Last time I got bloodwork done, I din't have to go back to the Dr to review the results; they just left me a voicemail

"Hello Mr Mart, your bloodwork came back. It's fairly normal"

FAIRLY NORMAL???!!! What the fuck is that!!

I called back and was assured me that "everything was within acceptable ranges; nothing to worry about"

Then why the fuck didn't you say THAT on the voicemail???

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

I do. Every time a doctor asks when I last had a tetanus shot, I always say about 6 mos ago. I haven't had a tetanus shot in 50 years.

no, I lay it all out.

In your case you could tell the doc that with the rising costs of drinks at the bar, paying the copay for a prostate exam is a lot cheaper and a sure thing.

Women have prostates??

some do.

Also, women have a Scene gland which is referred to as the "female prostate."

That's because they didn't have all the vaccines when she was born. Clearly, they are making us more sick.

There's a "causing a scene" joke in there someplace, but I'm not gonna go looking for it

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

Hysterical.

Never. I have a weird thing with healthcare providers, for whom I drop any and all inhibitions. I'm as open a book as I can be. (I'll drop trou for any doc, nurse, tech, whatever. I literally don't care one iota about it.)

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War is god

I don't lie, I just bend over.

Exactly!!!

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

I aim to please.