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I think my Grandma is dying....
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and I'm not ready to let her go. She is the most amazing woman you would ever meet. So beautiful...INSIDE and out; despite not knowing it.

She led an excruciating difficult life. Was wed at 14 I think, after being raped by my Grandpa (and being told "I now own you"). She gave birth to my mom at 16 years old and then my uncle 5 years later. Was beaten, humiliated, and made to feel positively worthless while married to my Grandpa. She babysat, worked odd jobs, picked grapes, did anything she could to help provide for her family. She did her best to be a 'good wife' because that is what she was taught to do but after 40 some years of marriage told my Grandpa to kiss off and moved out on her own. In dealing with the 40 years of shit marriage she became an alcoholic and drank away her past. But, eventually she choose the right road; healing and moving on. Once she turned her life around, LIFE, indeed sprang forth.

She is the most giving, compassionate, honest, heart warming woman. As a teenager (with a sister that beat the crap out of me but I was to afraid to tell anyone) she was my refuge. I had my first "drink" with my Grandma on a Friday night. I just needed to get away from home, and it was Grandma's house I choose to rest. There were so many things I could talk to my Grandma about that I couldn't talk to anyone else about. She was always there, always listening and ALWAYS loved me despite what I told her. She told me the truth; told me when I was being smart and dumb. She was essentially a compass for me during the difficult stages of my life.

Over the course of the last year and a half she has had several strokes that has caused her speech to slur. Before I realized she had strokes, I asked my mom if she was 'hitting the bottle' again because it seemed like every time I called her she had a hard time getting words out. Slowly over the last 6 months her body has been deteriating. Then, last week she fell.

Now a normal person that has one of those emergency necklace button things would have pushed it after they fell. Oh no....the one thing I've failed to mention was how damn stubborn my grandma is. Once she left my Grandpa she decided that whatever she did, it would be HER way. I don't blame her....she finally gets to choose how her life looks. But she fell at 10pm and tried (she told me this) EIGHTEEN times to get up and finally pushed the button at 6am. The woman tried for EIGHT hours to get herself up. This last week her body is giving it up more and more. She fell again tonight and now thinks her hip is broken. But she absolutely refuses to go to the ER. She is in horrible pain and has told my parents to put her to bed because she isn't going to the hospital; if she dies she is dying in her house.

My mom is going to call the Dr. tomorrow morning and go from there. But from my mom's tone, it sounds like the clock for my Grandma is really on a countdown now.....she (my mom) has all but told me to get prepared for the phone call because she thinks it will be soon.

My heart, to say the least is broken. I love this woman so much. I can't imagine not hearing her voice, even her slurry one at that, again. And then there is my mom. She is even closer to my Grandma than I am. I simply cannot imagine her fear and pain right now. I feel so completely helpless.

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Life is Short...Run Long
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Wow. That is absolutely horrible for you and your entire family. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful woman indeed.

Do you live nearby to her? Can you get time off work to be with her? That's what I would want to do. Spend as much time with her as possible. She may not have a tonne of time left, but you can help to make her remaining time somewhat pleasant (I say somewhat because I assume that she's in a good deal of pain). Tell her how much she's meant to you and that you love her. Sit with her and hold her hand. Be with her, as she always was for you.


<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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I'm really sorry Leslie. She sounds like an absolutely inspiring woman. My thoughts are with you and your family.
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Draw on her strength and stubbornness. Let her guide you again. I'm with Khai. Get there if you can. If you can't, talk to her in the quiet moments. Be strong over the distance. Think of her and her love for you and your mother, and her will and determination. Think of what a strong and beautiful woman she is. Think of how much rest and happiness she will be in and have finally earned on her own if she does pass.

What an amazing story. You and your family are blessed to have her. Hold on to your love and her strength.

AW
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Leslie,
This is a very difficult time for you but you will have strength to pull through it. I'm 48 years old and I lost my Dad when I was 15. Throughout my life, during difficult times, I counted on his spirit to guide me through. I wouldn't consider myself a religious person but when I have had to make difficult decisions (like divorcing my H who was having an affair with one of my best friends) - I would think - "What would Dad want me to do?" An answer would always come to me and I know he would be proud of how I have handled my life.

Well, my point is - even after your grandma is gone - she will always be there to guide you and you'll always know what she would do to support you.

Take care.
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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I'm so sorry... my thoughts are with you Leslie.





Come crawling faster
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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I am so sorry. She sounds like an amazing woman.
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [Khai] [ In reply to ]
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I do live near her. Less than 5 miles actually. The problem is that I'm sick right now so my mom/dad have sworn me away. We can't risk her getting sick on top of everything else. I can call her though, which I intend to do (she just gets frustrated talking on the phone because of the slurry speech thing so calls last but mere moments). I just got a call from my mom and they convinced her to let them take her to the hospital for x-rays (but they had to promise to not let them keep her over night). So, right now its a waiting game. My mom is suppose to call me back any minute for an update.

I know I'll be ok when she is gone. I know my mom and dad will to. But, I know that its going to be pretty rough for awhile. In a very non-direct way she has been the pulse of this family for a long time. She'll be better off, we know that...its just the selfish side of us that wants her here with us and that, we have to let go of. When she's ready and it's time we'll let her go, knowing that a reunion will someday happen.

Thanks for the support. It is comforting and helps me focus on the 'right stuff'.
Leslie

____________________________
Life is Short...Run Long
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Leslie, your post is so touching and heartfelt, have you written her a letter letting her know how you feel? Maybe your mom can read it to her if she's not able to do it herself. Pour your heart out to her and I'm positive she'll understand even if she's not able to respond.




"A merry heart doeth good like medicine." (Proverbs 17:22)
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Leslie- I'm so sorry for your pain. Your grandma reminds me on my mother in that they are strong proud women. My mother had strokes and many other health problems. What I want to tell you is that when it is her time to pass try to spend as much time with her as you can. I was with my mother in her last days and it was an honor to be with her. There were many small gifts of emotion (mostly unspoken) in those final days. I hope you can find peace in knowing you and she loved each other deeply and that doesn't ever end. Please keep us informed as to how she and you are doing. Tara
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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just got a call from my mom. not good.

she has massive infection throughout her body cavity and needs surgery or (docs say) death is immenient. They are running tests to determine if she can even survive surgery (bad heart, smoker: 4 packs a day for 50+ years, etc.etc.). Taking my daughters to go see her (probably for the last time). Plan on parking at the hospital indefinitely.

deep breaths......

____________________________
Life is Short...Run Long
Last edited by: leslieW: Feb 13, 09 12:53
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Hang in there. We are all praying for your family. Try and see the small miracles of saying goodbye and the beautiful moments if you can find them. It may sound strange but they really do exist even in the most painful of times. My heart goes out to you. T
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Thinking about you. Hugs.

Jessica
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Wow. I'm really sorry to hear this, expected thought it was.

I hope that you and your children have an opportunity to spend one last moment with that wonderful woman while she's in a lucid state, and that when her time does come she passes quickly and painlessly.


<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [Khai] [ In reply to ]
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I just got home from the hospital. She had surgery and SURVIVED. The doctor said that it looked like a bomb had exploded inside of her. That a lot of the infection had turned almost to concret like material. Also said that in addition to having a good chunk of her colon removed she may also have Colon Cancer. Ugg.. She turned 80 last week.

I've spent a lot of time at the hospital over the course of the last 5 days and have had my girls with me (from time to time). I feel good about knowing they've seen her while she was alert, and herself. I also took the advice given here and wrote her a letter telling her how much I love, appreciate, respect, and adore her. She read it and said (to my mom) "I just love that girl" (I wasn't there when she read it). I'm so glad I did that.

Now, we just have to wait and pray that she makes it out of ICU, into rehab and then home. She did tell my mom today though that she met her goal (of turning 80; I guess she had a goal of turning 80 that none of us knew about) and now she's done. :(

I left the hospital tonight and didn't see her in ICU after the surgery. She has a breathing tube right now and will for a couple of days I guess. If she dies I couldn't bear to have that image in my head of the last time I saw her. So as of right now, I'm taking it day by day and enjoying the time we have with her.

Thanks to all for your care and support. For some reason most of my 'real-life' friends (with the exception of QRGirl & 1 other friend who isn't on ST) has displayed zero concern about what I'm going through right now and have expressed nothing to me. I don't have the energy to try to understand what their damage is. I'm just grateful for those that have offered prayers, support, etc. So, thank you!

____________________________
Life is Short...Run Long
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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She is one tough lady! You have some real toughness in your viens. She has an incredible story and worthy of telling over and over. Your daughters are lucky to have her be a great role model to you and them.

I hope she recovers well and is able to enjoy you and your kids some more.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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:-) So glad to hear that she is doing OK. She sounds like a tough old bird, kind of like my Grandma who survived a horrible car crash in her 70's and went on to live until she was 93.
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Your grandma is a badass! I guess you already knew that - but still. I'm glad that things are looking up, and hope that you and your girls will get the opportunity to spend many, many more moments with her.


<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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She was improving, so it was a shock when my dad walked through my front door tonight. I knew instantly. She died in her sleep right before 6pm, very peacefully. Her heart just gave out and couldn't fight anymore. I went to the hospital and got to see her one last time. She looked beautiful. Her skin was flawless; hard to imagine she was 80. I am going to miss her beyond words can describe. My world seems different now....she'll always be with me though; that I have.

Go tell a loved one what they mean to you.

Blessings to all,
Leslie

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Life is Short...Run Long
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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I'm so sorry Leslie. It sounds like she brought joy to many people's lives.





Come crawling faster
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Leslie, I'm really sorry to hear about your Grandma. You're in my thoughts.
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Re: I think my Grandma is dying.... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Thank heavens it was peaceful. She earned that. Stay strong and remember the positive. We are all blessed to have read her story and will learn from your strength.

AW
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