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How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas!
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Anyone else have experience with an overwhelmingly supportive sig other who sometimes loses the idea that we are women BEFORE triathletes?!? The BF has been sooo good about making sure I have the next hot gadget, or running shoes, or gear system..... however, I am having trouble subtly trying to drop the hint that a boxed/ unwrapped aerobar set (athough fantastic and pricey) thrown into my arms for V-day isnt the most 'attractive' way of showing that he cares!? haha. Must be a type A tri-guy thing??? Or am I a shmuck for complaining...
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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I tried the direct approach ...I sent him the link to a pair of earrings and a necklace I have my eye on and titled the e-mail "Birthday and/or Anniversary Gift?" The total for those, if he got both, would have been around $500.

The response I got: "Jewelry is a waste of money. How about this treadmill?" Price tag on the treadmill: $1000.

One one hand, it is awesome to have the latest and greatest helmets, sunglasses, clothing, shoes, and racing/training equipment ...however, I LOVE girly gifts (I think that is what you are getting at).

His idea of "romance" is surprising me by changing my bar tape. I can't seem to get across that little blue box every once and a while wouldn't hurt ;-)

In the end, though, I would much rather have my amazing guy than a blah relationship with lots of flowers and pretty things.

And yes, he is a type-A tri guy.
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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Oh this brings back memories!!!!

When I first got married my husband (for my birthday) gave me waders; WADERS! I like fishing and enjoy doing it with him, but WADERS as birthday gift.....um NO! His thoughts were practical. We like fishing, at the time we didn't own a boat, he has waders, I need waders = time together.

He didn't get it when I tried to explain the concept of 'appropriate gifts' for me (vs. just going out to buy me something fun). So in order for him to 'get it' and 'feel' it he received a wallet and watch for his birthday a few months later - accessorizing is something he could care less about (and was not thrilled over the gift). When I saw his face after he opened his gift, I simply made my point. Some things are gifts, some things are not. Needless to say from that point on, he 'got it'.

If the direct approach doesn't work then perhaps your sig other needs to 'feel it' as well.

For your sake (and his) I hope he figures out what you need in the gift department for you to feel the love.

Best of luck.

____________________________
Life is Short...Run Long
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [RunMomRun] [ In reply to ]
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Well, my b-day is tomorrow and I am over the moon about getting a 310 and a Road ID (which I think is kind of romantic b/c it shows he cares....plus he wrote 'know that you are loved' at the bottom so every time I look at it I go 'awwww')

But, I don't think there's anything wrong with just talking to him about this. No need to drop a hint, I don't think. Just be upfront that while you love and appreciate getting 'active' gifts, that's not all you're interested in.
Last edited by: Teags: Jan 21, 10 20:19
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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when i read this subject line the first thing i thought was that it would be a thread about how to tell your partner that you want to have a baby.

anyway, my hubby is really horrible at picking gifts (well, not so much horrible at it - he can when he tries and knows what day it is) but he often forgets when holidays are and forgets. so he just lets me buy something i want. not necessarily romantic, but at least i get what i want. i'd be honest with him because otherwise he might not get the message, and maybe make a little list of ideas for non-tri stuff you like. he might just be stumped for what else to get you or think that's your favorite stuff.
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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Have you thought about trying to NOT drop a hint (special a subtle one) and just tell the BF something along the lines of 'hey hon, don't get me tri stuff for Xmas/Bday/etc anymore'

You might be surprised...it might actually work :-)
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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We are guys. We don't get and don't like "hints". And we don't understand why we should read minds.

Something like this would work:

"hey, honey, I really like that you are super supportive with my hobby. Really, you are the best. But, you don't need to give me triathlon gifts. You see? I also like shoes and flowers and this and that."


It reminds me the time I was dating this girl. One day, she told me "hey, it's really hot, no?" I answered "yes, I know, I'm melting here." Well, later on she was giving me crap because she was thirsty and I didn't offer to buy her a drink. WTF? She could have just told me "hey, I'm really thirsty. Why don't we get something to drink?"
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Maui] [ In reply to ]
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Funny, all I could think reading the OP was, "stop with the hinting". Guys are dumb (love you haha). Just be direct.


______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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Haha, I need to show this thread to my boyfriend, lest I get a saddle bag and new pedals for V-Day!
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [D!] [ In reply to ]
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"Guys are dumb (love you haha). Just be direct. "

Have to agree. But I don't understand why women won't be direct and then get angry because we "don't get it". As I tell my wife - we're not mind readers. Don't drop subtle hints. Instead just tell us.
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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Great post! Being pinned as the "athletic one" has its benefits but you always end up with sporty gadgets for gifts!

I think your boyfriend gets you these things because he is super excited about them. I'm sure going shopping for earrings ranks pretty low on his ideal way to spend a Saturday afternoon. What I would do tell him directly how those "girly" gifts make you feel- perhaps make an analogy to what it must feel like to him when he gets a new powertap. Hit home the excitement you get about jewelry, purses, clothes, etc. (or whatever you have in mind....).
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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So here is a different view. I got married in September to the man of my dreams after a long marriage (25 years) to another guy. Guy one, bought the jewelry, coats, books, etc. whatever I asked for. He never put any thought into gift giving, he just asked me what do you want, I told him, he bought it.

Art on the other hand is a very, very practical man. Last year for Christmas he installed a blower in my gas fireplace and bought a case of CFL flood lights. I was a bit taken aback and didn't see the "love" in the gifts but kept my mouth shut cuz we weren't married and I really loved him so I figured if we were together for a while he would "get" it. The reality is that I am the one who finally "got" it not him. In May he proposed with a six carat bridal set that had been in his family for generations. Every day he shows his love with a winning smile, a warm heart, total involvement in my life, trust and love. This Christmas he gave me an electric car starter and fixed the dent in my car that had been there for two years cuz I never got around to it. Oh and he bought me a state of the art Rice Cooker.... I tell my girlfriends and they don't actually get it. They look at me with a bit of condescension. That is okay cuz now I understand!

So..no jewelry, no hearts, no flowers but instead things that make every day less complicated and more comfortable. And...that smile every morning. Life is really good.
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [drake] [ In reply to ]
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awesome! :)

the biggest thing is to communicate with your significant other, and let them know what you'd LIKE, whether that's "typical" girly stuff, or something more non-traditional. tanker knows i don't go for jewelry, so he buys me tools (one of the best things he ever got me is a metric tap & die set), stuff for sport (like a reflective wrist strap with a blinky light to keep me safe while running after dark - that's love right there!), and other things he knows i'll enjoy. that sweetheart got me a new kettle this christmas past; not what most people would call "romantic", but he knew the last thing i need is frustration with our old, quirky kettle while i'm trying to brew a relaxing cup of tea, or press us both a nice cup of coffee.

when your partner really knows you, you'll almost always get a gift you'll like...assuming they're not a jerk ;)

cheers!

-mistress k

__________________________________________________________
ill advised racing inc.
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [drake] [ In reply to ]
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...Oh and he bought me a state of the art Rice Cooker...
What a bunch of BS. So you got married to a condescending dude. You should get him a hammer for his birthday.
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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Make a wishlist! But my husband is great about buying me other stuff- in addition to great gear- just got my first speedplay pedals to put on my beautiful cervelo R3, new tri clothing and new running shoes for xmas (among other girly things.) And I got uggs for my bday so ... I'm one lucky girl. Try the wishlist! Good luck :)

Tracy M. De Soto
Femme Designer/CFO/Attorney
De Soto Sport
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Sw1Bi2Ru3n] [ In reply to ]
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Something I learned a long time ago... if you talk about tri all the time, you are going to get tri all the time in return (or worse - the total tune out). My partner does tris as well, heck we did IMC together last year (finished within 1/2 hr of each other too ha!) but we do not talk tri all the time. If I did, I probably would have received all tri gift for xmas. I think I got ONE tri gift this year. Scored some super sweet jewelry, lingerie, reading material, etc.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [sdtrigirl] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
And I got uggs for my bday so ... I'm one lucky girl.

I dunno-- if my husband bought me Uggs for my birthday, I'd think myself rather unlucky. But maybe that's just me. :)
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [altocinco] [ In reply to ]
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X2.

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: How to drop a Hint that TRIATHLON isnt ALL I want for xmas! [Maui] [ In reply to ]
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Yeah he is a real prick. He just gave me a car for Valentine's Day.

You are right what a condescending dude......
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