console a grieving person. Apply the same comment to a child rape victim "it's part of God's plan". God plans to rape children? No.

As far as rationalizing it, if a person believes, God has created a massively complex planet. A planet that has a million ways to kill us. The supervolcano in the west could erupt today, done. I take a lot of days as gifts and wonder that we haven't had terrible things happen yet.

At the end of the day, the best we can do is support those in need in their time of need.

Yeah, I use to struggle with what you are going through. Recently my parent's neighbour lost both their son and daughter because the son killed the daughter in the house. Nobody knows why at this point but we suspect drugs/mental struggles. Anyway, the parents are still living in the house where the incident happened. I can't wrap my head around either of those things. Something like that would have had me spinning before I learned how to let things go....

And in a ugly twist.

We just found out a recent retire who had worked in our area for many many many years. Drowned Thursday. We had a depart lunch with retirees Wed, he was there. To say the department is in shock would be a mild understatement.

Oh well, I have a job interview in 2 hrs, so I need to clear my head.

Maybe I'll go see what intelligent thing Trump said today.

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Just Triing
Triathlete since 9:56:39 AM EST Aug 20, 2006.
Be kind English is my 2nd language. My primary language is Dave it's a unique evolution of English.

Very sorry to hear this, sorry for you but heartbroken for the coworker and her family.

I think the simple answer, when it comes to rationalization and how religions try to justify tragedy, is that there is no answer, there is only perspective and opinions on how to best deal with it. How one deals with grief is highly personal, but also very dependent on a strong network of people who care for you/your family and are there to help provide perspective, solace, guidance, a shoulder to cry on.

Personal tragedies like this are the highest form of 'life sucks' - losing a job, financial troubles, having a major accident, etc - there are any number of difficult situations we all have to deal with in life but nothing more difficult than something as horrific and tragic as someone close dying unexpectedly. And so you hope a person's character and their support network is strong enough for them to navigate through the grief and, in time, learn to cope and move forward etc.

I remember when my father died unexpectedly, 60 years old and zero signs of health issues, one of the first people I saw was my father-in-law who gave me a huge hug and cried with me for a minute. Then through tears he said he lost his dad young and that there were no words he could give, no special advice, only that he knew my dad was a special man, that it will be very difficult and I need to be there for my mom, and that he'll do anything he can to support me and my family. And I think that was the single best piece of wisdom or advice I got - no one can work through the tragedy for you, but people you love will be there for any help or support you need. And hopefully that's enough and you're strong enough to get through it, because god knows it is not easy. So I pray for your coworker and her family and hope they can find peace and acceptance in time.