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Married ladies: change last name or not?
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I've been waffling on changing my name since getting married last month. I'm 42, and always thought I would keep my maiden name. Now that we're hitched, I've been thinking hmmm, it would be kind of nice to have the name link, but it seems like a pain to go through all the paper work of doing it. I'd consider hyphenating as well but it's funny how I don't feel strongly about it either way.

FYI: We will not be having any children together.

Did you change your name? Pros/Cons
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I kept my name. It was easier. Our marriage certificate has both names, not hyphenated, but I am using only my last name. It's never been an issue for anything, plus my last name is easier to spell :)
oh, and my husband didn't really care either way...


my support:

Pacific Multisport
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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i changed mine legally, but still use my maiden name at the office since i've been working here longer than i've been married and my clients all know me by my original surname. husband gently encouraged me to change my name, and i had no objection to doing so. no kids for us, either, so that wasn't a factor - i just considered it part of getting married.

at least people don't constantly mispronounce my "new" (it'll be 8 years next week) name!

cheers!

-mistress k

__________________________________________________________
ill advised racing inc.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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My family has a history of dropping our middle names and keeping our maiden name in its place. So my legal name is now my first name, maiden name, married name and I like it. My middle name was Elizabeth which really had no family history anyways. So keeping my maiden name in there is really nice, I feel like I'm getting the best of both worlds without the crazy hyphenation.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I kept my name, partly out of laziness and partly because it just felt like the right thing to me. I'd spent a number of years trying to build some name recognition with my then-career and didn't want to lose that. Plus, I really enjoy the "reverse sexism" of them calling the hubby Mr. Draeger. Makes me giggle every time...

M

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The beatings will continue until morale improves
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I got married to have kids, so I made my maiden name my middle name (as someone above did). Legally I am First Name Maiden Name Married Name. I wanted to have the same name as my kids. Now that I am divorced still works for me - I got a better sounding name in marriage.

IF I chose to ever marry again (and even 7 years after divorce cannot imagine ever marrying again) I doubt I would change my name.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I did not have mine changed legally, although when I filled out the wedding license application, I listed my name as Megan Marie DH'sLastName MyLastName (no hyphen). That way, the two are not linked, and I could go by one or the other, or both--in either order.

But like I said, I didn't change mine legally. I do, on occasion, use Gerst Rocker as my last name(s), but by and large I am Megan Rocker everywhere. I never, ever go by Megan Gerst.

I never intended to change my name when I got married. DH made a few half-hearted attempts to convince me to, but when I burst in to tears and hysterics getting the wedding license b/c I didn't want to change it, that was pretty much the end of the discussion :p

My thoughts were this:
1. I like my name. I find it rather awesome.
2. All of my work and whatnot is under my original last name. What's more, most everyone addresses me by that name (including my husband). Very few people call me Megan.
3. I like my name. It is the name I came with.
4. I think the tradition of the wife always taking the husband's last name is silly. I mean, I guess I can see why two people who are married might want the SAME last name, for convenience sake (or for a bonding thing or whatever)...I just don't think it should always be a one-way street. I don't care if OTHER people change their name--but for me, I think it's silly.


mmm-mmm-Momo Charms
Handmade beverage charms, jewelry, and miscellanea

http://momocharms.wordpress.com
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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Depends on what his last name is...

If it is something like MacGhilleseatheanaich then keep your name, but if it is not that bad change it. In my opinion keeping your last name is sorta like a pre-nup. It conveys a sense of finality to the relationship.


Heather Sweet
http://thesweetsadventure.blogspot.com/
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I really like the last name I grew up with and didn't want to lose it. Hubby gently leaned on me to take his last name which surprised me. I hyphenated, as you know. If I had to do it all over again I would have kept my maiden name and not added his name. Swift is too cool to give up.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [JenHS] [ In reply to ]
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I took my husband's last night though there are times I wish I had kept my maiden name. His last time is difficult to spell and is commonly slaughtered when pronounced. I am sort of traditional with these things.....

I know someone who hyphenated her last name and her husband's (both long last names) and regretted it. Every place from health insurance to airline reservations would get mixed up with the long last names and hyphenation so I didn't want to do that either.....
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I knew a couple who actually combined their last names to make an entirely new one. I'm not married, but if I do get married I can't imagine changing my last name. I like it, and if I changed it I wouldn't feel like ME anymore. But I think it's fine when women choose to take their husband's name. To each their own.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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My first wife never changed her name. She had an unusual rare surname and the name would die out after her since there were no males in her extended family, but the kids took my surname and used her maiden name as their middle names. My second hasn't changed either, but we never intended to have kids.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I have been married to my wife for almost 8 years. We are both 37 years old.
If she did not take my name, it would have been a deal breaker.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [mmrocker13] [ In reply to ]
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Ditto, except I had my tears n' hysterics a month or so before we got the marriage license!

Now that we're thinking about kids, DH has brought it up again a few times, but I just say, "No." He's not too torn up about it! :-)
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [csb] [ In reply to ]
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People always say to me "OMG, what if you have kids" :o

My response is usually one of two things...for one, if we did, their last names would be like I did on my marriage license: First Name, Middle Name, HisName, MyName. NO hyphen. Gerst and Rocker are both short enough to use together. When they are 18, they can go by whichever they choose. For two: LOTS of folks manage to walk around with a combined surname as a matter of course in other cultures, and their heads don't explode.


mmm-mmm-Momo Charms
Handmade beverage charms, jewelry, and miscellanea

http://momocharms.wordpress.com
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [mmrocker13] [ In reply to ]
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Well, exactly! My parents got divorced when I was 4, and my mother changed her name back -- we managed to survive without any real issue!

Good idea on the birth certificate. Hadn't thought about that. Of course, we haven't thought about a lot of things yet!
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [mmrocker13] [ In reply to ]
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Megan, if I married you, I'd take your last name :-)

I once went on a date with a guy whose last name was Running. I thought that was pretty cool.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [csb] [ In reply to ]
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csb wrote:
Now that we're thinking about kids, DH has brought it up again a few times, but I just say, "No." He's not too torn up about it! :-)

What?!?? Really? Yea!

See you in September?

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [trackie clm] [ In reply to ]
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We're THINKING about it. No decisions yet. We really like the life we currently lead! Selfish, yeah, I know!

I take it you're making the rounds in September? I should be around.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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my wife just added my last name to her whole name so it's Firstname Middlename Herlastname Mylastname (no hypen). She usually goes by Firstname Herlastname at work with some long time clients, but with new people, she'll go with Firstname Mylastname. Regarding kids, she's mentioned wanting the kids to have her last name as a middle name, especially because her family is all girls, and the name dies out after them.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I didn't change my name when married 7 years ago. I got married and started a new job all within a week so it would have been difficult to change my name the week after I started at a new job. (Really I was just lazy.)

No issues so far but last week i got a new kitten and the in the paperwork he was listed as Thor hislastname. Since the kitten is technically mine It felt odd. I assume it is going to feel odd when I have kids too but don't see it as a big deal.

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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [marcia] [ In reply to ]
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If you have kids, you can always go the Spanish route. Kids get last name of both parents without hyphen, e.g. Kidsgivenname Dadlastname Momlastname, with a further example from pro cycling being Alberto Contador Velasco. One other difference in the Spanish system is also that in marriage the woman doesn't change her name, and the kids get the combo last name from both parents. I always kind of liked that system, it seems a bit more logical.
Friends from Puerto Rico (use same naming system) have told me that applications (credit, school, etc.) are not set up to handle two last names without a hyphen, which can cause some bureaucratic stupidity (system takes last name in list, which may suddenly "create" Kidsgivenname Momlastname, while other forms or is typically known by Kidsgivenname Dadlastname).
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I changed mine as it was easy to do with all the immigration paperwork done at the same time. His is easier to spell although people have trouble pronouncing it correctly but only because they don't read well apparently. If I didn't need a greencard to be able to stay here, we'd probably be living in sin rather than being married at any rate.
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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Is that a joke?
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Re: Married ladies: change last name or not? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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all my life I thought I'd change - my family name is SMITH for heaven's sake, and married a guy with a super unique last name, but hell, I grew into my name and didn't want to change it.

we don't wear rings either. :) kids all took his name, though they are now questioning why we did that.

http://harvestmoon6.blogspot.com
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