You're absolutely right Mark, you're a lucky man. But remember- you get out what you put in. So the quality of your relationship not only says a lot about your companion, it speaks volumes about what kind of a person you are.

I appreciate your note. It offers a little ray of hope in a pretty barren world world of selfish, self-serving and cruel people.

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Tom Demerly
The Tri Shop.com

Yeah ... bit did you get "laid"? That's all that really matters (making a joke about the relationships thread)

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Man, you really "get it" (your lady really gets it). You hear the music. Unfortunately,those that are deaf cannot. It is virtually impossible for those that hear the music to describe to the deaf how beautiful the music really is. Someday, hopefully they will hear it, and when they do, they will realise it's beauty. Unfortunately, many folks never hear the music, but they keep buying CD's.

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Y'know this means it's "your turn" to clean the bathroom, right?

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-- Every morning brings opportunity;
Each evening offers judgement. --

You BASTARD :-)

I normally love hearing about others having a great day. I've even posted several great day experiences here myself.

Your's made me sad however.

I love my wife dearly and with all my heart. I love triathlon too among other things. I have totally the opposite response from her however.

As noted in a previous response, you both hear the music. Whats frustrating is that I hear the music (glass is half full) but my wife is deaf (figuritively) and the glass is half empty. It's great that you have interests and support each other in them. For nearly 23 years I have been trying to find out if my wife is interested in ANYTHING. I don't care what it is, I'll support her in it. I just want her to have an interest other than wanting to sit down (or if she's sitting down, to lie down).

I used to take my mobile phone riding with me in case of bonking or breakdown. I know however that I wouldn't get a favourable response if I ever DID call home. She's said not to bother calling! Once, just at the start of a long monster hill at the end of a very hot 90 mile ride, with traffic whizzing by my ear, I heard my phone ring. "Hi honey" I said " What's up?" "Do you have any money?" "A couple of bucks" I replied. "Great, can you pick up a bag of lemons for me on your way home?" This meant a detour of several miles, just when I didn't need it.

What were the lemons for? A Lemon meringue pie for her boss! I didn't even get a slice!

Anyway, I try to listen to the music coming from the half full glass of life and manage it most times. I just wish it was stereo and my wife could hear it too.

TriDork :-(

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TriDork

"Happiness is a myth. All you can hope for is to get laid once in a while, drunk once in a while and to eat chocolate every day"

OK, I'm continuing on this thread with a bit of levity even though it is an opposite direction of the original post. Yes, I know I am ranting....

Last summer I was on my regular Saturday 50 mile ride with two friends. Normally, we finish the the ride around 1:00pm, and my girlfriend and I usually get together after I get home and get showered. For the record, she is NOT into bikes, swimming or running. On this particular Saturday we didn't have firm plans, just a promise of getting together 'whenever I got home'.

50 miles into the ride and we were all feeling fresh and happy. It was a nearly perfect day to be riding out along the farmlands and we decided to make it a 75 mile day. Stupidly of me, I crashed going up a hill 2 miles from my car and got a bad case of road rash. I wiped the blood off and rode back to the car. As my girlfriend is a nurse, I drove directly to her house instead of going home first. I limp to her door, bleeding from generally the entire right side of my body ( elbows, hip, knees, ankles,) and after she opens the door she starts screaming about how I was 2 hours 'late'! Again, we had no plans for a specific time to meet. I was standing in her doorstep, bleeding, and getting bitched out for keeping her waiting. ARGH!

Your only mistake was to completely and utterly misunderstand that "soft" plans are "granite hard" plans to her. She can change her mind at any given time however, and keep you waiting.

You should have:

1) Gone to hospital (they keep records of your visit)

2) Called her from the hospital

3) Told her you fell off about an hour BEFORE you did (to keep the times correct and that you actually fell off BEFORE the confirmed time (in her mind) you were supposed to meet her)

4) Shown up at her place, showered, bandaged and with flowers saying how you were sorry for being late.

5) Promise to spend the insurance money, NOT on new bike, but on jewellery for her.

OR... you could go with the simple option.

1) get a new girlfriend! She's not your wife and you have no kids together right? Move on, while its not too late. (Pick up your next girlfriend at your next tri) (the bandages should help get sympathy from propsective future wives. At least you'll be able to see how she is likely to reacts to your next bike accident)

TriDork



p.s. ;-)

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TriDork

"Happiness is a myth. All you can hope for is to get laid once in a while, drunk once in a while and to eat chocolate every day"

Wow. My complaints just decreased.

My wife hates the fact that I spend money on traiathlon training stuff. She hates that when I'm asked what I want for presents I say "triathlon stuff". She hates that I train for 2 hours a day. She would much rather I take an interest in "Trading Spaces" (TV show) and fashion, so we could go clothes shopping all the time.

She tolerates (and somewhat supports) my training b/c she knows it makes me happier than I would be without it.

No way she would follow me like the 1st guy's lady did, but she would come get me. If I got hurt she wouldn't say "I told you this was stupid", she would say "but you're still going to train tomorrow, right?" ... because she knows me and knows I'm a stupid wanna be macho guy.

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Of course, this means that instead of plopping down on the couch after training and relaxing for a bit, I come home and hang up shelves, assemble cabinets, etc .... because it makes her happy.

You dp it not because "you owe her one", but because it makes her happy. Vice-versa.

I know a lot of couples that are together, but are not "in love".

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-- Every morning brings opportunity;
Each evening offers judgement. --

I guess there is a little bit of angst out there for folks and their relationships. I don't know...maybe it's because I married late and had lots of perspective and experiences, maybe because we just are similar in the way we see the world, heck maybe because we decided not to have kids, but we have been married now for almost 5 years and it has really worked.

We both teach, work hard it, then use our breaks for our respective and mutual interests. Eri hangs in well in the bike shops, goes to the races and runs while I'm out on the bike leg, looks forward to the Ironman broadcasts and pretty much understands why there are four different wheelsets hanging from the garage walls. I'll hang in with talk about dressage helmets and breeches and she'll let me covet a new Kestrel, Cervelo, QR, etc. I guess things could change, but I, knock on wood, don't see it happening.



Hang in there guys...give a little, get a lot!

Mark

Dude, that's AWESOME. You are very lucky indeed to have found such a supportive partner, and I only hope that your support of her exceeds even this. May you be happy together evermore.

And...

given that Gopha hasn't said it yet...

"Does she have a sister?"

---

<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

Man, I gotta get in on this.

Last weekend I was out on the bike with my training partner, when the weather closed in real quick. Sun was shining when I left home, so bare legs and arms were the order of the day. When the weather turned it did so with alarming pace. I was stuck out with the training partner is gale force winds, sleet and hail blowing into my face, stinging the eyes and making it hard to see even 10m in front. I was riding as hard as I could, and still only going 15km/hr.

When I got blown from one side of the road to the other into oncoming traffic without moving the handlebars, I made the call to my lovely girlfriend. (I have never bailed out on a ride before due to weather, but this was amazing.)

She was there in 20mins, cancelled all her plans for the morning, and arrived with two fresh towels, a change of clothes, a bottle of Gatorade, a banana and the promise of running a nice hot bath for me when we got home. She was my Knight in Shining Armour.

This is just another example of why I would lay down in traffic for her. It made me smile just thinking of her while I was writing it.

I, too, feel very fortunate that I have a loving and supportive wife. She may not be an Ironwoman but she is definitely an Ironmom. The only running my wife does is after our beautiful 20 month old little girl. The only swimming she does is in the shallow end of our pool with once again our 20 month old little girl. The only biking she does is up and down the street on her comfort bike. She has no aspirations of ever doing a triathlon but she understands wholeheartedly my desires of completing a full IM. She is my best coach and motivator. It is she who leaves me little notes on the screen of the treadmill in my garage encouraging me to train hard and stay motivated. It is she who makes sure my cycling shorts and jerseys are clean and hanging up awaiting the next ride. It is she who cleans my water bottles. It is she who has my protein drink mixed and ready for me to guzzle down as I'm racing the clock getting ready for work after a morning work-out. It is she that I can call upon when I have a tube blow-out and I failed to pack my spare. It is she who understands my tenacity of coming home from work at midnight and riding the trainer or lifting weights or running on the treadmill instead of cuddling up next to her and watching the late show. It is she who allows me to purchase the new QR Tiphoon and other triathlon gizmos with no questions asked and without having to go out and spend tit for tat. It is she who brings a healthy dinner to work for me so that I am not subjected to the unhealthy cafeteria food or take-out. It is she who sits patiently at the computer waiting to on-line register me for my next race. It is she who awaits for my return home after the Saturday morning group ride knowing fully that I am hanging out at the LBS after the ride talking bikes and tri's. And the list of niceties goes on and on. I am very lucky and fortunate that my wife understands how important this sport and goal of completing an IM is to me. I could not do it without her. So far she has always been there for me and I know she always will be. She picks me up when I'm down and kicks me in the A double S when I'm feeling lazy. I know when I'm finally crossing that finish line she will be there rooting me on just like she has done from day 1 of this athletic endeavor.

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Team Endurance Nation

you're a very luck man. i keep waiting for the day that i will meet a girl that will take my heart away (or what's left of it anyway...) and be there to do this kind of stuff...

in my last relationship, i was always trying to do stuff like this, little surprises just to show i cared, and it was never really appreciated...

you are definitly a lucky man...never forget that :D

best of luck!



-kevin

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"Anyone can work hard when they want to; Champions do it when they don't."

Well done Mark. I think a lot about this subject as my wife is very similar to your wife, but some of my close training buddies have entirely unsupporting wives.

My take is that people with obssessive passions like us, require mates with similarly obssessive passions, hopefully in sports. My wife played college tennis and continues to play competitively throughout the state. I support her 100%. She takes all the lessons, clinics, etc., she wants and needs, and I never say a word. She goes to tournaments all the time. I work them around my training or we get a sitter. The key is she lives to compete. He even makes me putt out gimmes (yes, she kicks butt in golf too) - now that is competitive!

She therefore understands why I feel compelled to abuse myself on a regular basis. She understands why I need new toys. She understands when I'm not around. And she understands how critical it is to train.

Some of my friends have chosen trophy "wives" (and incidentally, I think my wife is hot, and the fact that she is athletic, is the bonus). There wives are hot. The downside is that they play no sports, live to shop, adorn themselves with jewelry, hang out at the club, join sorority-esque groups, etc. In short, they ended up with the high-maintenance spouse and requires an inordinate amount of attention. These types of spouses (and could be guys too), require too much and will drain you.

Take the time to really meet the person that you intend to bunk down with!

here is a slightly different take on the subject matter.

when i signed up for my first tri - IMMOO i came home and told my wife about it. i could not swim at all at the time, and of course she laughed at me and was like " good luck, fool !"

next day, i went back online and signed HER wise-a$$ self up, in order to have the last laugh, nyuck nyuck. she asked " how much does the freaking ironman cost? " i answered, "you do not want to know - but you had best get training or i will tell you".

my wife rocks most heavily.

Hey, I can't complain either. 14 years, support through 11 Ironmans, countless tris, marathons and ski races, a wonderful 7 year old son, and last week, my wife just gave me the blessing to head to France for 2 weeks mid summer to ride my face off on all the big Cols and be in Alpe d'huez on Jul 21 for the TdF uphill individual TT. I guess she really knows what I live for and has supported me throughout. Of course, I'd likely be told to head to the basement and run on the treadmill if there was any risk on not being able to make it home ! I really try to go out of my way, so the rest of my family's life is as "normal" as possble by not incoveniencing them by my tri activities. Seems to work OK :-).



Dev

You are a lucky guy, Mark. On that same, cold, windy, Northern Illinois morning my g/f was running by my side (until she got bored because I was only running at an 8:30 pace). The night before we rode side-by-side on the trainers. I guess that is a different kind of support. We have been living and training together for three years and I really, really appreciate it.

Good luck with the calf strain.

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David

I let my wife buy a horse for $18,000. I have marital credits 'til the cows come home.

Ken Lehner

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"Go yell at an M&M"

My wife doesn't really dig the time and money that I stick into triathlon, but she knows it makes me happy, so she puts up with it. I promised her I won't do any IM's this year, so I'm in good graces for now.

But before we started having kids, I made a great deal. I needed a bike, so I agreed to have 2 kids if I could get a new P2K, and 3 kids would get me a P3.

Well, I bought the P2K first, we just had our second kid last week, and she's already talking about No. 3. So I'm already lining up for a P3, and if we go all the way and have 4 kids, the Big EE has clearance to buy any bike he wants.

I love kids, and I love bikes. I'm just gonna keep acquiring both!

- Big EE

Count me as one of the lucky ones. It was my wife that got me into tri in the first place. I'm the thrifty in in the family. I bought my bikes secondhand. She always buys new.

wow.... what a great thread.

by the way, 0 degrees in minnesota, and i did not go out today. took a trip to trainer city.

my wife is my best piece of equipment. amazing geometry and what a set of wheels. oh... and that saddle! ironmom of 4 (5 if you include me). most of all.... she lets me pursue my hobby WITHOUT the monkey on my back. i know the difference well, because i used to not communicate well. if i told her on friday that i was going for a long ride on saturday, she would let me go, but i could feel the tension throughout every limb in my body (the monkey on my back). on a group ride, it is not hard to spot the guys (yes it seems to always be guys), that are walking a tight rope.

we have learned how to communicate, and it all comes down to expectations, and meeting those expectations by planning well.

she supports me because training makes me happy and healthy. amazing what a difference a long run/ride can make to my overall well being. clears the mind of junk. great time spent with buddies. burn some calories. i return better than when i left.

fortunately, i do not work mega hours. i work banker's hours, and have a 3 minute commute. i am able pursue family, career, and training. if i had to give something up.... i realize that training is the gravy, and that would be the first thing to go. i am not lance armstrong, i am a very fit ward cleaver.

i need to express my appreciation to her more often. she is so amazing, and i am so lucky for it.

relationships require work. we have a great marriage, but we also are taking marriage classes through our church. why should a marriage be approached any differently than planning for a season of training? we all know there is nothing wrong with a coach.

i'm living the dream and i have HER to thank for it. thanks for the reminder.

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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day - Homer Simpson

Well, I can't quite beat that story, but my wife is pretty awesome too.

She got up at 8:00 AM Sunday(I know this sounds late to us tri-geeks, but that's still Saturday to normal folks) to be my timer for the USMS One Hour Swim. (I have trouble timing the 100 Free at local meets, so I know it can't be easy!) Then she spent the rest of the day encouraging me and telling me I did great when I had awful results due to 87 degree water. HELLO!!! Who heats their pool to 87 degrees?!?

She even went to Tupper Lake(Land of Nothing To Do) with me last year for the Tinman race.

The way I see it, any man or woman who is lucky enough to have someone who will tolerate the crap we put them through as triathletes deserves much appreciation from us. It taxes a relationship as much as going to graduate school would, but without the possiblity of financial reward.

Truly, we are blessed.

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My wife is cool. She likes but doesn't love the multisport thing. she dabbles in racing. She supported me for a year when I was racing tri's full time. She didn't support me rock climbing after I gave up all endurance activities for 2 yrs. She did support me after I got back into it. I love running and riding with her some, cheering her on in races etc.
She did bitch at me for interrupting her reading after I crashed at a crit and came home w/ 2 broken bones and a bloody calf, shoulder and arm. other than that she's a real trooper.
No matter what the significant other is interested in if they support you turn the tables by supporting the and reap the rewards.

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Brian Stover USAT LII
Accelerate3 Coaching
Insta