I’m not know for longish post but I wanted to reach out to a few people who I meet today:
If you want to know how bad Arkansas drivers are just ride a bike on any road in the state. During my 4 hour bike wind blown suck -fest today I got to meet several and a few deserve a shout out!
1. Deer Hunter#1 who stopped in the middle of the road: Yes, I saw the deer too. I could see the hair on your back bristle and your blaze orange ball cap tingle looking like my dog when he is on point but did you really need to stop our Monster Truck in the middle of the road to look at a deer eating grass? Yes that was me passing you, the skinny guy wearing sissy pants on a bike and I know you have killed thousands of them but dude its just a deer.
2. Deer Hunter #2. Just because your Big O’ Truck can pull a trailer with your 4W drive buggy on it at 80mph doesn’t mean you should. If your running late to the deer stand next time stay off Farmersonly.com late night and you will not over sleep.
3. Blond Lady on her phone and doing her hair: Mama I do appreciate the effort you are putting into looking good. Lord knows we need more of that but doing it while driving downhill around a curve with no hands on the wheel and almost hitting me is a but much.
4. The Pulaski County Road Department: Thank you sirs for paving every damn inch of road in the county with chip and seal. I know you did this out of concern for my training, thinking that bumpy roads will help. I can report that 10 zillion bumps in your roads were felt straight up my b-hole. Mission accomplished.
5. Crazy dude with a lazy eye. Thank you kind sir for offering me a ride. Despite that Deliverance look on your face I know your intentions were pure. See the bike thing under me has wheels so no thank you. I can get myself home.
Honorable mention:
1. Mother Nature. Thank you for the crosswinds today. It was because of Jesus and me white knuckling my handle bars that I didn’t crash.
2. Portly Lady in her front yard who waived at me. Madam I know you bought your clothes and have every right to wear them but coochie-cutter shorts and a tiny tank top, while being a bold fashion statement is brave, looking like 240lbs of chewed bubble gum rapped up in dental floss was so 1980’s.
If you want to know how bad Arkansas drivers are just ride a bike on any road in the state. During my 4 hour bike wind blown suck -fest today I got to meet several and a few deserve a shout out!
1. Deer Hunter#1 who stopped in the middle of the road: Yes, I saw the deer too. I could see the hair on your back bristle and your blaze orange ball cap tingle looking like my dog when he is on point but did you really need to stop our Monster Truck in the middle of the road to look at a deer eating grass? Yes that was me passing you, the skinny guy wearing sissy pants on a bike and I know you have killed thousands of them but dude its just a deer.
2. Deer Hunter #2. Just because your Big O’ Truck can pull a trailer with your 4W drive buggy on it at 80mph doesn’t mean you should. If your running late to the deer stand next time stay off Farmersonly.com late night and you will not over sleep.
3. Blond Lady on her phone and doing her hair: Mama I do appreciate the effort you are putting into looking good. Lord knows we need more of that but doing it while driving downhill around a curve with no hands on the wheel and almost hitting me is a but much.
4. The Pulaski County Road Department: Thank you sirs for paving every damn inch of road in the county with chip and seal. I know you did this out of concern for my training, thinking that bumpy roads will help. I can report that 10 zillion bumps in your roads were felt straight up my b-hole. Mission accomplished.
5. Crazy dude with a lazy eye. Thank you kind sir for offering me a ride. Despite that Deliverance look on your face I know your intentions were pure. See the bike thing under me has wheels so no thank you. I can get myself home.
Honorable mention:
1. Mother Nature. Thank you for the crosswinds today. It was because of Jesus and me white knuckling my handle bars that I didn’t crash.
2. Portly Lady in her front yard who waived at me. Madam I know you bought your clothes and have every right to wear them but coochie-cutter shorts and a tiny tank top, while being a bold fashion statement is brave, looking like 240lbs of chewed bubble gum rapped up in dental floss was so 1980’s.