Don't make him go? Or let him do whatever he wants while you do your prep/race and then plan something fun for after the race?

Yeah, if my wife didn't want to go, I am not going to make her.

But she does go (not sure she's totally thrilled, but she isn't against it), I've gotten her VIP access, so she has a nice (ish) place to hang out and some resources. Also get her a massage (along with me). It's not easy being a spectathlete either

The hubs has been my sherpa since day 1, and he has the 0.0 magnet on his truck. That pretty much sums that up.

Key things:

1. During race weekend, make sure sherpas are fed. Food goes a LONG way. So does alcohol. My husband spent a decent chunk of my first HIM at a local dive bar and he was happy as can be in the shade with questionable light beer. I have shared maps that I put together with local interesting restaurants and bars that I think he'd enjoy.

2. Do not force them to do anything when they put up resistance. This just leads to strife that lasts long into the offseason. Don't make them carry your crap to Transition, don't make them get up with you at the asscrack of dawn to see you off if they're not morning people, and don't make them be a captive audience for the next three days when they're relieved to "have you back" to rehash every little detail about the race

3. Domestic Currency. Gone for hours on end for training? Put it on your training calendar to do all the chores, cook all the dinners, etc each day. I don't care how tired you are, you're part of a relationship that doesn't flow in one direction. Sherpas put up with a lot during training and giving back just a bit shows that you can train and still be actively engaged in other things aside from IM. Especially when the sherpa doesn't quite grasp why you're doing all of this to yourself/y'alls self.

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Level II USAT Coach | Level 3 USAC Coach | NASM-CPT
Team Zoot | Tailwind Trailblazer
I can tell you why you're sick, I just can't write you an Rx

Ok...edited my original post. Not really forcing him, I'm not like that. He had planned to come, but his fishing trip in MD got cancelled on Saturday. I'm really looking for ideas on a little package I can put together that'll help pass the day - maybe a camp chair for him to sit in while he's waiting, snacks, cooler drinks, restaurant certificiates, etc. Basically, what passes the time for a sherpa and what's a nice thing to do for them to make it easier and show your appreciation?

One more in the "don't make him go" camp. If he's already not thrilled with triathlon, being "strongly encouraged" to go to one is not going to change that for the better. But I get that it's hard for you chasing a goal and not having him there to support/share it. I would look for ways to merge your training/racing with something that interests him. For example, my hubby is a beer/whiskey guy. I've had him meet up with me post-long training ride at a local beer garden that he enjoys. Sure, that was an extra hour or so that I didn't get to shower and collapse onto the couch, but it made him really happy and we got to spend some time together.

It's a delicate balance with training and relationships and there are no easy answers. Best of luck with your training/races!

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The beatings will continue until morale improves

Kinda off-topic, but in my household -

I never take my wife/young kid to my local races. They'd find it utter torture to get up to drive to transition with me at 4:30AM for most races, let alone be bored waiting for me to arrive! I'd probably drag them to an IM if I did that but I haven't.

in contrast, my wife who is a VERY sporadic runner, occasionally gets fired up enough to run a half marathon once every few years. That's like a big family event - we drive down to the big but local race that we choose, stay in hotel, and cheer on at the start/finish.

Definitely an asymmetric situation with us!

speaking as a fly fisherman.. get him John Gierach's latest book, Gray's Sporting Journal, etc..
a light camp chair that's easy to carry around
an umbrella for the chair, useful in rain and shine
more beer

I'm looking for some suggestions on what you've done for your sherpa team during HIMs and IMs to make the days a leading up to and during the races a little more pleasant.



I think the most important thing is that you don't find things for him to do. He can look around and find things that he wants to do at his own pace and on his time. He can look at it as a holiday without feeling obligated to watch the race or do things you've organized for him.

^This

If my wife did that it would annoy the hell out of me and I would probably avoid those things. Just make sure he understands that he is free to explore other activities and let him entertain himself.

Ok - so yea - dont "make" him go. I absolutely hated when my ex "made me" do something (within reason of course).

give him the option and be honest. "Sweetie, it might suck. It is probably going to be hot/cold. It might be boring. I am not going to guilt trip you into going with "it would mean the world to me" because it is my race and it is a selfish sport. I understand all that. I would love for you to go but if you do not want, then please do not go because I don't want to feel bad"

I am willing to bet - he will still go and now that he isnt being "forced" to go he will make the most out of it because he doesn't feel like he is being guilted into it - he went on his own accord or even if it sucks then when it is done he will laugh and be like - ya - that did suck pretty bad haha you were right!

oh and lots of sexytime prior to the race. Someone i dated wanted me to do something - that was the way to do it haha 100% knew after a "long" week that I was going to be asked to do something super lame - but i was also 100% ok with that haha

I'm listening as well, everything I try just makes her hate this sport even more. 2 years ago she even did a short tri, meanwhile she is pretty alarmed with words like trainingpeaks, brick, (H)IM...
I have IMAZ later the year on my list. Currently I'll wrap that into an AZ trip with Harley Davidson ride and Las Vegas at the end. So everything non TRI related. That way she may survive that one day in Phoenix ;)

Maybe find a fly steam or at least a nice pond you can hit after the race or on the way home and have him teach you how to cast a fly rod. He might rather fish for trout but I'm sure he'll have fun watching you catch a blue gill or two. And, if that sound horrible to you, don't make him go to the race ;-)

Also, as an avid salt water fisherman...getting fishing stuff always helps!

Get some new flies for him (if you know what you are doing) and just puppy face it while you give it to him. "The race will be fun, but if you dislike it, then you can wander to the truck, grab your rod, google a stream, and go fish for 4 hours"


"GO FISH FOR 4 HOURS" - no sexier words hath a woman ever said to a man.

There is NOTHING to do in Cambridge during Eagleman. It’s pretty remote and the roads will be clogged due to the event. I’d get him a cooler of beer and let him stake out a shady spot to get comfy while you race around him.

Cheers,

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thechromedome
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