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Welcome! You're so brave for being open about what you're going through. Re swimming - I was having the same thought as Miranda. If the main issue for not being able to swim is clothing, why not just swim in tri clothes? Tri shorts or male bathing shorts with a sports bra and or sports bra and tri top seems about as innocuous as you can get, and can be easily modified or adjusted as you go further into the change. And if the issue is ignorant people being obnoxious and rude, just sic the ST ladies on them. The idiots won't stand a chance.
You two are the best. I have a ton of old full tri suits. Now I just have to find one that will squish the girls. :)
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." Jimi Hendrix
I know a couple of MTFs (married couple actually) and they have both been in the pool swimming laps with me from time to time, and one is a pretty avid swimmer. She had no problem telling me about discrimination at work for being 'queer' and talking about their travels for marriage in another state, but no mention of problems at the YMCA. Pretty sure I'd have heard about it if anyone was hateful there. Your mileage may vary I suppose, but this is the midwest and fairly conservative.
No family changing room at the 'Y here, but I think the ladies locker room might have some shower stalls.
I also agree with the androgyny aspect of the one piece suits. When in doubt, wear two! That look is normal on the swim teams anyways with girls wearing worn out suits in layers.
Change at home if you really have to, don't miss out on swimming!