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Re: Do you diminish your accomplishments? [trailbait] [ In reply to ]
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In my mind, I'm still the poor kid living in the ugliest rental house on the block who doesn't understand why anyone would want to be her friend. Fast forward 20 years and due to hard work and good luck, I have a nice home, a lovely husband, many accomplishments, and plenty of wonderful friends. I have to work to not diminish my accomplishments, for example, I wanted to revise "nice home" to "nice but modest home" but had to stop myself.

Do you talk about your good times? Are you worried about other people being jealous of you? Do you talk down about yourself? What are your techniques for appreciating your accomplishments without diminishing them?

I try to stop my girlfriends from talking bad about themselves, but it happens all of the time. I try to celebrate when good things happen for me but I am painfully aware that others may resent me for it so I watch what I say. Is this an issue for you?

I am kinda new to ST (mostly lurk) so I hope I don't step on any toes by adding my input - but what jumped out at me most were those two statements bolded above. I don't know if I am just supremely lucky or what, but I don't have any friends that would even remotely resent me or feel jealous of me for anything good that I have done, only pride and support. I guess I can imagine people in your life that you don't choose (kids' friends' parents, husband's friends spouses, etc), but so far in my life I have no one in my life that I would choose to tell stuff to that would then feel negatively towards me about it. Who are these people you are concerned about??

Also, it sounds to me like you are gracious and think about what other people may feel before you do or say anything, so I bet you err on the side of extra-caution for the most part, and if you let loose and talked yourself up more I bet you'd still not offend anyone. The right people in your life will support and be happy for you when good things happen. It's a good filter for selecting friends, I think.

It would probably help to think about 10 things you like about yourself and ponder them daily for a while, until you feel comfortable with actively liking stuff about yourself and not feel guilty about it. Matter of fact, I challenge you (and anyone else who wants) to list 10 things you like about yourself and/or accomplishments you're proud of for all of us to see and applaud!!! You go girl!
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Re: Do you diminish your accomplishments? [trailbait] [ In reply to ]
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When I went back to work, I accepted a title that was not indicative of my qualifications or experience, thinking that titles don't matter. Well, they do matter, and it's bugged me ever since. I'm now in the midst of a battle to get a new title and there is all kinds of political crap I'm having to deal with. I could kick myself for downplaying my abilities and value to the firm.
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Re: Do you diminish your accomplishments? [trailbait] [ In reply to ]
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I am guilty of this too... particularly when it comes to triathlon. I don't talk much about it either, unless it's with my training buds. The last time someone did ask, it was my spin instructor (I believe I was wearing one of my Finisher hats). She wanted to know 1) how many I've done and 2) about my finishing times. Most people DEFINITELY don't ask these kinds of questions unless they compete themselves or have some sort of real connection to the sport- apparently her boyfriend does IM (several times a year, religiously).

So, instead of just being proud that I finished both Florida and Wisconsin, I felt the need to "explain", albeit briefly, my times and experiences. I mean, why? I don't even know this woman... yet, I find myself telling her how Wisconsin was just a lot harder for me all around... I had a horrible morning with my nutrition, I wasn't able to eat, so I went into the water already hungry... blah, blah, blah... the bike course was a lot more challenging... I ended up just under 15 hours which was at least an hour plus longer than it took me in Florida... yadda, yadda...

Why did I feel the need to explain or "defend" myself? (at least that's what it felt like!) Truth be told, I was disappointed in my WI race, but hell, I FINISHED. Shouldn't that have been something to celebrate? Maybe it's some sort of mechanism we triathletes develop to keep us going and challenging ourselves? If we're satisfied with how well we've done in the past, perhaps we'll just stop tri'ing?

I don't know why we minimize other things in life too- jobs, money, family, etc... so I guess we all need to keep reminding ourselves that it's not such a bad thing to feel proud (and say so!) or that we deserve a little happiness and recognition - especially if we've worked hard for it! Look at someone like Tim Russert. True, he was a 'celebrity' of sorts, but really he was just a regular guy living his dream... and he was never one to shy away from telling the world how proud he was. Who cares what other people think! Life's too short.
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Re: Do you diminish your accomplishments? [lisazapato] [ In reply to ]
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Thanks for jumping in!!

>>other people being jealous of you<<

I think this is a good one and I'm guessing it happens more with women than men. Especially if they perceive you as being not as good or somehow less worthy than they are.

Pretty smart guy once told me, "Don't expend the energy worrying about what other people think." Good advice. If their lives are that pathetic and they want to generate negative energy, then that's their problem and it will all come back to them.

>>The right people in your life will support and be happy for you when good things happen. It's a good filter for selecting friends, I think.<<

EXCELLENT COMMENT! Welcome to The Womens!

clm

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
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Re: Do you diminish your accomplishments? [trackie clm] [ In reply to ]
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I am personally very proud of all I have accomplished in triathlon but I dont talk about it much...I slowly realized most people dont care and its likely boring to listen to....

I will talk about it if they ask questions because they are truly interested but this is the minority of people...
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