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Re: Men rant [travelmama] [ In reply to ]
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Because if they're not married, either they're not good a relationships, or they aren't good at commitment. That's not true for all. But true for many. Men who are good at relationships and commitment, generally, got married in their 20's to 30's, and are still in that marriage.
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Re: Men rant [nad] [ In reply to ]
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I question every guy that isn't married and the fact that a guy my age isn't married is already a red flag. Probably not fair to men, but there's got to be a reason why they're not married - right?

Interestingly, us guys say the same thing about unmarried women.

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Re: Men rant [nad] [ In reply to ]
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guy I am going out with tonight was widowed 10 years ago
we went to same college (at same time but I did not know him then)

maybe I have found a new category of potential
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Re: Men rant [nad] [ In reply to ]
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I think you need to look at the whole story on the individual guy. Someone who is extremely successful with is career may have spent his time in the office instead of on match.com. A guy who is sitting on the couch smoking weed all day is a more likely candidate for the commitment issues.

I also know people who didn't find their partner until their late 30s. I find it interesting that society tells women, and maybe men, to lower their expectations in finding a partner. Don't set the bar "too high" Then we have a 50% divorce rate.

My bar is so high right now that I don't expect anyone to meet it. And I prefer being on my own the getting another divorce.

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Jen - @ultragrrl

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Men rant [JenSw] [ In reply to ]
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JenSw wrote:
My bar is so high right now that I don't expect anyone to meet it.

My bar has always been HIGH. My mother used to say, "You're too picky." My dad would tell her, "Better to be too picky than not picky enough."

Thinking of a couple 40-something guys I know who have never been married - one played minor league baseball for awhile, then quit to return to school and is now a college coach and race director who works way too many hours (and travels) to commit to anyone. The other just has ISSUES and is a serial dater from what I've heard.

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
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Re: Men rant [nad] [ In reply to ]
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Because if they're not married, either they're not good a relationships, or they aren't good at commitment.

Who says you have to be married to be committed? My boyfriend (of 5 years) is 45, never been married. I can't think of anyone more supportive or committed than he is.


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Awww, Katy's not all THAT evil. Only slightly evil. In a good way. - JasoninHalifax

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Re: Men rant [Katy] [ In reply to ]
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Katy's back! Yeah!!!!
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Re: Men rant [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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Well, I quit my job so I've got some extra time on my hands.

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Awww, Katy's not all THAT evil. Only slightly evil. In a good way. - JasoninHalifax

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Re: Men rant [nad] [ In reply to ]
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nad wrote:
Now, I have to say, I'm just happy by myself. I think society is constantly giving out messages that it's not ok to be alone. Well I am ok w/ not being part of a couple. For one, I now have trust issues - like all of us who've been through a divorce, relationship breakup yadda yadda. But I do think there are some good guys out there, and if I run into one by mistake, I'll give it a go. But I'm at the point in life where, after raising 3 kids by myself and putting everyone else first (I'm in medicine as well), that I now like taking time for myself. If I want to bike for 5 hours on Saturday, then that's what I'm going to do and not have to worry about anyone else for a little while.

Good luck w/ your journey. I hope you find what you're looking for. I wrote the above just to give you another option. Some people need to be in a relationship. If you're one of them - good luck. I am not one of them.

I like that :-)

I totally agree that being single is just fine - I'm also a part time parent so I have blissful days on a regular basis where I have the house totally to myself and don't have to talk to anyone except the dog. I do sometimes wish it was just a bit easier to find an unmarried fit older bloke who's high enough standard to jump over the 'bar' who's up for the occasional good sweaty bed romp (preferably at his place so I can go home to my own bed after & sleep in peace) but meh.. can't be bothered looking for it that hard.

Much easier just to get out for that 5 hour ride:-)
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Re: Men rant [TriGirrrrl] [ In reply to ]
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Good luck!!! Let us know how it goes.
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Re: Men rant [JenSw] [ In reply to ]
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I agree w/ getting the whole story. There are some very justifiable reasons to be single mid life. But there are some serious whack reasons too. And (not to seem jaded) there are the reasons they tell you, and then there's the truth - sometimes they match.
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Re: Men rant [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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Much easier just to get out for that 5 hour ride:-)


Yup!!!!!
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Re: Men rant [nad] [ In reply to ]
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nad wrote:
Good luck!!! Let us know how it goes.

nice, good looking, no major sparks but will definitely see him again
bike ride sunday if timing works
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Re: Men rant [JenSw] [ In reply to ]
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JenSw wrote:
I think you need to look at the whole story on the individual guy. Someone who is extremely successful with is career may have spent his time in the office instead of on match.com.

Gotta +1 this.
My boyfriend was single for the better part of 10 years before we started dating. When he divorced, his son was 2 and his career was taking off. Those two things combined took over his whole world, and it paid off in dividends for him. Now, he's where he wants to be career-wise and has a truly great relationship with his son, who is old enough to not require attention 24/7. I think it's awesome that he focused on what was truly important in his life exactly when he should have. I can't say the same about many guys I've dated.
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Re: Men rant [TriGirrrrl] [ In reply to ]
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TriGirrrrl wrote:

So I take younger son to dinner with friends and when I get back, get on Facebook and sparky has checked into a restaurant. alone my ass.

How does this work? Did he post his whereabouts on FB? Is there some tracker that shows location on FB? I am not on FB so I don't know, curious how you found this out.
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Re: Men rant [TriGirrrrl] [ In reply to ]
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I think it is good to rant. My husband of 23 tears turned 50 and opted for a younger model so I had to pick up my life and my sons' and make a new plan just when I thought the hard work was over. Fast forward 10 years...the first few years sucked as I was an emotional wreck fighting hard to keep it together. My constant focus was on my children and making it work for them as quite honestly no one loves those boys more than my ex and I. Fortunately the my older sons were on their own finishing school and working etc. and we found a way to make it as amiable as possible for the youngest. Far from perfect as he tells us now but he uses the emotions from that time in his stage work and writing. My ex and I are often chagrined when we see ourselves mirrored on stage. Anyway after three years of emotional healing and then three years of being really happy living on my own and doing just what I wanted a fellow came into my life. I had dated a few times because as others have stated well meaning friends just feel like they have to set you up but I really wasn't looking and had no desire to have a man just to say I had a man in my life. I loved being married but I was very steadfast that I would never marry again just for the sake of being married. I saw a lot of bad relationship decisions made by desperate people and I was adamant I would rather be alone than live like that. I had a career and financial stability so I could very comfortably live on my own resources. So here comes this fellow when I wasn't looking and we dated for two years, he proposed and I said I would live with him but I did not want to commit to marriage. We lived together and it was wonderful, calm, supportive and an oasis. SO I married him. We ran a 10km race together the morning of our wedding along with 23 of our wedding guests...yep, he is that guy. BUT while we were dating I checked him out thoroughly, if it is too good to be true it may not be...I am a big skeptic...he had to pass a lot of "tests" from family and friends and if any one in my inner circle especially my sons had said NO I don't like or trust or feel OK about this guy then I never would have continued dating him. I believe in instinct but I back it up with a whole lot of checking, his family, his friends etc. He had been in a long marriage just as I was and his wife stepped out on him so we shared that experience. He always speaks well of her and I am on great terms with my ex because of our children and well life goes on. My second husband is the right guy for me at this stage of my life and we have a relationship that brings us both joy, it is not the head over heels rock and roll crazy 20's life ahead of me winging it together that I had with my first husband who I loved very much but it is a fun, kind, loving partnership that works for both of us. If I hadn't set the bar high and happened upon a really great guy I would still quite happily be on my own. Sadly I think there is more duds with bad baggage than good ones out there.
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Re: Men rant [carlsomi] [ In reply to ]
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carlsomi wrote:
Sadly I think there is more duds with bad baggage than good ones out there.

To be fair, that applies as equally to the womens as the mens. Maybe it's just that we all get a bit wiser and more discerning as we get older and more secure in our own space?

Good on you for finding another good one - although you reek of positive attitude, so it's probably well deserved. :-)
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Re: Men rant [blackthugcat] [ In reply to ]
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I agree the"duds" are in both genders. Wiser and more discerning with age - definitely! But given my carefree and crazy youth I have no regrets about my lack of wisdom in choosing my first husband because in all honesty I can not regret twenty five years of my life. The divorce did help me refocus on what is really important and I came out realizing that it is ME! and my kids and my health and my sisters and my friends and and and....... :-) !!
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Re: Men rant [johnnybefit] [ In reply to ]
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johnnybefit wrote:
TriGirrrrl wrote:

So I take younger son to dinner with friends and when I get back, get on Facebook and sparky has checked into a restaurant. alone my ass.


How does this work? Did he post his whereabouts on FB? Is there some tracker that shows location on FB? I am not on FB so I don't know, curious how you found this out.

He went in and "checked in" on FB - which shows up on friends' timelines. no I did not stalk him - just opened facebook up
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Re: Men rant [TriGirrrrl] [ In reply to ]
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TriGirrrrl wrote:
He went in and "checked in" on FB - which shows up on friends' timelines. no I did not stalk him - just opened facebook up

Ok, I think I got it - he actually went on his Facebook account and post "I am at this restaurant"? Amazing he did not think that would show up on your account.
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Re: Men rant [johnnybefit] [ In reply to ]
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johnnybefit wrote:
TriGirrrrl wrote:

He went in and "checked in" on FB - which shows up on friends' timelines. no I did not stalk him - just opened facebook up


Ok, I think I got it - he actually went on his Facebook account and post "I am at this restaurant"? Amazing he did not think that would show up on your account.

correct. that was the 'sparky' comment and why I stand by that he lied to me.
if he wanted to be out with his buddy just say so

the good news is that now that I have put myself out there finding there are plenty of fish in the proverbial sea
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Re: Men rant [TriGirrrrl] [ In reply to ]
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Agree - you deserve to be treated right.

Not sure you want a guy who wants the attention of telling his FB friends that he is at a restaurant. Just sounds very immature/insecure . Glad you are moving on.

Best wishes to you and your happiness!
Last edited by: johnnybefit: Oct 19, 13 8:49
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