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Re: Help me be an asshole [rubik] [ In reply to ]
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Well I considered throwing my UCI point for a mountain bike podium at him, but figured he was too much of a newb/poseur to actually know what the UCI is...
Last edited by: insulinpower: Aug 4, 20 9:26
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Re: Help me be an asshole [exxxviii] [ In reply to ]
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exxxviii wrote:
This product seems like it would champion your inner douche!

https://www.hammacher.com/...loudest-bicycle-horn

looks awesome!

https://www.strava.com/...tes/zachary_mckinney
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Re: Help me be an asshole [insulinpower] [ In reply to ]
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Yeah, I agree with this too. If the number of times you are saying "on your left" or "passing" is getting too high for you to tolerate, you should probably choose a different route, or a different time of day.

Or you could try to change the culture of walkers and slow cyclists on the path especially if there is a bloc of other high-speed cyclist users, which might be reasonable for a commuting corridor that has few other safe alternatives, e.g., by putting up signs or lobbying the organization maintaining the path to separate into fast and slow lanes. But that's more work!
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Re: Help me be an asshole [kppolich] [ In reply to ]
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I live where there are many very well built and maintained multi-use trails. Most days I take my dog on long walks on them. She has quite a long leash, can easily span the width of the concrete. Being a cyclist myself I'm usually conscious of where we are on the trail, and the overwhelming majority of cyclists who pass by us when we're walking are really exceptionally pleasant. But for the occasional antagonistic bad example of our sport, it's pretty easy to do a slow confused-looking wander, bringing the bad actor to a full foot-down stop. As I said though, the overwhelming majority of cyclists who pass by us when we're walking are really exceptionally pleasant.
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Re: Help me be an asshole [insulinpower] [ In reply to ]
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insulinpower wrote:
At the risk of sounding like one myself, you may already be approaching the mark by being intentionally and unnecessarily antagonistic toward other trail users.

"Multi-use trail" means exactly that - that the trail is there for the use of multiple users. That includes dog walkers, rollerbladers, senior citizens with walkers, families pushing baby carriages, toddlers on push bikes, skateboarders, e-scooter users, bird watchers, muscle flexers, drunk hobos, recumbents, squirrels, seagulls, lost cats,and so much more.

So, cyclists, being a "vehical," and typically the fastest moving object on the path, own the responsibility of ensuring that *they* avoid slower obstacles. And if they find that too frustrating, then they should really find somewhere else to ride, rather than risking causing injury to others and spewing rage because "idiots" are interfering with their right to get their heart rate up.

I live this scenario multiple times a day. I live on the waterfront, where some days it seems half the city is out using it and COVID has only creating more intensification and experience first hand the aggression "fitness users," and cyclists in particular, throw at other users.

I also have had the experience this year of going from being one of those obese, hobbling, slow walkers, to cycling and running again. So, not only have I received my fill of abuse, and handlebar hits, and near high-speed misses from "my tribe," I've also had to re-evaluate my own trail usage with returning to training and now only cycle on the road and run on the grass if the pavement is too crowded.

As an aside - I don't normally crow about my achievements or rub other people's noses in it, but one day I was so pissed-off with a tri cyclist on the trail that I let him have it. I had just started riding again after injury and was on my upright hybrid on a particularly busy day. A tri guy on full aero bike and aero helmet (but was carrying more than a few extra pounds and wearing a charity ride jersey...) had approached from behind and was increasingly verbal at not being able to pass. At a light he pulled alongside, and yelled "Why don't you get the f*k off the trail and make room for the REAL cyclists???!!!" So, I pointed to my IM tattoo and yelled back, "Hey a-hole, when you've got one of these, I'll consider YOU a real cyclist...!"

Apologies for the long winded, lecturing pomposity but I've had it up to here with finess entitlement. Calm youself in traffic or find another route.

Most trail rules state staying to your right half of the trail to allow other users to safely pass while following the rules and speed limits themselves. If someone has to announce to the point of exhaustion or an angry exasperation, it may very well be the case that YOU are the one violating the rules.

Also, "real cyclist" might have been some kind of weird flex for that guy. Sure. But it sounds like something was going on there for the ugly to come out. If you were on the right half with whoever you were with per the rules, maybe he was super impatient having to wait for a gap to pass. Or, if he had the gaps......that means some dimwit wasn't holding their lane on the trail.

Since selfish people like to string out all over trails like that, I don't use them except to run during very off-peak times. No more bike on the MUP for me. I would toss the dog into the bike basket for a slow cruise on the trail at our house if these people weren't walking 10-wide like teenagers in a shopping mall. I just don't feel like slowing from 8mph to 2mph to toddle around folks in the dirt because they can't obey the rules and stay right.

We have a greenway on the other side of the creek to our backyard. We see people all the time when we're home.

Honestly, a lot of the "angry elite cyclist or runner" stuff propagated in this topic simply is NOT what I've actually observed in the 5 years of living on such a trail. Not just living near one...........living ON it. It is the minority situation everybody remembers. Just like the only reviews online are often angry folks showing up to vent.

The top angry encounters I've seen from our backyard:
-Some trash dirt bike kid riding on the MUP and cussing at people. He genuinely almost hit and really upset a group of ladies walking together..........I saw it, then listened to the motor and casually rode my bike past the kid's house without stopping to collect the address for the cops when I called......never saw that little fuck on a dirtbike again on the MUP.

-There's a brainless woman who treats the trail as her 10 dog-pack off leash dog park. Fuck that woman. I've had numerous issues with her and have heard other trail users get in arguments with her from my back yard while I'm doing lawn work. It's bad if I can hear more than one argument behind the house about the same person. When I run while my kids ride with me, they've almost crashed because one of her furballs almost hit one of them.

-99.9% of the time........the Strava KOM asshole that passes through is alone and it is low-volume.


The IM tattoo thing is a weird flex yourself. I'm not sure what makes a real cyclist. Sure, an IM athlete could make a good TT rider. Could. It takes a lot of assumptions to make your "flex" work. A significant amount of IM folks are "finishing time" participants. That doesn't make for a good road racer or TT racer or cyclocross racer at all. I like doing TT's. Doesn't mean I could do an IM though.
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Re: Help me be an asshole [Tri-Banter] [ In reply to ]
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Tri-Banter wrote:
Just fire up a chain saw. Plenty loud. Recognizable sound. And more useful as a self-defense tool in case you need it. Further bonus is that you can attach it to your rings/ cogs to cheat on strava segments.


For the love of Pete, when will get a "LIKE" button for this forum?? Kudos; after the apocolypse I want this bike for my Mad Max rides!!
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Re: Help me be an asshole [jhammond] [ In reply to ]
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jhammond wrote:
I live near a multi use path that's super wide (you could probably ride 3 wide in each direction if you were close), but people insist on walking/ride directly in the middle and it's getting old constantly yelling and a bell is too nice (because I'm an asshole). What's the smallest air horn I could attach to my bars that wouldn't require a gas that needs to be refilled?

This post is inspired by SoftRun, the Karen who started the "What do I do about this knucklehead?" thread.

You have already succeeded in making yourself an ass hole. You ride on a multi use path so pedestrians, runners, joggers, wheelchairs, cats, dogs etc are entitled to be there, just like you. The above mentioned crowd is not entitled to be on a path clearly marked "bikes only". Since you want to make yourself more of an ass hole, use this


It is called vuvuzela and is loud like heck. Doesn't need a gas refill. Just give a good blow, Karen.
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Re: Help me be an asshole [HardlyTrying] [ In reply to ]
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HardlyTrying wrote:

Exactly. Although the existence of "bike-specific trails" is news to me.

.

In my neck of the woods, many of the trails/paths are either marked specifically "bikes only" or at least have bike specific lanes marked off. Which inevitably means that most of the pedestrians will be going right down the middle on that broken yellow line...





"I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10, and I don't know why!"
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Re: Help me be an asshole [smartyiak] [ In reply to ]
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That would definitely help someone to be an asshole
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Re: Help me be an asshole [burnthesheep] [ In reply to ]
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The IM tattoo thing is a weird flex yourself. I'm not sure what makes a real cyclist. Sure, an IM athlete could make a good TT rider. Could. It takes a lot of assumptions to make your "flex" work. A significant amount of IM folks are "finishing time" participants. That doesn't make for a good road racer or TT racer or cyclocross racer at all. I like doing TT's. Doesn't mean I could do an IM though.[/quote]

Thanks for all the flexes...

Seems like maybe the general point and humour were missed.

For the record, have competed in road, crit, cross, TT, Mtb, downhill and “finishing time” tri over the last 47 years, so maybe there is some grounding in there. Thanks for the logic leaps though...
Last edited by: insulinpower: Aug 4, 20 13:25
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Re: Help me be an asshole [jhammond] [ In reply to ]
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just be yourself ;)

My Blog - http://leegoocrap.blogspot.com
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Re: Help me be an asshole [HardlyTrying] [ In reply to ]
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HardlyTrying wrote:
rosshm wrote:
I agree with insulinpower. If it's a multi-use trail that allows bikes, regardless of what the letter of the law is on the specifics, the spirit of it to me is multi-use trails are for cruising on a bike, a leisurely ride. If I want to get a workout in, the roads or bike-specific trails are the place for that.


Exactly. Although the existence of "bike-specific trails" is news to me.


I was mostly thinking of mountain biking-type trails, some place technical enough that you're unlikely to encounter a lot of strollers or Corgis or inexperienced non-courteous users even if it's not by law a "don't travel here by any means other than a bike or we'll cane you" type of place.
Last edited by: rosshm: Aug 4, 20 15:30
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Re: Help me be an asshole [jhammond] [ In reply to ]
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jhammond wrote:
Tri-Banter wrote:
Just fire up a chain saw. Plenty loud. Recognizable sound. And more useful as a self-defense tool in case you need it. Further bonus is that you can attach it to your rings/ cogs to cheat on strava segments.



This has potential. A solid weight penalty but I like the aero profile

It would do a serious public service on some of the bike trails I've seen to set this up with a hedge trimmer rather than chainsaw attachment, oriented vertically and offset from one of the handlebars. More dangerous to the rider though and less aero.
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Re: Help me be an asshole [jhammond] [ In reply to ]
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Because you haven't already pulled the trigger on the air horn; you're NOT an asshole

Because you're asking people who - by identifying as triathletes - ARE assholes, how to be one, you're NOT an asshole

By editing your post to say "this is a joke" you're NOT an asshole

Sorry, dude ... there's just no way you can be an asshole; sorry

"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin
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Re: Help me be an asshole [RandMart] [ In reply to ]
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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin
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Re: Help me be an asshole [jhammond] [ In reply to ]
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I love this post.

Jimmy S.
Last edited by: fireluv: Aug 5, 20 17:02
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Re: Help me be an asshole [fireluv] [ In reply to ]
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Make a recording of an outright nasty coughing fit. Put it on a loop with speakers and go for a ride. I bet people would run from you. Any it would be a real asshole maneuver to boot.
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Re: Help me be an asshole [blackey] [ In reply to ]
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blackey wrote:
Make a recording of an outright nasty coughing fit. Put it on a loop with speakers and go for a ride. I bet people would run from you. Any it would be a real asshole maneuver to boot.

This is a riot, you had me laughing out loud
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Re: Help me be an asshole [twcronin] [ In reply to ]
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twcronin wrote:
jhammond wrote:
Tri-Banter wrote:
Just fire up a chain saw. Plenty loud. Recognizable sound. And more useful as a self-defense tool in case you need it. Further bonus is that you can attach it to your rings/ cogs to cheat on strava segments.



This has potential. A solid weight penalty but I like the aero profile

It would do a serious public service on some of the bike trails I've seen to set this up with a hedge trimmer rather than chainsaw attachment, oriented vertically and offset from one of the handlebars. More dangerous to the rider though and less aero.

Does, does that chainsaw already have blood on it?
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Re: Help me be an asshole [jhammond] [ In reply to ]
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Just spend more time at Costco. Observe how people navigate chaotically down the aisles, randomly stop or go against the natural traffic flow or cut people off. Probably similar at Walmart. Generally people with no self awareness. Do that and your path problem will seem trivial.
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Re: Help me be an asshole [jhammond] [ In reply to ]
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjNXQ3DTMIY

"I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10, and I don't know why!"
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