i am going to hide behind the mask of ultra-poser to tell everyone a little something about what i am doing. i am telling you people because you don't know me and because you share a love of endurance that no one in my circles understand. so read if you want or click out. trust me i understand you leaving.
today, much to the protest and anger of my va shrink, i am cycling off the pills i was given to help with my 'decompersion'. i have borrowed a pair of adjustable dumbbells and bought the least worn out pair of nikes from the local thrift store. i take my first run in 18 months tomorrow and lift for the first time in as long. i will carry with me 35 pounds of fat that i gained in a long slide. my wife is not happy about this but she is my greatest friend and truest partner and will help me get back.
don't worry i will not have a rambo moment or anything i am just opening myself up for a large anount of failure. i am dropping the cocoon i have wraped myself in and i know that am not ready but i need the sting of reality. i need to fight again.
since 1994 i have always considered myself a warrior. a fighter. a type A ultra compitive uber dude. if you can do something i can do it twice as good. i lived and thrived in a world as compresed as a diamond. failure was not an option and to be second was to be the first looser. i lived 200+ days incountry. my kids and wife where emails and pictures. i was smart, i was unbeatable, i was the first in and the last out. i paved the road the all others traveled.
well my son asks me why i don't love him. i had missed his 6th birhtday in a row, i was batting 100 on missing important moments, and that is when it hit me. i was making the world safe for democracy but i was destroying my kids and marriage in the process so i got out. i had the warriors mind and body but i didn't have the warriors heart.
this, that and the other and here i am. hiding behind a name saying things i shouldn't say to people who could care less, but i reread my posts on the war and saw what i have become. a washed up, backward looking ball of drama. for that i say i am very sorry. i am not acting like who i am.
so the first painful run starts tomorrow and the next day after that. and in that pain i will find what i am missing and in that pain i will be happy. it will be a long while before ultra-poser goes away. can't do the job without the tools but that isn't what's important. what is important is the journey. i still want to go to kona. i will in a few years do a tri again. i will be the man i am not right now.
if you want to throw things at the screen or write a nice burner just keep in mind that by the time you read this i will have wished i never wrote it.
thanks for listening.
customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.
today, much to the protest and anger of my va shrink, i am cycling off the pills i was given to help with my 'decompersion'. i have borrowed a pair of adjustable dumbbells and bought the least worn out pair of nikes from the local thrift store. i take my first run in 18 months tomorrow and lift for the first time in as long. i will carry with me 35 pounds of fat that i gained in a long slide. my wife is not happy about this but she is my greatest friend and truest partner and will help me get back.
don't worry i will not have a rambo moment or anything i am just opening myself up for a large anount of failure. i am dropping the cocoon i have wraped myself in and i know that am not ready but i need the sting of reality. i need to fight again.
since 1994 i have always considered myself a warrior. a fighter. a type A ultra compitive uber dude. if you can do something i can do it twice as good. i lived and thrived in a world as compresed as a diamond. failure was not an option and to be second was to be the first looser. i lived 200+ days incountry. my kids and wife where emails and pictures. i was smart, i was unbeatable, i was the first in and the last out. i paved the road the all others traveled.
well my son asks me why i don't love him. i had missed his 6th birhtday in a row, i was batting 100 on missing important moments, and that is when it hit me. i was making the world safe for democracy but i was destroying my kids and marriage in the process so i got out. i had the warriors mind and body but i didn't have the warriors heart.
this, that and the other and here i am. hiding behind a name saying things i shouldn't say to people who could care less, but i reread my posts on the war and saw what i have become. a washed up, backward looking ball of drama. for that i say i am very sorry. i am not acting like who i am.
so the first painful run starts tomorrow and the next day after that. and in that pain i will find what i am missing and in that pain i will be happy. it will be a long while before ultra-poser goes away. can't do the job without the tools but that isn't what's important. what is important is the journey. i still want to go to kona. i will in a few years do a tri again. i will be the man i am not right now.
if you want to throw things at the screen or write a nice burner just keep in mind that by the time you read this i will have wished i never wrote it.
thanks for listening.
customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.
Last edited by:
ultra-poser: Apr 21, 03 21:09