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Family Support
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I have been training for Ironman for four years. I was sidelined by an injury on Christmas Day 2016. I know I am a somewhat slow runner. However, I didn't realize how slow until yesterday. I train with my dog usually, but typically never with anyone else. We decided to go for a run as a family yesterday. My 13 year old daughter and husband took off at a fast pace and never looked back. This was a six mile run on a flat. I couldn't keep up. Not only was it soul crushing for me that they left and didn't pace with me, but that I couldn't keep up.

I have done a tri and many races without my family being there to support me. They DID however come to my Ragnar Race last spring and were super supportive.

I am still angry today which is great right before Christmas. I realize I might have idealized the family run I thought we were going to have. Has anyone else experienced this with their family or friends? What did you do?

I am signed up for Ironman Madison and am now rethinking my registration after yesterday. If I can't keep up on a 6 mile flat, how am I going to be able to do an Ironman in a respectable time?
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Re: Family Support [butterflygal23] [ In reply to ]
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Merry Christmas!!

These are terrible feelings to be having but a few things to note from your post:

* Idealized= you probably nailed it with that statement, it is good that you can recognized that. In the future discuss your vision with your family. Don't let it bother you, if at the end of the run, they were happy and you all got a run in, that is worth embracing. Find your happiness for their achievements, and think back to how far you've come since your injury.

* 6mile pace should be different than your marathon pace- depending on your training this could be why you have endurance and not speed.

* Think about your training load. What did you do the day before or even hours before this run? Is your family also training for an Ironman? (the could be fresher than you are, they may also not have to get another work out in anytime soon, and your legs could be heavy from your training load. Don't be so hard on yourself, think about possible reason why you felt that why; especially if it is not indicative of your prior trying sessions. Hydration/fuel could play a part).

* Holiday= emotion, stress- breathe, it will be okay. Sleep, fueling are usually off during this time period.

* 4 years commitment to this race, do not let a bad day take away all of your effort. Say you are not where you want to be,acknowledge that. Now, think about what you need to do, to get to where you want to be, you still have a few months to put in some steady healthy work. Focus on getting one day at time done, not the overall goal.

* Respectable Time- Finish an Ironman is respectable. Hard is hard, no matter how fast you go, everyone is struggling with their own efforts. Believe in yourself, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

* Be nice to yourself, you are courageous for attempting this, even professionals do not show up at every race on top. You and your family will be proud of you by showing up to the line, for fighting for a goal you wanted.

Congratulations on having a family that can run, and that was willing to run with you even if your mad you couldn't keep up, let it motivate you to keep working for your goals.

Try to find the positive in your progress, if you accomplish what your not sure you can; you will be amazed at the confidence it will bring you in so many other parts of your life.

Keep at it girl, I am cheering for you!!
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Re: Family Support [butterflygal23] [ In reply to ]
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So, I'm not sure I'm reading this the right way.

You said you idealized a family run, but your family took off and left you to run at your own comfortable pace.

Were there pre-discussed expectations to run together? Was your run a loop or a point to point to meet at a place to celebrate the 6 mile workout? Did you at any point call out "Hey, can you run with me to keep me company"?

Also, are they signed up for IMMoo? As your pacers or direct competitors?

I fully disclose that I am a lone wolf, army of one in my triathlon and insane athletic endeavors. I don't expect anyone- family, teammates, coaches, etc- to hold my hand through any workout. It's mine to own. But with that mindset also comes the confidence that *I* can get through workouts on my own, at *my* pace. My pace will always be faster and slower than everyone else out there, and I am entirely chill with that. It's a large part of the mental strategy that's required to get through the monster than is IM training. Do I run, ride, and swim with people? Sure. Do I confirm any laid out expectations for that time together? Absolutely.

Talk to your family about future run plans. Maybe tonight go for a nice Jingle Bell 5k to run by the holiday lights in your neighborhood to enjoy the festive season time together. But definitely talk to them about running *together*, and not just getting a workout in at the same time.

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Re: Family Support [butterflygal23] [ In reply to ]
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I can understand how disappointed you were when your family dropped you on the run. The expectation that you were all in it together was not met. I had a similar situation many years ago when I ran my first endurance race. It was a 10-miler, and my husband and daughter agreed to run the 5K to do the event with me, and I assumed that they would be out on the course after their race to cheer me on. I already knew that they were fast runners and that it would be a while before I finished my race. When I crossed the finish line, they were nowhere to be seen, and I had to search around to find them. When I finally spotted them, they ran to me quickly, proudly displaying their podium finishers' medals! Instead of feeling happy for them, I was crushed that they were focused on their wins and not on my success in finishing the race. I didn't tell my husband until years later how disappointed I felt, and he realized that he didn't support me as he said he would. He's been great since then in supporting me in my training and races. Looking back, I realize that I wasn't transparent in letting them know how important it was to me to have them to be cheering me on. In fact, I probably shouldn't have suggested that they run the 5K in the first place, and I should have requested that they be out on the course to help me through the rough spots. Communication is so important! My entire family is now super supportive of me and they make me feel like a winner at every race, whether I get on the podium, or limp across the finish line. I've gone on since that 10-mile race to be a volunteer coach for several seasons for a charity training team and even participated as a sweeper for one major half marathon so nobody else would have to be the last person to cross the finish line.

Please don't re-think your IM registration. You've invested a lot of time and money into the race, and it's a dream you want to achieve. Let your family know how important their support is to you moving forward. Don't dwell on what happened Christmas Eve - your husband and daughter can't change it. If you do mention it, put it in the context of something like, "I didn't realize how much your support means to me until I last week, when I completed the six mile run by myself. It would have been much more fun if we could have run it together and I should have told you that from the start." If your family doesn't support you in your IM training, don't let that stop you. However, it does sound like they are supportive if they came out for Ragnar (that's a long weekend!), and a little communication is what they need.
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