I shit my pants at Daytona this year on the second loop. I felt it coming on at the end of the first loop and started scanning the course for port a potties. There were none. I looked at some of the trees but everything was wide open. I was running out of options. It would come on and then go away. I thought around mile 10 that I could hold it to the end. The kicker is that I had run myself into second in my age group. But I knew that 3rd and 4th were close behind. Finally at mile 11 I slowed down to a walk and it just came out....ALOT OF IT. I mean woah nellie. I immediately felt better, but now I was trying to find water to clean it up and hope to hell that it wouldn't ooze down my legs. I mean the kit is tight right. Nothing is breaking that barrier. Well I was wrong, by mile 12 it started oozing. I crossed the finish like, did my best pose. Everyone was coming up to congratulate me. I was like, give me a minute, I have to go to the bathroom. I thought I was in the clear until a buddy of mine took a picture. And so I'm here to tell my story. Yup, I shit my pants.

I used to laugh at story about a pretty famous (former) pro that posts here a lot that shit his pants in his first Ironman win. I won't say his name, cause I'm not sure a lot of people know the story. I always thought how could someone shit their pants. Well, I'm now part of that club. And yes, shit will come clean. After about 5 washes. lol

https://www.runnersworld.com/...pionship-world-best/



As we later learned on the Ten Junk Miles podcast, she also had poop issues, and just let it flow; to the point where the Polish team told the officials something to the effect of "Get her off the track and get her cleaned up!!! That's too disgusting to race with!!!"

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

Normally I read this at work...but man am I glad that I was at home for this one. I haven't had a good "laugh so hard that you cry" laugh for a while. This did it. The tears were rolling.

Thanks for sharing... I just laughed so hard. I love this thread because we've all been there in some form or another. Debating whether walking and talking longer to get to a toilet is safer than running but shaking everything up, and those times when it doesn't matter what you choose.... It's happening

I must say, this thread has made me more diligent about dropping ballast before a run, and following Zombieland Rule #2 when possible, just to be sure = Double Tap

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

https://patch.com/...cation-natick-report

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

So I might as well tell this story...

I have defiled a tree on the Ironman Lake Placid run course...

Over the July 4th weekend I was in LP. I had parked my truck along River Road, one mile in from rt73, and was doing my long run there. My plan was just to run back and forth from 73 to 86. I started by running the 1mi back to 73, then turned around to go the other way.

When I got back around to where my truck was around mile 8 of my run, I had been feeling a little bit of a rumble, but it wasn't anything to worry TOO much about yet. I decided to press onward and keep going out to rt73 and back to round out 10 miles. By the time I had gotten to 73 I was realizing I was in trouble. The rumble was turning out to be something more. I started looking for a tree or something to hide behind. No dice - I was on the part of River Road that has some houses and is quite exposed near the ski jumps. I decided I would do my best to hold on. I was one mile from my truck. I knew I had napkins and some plastic bags in there. If I could make it back to my truck I could hide behind it and take care of business there. However my gut started doing the major lurches with a half mile to go. I slowed down to regain control... With a 1/10mi to go, with my truck in sight, my guts told me there was absolutely no way I was making it even that far. I got off the road near a large spruce tree. I was looking for a way to get under it/inside it/behind it but no luck. I only had seconds to spare anyway. I realized it was futile and gave up. My only hope was nobody was going to be driving by at that very moment and I turned around to let it go, while getting my shorts down. I blew up on the tree... I blew up massively. Some sort of tsunami issued forth from my innards as the pressure released. It went everywhere. It was on the tree. It was on the fence behind the tree. It was apparently also all over me (although I didn't quite realize it yet)

Fortunately nobody drove by over the course of that 30 seconds or so. I realize, however, I have nothing to clean up with. There were no broad leaves... and I didn't want to use my sock. So I kinda did a "dog butt scootch" on the spruce-needle covered ground. That was unpleasant for sure but I think it worked to some degree.

I carefully got my shorts up and shamefully walked the 10th of a mile to my truck. I opened up the doors of my truck on the non-road side in order to provide some cover. I proceeded to use napkins and hand sanitizer to clean up. As I am contemplating my next move I realize I have shit all over my arm. How the hell? Oh and it's on my leg. WTF how did this happen? I look back towards the tree I defiled, and realized what probably happened was as I let go, I must have gotten it all over the tree, and as I squatted down it got on my arm and leg. *sigh*

So I proceed to clean up my shit-covered appendages. Since I had planned to go get a swim in Mirror Lake after the run, I had some jammers in my bag. I crawled into the back of my truck and quickly changed into those. As I am doing this, my wife comes running up to me. She is finishing her long run and realized that I wasn't supposed to be back for about another 20 minutes. As she is running up I am panicking. STAY AWAY I call to her. She is confused, and keeps coming. As she approaches she sees the bizarre scene of my attempts at cleaning myself with napkins, I'm now wearing swim jammers, etc. I tell her the story and she gives me this embarrassed, but amused look. At this point I am not thinking clearly anymore and she drags me over to the river access near where we were parked and tells me to clean up there. After a few minutes of attempting to bathe myself in the river, we go over to Mirror Lake. Whereupon she realizes there is shit all over my shirt. There is still some on my leg. And now I have smeared it on surfaces of my truck.

At this point my wife is thoroughly amused and disgusted at the same time. As an avid trail runner, she assures me she has shit in the woods many times, but has never gotten into the sort of mess I managed to get into. I wind up doing a short swim in the lake in order to clean up. It was as clean as I was going to be able get myself before getting all the way home to shower.

Having a couple of beers at the Pub after was required to help sooth the pain of basically covering myself with explosive hot magma shit.

I will never look at that tree on the run course in quite the same way...

🤣 please for the love of God find a way to mark this tree. Next year when we are all out there suffering on the run course it will at least give us something to look forward to and laugh at.

In the area of this red circle...


It's this tree in the red circle. The red X is where my truck was parked...


I run River Road all the damn time too... I might have to put up a sign for race day (I'll be racing there in 2021 assuming we have a race season)

Just get some spray paint and put "THIS TREE" with an arrow on the road

People will figure it out

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

this thread just keeps on giving!

my suggestion is to make a ST tshirt or jersey with that red circle/tree printed on it. only insiders will know

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Anne Barnes
ABBikefit, Ltd
FIST/SICI/FIST DOWN DEEP
X/Y Coordinator
abbikefit@gmail.com

That would be hilarious. I love these stories!

"dog butt scootch" - I just sprayed coffee all over my keyboard,

THIS is what made me laugh out loud! Picturing a near billboard sign on the other side of the road.

Nah, it's gotta be subtle; a "secret handshake" kinda thing

Imagine being in a group of 3 or 4 or 5 runners, cruising along, and one of the pack asks "Is that the tree?"
Another says "I don't think so. I think it's further down"
"Did you see the arrow? I missed the arrow"
"Yeah, I don't think we're there yet"

Someone's going to wonder "What's this about a tree?"

Then, the story is told, and the legend moves on

That's how *I* imagine it, anyway

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

This is a first-ballot ST Hall of Fame story. The next time I am in LP I’ll be sure to salute the tree for going above and beyond the call of duty in providing service to a fellow STer.

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"You can never win or lose if you don't run the race." - Richard Butler

I second the nomination

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

That sure is a naked stretch of road. If it weren’t for COVID surely there would have been many passers by. Great story telling! That made my day.

I can only imagine trying to hide my shity arm from my wife after something like this would happen.

The part that got me the most was when he yelled for her to stay away LOL.

Like the scene in Bridesmaids when they all get food poisoning at the bridal shop and one is shitting in the sink, screaming “LOOK AWAY!!!!”

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"You can never win or lose if you don't run the race." - Richard Butler

Seriously. It was totally exposed - but I was going to crap my shorts if I didn't figure something out at that very second. And the thing my brain landed on was "I just hope nobody drives by". I got lucky and nobody did. Until my wife came running up to me while I was still covered in shit.

Any other year and there would be hundreds of people running this stretch of road. As it was I only saw one other runner, and about 3 cyclists during my ill-fated attempt at a training activity.

I've been running for 20 years with over 25K miles. I usually have a cast iron stomach, but there have been some close calls. Like many of you, I will not leave the pre-race porto-potty without evacuating most of my bowels.

However.....in 2016, while on vacation in Croatia, I finally broke down and relieved myself in a public park. It has been my strategy to run in the early morning hours on our vacations to get a lay of the land. While on a morning run in Split, I had the early warning signs of an eminent GI blowout. I began scanning for public restrooms, restaurants, shops, etc. Nada. Zip. Nothing was open at 7 am. I wasn't worried I thought. I could hold it. My GI tract said "Nay, nay! You can't!" I was looking everywhere for a spot and thinking I was about 0.5 miles from the hotel. But I couldn't hold off any longer. I went into a small, poorly manicured park to seek refuge. I found a large bush and relieved myself for what seemed to be about 2 minutes. I looked over to see a crowd of people waiting for the morning bus, camouflaged by a rather thin row of hedges.

I didn't use a sock or pine needles. I returned to the hotel, showered, and my wife was none the wiser. It took a few years to even acknowledge the event to my running buddies.

About 10 years ago, I paced a friend on the last half of a 50 miler. He arrived to the transition area about an hour behind schedule, but nothing too crazy. He mentioned he had been experiencing tummy troubles. He got his gear bag saying he wanted another pair of shoes. No problem. A mile later he confesses that in the early miles of the race, he had a blow out. Chimichangas and chocolate birthday cake do not make for a great pre-race meal. He stopped at a bathroom along the bike trail (locking the door) to wash out his shorts but couldn't quite erase the stench. I asked why he didn't just jump in the river to flush out the stinkies? Hadn't occurred to him.

So for the next 4 or 5 hours, I was forced to pace 3-5 yards ahead of him. The stench was just too much. I had to get his food and water at aid stations because I didn't want his fecal covered hands contaminated the rest of the food (picture bowls of gummy bears, potato chips, pretzels, etc). He was quite stinky. To his credit, he finished.

He finished and we've shared good laughs over the story. The funniest part is that he's quite the germaphobe and anal-retentive about his clothes, appearances, and hygiene. Not that day.

Apparently not so anal-retentive that day :-p

Nope, more like "anal-reJECTive"

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

Im sure everyone is different but I suffer from IBS all the time. its a constant issue I have to be aware of every race and every one. Just 2 weeks ago I was fed up and decided to remove bread from my diet. And surprisingly my stomach has been much better.
I don't know what about bread is giving me issues; Dominoes/pizza hut gives me problems, my favorite pretzels all make me bloat, but on the other hand this high quality wood fire pizza restaurant in town doesn't affect me at all.

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IG - @ryanppax
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