Phrases you never could have thought you would say

May 20, 19 10:12

Post #1 of 28 (2333 views)

I'm sure parents of little kids have all sorts of things to add to the list.

But this weekend I was working in the garden and I think I said a combination of words that no other human has ever uttered. "God dammit dogs, for the last time, get out of there and stop eating all of the asparagus."

Both of my dogs have decided they really like asparagus and have decided to just sit there and munch on it straight from my patch.

I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

Last edited by: j p o: May 20, 19 10:16

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 10:28

Post #2 of 28 (2289 views)

"munch on it straight from my patch."

Now there's something I never could have thought you would say.

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 11:19

Post #3 of 28 (2214 views)

"I like gardening"

Been a homeowner for 1.5 years and after spending most of last year clearing out brush in our backyard and chopping down dozens of trees we're spending a lot of time this year on garden beds and I actually enjoy it. I still don't know half the names of things we're planting or how any of it will look in a year or two, but it's actually been fun and there's a lot of satisfaction in having a good-looking front yard and garden area.

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 11:32

Post #4 of 28 (2187 views)

I'm sure parents of little kids have all sorts of things to add to the list.//

I'll start off the parents list:

Dont make me come up and get you!

If you dont eat your veggies, no desert!

One more word Mister, and you know what?

And a million more, and this last one:

I love you guys so much....

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 12:02

Post #5 of 28 (2144 views)

Don't put your penis in your brother's face.

No one wants to see your butt.

Sense a theme here? My two year old was running down the sidewalk yesterday yelling, "shake your booty".

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 12:10

Post #6 of 28 (2128 views)

I have retiree medical. I’m not sure if it makes sense for me to quit and give that up.

Trying to figure out if I want to transfer internally or outright quit.

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [edbikebabe] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 12:12

Post #7 of 28 (2123 views)

edbikebabe wrote:

Don't put your penis in your brother's face.

No one wants to see your butt.

Sense a theme here? My two year old was running down the sidewalk yesterday yelling, "shake your booty".

I figure parents go through a whole lot of, "do not put THAT, THERE"

I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 12:28

Post #8 of 28 (2085 views)

“You have to finish your wildebeest soup before you can play with your excavator”

“Yes, I’m pooping; no, I don’t need any help”

“No bicycles in bed”

“Why are there boogers in your bellybutton”

These all happened in the last 8 hours.

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [wimsey] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 12:48

Post #9 of 28 (2039 views)

Worked really hard to seed a new lawn in the fall. Going great, mostly.

Something along the lines of:

"I'm going to kill that MF'ing squirrel. I'm going to risk a city fine to shoot a pellet up it's MF'ing ass if it digs one more nut hole in our grass!"

Maybe a slingshot is a lower key option than laser sighted big scope high power pellet gun and military fatigues.

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 13:13

Post #10 of 28 (2008 views)

Don't make me turn this car around!

Note: I don't have kids.

Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 14:30

Post #11 of 28 (1976 views)

Here's one my buddy said, but, you will NEVER hear me say: "I cannot go out drinking tonight, I'm going to Zany Brainy."

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

Emery's Third Coast Triathlon | Tri Wisconsin Triathlon Team | Push Endurance | GLWR

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 14:33

Post #12 of 28 (1971 views)

I said this last week: "Honey, Marley's poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her."

Marley eats wifie's hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

Emery's Third Coast Triathlon | Tri Wisconsin Triathlon Team | Push Endurance | GLWR

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [JSA] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 14:56

Post #13 of 28 (1947 views)

JSA wrote:

Here's one my buddy said, but, you will NEVER hear me say: "I cannot go out drinking tonight, I'm going to Zany Brainy."

I call bullshit.

Who says 'cannot' anymore?

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [JSA] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 15:02

Post #14 of 28 (1937 views)

JSA wrote:

I said this last week: "Honey, Marley's poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her."

Marley eats wifie's hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.

I would have thought you would say "Hey Honey, I won a case today!"

===============
Proud member of the MSF (Maple Syrup Mafia)

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [Tri-Banter] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 15:06

Post #15 of 28 (1933 views)

Tri-Banter wrote:

Don't make me turn this car around!

Note: I don't have kids.

I can't recall the exact words that narrated it, but I once threw a portable DVD player out the car window as I sped down the highway cuz I'd absolutely had enough of telling my 2 precious little brats to stop fighting over it. That fucking put a stop to that, as both of them and the wife pretty much all went uniformly silent in slack-jawed shock.

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [CaptainCanada] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 15:07

Post #16 of 28 (1932 views)

CaptainCanada wrote:

JSA wrote:

I said this last week: "Honey, Marley's poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her."

Marley eats wifie's hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.

I would have thought you would say "Hey Honey, I won a case today!"

Oh, I get it! See, you're implying I don't win any cases!

You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

Emery's Third Coast Triathlon | Tri Wisconsin Triathlon Team | Push Endurance | GLWR

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [JSA] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 15:19

Post #17 of 28 (1916 views)

JSA wrote:

CaptainCanada wrote:

JSA wrote:

I said this last week: "Honey, Marley's poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her."

Marley eats wifie's hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.

I would have thought you would say "Hey Honey, I won a case today!"

Oh, I get it! See, you're implying I don't win any cases!

You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!

I thought that was kinda funny. Like Windy saying 'honey, what do you think about Cuba for vacation this year' or 'the tap water tastes mighty fine today'.

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [eb] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 15:20

Post #18 of 28 (1914 views)

eb wrote:

"munch on it straight from my patch."

Now there's something I never could have thought you would say.

amen.

Just the other day I said "Please stop standing on your sister!"

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [axlsix3] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 15:21

Post #19 of 28 (1909 views)

axlsix3 wrote:

JSA wrote:

CaptainCanada wrote:

JSA wrote:

I said this last week: "Honey, Marley's poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her."

Marley eats wifie's hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.

I would have thought you would say "Hey Honey, I won a case today!"

Oh, I get it! See, you're implying I don't win any cases!

You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!

I thought that was kinda funny. Like Windy saying 'honey, what do you think about Cuba for vacation this year' or 'the tap water tastes mighty fine today'.

Or CaptainCanada saying, "Honey, come to bed, I've decided to give the moose the night off."

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

Emery's Third Coast Triathlon | Tri Wisconsin Triathlon Team | Push Endurance | GLWR

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [JSA] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 15:47

Post #20 of 28 (1889 views)

JSA wrote:

axlsix3 wrote:

JSA wrote:

CaptainCanada wrote:

JSA wrote:

I said this last week: "Honey, Marley's poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her."

Marley eats wifie's hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.

I would have thought you would say "Hey Honey, I won a case today!"

Oh, I get it! See, you're implying I don't win any cases!

You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!

I thought that was kinda funny. Like Windy saying 'honey, what do you think about Cuba for vacation this year' or 'the tap water tastes mighty fine today'.

Or CaptainCanada saying, "Honey, come to bed, I've decided to give the moose the night off."

Oh Moose jokes. Still hilarious after all these years. And you probably wonder why people don't think conservatives are funny?

===============
Proud member of the MSF (Maple Syrup Mafia)

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [CaptainCanada] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 15:59

Post #21 of 28 (1883 views)

CaptainCanada wrote:

JSA wrote:

axlsix3 wrote:

JSA wrote:

CaptainCanada wrote:

JSA wrote:

I said this last week: "Honey, Marley's poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her."

Marley eats wifie's hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.

I would have thought you would say "Hey Honey, I won a case today!"

Oh, I get it! See, you're implying I don't win any cases!

You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!

I thought that was kinda funny. Like Windy saying 'honey, what do you think about Cuba for vacation this year' or 'the tap water tastes mighty fine today'.

Or CaptainCanada saying, "Honey, come to bed, I've decided to give the moose the night off."

Oh Moose jokes. Still hilarious after all these years. And you probably wonder why people don't think conservatives are funny?

Hit a little close to home, didn’t it, kiddo?

I

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

Emery's Third Coast Triathlon | Tri Wisconsin Triathlon Team | Push Endurance | GLWR

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [JSA] [ In reply to ]

May 20, 19 22:17

Post #22 of 28 (1743 views)

JSA wrote:

CaptainCanada wrote:

JSA wrote:

axlsix3 wrote:

JSA wrote:

CaptainCanada wrote:

JSA wrote:

I said this last week: "Honey, Marley's poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her."

Marley eats wifie's hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.

I would have thought you would say "Hey Honey, I won a case today!"

Oh, I get it! See, you're implying I don't win any cases!

You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!

I thought that was kinda funny. Like Windy saying 'honey, what do you think about Cuba for vacation this year' or 'the tap water tastes mighty fine today'.

Or CaptainCanada saying, "Honey, come to bed, I've decided to give the moose the night off."

Oh Moose jokes. Still hilarious after all these years. And you probably wonder why people don't think conservatives are funny?

Hit a little close to home, didn’t it, kiddo?

I

You mean the crack about the cases? Apparently.

I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 21, 19 4:58

Post #23 of 28 (1674 views)

I've started using some of my mom's expressions on my kids.

Boy1: *Eats a bite of pizza* "Yeow, this is hot!"
BLeP: "It's been in a hot oven for the past 20 minutes. If you were in the oven you'd be hot too."

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 21, 19 5:06

Post #24 of 28 (1666 views)

Also, this is obviously not an expression but my 7 year old threw one of those utility balls my 2 year old's head yesterday. Twice. After telling him not to then him doing it a second time I picked up the ball and whipped it at his head.

He's fine. Probably.

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

Re: Phrases you never could have thought you would say [j p o] [ In reply to ]

May 21, 19 8:30

Post #25 of 28 (1581 views)

"Yes I did high stick you, and I am sorry" to my almost 3yr old grandson. Showing how a missed lift check might go bad. Ooops.

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