The guy next to me at physical therapy learned he had a daughter from a college fling in his 60s. Actually sounds like he’s really excited and they are enjoying the new connection.

She found him through DNA testing.

I need to figure out when his next physical therapy appointment is so I can hear more about how it all plays out...

Guy in his 60s having a fling w/ a co-ed deserves high-fives all around! I'd be really excited too.

But I take it that's not what you meant...

The details between the siblings were different, but not a lot. One sibling might show Irish heritage at 49% and the other might be 47%. The differences in the %'s didn't seem significant to us, but it wasn't the first thing that tipped my wife off.

Prior to the discovery, she had two half sisters (from her mom's first marriage) and two full sisters. Ancestry uses different categories to classify your family relationships, i.e., immediate family, close family, etc. (I'm not 100% certain those are the exact descriptions). When my wife looked at the categories, she noticed she fell into the same category as her half sisters. When she began to look at the details, she noticed that she didn't have any of her dad's relatives listed, but she had these "new" family members that she had never heard off.

One thing about her discovery, her biological father (BF) or his other children never had their DNA tested. But his first cousin had his DNA tested and BF was an only child. By process of elimination and some basic Google searching, we were able to find him.

I know Mr. Sand your situation has some deceased parties. But if all parties are alive and well, does one have the ethical grounds to bring this all to light? Or are old stones best left unturned? This could cause holy hell in a lot of situations. Interesting ethics class discussions pending.

My wife was a blood banker. (the person that types and crosses blood units for transfusion) At least a couple times a year they would get a call from someone asking if it is possible to get such and so blood type if the parents were this and that? They knew the answer but referred them to their doctor.That was in the 1970s up till her retirement a few years ago. I am sure this debate has been going on for a hundreds of years. Mom!!!!!!!!??????

Not "Dad". Dad.

If he was there for her while she was growing up and treated her as his own then he is/was her Dad.

Biological father is just the sperm donor. Nothing more.

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How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

The ethical side of this decision was a huge consideration for my wife. She struggled with this decision for several months and obtaining a health history, for her and our kids, was really important to her.

Once she was confident she knew the identity of her biological father, she met with her sisters and "asked for their blessing" with trying to meet this man. She was conflicted and didn't want to be disrespectful to her dad. If her dad was alive, she wouldn't have searched for her BF.

We were able to determine her BF was no longer married to the woman he had cheated on. She ultimately reached out to her BF's cousin (whom she had made contact with via Ancestry and had begun to establish a relationship). He contacted the BF and gave him the option of a meeting so it was the BF's ultimate decision to meet my wife. (Ironically, it was his current wife that encouraged him to meet with my wife). If he had decided he didn't want to meet, I don't know what would have happened.

There were positives and negatives from this whole process. On the positive, her BF had learned about my wife shortly after her birth and had struggled with his guilt over not being involved in her life. Their meeting has given him some peace. She has some new siblings and has begun to establish relationships with them, although not all of her new siblings have embraced her, which isn't surprising. There were some health considerations she learned about which now being monitored for her and our kids.

On the negative side, she has experienced a lot of emotional lows and is still quite emotional. She has a lot of anger towards her mom and can't understand how she could have engaged in this type of behavior. And as a byproduct of this process, my wife learned her mother was a serial cheater. Her opinion of her mother is understandably low.

If my wife had the opportunity to do it all over, I think she would still seek out her BF, but it has introduced a lot of turmoil.

Your initial question about the ethical considerations is valid and I don't know what's the "right" answer.

You are correct. Although, one of the aspects she has struggled with, is how her dad interacted with her throughout her life. My wife always felt as if she wasn't treated the same as her full sisters and has indicated she never felt loved by her dad. I also noticed the different treatment when we began dating but never understood why.

Looking back, she has a great appreciation for how hard this was for her dad and has finally accepted how difficult is was for her dad to love her.