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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [AlyraD] [ In reply to ]
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AlyraD wrote:
There are some people on the earlier pages who shit in their wetsuits and the stories are fucking hilarious.

OMG, I read the first page then clicked the skip to last page button. I thought this thread was only 2 pages. I missed 10 pages of awesomeness.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [ In reply to ]
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and the only lesson that continues to be re-enforced is

Never buy anything used from a triathlete
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [spntrxi] [ In reply to ]
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A second lesson may be: some things just can't be cleaned, they need to be replaced

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Vaulter] [ In reply to ]
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Vaulter wrote:
I read this thread earlier today and then went for my normal lunch swim. I was doing intervals and had one of those nasty acidic type burps, but thankfully nothing came up. Made me curious if anyone had pool stories.

To be honest, I did not check to see if there was a separate thread for that topic.

Are you aware that a lot of swimmers routinely pee in the pool?
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Vaulter] [ In reply to ]
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Vaulter wrote:
I read this thread earlier today and then went for my normal lunch swim. I was doing intervals and had one of those nasty acidic type burps, but thankfully nothing came up. Made me curious if anyone had pool stories.

To be honest, I did not check to see if there was a separate thread for that topic.

I have had a couple of close calls in the pool before, but always managed to jump out and run to the locker room in time. I am sure there are stories of "code browns" though.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [g_lev] [ In reply to ]
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Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [RandMart] [ In reply to ]
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Well ... I figure it's time resurrect one of my favorite threads.

The story begins with the consumption of a copious amount of extremely spicy hot wings the evening before. After my experience not sure if I would go with the Industrial strength hot sauce again.

So before I head out on my early snowy, cold morning run I hit the bathroom. All is good ... or so I thought.

I was approximately 6 km into my run and was within a few blocks of a local coffee shop that I knew had an available bathroom ... when I realized all was not well in paradise. My bowels started to give me some warning signs that something was up ... however I had a pace time to keep ... I figured I could make it the last 6 km back to the pool and the washroom. Well ... I made it about another km when I realized that my body wanted those hot wings out and it wanted them out NOW.

It was still dark out, I headed towards the nearest lane way. Before I drop my tights I quickly scan for some available leaves, there are unfortunately not many as they have long since fallen off, however I "believe" I have seen a bunch on the tree I have gotten close to. After letting Mnt Vesuvius erupt I feel a million times better ... well onto the leaves ..... ;(. What I thought were leaves turned out to be shadows, I am now leafless.

I was not a fan but what is a person to do ... but use the snow to make snowballs to wipe with ... unfortunately the snow was extremely powdery so each of the 3 or 4 snowballs I made took a good 30 odd seconds to form into any cohesive mass. As I was cleaning up the first thing that popped into my mind was a question a student of mine (Outdoor Rec 12) asked a few weeks prior with regard to have I ever used a snowball to wipe I remember replying that only fools forget to pack spare toilet paper as you never know when you will need some. I have since confessed to that student my hot wing ordeal ... he had a great laugh.

I have since reloaded my water bottle belt with some toilet paper as you never know when it will be needed ;)

Have a great 2020 all!
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Yadal] [ In reply to ]
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Yadal wrote:
however I had a pace time to keep ...

I think this factor has been the cause of many people's shit stories!
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Yadal] [ In reply to ]
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Yaaasss!!!

Use this link to save $5 off your USAT membership renewal:
https://membership.usatriathlon.org/...A2-BAD7-6137B629D9B7
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Yadal] [ In reply to ]
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Yadal wrote:
... only fools forget to pack spare toilet paper as you never know when you will need some.

.... And cold & snowy are not prime conditions for the One Sock Club, unless you also want to join the Frostbite Club or the "I Used to Have TEN Toes" Club

I guess you can add Reddish-brown to the list of colored snows you should not eat - Yellow being at the top of the list

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [RandMart] [ In reply to ]
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idk, if i HAD to eat one i think i would pick a yellow after a reddish-brown one now that I know where the colors come from :-/

Use this link to save $5 off your USAT membership renewal:
https://membership.usatriathlon.org/...A2-BAD7-6137B629D9B7
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Yadal] [ In reply to ]
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It happened to me in downtown puerto Vallarta a few months ago. My Spanish is limited but at least I know baño and por favor.



And once before doing a race pace workout on a running trail.

I’ve come to not fear it as much as I used to.

Instagram | floathammerholdon
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [cloy] [ In reply to ]
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cloy wrote:
I’ve come to not fear it as much as I used to.

I find it's better to plan ahead, than to suffer behind

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [RandMart] [ In reply to ]
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We should call it Quadrathlon. 1st discipline is not easy on the race day if you know what I mean. Timing is everything.

1. Shit
2. Swim
3. Bike
4. Run
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [afrizzledfry] [ In reply to ]
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I'm glad this thread came to the front page again because I had an incident a few months ago that I wanted to share but couldn't find the page.

I was in the middle of training for a marathon and wanted to do an easy 12 mile run at an area park. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and I pulled on a pair of lycra shorts and a technical shirt and headed out the door.

I didn't feel great when I pulled into the parking lot. I’d eaten breakfast a few hours earlier, some eggs, bacon, sausage and orange juice, and it wasn’t sitting well.

There was a rumbling in my gut, but I figured I could sip some Gatorade and it would settle.

I got out of the car and did some light stretching .

In hindsight, this was the moment I should have climbed back in the car and gone home.

Because while I was stretching, I farted.

It was a loud, wet, sneaky fart that escaped before I could clench my sphincter.

I looked around, a little embarrassed… thankfully, no one had been close enough to hear it and despite it being wet, it wasn’t a shart.

I started the run at an easy pace. The trail was a long, 12 mile loop with woods on either side to start, and wide open fields further out. I passed a few dog walkers and joggers the first few minutes.

A couple of miles in, my stomach was still not settled and I needed to fart.

I was wary… I didn’t fully trust the fart… but I slowed down and gave a push.

Immediately, I knew I had popped a little dollop of shit into my pants. There was no mistaking that feeling. It was wet and gritty.

I wasn’t happy about it but, it happens. I waited till there was nobody coming in either direction and slipped into the woods. I looked around for some leaves. I found a handful and gave my crack a nice wipe. It was a slick wipe. More shit than I expected but I figured that was the end of it. I had farted out what was bothering me and now I was solid gold.

I looked in both directions when I stepped back out onto the trail. All clear. I started running again,
picking up my pace. I felt good. The shart had cleansed me.

I was 6 miles in and running like a champion.

And then it hit me.

A hollow, gurgling feeling in my gut.

That feeling was unmistakable… and I knew a storm was coming.

It was food poisoning.

I’ve had food poisoning twice in my life and I know that once it starts, there’s nothing you can do but ride that wave of vomit and shit until it breaks.

But I knew I was in trouble. I still had 6 miles to go.

I soldiered on. My mind was racing. Do I run? If I run, I’ll just shake up my guts and jar that gurgling shit loose. If I walk, I’m a ticking time bomb of diarrhea .

My gut rolled. I clenched my buttocks. Here it comes. I clenched harder. Please, no. Don’t shit. Don’t shit your pants.

Bam. My shorts got warm. I reached around and touched them. It was official. I had shit my pants.

Actually, I was still shitting my pants. And not just shitting my pants, my bowels were emptying into my shorts.

Until that moment, I didn’t fully appreciate the breadth of the term “lose control of your bowels.” It was an utter loss of control. I couldn’t have stopped shitting my pants if my life depended on it.

Literally.

If you had said to me, you will die unless you stop shitting your pants, I would have dropped dead.

And it was like chili. It was as if someone was dumping a full pot of chili into the back of my running shorts.

I was starting to panic. And feel nauseous.

At that point I started walking as quickly as I could. Buttocks clenched tight. Waddling, almost. Kind of like Charlie Chaplin. Except my pants were full of shit.

And it was still squirting out of my asshole in little bursts.

I started to sweat. My feces was running down my legs, soaking my socks.

I still had 4 miles to go.

I came around a bend in the trail and not a hundred feet away was a woman with her dog. The dog was off the leash and came running at me, tail wagging excitedly.

He got close.

He stopped.

His tail stopped wagging.

He sniffed the air.

He started to dry heave.

The woman came running after him, apologizing “I’m so sorry!”

I tried to wave her off but it was too late. She saw the feces running down my legs. Her eyes got wide and she grabbed her dog. The smell of my bowel movement hit her. Her hand went to her mouth. She half-heartedly asked me if I needed any help and didn’t wait for an answer. She put the leash on the dog and ran in the other direction.

I started shuffling.

Two miles to go.

Every once in awhile, between squirts, I would vomit a little.

At this point I was spent. I really didn’t care anymore if anyone saw me. There was already so much feces covering my legs and shoes it wasn’t even worth trying to save my dignity. I had none left.

I even had shit in my hair.

I walked through the parking lot, my shoes so wet from my diarrhea, they left little, wet, shitty footprints on the blacktop.

I got to my car.

Without really thinking, I put a towel down on the seat. I climbed in and drove home.

I got in the shower, rinsed off and climbed into bed where I would stay, off and on, for the next 20 hours, only getting out of bed to shit and vomit.

Vincent Van Gogh once said “There is peace even in the storm.”

I doubt Van Gogh ever shit his pants like I did.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [maliki] [ In reply to ]
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sweet lord...4 miles...the chaffing, the rash, the smell....How long was the car ride home? Not sure if you're a Seinfeld watcher but I just watched the "B.O." episode, how did you clean the car seat after that?
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [FuzzyRunner] [ In reply to ]
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It was awful. I put a towel down and that helped but I still got shit on the seat. I got the car seats shampooed atthe car wash and it did a reasonable job taking the smell out of it. So the smell was gone but there is still a little staining so I just got some really nice seat covers and all is well now.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [maliki] [ In reply to ]
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So glad I found this thread, y'all got me cracking up. I have to shit in the woods at least monthly it seems; sometimes more

New Years day morning.... Rumbling in my tummy. Oh god I dont feel so good. I ate way too much meat and cheese last night. Not feeling hung over at all.
Over the course of the morning I pissed out my ass 3 times.
Well I think its time for that run, planned for a long one.
Packed my run belt with spare TP and drive down to my start location; stomach feeling fine.
0.5 miles - "Left my run belt in the car. My stomach feels pretty good I think Ill continue" I stopped a few minutes an evaluated the situation
1 mile - Warmup done, time to start T interval
1.5 mile - "These are a lot harder than I remember"
2.5 mile - *stomach gurgles* "Uh oh, time to turn around" Now at this point of the trail there are trees around but obviously its bare, and many Mcmasnsions around. The paved trail also has a side gravel trail
3 mile - Dashing off into the woods with barely enough time drop my pants behind a large tree, and a house in plain view, my ass exploded. Not much to wipe with. Check for messes on the outside of my clothes and carry on a walk/jog back to my car.

So yea, 3 miles into 2020 I shit myself. Good times.....
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [FuzzyRunner] [ In reply to ]
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FuzzyRunner wrote:
sweet lord...4 miles...the chaffing, the rash, the smell....How long was the car ride home? Not sure if you're a Seinfeld watcher but I just watched the "B.O." episode, how did you clean the car seat after that?

You don't

You drive the car a reasonable distance, set it on fire, and call your insurance agent saying it was stolen

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [maliki] [ In reply to ]
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Thank you. I needed that. Made my day so much better!

(I came close to this during a race. Told myself if I messed myself I was going to keep running past the finish line right into the lake. Thank goodness I did not have to do that -- straight to the bathroom from the finish line).
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Yadal] [ In reply to ]
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If you wear socks, 2 pieces of emergency TP are at your fingertips at all times.


Yadal wrote:
Well ... I figure it's time resurrect one of my favorite threads.

The story begins with the consumption of a copious amount of extremely spicy hot wings the evening before. After my experience not sure if I would go with the Industrial strength hot sauce again.

So before I head out on my early snowy, cold morning run I hit the bathroom. All is good ... or so I thought.

I was approximately 6 km into my run and was within a few blocks of a local coffee shop that I knew had an available bathroom ... when I realized all was not well in paradise. My bowels started to give me some warning signs that something was up ... however I had a pace time to keep ... I figured I could make it the last 6 km back to the pool and the washroom. Well ... I made it about another km when I realized that my body wanted those hot wings out and it wanted them out NOW.

It was still dark out, I headed towards the nearest lane way. Before I drop my tights I quickly scan for some available leaves, there are unfortunately not many as they have long since fallen off, however I "believe" I have seen a bunch on the tree I have gotten close to. After letting Mnt Vesuvius erupt I feel a million times better ... well onto the leaves ..... ;(. What I thought were leaves turned out to be shadows, I am now leafless.

I was not a fan but what is a person to do ... but use the snow to make snowballs to wipe with ... unfortunately the snow was extremely powdery so each of the 3 or 4 snowballs I made took a good 30 odd seconds to form into any cohesive mass. As I was cleaning up the first thing that popped into my mind was a question a student of mine (Outdoor Rec 12) asked a few weeks prior with regard to have I ever used a snowball to wipe I remember replying that only fools forget to pack spare toilet paper as you never know when you will need some. I have since confessed to that student my hot wing ordeal ... he had a great laugh.

I have since reloaded my water bottle belt with some toilet paper as you never know when it will be needed ;)

Have a great 2020 all!
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [TheFJ] [ In reply to ]
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TheFJ wrote:
If you wear socks, 2 pieces of emergency TP are at your fingertips at all times.

]

I think you mean toe tips. ;o)
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [TheFJ] [ In reply to ]
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TheFJ wrote:
If you wear socks, 2 pieces of emergency TP are at your fingertips at all times.

As I observed above, going sockless in a cold & snowy scenario may NOT be the wisest option

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [prefersdirt] [ In reply to ]
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prefersdirt wrote:
Thank you. I needed that. Made my day so much better!

(I came close to this during a race. Told myself if I messed myself I was going to keep running past the finish line right into the lake. Thank goodness I did not have to do that -- straight to the bathroom from the finish line).

There’s a reason I do my long runs in 3-4 miles loops by my house. In case of an emergency, I can go right to my house. I’ve had some close calls though
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [mickison] [ In reply to ]
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There was such a stench in the locker room at the gym last night, I thought to myself 'I wonder is anyone here is a Slowtwitcher, and will I read about this tomorrow in the 'Shit My Pants' thread?'

Quid Pro Cuervo
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