They’ve never heard of adoption?

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

It's probably safe to say this won't become a popular alternative to adoption.

If her son donated the sperm, it's kind of freaky too.

Just seems like a lot of unnecessary risk and expense when there are littereally millions of children’s waiting to be adopted.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

I've had family and friends go through adoption process, and it is very difficult (time and emotionally) and can be very expensive. If you want a baby, the wait can be very long and then all of a sudden you get a call to pick them up. If you're willing to take an older child, they will more often than not have issues that you may not be prepared to deal with. There is also the very real risk that a family member steps up later and tries to get custody, which would be so terrible I can't even imagine.

The adoption process has so many innate difficulties, I can't imagine a process that could be put in place that would make it a simple and healthy process for all.

Why does anyone have a baby by any method? Seems like a lot of risk and expense when there are so many children waiting to be adopted.

I have friends who have had two kids via a surrogate. The babies are genetically theirs: she produced healthy eggs but couldn't carry a baby, so the babies have his sperm and her eggs, but was carried by a surrogate. Where's the problem?

I’m adopted as is my brother and sister.

My son is also adopted.

I’m well aware of what it entails.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

Ok.

I guess some kind of genetic attachment is important to people. I don’t get it, but whatever....

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

I think it's innate within most animals.

I’m not most animals.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

Stay in your lane brah

Genetic attachment IS innate, but it is vastly overblown, IMHO. My wife and I wasted close to $60k using IVF. Technically, we were 3 for 3, but never kept a fetus longer than 10 weeks. We finally decided to adopt, and got our beautiful daughter a little over 7 years ago. As soon as I got to hold her, I learned what I wish I'd known $90k earlier . . . . that kid was/is MINE; fuck the genetic attachment. If I'd realized earlier on what a trivial aspect the genetic link would be, I might've saved a cool $60k. In any event, it was an expensive lesson, but one worth learning.

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''The enemy isn't conservatism. The enemy isn't liberalism. The enemy is bulls**t.''

—Lars-Erik Nelson

Congrats - that's awesome!

He did.

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Pink? Maybe. Maybe not. You decide.

I have met both of my biological parents.

I have zero attachment to them.

The bond I have with my own son (who is adopted) is like nothing else in this world.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

What I have seen among some friends and patients is the kid really wants to find out/get to meet the biological parents. They sometimes describe being incomplete etc. I have never encountered parents that feel that way. Certainly not a reason to not adopt. One wonders if this will or will not be an issue in the future with adoption processes being more open these days.

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They constantly try to escape from the darkness outside and within
Dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good T.S. Eliot

Kind of like adopting from a foreign country when there are tons of perfectly available American kids?

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Proud member of the MSF (Maple Syrup Mafia)

We did both. The American kid was taken from us because mom wanted her back.

She’s dead now, btw. Mom and daughter.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

I am not adopted, so I can't speak to that birth parent link when a person doesn't grow up with their birth parents. I know exactly what you mean with respect to the relationship with you child. He's blessed to have you.

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''The enemy isn't conservatism. The enemy isn't liberalism. The enemy is bulls**t.''

—Lars-Erik Nelson

Our agency (the Gladney Agency in Ft. Worth, Texas) encourages open adoptions for those who wish to adopt domestically. They don't require it, but they are frank with potential adoptive parents that the wait typically drops dramatically the more open you're willing to be. My wife and I had to talk about that a lot. Neither of us was keen on having a full-on relationship with a potential birth mother, but we also did not want to wait forever, and we were sensitive to some of the "wanting to know" issues we might encounter with a completely closed adoption.

We ended up with a fairly open adoption. Our birth mother calls on our daughter's birthday, and we provided her with lots of pictures over the last 7 years, usually in one big batch around Christmas time. A couple of years ago, she visited some family in our area and we all had lunch with her and some of her family. Long and short of it is that my daughter knows who her birth mother is and will be able to have whatever relationship she chooses when she's mature enough and capable of making that decision. So far, she does not seem too worried about knowing more about her birth mother. A lot of it is how you frame your answers to questions about them.

All-in-all, we have had a wonderful experience with adoption, and my daughter very much resembles my wife, so unless she (my daughter) wants to tell other people she's adopted, most don't even consider the possibility.

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''The enemy isn't conservatism. The enemy isn't liberalism. The enemy is bulls**t.''

—Lars-Erik Nelson

I’m a very lucky man.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

While I have no experience with adoption, I will say that when my daughter was born... I felt absolutely zero innate paternal instinct or bond towards her.

She is 19 months now, and our relationship is amazing and the love I have for her his beyond words. But man, those first 4-6 months, I won't lie... Those were emotionally very difficult for me as I slowly tripped and fumbled my way in to the role of parent.

Whenever I hear people say things like "as soon as I saw my child, I felt this instant connection" I just cannot relate at all to that feeling.

Needless to say that little bit of conversation doesn't always go over well at dinner parties as most people don't seem to understand where I'm coming from but, fuck it, it was the truth for me.

My daughter has been napping on me for an hour as I type this. It's hard to believe the bond we have grown since those early days.

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Long Chile was a silly place.

If it makes you feel better - forget no bond- when they first showed me my daughter (who I had not known would be a girl til that point) I took one look at her and puked in a bucket.

(Granted I had been in labor for 22 hours, had an emergency C-section with a reaction to anesthesia leading up to it- so I wasn’t exactly at my best).

The bond has formed since the bucket incident.

Well, I didn't puke in a bucket but we had a planned C-section (she was breach) so it took all of 20 minutes from show time until I was holding her thinking "ok... Now what do I do?".

I'm glad things picked up for you since the bucket incident. You can really only go up from there!

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Long Chile was a silly place.

Wow. That's horrible. I'm so sorry to hear that.
If you legally adopt a kid, and they are now yours, how can they be taken away like that? Isn't that kind of the difference between adopting and fostering?

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Long Chile was a silly place.