Mine...

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I "lost" my daughter to a crazy ex wife 3+ years ago when she left and moved to a small town 3 hours away. Leaving me with a buttload of debt and a mortgage. In those 3 years I have never once missed a trip to pickup my daughter. Every other weekend, 12 hours on the road. Not to mention many day trips to be involved in her life.

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Note to Locke:

This forum was set up for women to discuss topics related to the sport of triathlon. Everyone, men included, is welcome to post a related topic or respond to any topic, however, posts that are not welcoming or supportive will be removed by forum moderators and you may be banned from posting in the future. Respectful debate and discussion to increase knowledge is the key to a great conversation.

Supportive—adjective 1. Giving support. 2. Providing sympathy or encouragement 3. Providing additional help, information, etc. 4. Medical. Helping to maintain a normal physiological balance.

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"It takes courage to do it, to be a runner. We all found that out a long time ago. Because it's about more than fatigue. It's about pain, and dealing with it for a long time. And its about resolve." - Quentin Cassidy

Dude that is harsh. Everyone has different ideas and expectations about their relationships with their kids. Yours is different than the OPs. Leave it at that. To call him a douchebag is over the top.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

So what did your post say, Locke---missed it.
J

You don't need to read crap like that. Trust me. (s)he went way out of bounds and it's not worth it.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

What is harsh is when a man considers abandoning his kids in order to advance himself professionally/financially. What is harsh is when a child realizes that his dad decided that it was more important to make money than spend time with him or her. What is harsh is when that child feels abandoned and it messed them up for a very long time.

What is even sadder is when nobody has the guts to call him out and tell him that he is being selfish and just what kind of lowlife he is about to become if he does it.

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"It takes courage to do it, to be a runner. We all found that out a long time ago. Because it's about more than fatigue. It's about pain, and dealing with it for a long time. And its about resolve." - Quentin Cassidy

oh please spare us the diatribe. father knows best has been off the air for 50 years. let the man feel comfortable enough to discuss his situation here. if you have personal abandonment issues, we'd be happy to discuss them here too. however, your need to project your feelings upon the OP is so overwhelming that i believe it's distorting your sense of decorum and propriety. step back and take a big long breath.

Anyone else feel that Locke has worn his welcome in this forum?

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

Stay where you are - 10 years will go by quickly.I'm divorced and my ex moved to another country and even though he tries to justify his move, my kids feel abandoned by him (which they were). Just knowing that you are nearby will help them to grow up having a relationship with both parents.It is the small things in life that make a difference to a kid. Good luck with your decision.

Because that's not everyone's opinion.

Believe it or not, some kids will not actually feel the way you suggest.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

Sure, some won't. But alot will. Personally I think once you have children, you must consider their welfare above your own. I believe if you choose to leave a relationship where you see the child 50% of the time and opt for one where you see the child maybe 2 or 4 days a month, in order to make more money, you are not considering the childs welfare above your own.

I read the OP as a person that was seriously considering just such a move and was very appalled. I also read most of the responses that seemed to support his desire to do just that. I felt it was necessary to strongly condemn such a move, hence my initial post.

I have since PM'ed both the OP and a moderator. I have made peace with both. However, I seriously doubt I will post in this forum in the future. It seems to me that this is a place for only group hugs rather than true opinions. Since I am not one to mince words, obviously, probably best not to upset the rest of you.

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"It takes courage to do it, to be a runner. We all found that out a long time ago. Because it's about more than fatigue. It's about pain, and dealing with it for a long time. And its about resolve." - Quentin Cassidy

Thanks for posting again. I'm glad you did. Your post here is a much more umm... palatable ? response to the OP and the discussion. I think that's all we are looking for here. I want people to express their opinions and yours is just as valid as any others here, I just get really riled up by the strong language used to describe the OP.

It's a really tough and touchy subject. I know that most folks who only see their child 1 or 2 weekends a month would look to increase the time they spend with their kids, but there are some that don't. I don't agree with it, but that's their choice as an adult. Some people really do not have an emotional connection to their kids, it's as simple as that. My aunt's former husband left her with two toddlers to care for, he never saw those kids again. For some reason this man didn't care about them. You can't make people care about their kids, that's the sad truth. Some just don't.

I think the OP is just stuck in a tough situation and was using this forum to think aloud, to brainstorm, to test the waters and to seek out others who face similar situations and challenges.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

Locke and I are good. He and I have more in common then we knew. We share the similar traumas, the same sadness. We both miss our children.

I ache every day for my kids. They live a couple blocks away, but I "get them" only half the time. I say *only* because I want MORE!! Why did I have to lose half of their lives? Why? This is all so wrong.

I will never move voluntarily. But I fear that a situation is approaching where I may not have a job available in my town---and there is nothing for 50-100 miles in all directions. I would gladly sell my house and downsize in a second, but the market is so bad I would not find a buyer. If I can't get a job, I can't pay my mortgage----and there we go. I will fight tooth and nail to stay here for them. I'm just really scared. I miss them.

J

I seriously doubt I will post in this forum in the future. It seems to me that this is a place for only group hugs rather than true opinions. Since I am not one to mince words, obviously, probably best not to upset the rest of you.

Locke - don't leave the forum because of this. If you read back through this post you will see that many of us disagreed with him leaving and said so. It wasn't what you said, just the way you said it (actually, I didn't see your post - just making an assumption here). Even if you disagree with someone, you still need to say so in as respectful way as possible. I also happen to agree that your point comes across stronger if you say it in a respectful way. If not, then you just look like someone who has lost it and no one will really take your post seriously.

Don't leave your children. They are only young once. If you move away and are not able to see them as often, you may regret it. Your children need you in their life as much as possible. Father's are very important in children's development. It can be very difficult emotionally and financially, but it is worth it in the long run. I completely understand the difficulties of owning your own business, my parents' owned their own business. I work with a lot of entrepreneurs because I enjoy helping people take that risk. I am also the stepmother of two teens- 17 and 15, I usually consider them my own because I have been a part of their lives since they were 5 and 7 and have been very much involved in their upbringing.

Is it possible for you to set up a business and commute several days per week to another town? If you do decide to move, are you willing to drive every weekend to be a part of your children's lives.