Sex: When, what, and how much to tell my kids?

When: Whenever I can get it.

What: Whatever I can get.

Tell my kids: It's none of their business.

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I don't know about when one is "suppossed" to give the sex talk, but I plan on doing something like the "sex talk" before (i.e., by the time) my kids go to school. Why then? Because chances are someone in their class knows a thing or two about sex and is gonna take great pleasure in being the ones that divulges the info to everyone else.

I'm not sure to what extent or detail I will get into, but the issue will be addressed. I may look for some "psychological boks" that my kids and I can look through together which might be more effective and/or more informative and address their needs better than a "medical talk" from me. BUt, from the books I've seen in the past regarding puberty, sex, etc ... they're more ridiculous than useful.

Actually, it's about time I got around to checking this out. Good thread topic. I'll be interested to read what other parnets have come up with. I have a 4.5yo boy and a ~20mo girl. I'm wondering if parnets have had the same talk with their boys as they did with girls?

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-- Every morning brings opportunity;
Each evening offers judgement. --

Boys vs. Girls ... I'm particularly interested in the differences of opinion there...

I'm thinking of doing much the same. Explaining the (basic) mechanics (ick!), and the purpose, and why it's not a good idea for them... yet...

I'm really not looking forward to distilling it all down to something a 5yo can grasp, though...

I expect it to be an ongoing conversation... for many years...

You've got a good point about trumping the "Guess what Johnny said!" thing...

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Yes, I too now have a Blog. Don't laugh.

I'm the proud aunt of twins (a boy and girl) who are 8! I will ask my sister if she's had the talk and let ya know! :)

as I suspected she hasn't yet! She thinks it's still to early! LOL, although she did say...

"We have talked about boys and girls are made to fit together like puzzle pieces."

My parents never told me anything.

They could have done me a service by telling me around age 11. By that time, other kids were providing all kinds of bad information. Any earlier than that would have been a waste. I'd say to tell them the summer before they start middle school. Elementary school kids, for the most part, are segregated from the older ones who have some vague, erroneous conception of sexual activity.

At 6 or 8 I wouldn't have understood - no hormones to make me think it was a good idea. At 10 I had a love-hate relationship with girls, and was still not quite convinced when they "loved" me and I "hated" them that this was quite normal.
At 15 it would have been too late for my parents to tell me anything interesting. At that point the best advice would have been "you can get things from recieving oral sex," and "when, not if, you have sex, use a condom. it's not embarrassing."

My parents elected the "say nothing" course, with no ill-effects. I was fortunate. Don't be like them.

I came from a family that was very open about this topic. When my kids (5 and 7) have asked -- and they both have -- I tell them exactly how babies are made. They're both young enough to still wonder if I'm being entirely truthful. They also have absolutely no awareness or understanding of the emotional complexities. I think it's going to be an on going dialogue, but my daughter will definitely be armed with all the info she needs by 9 or 10. When it comes to my girl, boys are predators (and punks) in my book:)

My boy, on the other hand, is a little oblivious and other than stranger danger not at as great a risk (it's a sad fact of life that almost anywhere in the world, girls are more sexually vulnerable than boys). I'm going to play it by ear on when his dad should have a talk with him that addresses issues beyond basic mechanics. My guess is that 11 or 12 will be about right, but who knows.

I took both my boys on an overnite trip about age 13. We listened to some tapes on the way by Focus on the Family and had some good discussions about girls, sex, masterbation, responsibilities etc. We had some good laughs and worked through some hard topics. It was very memorable and I will always cherish that weekend with them. We are very open about and talk about the weird crap that comes on TV openly. My boys are 16 and 19 and so far no grandchildren. I would encourage you to be very open but age-wise I would not bring it up under about 12.

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I'll be what I am
A solitary man

Father of:

16 year old daughter

13 year old son

11 year old son

7 year old son

Wife spoke to the daughter and I have spoken to the boys. The talks have been different and ongoing as the boys have aged. My wife tried to have the talk with my daughter when she was 8. She got a book for them to read together but got interrupted by a phone call. When she returned, my daughter had read the book by herself. She looked at my wife and said in a fairly disgusted voice, "Mom, is there any other way to have a baby?" Our talks have all been very casual with appropriate warnings about how unwanted babies can change your life. With my youngest, the talks have been rather basic. If that satisfied them, then we were done. If they wanted more, I told them more. For example, with my seven year old our conversations have stopped at the mommy and daddy love each other very much and when they want to have a baby the mom gets pregnant and has the baby. He has not asked for more information and I have not given him any. Of course, the older boys know the whole deal and I expect I will be telling the youngest in the next year or so. Good luck.

Leave 'em alone. Let their little heads be filled with all kinds of misinformation. Don't rob themn of the joy of discovery.

However, if you must talk, I believe the general rule of thumb is to give detail until they start to fidget or their eyes glaze over.

Try and be subtle--let it come up naturally. For example, lets say you are at a ballgame, and your son is playing second base, you call out from the stands "Hey Billy--YOUR MOTHER'S GOT A VAGINA!!--ask me about it later!!". Then sit down. If he is interested, he'll come to you, otherwise, it is not the right time.

Do I spring it on them now? Age 6? 8? 10? 15? never?

Puberty seems like a pretty good time vicinity to have a serious talk about sex.

In the meantime, keep building up your kids' self respect.

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"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."

Well if Billy's mom has two of them maybe I would like to be in on that talk myself.


My daughter (almost 12) has it all figured out. I started giving her general information when she would ask, maybe around 5 or 6. Then as she got older (8ish) and the questions got more specific I started giving her misinformation.

Now she has all the bases covered, except for some rather humorous gaps, of which I am leaving well enough alone.

The rule that I've always heard is that when kids are really young (under 9 or 10) you answer what they ask - no more. I think it is ok for them to think that babies come from the belly button when they are 6 or 7 years old - they still believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny too. Once they are in fifth grade or so, they have a basic understanding of the mechanics - but most are grossed out by it and don't want details. That being said though - middle school kids who have access to a computer see alot of sex on the internet - so they know more than they should at that age. When my daughter was 8 she was watching our local public tv station while I put my son to bed - her show changed to NOVA's program on the development of a baby and before I came back into the room - she had pretty much learned it all.