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For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders...
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... how long did it take?

I'm nearing 8 years of therapy and it's not getting any better. I want to give up, except I can't, because it would get worse (and it would get worse very quickly). I am so, so tired of the everyday battle of it.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I was bulimic/anorexic from 17 to 36 yrs old, had a brief reprieve when I got pregnant with my son, and then almost hit bottom again, but I started going to Overeaters Anonymous - it has been the only thing that has worked for me (other than being pregnant!) Been through all kinds of therapists, medication, self-help etc. It is currently saving my life. ED's suck, and I wasted so many years obsessed. I feel your pain. Its no way to live.
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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About 11 years of anorexia before I started climbing back out, but therapy had very little effect on me. If you think things will get worse quickly without therapy, then the therapy is working for you. Not as well as you'd like, but it's helping.

For me, recovery happened in spite of myself. At age 31, I found a new career and a new set of friends, and I was so caught up in learning my new career and enjoying the company of my new friends that I lost my laser focus on what I ate and when I ate it. I was happy, and I realized that I wouldn't be as happy if I insulated myself from those new friends with my obsession about food. It wasn't like flipping a switch. It happened gradually.

I'm now 47, and the anorexia started when I was 20. I've been a healthy weight since I was probably 32 or 33, but I still struggle on a daily basis with my relationship with food. I'm still a healthy weight, but it's still a daily struggle -- not to keep weight on, but to live without letting thoughts of food/how much I eat/how much I ate/what I will eat/when I will eat/what my weight is/what direction my weight is moving dominate me. I have those thoughts; I just don't let them run my life anymore.

As you say, it's exhausting if you let it consume you. I think the trick is finding other things on which to focus, which you find even more important than the laser focus on food and weight.
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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It's been just over 8 years since mine started, and it's still a part of my life, every damn day.

I wasn't "cured" when I left the hospital. I wasn't "cured" when I stopped seeing a therapist. I'm still not "cured." Part of me thinks that I never will be. I wonder if it's a bit like being an alcoholic. You know how people in AA will say they've been sober x years, but they're still an alcoholic? We might not restrict, or binge, or drive ourselves into the ground with exercise, but we always know we could if we felt like we needed to.

I don't want to say that I've learned to accept my body and how I look. Because I haven't. I don't want to say that I look in the mirror and see some beautiful girl looking back. Because I don't. What I have learned to do is (most days) be able to look in the mirror, shrug, and decide that I have more important things to worry about that day. And some days, it's enough.

_____________________________

http://konabound.tumblr.com/
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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It can be done, but it comes from within when things come together. Don't despair. Accept where you are now (you still want recovery) and validate the progress you have made (yes, you have made progress), while you continue to work toward something even better-- balance.

"Eating in the Light of the Moon" by Dr. Anita Johnston is what helped me understand and embrace my body and femininity.

"Intuitive Eating" by Elyse Resch helped me relearn what it means to be "full" and how to eat according to my body's needs.

You already know that as female athletes we have to work just a bit harder to find the proper mix (carb, fat, protein) to fuel our bodies and thus keep our systems in harmony. If we don't get the proper mix, we set our systems up for a crash.

Stay stong.
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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How do you define recovered?

For me I still have a tendency to sometimes binge eat (which is how I gained weight after I was anorexic) but it's not as bad as it used to be in college which was 2-6 years after I hit rock bottom with anorexia/exercise bulimia.

BUT I have to say I think doing Ironmans has helped me in that I now recognize that I need to eat to fuel my training and also since IM training is so intense and time-consuming I no longer feel compelled to go work out for hours after eating a lot.
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Well, I am recovered in the sense that I am a healthy weight (er, maybe even a bit TOO healthy at this point :p)...but I think the mindset and the struggle is always there.

I do have OCD, though, which I think compounds the situation.


mmm-mmm-Momo Charms
Handmade beverage charms, jewelry, and miscellanea

http://momocharms.wordpress.com
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I haven't posted in a while, and I don't know if you remember me, but you sent me a very kind PM when I was having trouble with my daughter some years ago.

{{Hugs}}. I did not have an eating disorder, but a body image issue bought on by parents who were obsessed with weight. I don't think eating disorders are prevalent in the African-American community (we do have the highest rates of obesity, well maybe it's an eating disorder of another type). I am 52, been in therapy for about 3 years as the result of 2 abusive marriages and some other stuff and realized that I was obsessed with weight and food. I had been very thin then overweight and now at a healthy weight, if a little on the low side of the healthy weight. I find it times of stress, I go back to the incessant weighing, restricting what I eat, exercising. I don't know that I will ever be over it, I can go a month without weighing, but when I look in the mirror I still see a fat person, and I have to tell myself that the mirror is a lie. I look at my clothes and realize that I am not.

I think it is a life long struggle, sorta like what one other posters said about being sober but still being an alcoholic. Just don't give up!

_______________________

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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [vols fan] [ In reply to ]
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wow...

quick Q for all posters: do all of you see a fat person in the mirror? regardless of the actuality?

just curious, as I do daily... :-(

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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Sometimes, depending on the time of the month. But I try to remember that "Fat is not a feeling," and then I try to figure out the underlying issue at the moment.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKPaxD61lwo
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [A_Gal] [ In reply to ]
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good point, TOM definitely makes a difference...

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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Yup. Kinda sad, huh?
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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Yes. And I also tend to see things that no one else does. I mean, to a degree, that's true with anyone about anything... but I think there is a sense of hyperawareness that comes with having an ED and a disordered body image.

I am about 7-10 lbs heavier than I should be right now. NO ONE would notice that. But I do, and I see it daily...and that sends me into a cycle of poor eating habits.


mmm-mmm-Momo Charms
Handmade beverage charms, jewelry, and miscellanea

http://momocharms.wordpress.com
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [mmrocker13] [ In reply to ]
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I hear ya... sometimes I think "well I'm fat already so another bag of chips won't hurt" LOL but admittedly that doesn't happen very often... as long as I don't buy the chips, I'll be safe ;-)

AP

------------------------
"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [A_Gal] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
Sometimes, depending on the time of the month. But I try to remember that "Fat is not a feeling," and then I try to figure out the underlying issue at the moment.

I hate it when people say that. Damn SF website and that 'fat is not a feeling' thing.

A lot of times, feeling fat is a "cover" for some other emotions. But you can be retaining water and feel fat... or have it be that TOM and feel bloated/fat...

You can feel THIN and no one prohibits saying that, so the converse must be true.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
wow...

quick Q for all posters: do all of you see a fat person in the mirror? regardless of the actuality?

just curious, as I do daily... :-(

AP

I have never seen myself as fat. I have always seen thin, I currently see myself is thin. My issue (I am told) is that I like the look of absolute bones with no "meat" on them.

Am skinny, have always been skinny, will always be skinny, just not as skinny as I would like.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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"You can feel THIN and no one prohibits saying that, so the converse must be true."[/reply]

Not so. A person cannot "feel" fat OR thin; neither are emotions.
Last edited by: A_Gal: Jan 11, 10 16:12
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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Every now and then, I'll glimpse myself in the mirror naked and think, "she's really thin", but only for a brief moment. I almost always see a person 25 pounds heavier than I am. Sometimes I just don't look. Through therapy I "know" that there is not a fat person in the mirror, but I still see her. I never say, oh well I'm fat so another bag of chips, but rather, I need to not eat or only eat salad for the next couple of weeks. It is a struggle, but I keep working at it.

_______________________

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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
In Reply To:
wow...

quick Q for all posters: do all of you see a fat person in the mirror? regardless of the actuality?

just curious, as I do daily... :-(

AP


I have never seen myself as fat. I have always seen thin, I currently see myself is thin. My issue (I am told) is that I like the look of absolute bones with no "meat" on them.

Am skinny, have always been skinny, will always be skinny, just not as skinny as I would like.

I think that's similar line of thought--when I say "fat", I realize that I am not grossly obese or even overweight. I just see a person who is much heavier than they WANT to be, if that makes sense?


mmm-mmm-Momo Charms
Handmade beverage charms, jewelry, and miscellanea

http://momocharms.wordpress.com
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [mmrocker13] [ In reply to ]
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Yes.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I never thought I saw myself as fatter than I really am, but two nights ago, my husband downloaded the pictures from his cellphone onto the computer and there was a picture of a really skinny girl, but her face was turned away. I said, "Who is that? She's so skinny." And he was like, "Um. Honey. That's you." YIKES.

I went from bulimic in college, to anorexic in gradschool, spent a few years healthy and began binge eating. Yuck. Now I guess I'm somewhere between. I binge. I don't purge. I'm not overweight. But I might exercise a little too much to compensate for overeating.

Honestly, I'd love to just eat like a "normal person". Whatever that is.
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [A_Gal] [ In reply to ]
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A person cannot "feel" fat OR thin; neither are emotions.

actually you can feel fat or thin. To feel is not just an emotional quality, but also a tactile one.

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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [squid] [ In reply to ]
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"actually you can feel fat or thin. To feel is not just an emotional quality, but also a tactile one."
[/reply]

There are primary (basic), secondary, and tertiary emotions. "Fat" or "thin" are none of the above.
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [mmrocker13] [ In reply to ]
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Absolutely to the hyperawareness mmrocker talked about. When I look in the mirror, I see every extra ounce of fat. I see where it is and know how much weight I have to lose to get rid of it. I don't see an obese person. I see someone who weighs more than she wants to.

As another poster said, I also remember the exact moment I decided that weight loss was the most important thing in the world to me. A boyfriend I adored looked at me and commented that I'd put on a lot of weight. I was mortified. Made the decision there and then that no one would EVER think that about me again. That was nearly 30 years ago.
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Re: For those of you who have *recovered* from eating disorders... [A_Gal] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:


There are primary (basic), secondary, and tertiary emotions. "Fat" or "thin" are none of the above.

For the enlightenment and curiosity of myself and perhaps others, would you care to elaborate?

I don't know how many times a day I hear one of my friends or any stranger on the street remark that they are "feeling fat," or "having a fat day." I don't see how "feeling fat" isn't some sort of emotional state.

If you are a medical professional, or at least someone with some schooling in psychology, psychiatry, cognitive science, etc. it would be useful if you define your jargon, instead of flatly disagree. Perhaps you would like to offer something constructive to the OP, and the rest of us, if in fact you are so educated in the science.
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