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Advice needed-New mom going back to work
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My wife and I had our first child on April 23rd in Cincinnati. 5 weeks ago we moved to Paris for my wife's job.

On September 8th she will start her new job. This will also be her first prolonged time away from Samuel.

I am looking for advice as to what to do to make this transition easier for her(I will be a stay at home dad).

I think that sending her pictures of our daily activities(shopping, going to the park, etc) to her phone/computer would be a good idea. What do the womens think?

Any thoughts/ideas would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: Advice needed-New mom going back to work [davec] [ In reply to ]
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I guess it depends on how excited she is to get back to work. I know with my first kid, the transition back to work was very hard and seeing pictures of her throughout the day may have made me miss her even more. With my second, I was a little more excited to get back to work (not that taking care of an infant and a two-year-old isn't fun:) and would have welcomed the daily reminders.
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Re: Advice needed-New mom going back to work [davec] [ In reply to ]
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I think you need to ask her what you can do. Just be honest and tell her that you understand it's going to be difficult for her and you want to do what you can to make it easier. I don't think I'd want to see pictures during the day while I'm working and can't be there, but maybe a recap at the end of the day would be good. If she's going to have a really busy, stressful day at her job, I think you need to do what you can so that she can have lots of time with your baby when she gets home. For example, don't rely on her to make dinner. That should be your responsibility. Let her spend the time with Samuel that she needs at the end of her day.

If she can take time during the day for lunch, I think it would be great if you could meet her for lunch once a week or so. Of course, that depends on whether or not she wants that, but it's something you could suggest.
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Re: Advice needed-New mom going back to work [davec] [ In reply to ]
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davec, I've been thinking about your post for the last day or so and finally decided to jump in. The best piece of advice I can give you as a mom myself, is to ask her weekly what she think she'll need. I know I'm a bit scattered (not sure if your wife is) and my needs change weekly, even daily. When I went back to work I lasted only 2 weeks before I gave my 2 week notice and retired. Some weeks she might need more lunch dates with you and the kids (assuming her schedule will permit), and others she may be fine.

I think its awesome you are willing to be a stay-at-home dad. I encourage you and your wife to stay in open communication about how things are going, how she feels, how you feel, etc. I urge you both not to just 'assume your roles' and never discuss how you are both feeling about those roles and how its fitting in with your needs.

Best of luck to both of you.

____________________________
Life is Short...Run Long
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Re: Advice needed-New mom going back to work [DawnT] [ In reply to ]
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Thanks for the advice on the pictures. I will definitely reconsider my thoughts on that.

If we are able to carry through on our plans she will have time with Samuel in the evening. When she gets home she will feed him(we are hoping to breastfeed through 6 months). Then she will do the 3 B's(Bathe, book and bed). If she has the energy. Dinner has been my responsibility since we got together so that is not an issue.

One of the challenges we are facing concerning having lunch together is that we are now living in Paris. Julia has not worked here for 15 years and I have never lived here. So we are very unfamiliar with the culture of what is acceptable in the work environment. Julia has already placed on her schedule two breaks for pumping during the day(noon and 4 for 30 minutes.) I am hoping to join her for the noon pump/feed, but do not know how this would be perceived in the workplace.
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Re: Advice needed-New mom going back to work [davec] [ In reply to ]
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I'm no mom, but I work with several guys that have only gotten to see there babies a few times between large absences (I'm military) One of the things their wives do to ease the transition is they make videos - some of them daily, so that the guys can go over them. This might be something nice for your wife, to have a little video (or photo) collection of the things that the two of you do together during the day.
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Re: Advice needed-New mom going back to work [davec] [ In reply to ]
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I think she will have great peace of mind having you there with your baby during the day. I'm sure I'll get flamed (yes, even in the Womens forum) but I had to go back to work 6 weeks after my daughter was born. I wasn't lucky enough to have my husband stay home. He was even busier than I was. I lined up great child care in our home, and frankly, it wasn't bad at all to go back. Yes, of course, a few tears, of course. Missed moments, of course. But I marveled at the ability to actually drink a cup of coffee when I wanted to, not when I could.

I completely understand why some would question my choices, but my parents were divorced when I was a teen, and like Scarlett O'Hara, I vowed that I'd never go hungry again, so not working wasn't even a going in option.

Pre and post work, I was a great mom. Really. Before I got her up for the day, I was fully dressed so I spent an hour or hour and a half with her before I went to work. After work, and before she went to bed, we were sympatico. Dinner, fun, bath. I so enjoyed being a mom, but being in the military, I couldn't take a leave of absence. I always told her that when she was eleven, this would be over. You know what she said the day after my retirement? Mommy, I wish you were still in the Air Force.

Transitions are always hard. I think I'd focus on managing the culture shock and just being really kind to yourselves. Sounds like you have some major changes in your lives so best wishes!
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Re: Advice needed-New mom going back to work [davec] [ In reply to ]
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Wow. Looks like you have a lot of change.
- new baby
- new job
- moving
- different culture

So I think you have to be prepared for some rocky times. I'm sure there'll be times that you both will question some of your decisions. I'd just recommend you give it time, and allow yourself to adjust to all these changes.

I agree with what others says about re-assessing daily or weekly. She may initially not want photos/videos because it's hard to be away, but once she get's more used it, she may welcome it.

I'd definitely try to meet for lunch if it works out.
Good luck!


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Suffering on the the bike is always more fun than suffering on the run.
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