I blame internet and in particular mobile devices. Couple of hours at most and I want to try something different. Reading is the worst. Used to be able to concentrate on books and read for hours. Can't do that anymore. Nearly everyone I know is saying the same.

guadzilla,

I felt much more pressure in my adolescence and young adulthood to be social than I did to be a hardcore athlete, but that was several decades ago so maybe pressures are different now. Thankfully, that peer pressure faded as I got older. People are different and should do what makes them happy.

I've been doing this stuff long enough (20+ years) that all my friends are endurance athletes. The idea of socializing without some associated activity seems a bit foreign to me. I guess we hang out with the neighbors at times, but that seems to be mostly unplanned.

Family is a different matter though those obligation decline as you get older too.

Wait, I'm confused by this. I'm not into fishing so perhaps this is just my ignorance of it.

Are you saying that when you go fishing you then have to pay someone else $50/lb for the fish that you catch? Seriously?

The older I get, the less I care what societal expectations are and conforming with them.
What other people think of me is none of my concern.

To quote Richard Feynman, "What do you care what other people think?"

I fully agree. However, I don't think that's what the OPs dilemma is about at all. Spending time with your family and making compromises for the benefit of others, and yourself, is not the same as caving to societal expectations. I'm guessing his family invite him along because they like spending time with him and want him to be a part of their lives and activities. I really doubt they keep inviting him just because it's the done thing.

I'm all for ignoring social norms and not worrying what people think of me, I've done it all my life - it was much harder in the 80s and early 90s!
However, I think it's vitally important not to confuse that with just being a selfish a$#hole. Ironically it's now become very socially acceptable to say you're not bothered about what society expects, but I've noticed a lot of the people saying that appear to be using it as an easy excuse for disregarding others. Many social norms are outdated, irrelevant, harmful, or just plain stupid. But many are useful and necessary for a smooth running, efficient and respectful society.
Disregarding societal expectations without being an a$#hole requires more thought, not less, and more effort, not less.

To the OP - Does it have to be one or the other? Could you not train some weeks and fish others?
Or explain that the fishing isn't really working for you, but you'd like to do something together, and suggest some other activity to do from time to time and you'd join them for that. Maybe alternate it with the fishing. If it's something that takes less of the day, maybe you can still fit in training those days.

If you spend $2000 on a fishing trip and come back with 40 lbs of fish that’s equivalent to paying $50/lb for the fish. Of course the fish are just a byproduct of the trip.

Oh sorry, I get it now. That was dense of me

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

I’m a socially-friendly introvert, so liked the time away that training provided, but training also became my social life. Trained with clubs, which extended to creating “inner circle” training groups and then socializing with the same people evenings and weekends. We also planned training vacations away together, attended the same training camps, etc.

The real problem became when I could no longer be active or even mobile due to health reasons and there was no longer that common bond. Plus energetic, healthy people generally don’t want to see one of their own sick and disabled. It’s a bummer.

Looking forward to replicating that again now that I’m back at it.

The extent of my social life is at races. Get together with like minded folks every two weeks or so for a couple hours is all I need.
I enjoy alone time. In my 35 years in the sport Ive never trained with other people. I relish the time by myself.

your dad will die one day and wont be there forever - try to make every other fishing trip. What time do they leave? maybe squeeze in a run before hand

the "average" person hang out stuff - I'm totally with you on that, I enjoy a beer as well, but after a few hard workouts and at 6pm with dinner, etc.

on your death bed you are not going to say "i wish i did more 50 mile rides". you are going to say "i wish i spent more time with the people that matter most".

exactly - there are 2 aspects here:
1. do you want to be solo or social?
2. what do you want to be doing?

there are not necessarily any right or wrong answers to either and they are not necessarily tied to ech other. most things can be done in some way either solo or in a group and it is fine to be social or not (as long as you're not actively anti-social).

if other people don't want to be doing the same things as you then that is as much their fault/problem as it is yours, especially if their preference is for unhealthy drinking etc whereas yours is for healthy exercise (despite what the majority of society may think).

Maybe you could talk to them and somehow fit your training in the day. Ride part of the trip to the water, run some, and then swim to the fishing spot (or part of the trip to the fishing spot).

I think it depends on "training" too. How long have you been doing this sport? Have you just been introduced and feel like you need to dive into it full bore to race? If you always feel like you need to train then you are probably going to burnout if you don't have a break built in after a race, and since we really don't have many races scheduled now, I'd view the current time as "offseason-mode"

I've been racing long distance triathlons for over ten years and love it. I think the common element for not getting burnt out in the short-term (which I've seen a ton of people do) is viewing a bike ride as just a fun activity instead of training. All in all, a fun weekend for me involves meeting my 2-4 guys for 3-6 hours of riding with some chit-chatting and trash talking after attacking each other on climbs.

I think COVID sort of exposed this viewpoint. As a single person I really had no other home duties during quarantine and my part of the country had one of the better weather springs in years. I felt like my only options were to stay home and watch netflix, then maybe start drinking, or get outside and just enjoy being outside a few hours on my bike. I noticed that some of my other single friends were logging really long rides too. I think it wasn't because we felt like riding the bike that long was needed for training, but more because it kept us away from a bad mental place and just staying away from destructive habits from just sitting around the house.

Well, your answer is to associate with the folks who share your interests.

I used to hang out in a VW car group, not my thing any more.

I will say the #1 confusion I see is among groups who can't decide whether to be "fun" groups where the goal is simply exercise, exploration, and coffee stops..........and "competitive" groups and teams.

It seems like the competitive folks still like to have some fun once in a while and dial it back and relate to similar folks, but the fun groups always seem to want to give in to their natural human instinct to compete.

Never fails seeing coffee rides on weekends have people get mad they're going to get dropped. Well, the group keeps posting up about how hard their "train" pulls and fast they are. Then that attracts the wrong crowd. Then folks get offended.

It's a compromise, but I stopped going to the "fun" coffee rides because I would essentially have to pull the entire ride to get a training stimulus worth my limited time. And that'd be rude, so I don't do that. That's needed once in a while, that easy rolling long ride. But with short on time, I find myself doing the long Z2 rides solo. 2 to 4 hours alone on the bike.

I'm not mad or disappointed, just is what it is.

bingo - easy compromise to ask them to stop fishing for 15 minutes every two hours. Then, you swim 1000 meters or whatever x 4 - thats a good workout right there!

You're not trying hard enough to make it work - I wonder what other glaring inefficiencies you have with your training

Even professional triathletes have a balanced life involving family and friends. Just look at their Instagram. Sure there are a lot of training pictures, but there are also pictures of personal experiences. Do yourself a favor and give yourself and loved ones a day without the training routine. It will do you some good.

You know, for those of us with an obsession for swim/bike/run, it's attractive to know what's the rule for this kind of thing. I certainly like to be able to come up with a formula to navigate this type of complex situation.

But in this case, there's an inherently complex tradeoff between your training, which you love. And doing things with people, who you also love in some way, even if you don't especially love what they like doing.

I felt a little calmer when I realized it's just an ongoing negotiation between different important priorities. Sometimes you'll solve the problem one way, sometimes another. There's nobody I know who truly values exercise, family, friends, work who says: "I've got the balance all figured out!" It's a never-ending process.

I wouldn't use instagram as an accurate window into other's lives' but I do agree with your sentiment

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swim.bike.run.soccer

Speaking of reddit and this song.... this popped up on the front page today:
https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/h000tq/til_despite_his_success_as_a_musician_harry/

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swim.bike.run.soccer

Wow great responses, thanks everyone!

1) I need to make time for important people in life. I mentioned the skiing thing, I think I was way worse back then in terms of being myopic and possessive of my hobbies and free time. Wife and kids have changed that, that is good and great and I love it.
(been married 15 years with 11 and 5 year old)

2) I need to find some folks to 'train' with. I like the talk about fun groups vs competitive groups. I haven't been in a group since high school cross country. Which leads to seeing and recognizing glaring inefficiencies in my training from out side perspective.(thanks that was a good one)

I have been consistent top 5 in most of the local running races in town (500-1500 runners) and would really like to nail a couple top spots in the next few years.

Like I said I can only manage this 5-15 hr/wk because it is flexible. I am hard pressed to put it out there to meet with people and then not know if they are on the same page. First inefficiency is that I have to work in construction which has immediate impact on fatigue levels and ability to really recover. Though I try to stay positive call it 'active recovery/ construction yoga' and maybe in the end it has helped. Functional core strength, endurance, patience... might be good for something.

I'm tapering this week and planning on a solo half marathon time trial this weekend. unless dad asks real nice to go fishing I guess lol

I thought of this when I was hanging out with my 'best friend' last week. She is the one that started to call us best friends, but I am unsure how this relationship has evolved over time.

We used to work together in some capacity, but not anymore. She has called us BFFs since day 1 and its not like she gives out this title to everyone, only a select few - but I did admit that we vibed on the same level.

But, she is crazy. Sometimes physically violent. I think she has deep-seated unresolved mental issues. I don't know what is up, but she has gained weight and drinks a lot more than before and gets hammered and isn't fun to be around. Not only that, but she asks me if she 'is fat' and I avoid the answer but lately have been saying yes as she has gotten big. She has punched me in the gut for saying this to her. I think anger management is another unresolved issue here.

So I go to a small 'pool party' they had and I brought a cooler full of La Croix, and they are all drinking and I don't really care about image, but I would prefer just to drink La Croix most of the time unless I'm not driving or something. Everyone gets hammered to the point that its drama and not fun to be around and I'm just wishing I was on my trainer with solid beats coming through getting some productive training in. If I'm not driving, sure I'll throw back a few.

So I understand the feeling of just wanting to be training. Not only that, but I politely said I was leaving and she broke into this "I love you" shit and she is married and I didn't know wtf was going on and tried to open the door to leave and she jumped in front of me and held the door and I said "I'm significantly stronger than you, I can force the door" and then she bit me pretty hard on my bicep. I'm actually sort of pissed at her for this and find this behavior ridiculous. Yeah - I'd rather be training.

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https://www.strava.com/...tes/zachary_mckinney

Yeah like others have said and you indicated to it's just about priorities and having goals. Getting like minded friends really helps. I was in the category before taking SBR seriously that the weekends were primarily for yard work, cookouts, the pool and alcohol with friends. And that doesn't really align with staying fit and pushing the limits, but when I met a few friends who did the same thing we turned those weekends into training weekends and then had healthy dinners afterwards together with the families and limited the alcohol to acceptable levels b/c in those circles the underlying goal is understood. My other friends and most of my secondary family spend the weekends drinking beer from the pool or garage, or go hunting and fishing and just write me off as not enjoying life, but my enjoyment in life is a much different idea, as is yours from the sounds of it, so keep doing you and meet some like minded friends who you can socialize with while doing what you enjoy. You're definitely not the only one. Triathlon is certainly a lonely sport as it compares to other sports and the more focused you are on your goals the more polarized that gets. Best of luck!