I'm sorry to hear about this...

My dad died of leukemia, after a pretty rough battle and spending over a year sitting in the hospital. so Ive seen it all--

My recommendation would be just to be present, bring the family food, offer to babysit any other kids, etc. They may not respond or be able to express any gratitude now in the face of such a terrible situation, but it will help them. Do not be afraid to call or see if there is anything you can do, even if it seems like the family is not specifically reaching out.

Feel free to send me a PM if you want, I spent a lot of months talking to drs. and reading about it, Im not sure I can help but Ill pass along any other resources I can from my experience.

Jen

I agree, a child with a cancer diagnosis is much more devastating to hear. BUT.... the good news is that there are more cures for childhood cancers today than there were just 15yrs ago.

I used to work for The Cancer Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (aka CHOP), now work at UPenn's cancer ctr. (I am non-clinical)
Here is CHOP's website that may help you find books and other websites, also they provide a team approach when children are Dx with Ca. http://www.chop.edu/...e/oncology/home.html
CHOP has childlife specialists who work with the family & friends of the patient. See if your daughter's friend has a person like this, and if they could meet them at the hospital. (A childlife specialist is very good at tapping into the child's mind and making it seem like play). I am not a childlife specialist and feel uncomfortable on offering words to say to your daughter, but see if there is someone you can talk with, at the hospital where the child is being treated, they should be able to help you. Because your daughter's behavior does effect the patient's road to recovery, especially if she is her best friend. (she can help the recovery process)

I coach a girl who had a lymphoma in running (track and cross country) and is one year away from reaching "cancer survivorship" (5yrs). She went thru chemo, and the cancer came back. She then received a Bone Marrow Transplant, and things have been good since. I have coached her since 4th grade and now she is in 7th. She was Dx in 2nd grade, and had to stay back a year in school. 4 of her best friends decided (along w/ parents) to all stay back along with her. They should be in 8th grade now, but are embracing 7th and they all run for the team! Truly inspiring! The goal I coach is an angel too..just hope the meat of teenage years doesn't mess that up for her ;)

We have some friends whose child was recently diagnosed with bone cancer. I don't really have suggestions about what to say, especially to a 9 year old, but I know of a couple of things that have helped the family reduce stress maybe by a tiny little bit. If the family hasn't already, you might point them in the direction of setting up a Caring Bridge page (Caring Bridge). It's free and a good way for them to keep others up-to-date on the situation without having to talk to or email every single person. People can also leave messages of support. Another thing that was helpful was setting up a web page at lotsahelpinghands.com. This is another free website that allows the family to make a list of the things they need (dinners, rides, etc.) and then friends can sign up to take on those tasks.

Our friend's child is a teenager, so it's a little different, but I know that he has one friend in particular who has been great about emailing and visiting (with a mask on, of course). Even if the child isn't feeling well enough to do anything, just having a peer there can be helpful. I know that would be really hard for your daughter, but just occasional visits, with maybe a board game thrown in, might be good if your daughter can manage it. Obviously, if the family has other children, helping to try to keep life as normal as possible for those kids is a great help.

This is such a terrible thing to happen to a family . . .

I was faced with the same situation as you a few years ago. A very close friend has a daugther that was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma at age 11. My wife and I did whatever we could for our friends (cooking meals, cleaning their house, walking their dog, etc., etc.), but it was very hard to get through to their daughter and convince her that it wasn't a death sentence. What finally helped her the most was meeting other kids, not much older than her, that had beat their cancer. She was able to relate to them in a way that no adult could ever hope to understand. After meeting many new friends through a fantastic support group she realized she could get through it. She lost a couple of friends along the way, but the emotional strength she gained through this group, helped her to get through it. She beat her disease and is now one of the most amazing, intelligent, and emotionally grounded 17 year olds you'll ever meet.

Hopefully your friends will be able to get their daughter some support from kids her age. I think it will help her more than you can possible imagine. Best wishes to the little girl, her family and yours.

Tough tough situation. My daughter was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer (alveolar rhabdosarcoma). She was stage 4. It was very bad. She underwent 11 months of chemo and radiation. That was seven years ago. The ever positive attitude she carried was probably the result, in part, to the way she was raised, part from the staff at Childrens Hospital, part from her spirituality (that may be different from religion) and part from her refusal to quit. My point, once you have catastrophic challenges it’s a little late to try to rewire your response, but the family and those around the family can help (as you are). Meals, inspirational e-mails, prayer _and_ being exposed to other survivors are all so important. We never lied to her about the critical nature of her disease but we always maintained (to her) Faith strong Hope. Alone at night fear ran deep in our minds. There is no doubt that a positive mental attitude influences recovery and the immune system. Her head needs to be treated every bit as much as her body does. I read "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis out loud to her to add context to life and death.

I strongly recommend you and the family mimic others who have survived:

1) please read the link below and see if there is a support group like SOMFAB (Some Of My Best Friends Are Bald) near her.

2) please read about the type of environment we were lucky enough to experience – it helped

3) consider opening a page for her on Caring Bridge where family, friends and strangers can post their support, carry their message and inspiration.

4) keep doing what you are doing! It's so frustrating -- but don't underestimate how important you are to her and her family.


http://www.cancer.org/...ling_Environment.asp

KP

My four-year-old son is currently undergoing chemotherapy for an aggressive lymphoma. His treatment has been very successful thus far. I cannot stress enough how important it has been for my family to receive the very kind support of so many in our community, includiing family and close friends, as well as new friends who have reached out to us since my son's diagnosis. Obviously, every experience will be different, based on the age and personalilty of the patient, as well as the family's desires. That being said, I hope your friends are using a caringbridge.org page, like others have recommended. We use it, and it is an excellent way to keep people informed of what is happening, as well as set the "tone" for the community to follow. In my son's case, the "cure" rate is very high, but is still a life-threatening illness. It was very important to my wife and I that people did not hear of our situation and think the worst - but rather, that they maintain a very positive outlook, as we strive to do. Whether you call it prayer, positive thinking, or something else, I am a big believer that the attitude, of the patient and others, matters. Perhaps the girl's attitude can be improved if the actual prognosis is not as bad as people tend to automatically think with "cancer?" Or with "beat the odds" stories?

To that end, you could offer to set up such a caring bridge page for them, if they have not done so or do not want that responsibility. You could later turn it over to them to update. You could also aid in gathering information about the type of leukemia she has, treatments, prognoses, facilities, alternatives, second opinions, etc. The first week was a whirlwind for us, and we felt it very important to gather as much information as possible about the illness, treatments, doctors, etc., to know that we were making the correct treatment decisions. I like to do that kind of research, so it worked out well for us, but some people don't like that sort of thing - maybe you could help with that? You could also offer to coordinate help from other friends. We were lucky that we knew several people who helped point us in the right direction for educationg ourselves and getting second opinions.

ASK the family how you can help. In our case, people volunteered to provide meals to us, so we would not have to worry about groceries, etc., while we were focused on our hospital stays. One person took it upon herself to start a list of people to provide meals, and then set up a calendar for which days they would provide them - she also asked our preferences on meal deliveries. Other family members and close friends offered to pick up the slack woth caring for our other child, since one of us is always at the hospital when our son is getting treatment. I don't know which type of leukemia your friend has, but there is likely to be lots of inpatient treatment - so there will be errands to run and other things that can be done to help the family. Some of my wife's friends chipped in for a housekeeper every couple of weeks.

Even if they have good health insurance, there will be significant expenses not paid by insurance, and perhaps less time for the parents to work if they work on commission or hourly, or need to take unpaid leave - so consider whether you can help them fundraise, relieve a financial burden (meals? groceries? take care of the dog?), or help them financially if they need it. There is a website called the "Human Tribe Project" which can help them raise some money via "tags" people can buy to show support for the patient: http://humantribeproject.com/

If they want to talk to someone going down a similar path right now, feel free to PM for contact info, and I will make myself available.

Cholla, good luck to your son. Sending good vibes.

clm

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

Thank you Cathy, much appreciated.

Thank you everyone so much for your replies, which have been tremendously helpful.

Our little friend with leukemia has had her 2nd course of chemotherapy. Both her parents have ceased working for the moment. She has been able to stay at home a bit which is hopefully a comfort.

Cholla, I wish your son the very best of luck. My family and I wish you a happy Xmas and New Year from here in New Zealand.

Thank you - Happy Holidays to you as well! Chemo sucks, but I hope she endures it well and it does its job.

I just saw this thread, wonderful suggestions have been offered already. I would contact a group called Friends of Kids with Cancer. They are in St. Louis and do their work with the local hospitals but the information you can get from them will be priceless. Their whole mission is to help a kid be a kid along with brothers and sisters and the rest of the family through the whole process. There are amazing doctors and nurses out their who work on the clinical side and 'Friends' tries to help out with everything else. Their website is friendsofkids.com which is worth checking out. I would also call or email the executive director, just ask for Judy and everybody will know who you are wanting to speak with, an amazing lady (as are all the staff and volunteers) who will guide you through any and all questions.

I hope this helps a little. Lots of prayers and good thoughts for all involved.

NoBrakes,

I just saw this post. I hope your friend's child is doing well with the 2nd round. My mom was diagnosed with Leukemia when I was young and it was very hard for me to handle at that time. I'm thinking you probably are already helping the family out more than you realize, but I still wanted to comment. This is also hard on the siblings (I would imagine), so maybe you can also help by doing fun things with them, somethings that make them the focus of the day or event...something that makes them feel like they have a 'normal' life (please don't be offended by that comment, but that was one thing I wanted to bad, just be 'normal' like all the other kids in school). My mom told me once when you are the one going through treatment, you feel like you have some type of control on the situation. But when you are a family member, you really don't have control over anything, and when you are a kid, that's a little harder to handle, especially if you aren't old enough to know how to really communicate your feelings and frustrations.

Hello.

I agree with most of the other posts. Food, general helping, taxiing are always so helpful.
I think it's better to show up and say "I'm bringing you dinner" or "I'm cleaning your bathrooms" rather then "let me know if there's anything I can do". Don't be offended if you bring food and it's not eaten.... they can be forgiven for not being hungry!!
Are there any other siblings that might need some company/help?

Cheers. And best wishes to your friends :)

Im so so sorry to hear this, not sure if it was put in other posts, but try contacting your local branch of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Not only do they provide support to patient, family and friends but they are the largest group of fundraising endurance athletes. Maybe contact them to do a ride, walk, run - something in her honor. Give her something to look forward to- a tangible goal and reason she must stay alive.
good luck and god bless