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has anyone had a stalker?
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And how did you deal with it? Over the past few weeks I have been getting weird notes on my car. At first they were compimentary but they have changed and are now, let's say, a bit more detailed. I wasn't too worried about it at first but I'm beginning to get a bit freaked. I live in nowheresville and do all of my training alone. I am beginning the BIG push for IM AZ and don't want to have to change anything.

BTW, yes I've told my husband and talked to the police.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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Yikes. That is scary. I had a sort of stalker once. It was a guy from match.com He figured out who i was and would show up to tris and try to talk to me (not very many Maggs who do tris in hawaii). I didn't' do two tris in a row and my friends said he was there. After the third I didn't do and he didn't show I went back to doing them. This was 3 years ago and haven't heard from him since.

Change your patterns, or where you park your car etc. Take your husband with you when you train?
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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My ex wife had a stalker. He was totally harmless but it was still a bit unnerving for her. Eventually one of the local police officers told him to stop and he did.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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I had a guy that kept finding me at various jobs/houses. I know it's not hard to find people these days, but it went on for about 3 years, I would get a random email or handwritten letter. I figure he was harmless, it was always just weird. But I did tell my bf and my parents - just in case.

I agree, change your patterns slightly (not enough to undo yourself though), keep your hubby around as much as possible, and just keep your eyes open. Go with your gut if anything feels odd or wrong at any point. Keep a cell phone handy and make sure people know where you are, where you're going and when you'll be back with your training or how to get in touch with you.

Are the notes on your car at home or at work? Would it be possible to watch your car? You might ask the cops to do a special patrol or to keep an eye out, especially in a smaller community they tend to be ok with that...

I date a cop, so I'm fairly paranoid about these things...

AW
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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When I was in college I used to write an editorial for the college paper. The policy of the paper was to run a photo of their columnists. I had a guy start stalking me via email and he would leave letters for me at the newspaper office. He tracked me down based on my photo. One day I was sitting in the newspaper office and he came by to give me a letter. The newspaper editor was a really big guy and told him he wasn't allowed to come to the office, submit a letter to the editor or in any way contact me again. Campus security was called and had little chat with him. I ever "heard" from him again but I did see him around the bus stop I used and hanging around outside the buildings where my classes were. Went on for the semester then I moved closer to campus and didn't take the bus anymore.

As a result of this the newspaper no long published photos of their columnists.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [cerveloguy] [ In reply to ]
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I'm really hoping that's all it is. As for my husband doing w/o's with me......nope. This is not happening at my house just in random places around town. It's a really small town so it wouldn't be a stretch to find out where I live.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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cuds was stalking me in Penticton, but she's pretty harmless... :p

You should probably report yours to the authorities. That doesn't sound good at all...


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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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What I should have added is to take this very seriously. Overreacting is better than underracting. Can you set up video cameras outside you home? Always park in lighted areas and if you see a survallience camera, park within sight of it so there may be a recording of whomever is putting those notes on your car.

I might do this, put a note on the inside of your dashboard saying something like, "I know who you are, the police are aware of what you are doing and I am asking you to stop now. Leave me alone. Do not contact me in any way and if I see you I will call the police"

Maybe scare him a bit?

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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I LOVE that idea!!!! Fighting back is always a good thing.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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Yup, you want to take back control of the situation. You want to show that you won't be f**ed with and he picked the wrong girl to mess around with.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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make it look like your car has some sort of surveillance system on it, or put in a real one.

OP- do you know who the person is?
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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I suggest that you keep all of the letters that you have received in case there is the need to go court for a restraining order.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [Tri MAC] [ In reply to ]
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Agree, keep all evidence. And I would recommend getting mace (and knowing how to use it properly). This is not something to be underestimated. Better to be paranoid and take all precautions then become a victim.


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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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I have had a stalker, and I agree with everyone else, please take it seriously. I dealt with one for over two years. It's also the reason I don't have myspace, facebook, or a blog. I know he's still out there. I would park in completely different parking lots every day, I would come out of work, and there would be notes on my car each time. I got a new car, and the same thing happened. I moved to a different city, and it stopped. He left another creepy note at my mom's house because he was so distressed because he couldn't find me.

I did a lot of research about stalking because it went on for so long, and I didn't know what to do. Some people told me to get a restraining order. Other people told me not to because it would make things worse and the victims usually end up dead when a restraining order is granted.

Is it possible for your husband to take you to work and pick you up? The scary part about stalkers is that they are obviously not logical thinkers, so it's hard to figure out what will set them off. It's hard to know if seeing you with your husband will make him give up or make him more determined.

I would recommend buying some pepper spray. You can buy it at REI or online in a little bottle in a pouch that will clip on to your tri shorts. It won't keep him away completely, but in the event of an attack, it will buy you some time to scream/run/bike for help.

I hope for your sake he comes to his senses and stops. It's a terrible feeling always looking over your shoulder. If you need any other advice or anything, feel free to PM me if you don't even want to post here. We all understand!
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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tab - Please take this seriously. I never had a stalker until I moved to atlanta, I didn't even know some moron would go out of their way to disrupt someone's life - I mean really, get a freakin life and leave you alone!!! As I write this to you I have one - but I don't acknowledge her nuttiness (one of my bf's ex's - and her last set of photos she sent me was enough to really gross me out - she truly needs a life).

What I've learned - and this was after contacting a lawyer or two, several professionals in the field (one a sex therapist that only works with professional sex offenders - their office won't touch anyone involved in stalking - it's that serious!), I've been told NEVER contact a stalker. They don't care what you say, they aren't listening to what you say, they just want contact. That's kinda wacked to think their life revolves around contact. You have to live in a fucking box with zero life to look forward to getting a rise out of a complete stranger and trying to screw with their life. Sorry, for the language and my frustation, just tired of these useless scumbags that think it is ok to mess with someone else's life.

I wouldn't acknowledge their prescence and leave a note in your car, you're just egging them on. Again, they won't read what you say, they'll just see that they have your attention. Your best bet is save everything so you have documentation (I've deleted way too much stuff and refuse to forward it to my bf - bc really, I just want it all to go away and I refuse to become a pawn in her wacked game), contact the police and make sure they take it seriously. I've got quite a few letters and 'gifts' locked away, correction, bagged and locked away - although I will admit to pawning some jewelry that was left for me as recent as last year.

Personally, I wouldn't alter my lifestyle. I would become way more observant, but you cannot live in fear. Especially since you've been receiving them all over town. I would also make sure they aren't from a girl screwing with you, and not someone involved in your husband's life (sorry for the paranoia, but after the last 7 months I've been dealing with, you can see my paranoia jump). If the patterns change (what you receive or when or what it says) then I would start looking at changing things up. I wouldn't read whatever is written as you get to your car either. You cannot give the stalker attention. You don't know if the stalker is in the vicinity watching your actions (creepy to think about but reality).

Hope things stop for you - at some point the useless individual has to get some form of a life. Best wishes in your final build for IMAZ, and just keep repeating, I don't have time for these silly games, time to train.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [Eileen Steil] [ In reply to ]
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I've been told NEVER contact a stalker. They don't care what you say, they aren't listening to what you say, they just want contact. That's kinda wacked to think their life revolves around contact.

Eileen clearly has more experience at this than I do. In my case confrontation helped. I would look him in the eye every time I saw him but it never progressed as far as is has for Eileen.

Listen to the experts on this one and I wouldn't call myself an expert.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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Jen - hopefully not more experience, I just knew who to ask. I can tell you this - if there is a face to the name of a stalker and that moron lives in my town, they won't be stalking me for long - I know way too many people that would put an end to it for me, and have with one phone call. I'm the wrong person to mess with (my ex's family was involved with the wrong side of the track - and I can still quickly tap into that network). You are very fortunate yours ended smoothly. I just think it is different if you know the individual versus not, and I'm not sure which is worse.

I really feel for anyone (man or woman) that is stalked. It is a very serious, and a real issue. Not sure how many people will come out on this thread talking about their stalkers. I've noticed with my patient base that the stalking has increased over the years and myspace/facebook has truly perpetuated it worse (the reason why I deleted my myspace - it's how the current psycho found my info out). Those with children really need to keep an eye on their teens, this topic isn't a joke.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [Eileen Steil] [ In reply to ]
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That is very scary! Mine had not progressed to that level BUT I will pay way more attention to my surroundings. The police told me not to change my schedule and to start carrying mace. There are times when I'm really freaked but most of the time I'm mad about it. I am not taking it lightly. As I mentioned, I live in a little town and I feel that we will find out who this is. I just hate the creepy I feel like someone's watching me feeling that I have now.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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Eileen's post was great. I have had a stalker and I would like to add a little more.

I'm male, the stalker was female. I knew who she was. I'm 5'10" 155 LBS, she's 5'5" 120 LBS.

At the time of the stalking I had been training in martial arts for more than 28 years, taught for 17 years, held a black belt in 13 different forms of martial arts, was previously ranked 3rd in the country for fighting and still did not want to confront the person. A gun is much more powerful than anything that I can deliver and you never know what these people have going on in their heads.

Okay now for pepper spray (over the years I taught a ton of self defense), in addition to knowing how to use it, make sure it is legal to carry in the area where you live. But please be sure to avoid situations where you would be confronted and have to use it. To this day...with all my training...I do everything I can to avoid a negative situation. It just isn't worth it.

I WOULD NEVER (caps on purpose) put your husband/partner in the harms way that someone above posted. The stalker is reacting to you one way and you never know the risk you would be putting your husband in by making him "your private investigator." Spend the money to hire one.

If you are truly in a small town (not sure what that means in your area), start letting people know that there is someone leaving notes on your car and of the situation. They may know someone that delt with the same person (now you would know who they are and the police can deal with them accordingly). Also the news will get out and your community (if it is really that small) will start watching out for you and possibly the stalker will stop. The negative of this is that it could upset the person and you don't know how they would react.

Notes on the car - I am assuming they are on the windshield under a wiper. I agree with keeping them as evidence but I would try leaving them there. Make the stalker feel as if it doesn't even bother you any more. The stalker is no longer getting any reaction out of you. There could also be a negative to this as well as it could frustrate the person and they may use different tactics to obtain a reaction or whatever it is that their derranged mind is getting from stalking you.

Please, please be careful. And don't dive into any family "friends" that can make him disappear. You will live with that forever and you don't sound like the type of person that would like to live with that.



"your horse is too high" - tigerchik
Last edited by: Hid: Sep 30, 08 7:10
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [Hid] [ In reply to ]
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I would never "make this person disappear". That is what the police are for. Honestly, I just want to be left alone with no harm to anyone. My town is around 2900 people and in W. Texas(the police recommended pepper spray so I'm pretty sure it's legal). I can leave my house and be out of town, on my bike, in 5 minutes. It's great for running and riding BUT not in this situation when the whole town knows what you do. The upside is, people look out for me. I've told my husband but he is a hothead and I worry about that. Honestly, there is no one here to train with. I am just going to have to lay out my rides/runs/ow swims to people and be specific about when and where. I have friends who will meet me along the way with water and food. I'm used to just taking off w/o telling anyone and I guess I can't do that anymore.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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You're getting great advice here. Stay safe.

Even those of us who don't have a stalker should always tell someone when we go do a workout. My husband always knows where I'm going and how long I'll be, even when he's out of town. I just send him an e-mail when I go and another one when I get back. I've read so many stories of people out for a trail run or hike who have become stranded and no help will be coming if there isn't someone who knows where you are.
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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [DawnT] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
Even those of us who don't have a stalker should always tell someone when we go do a workout. My husband always knows where I'm going and how long I'll be, even when he's out of town. I just send him an e-mail when I go and another one when I get back. I've read so many stories of people out for a trail run or hike who have become stranded and no help will be coming if there isn't someone who knows where you are.
Definitely!! I'm soooo bad for not ever doing this. Only child independence thing I think. I always have my cell phone with me on rides, but that won't help too much if I get knocked out will it? I run within my city specifically because I know I can always get help, but that is getting tiring so when I do venture out to the trails I will need to make a call.
I definitely need to remember to do this.... we all do!


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Re: has anyone had a stalker? [tab] [ In reply to ]
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When I was young (and too young to understand what was going on) my mom had a pretty terrifying stalker. It took some time to figure out who it was and my parents spent a lot of time suspecting everyone. It turned out to be a neighbor's son who had been released from prison and had all kinds of drug problems. This guy would always start calling the moment my dad left for work and make comments about the time my mom got out of the shower and all kinds of other scary details. We lived in a small town at the time so the police were actually involved enough that they monitored our house and caught the guy peeking in our windows. He had drugs on him and went back to jail and we moved in the interim. At the time it was legal for my mom to carry a stun gun so she started carrying one in her purse (they are now illegal without a license in most states). She was terrified so lots of family and friends stayed at our place and she kept the police very involved. Her situation was a little different from your own because she didn't know who the stalker was but from her experience all I can advise is to repeat what others have said and to always make sure people know where you are and avoid situations where you might find yourself alone with the guy.
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