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"gee you look tired today!"
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does anyone else find this offensive when a coworker says that?
I NEVER talk about how much I train, sleep, how I feel etc and there is this woman who likes to say this to me sometimes and I never have an answer as I am usually shocked, and its usually when I am feeling great! of course after I hear this I wonder then I start to feel tired!
If it were one of those tv shows that act out an alternate reality, Id say: No I am not tired but gee you look extra fat today. Too mant donuts yesterday? (mean I know but thats my imagination)
how would you respond?
Last edited by: kbee: Jun 1, 08 19:50
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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I tell them how much I've trained that week and it usually shuts them up or at least they say it with some respect afterwards.

People can be so passive aggressive and some don't even realize they are doing it. I wonder what her motivation is.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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Passive aggressive! exactly!
I really don't get it and it should not bother me so much. But, sometimes her comments bother me so much. The thing is I know that they can only bother me to the extent I LET them bother me, but still, I have a hard time with this.
Forgive me I am going to go on....and so I will look tired tomorrow!

I recently had a medical test that required me to fast the day before...I mentioned this at work only as a reason to say no to the bag of chocolate she was passing around...the day after the procedure she came up to me:
Her: "did you have a colonoscopy?"
Me: flabbergasted as I hardly know her: "um, no, and I dont want to discuss it at work"
Her: "oh, so it was a colonsocopy. I don't blame you for not wanting to discuss it as you are so young. I had one last year. I almost chewed through my desk. (she is about 250) So is everything ok?" she kept going on.....
Me: "um, I dont want to talk about it"

ok lets say, she is a caring nice person and cared, likely true, but as soon as I said I did not want to discuss it at work, that should have been it. And as I interviewed her 2 months ago and saw her resume, I know she is only two years older than I am, I am not so much 'younger' than she is, I just take care of myself. This might sound harsh but it is so true.

I feel kinda mean and bad about this but it really bothered me. So much so that I cried at my desk, as I know I have some other tests coming up that are scary, and I really do not want to talk about it at WORK with people that are not my close friends....it just brought up a lot of crap. I am sure she was not anything but kind in her intent but I think if someone says: I dont want to talk about it, then that is that. Now that'd be different if she were family and insisted I talk about it, but I hardly know her!
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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Just out of curiousity, has a male co-worker ever made a similar comment? Just curious b/c I agree with Jen that this is a passive aggressive thing. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you have a much nicer build than the woman who made the comment. ;-)

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

Emery's Third Coast Triathlon | Tri Wisconsin Triathlon Team | Push Endurance | GLWR
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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I had a similar problem with a co-worker once. A know-it-all. And she knew it all because she would pry into everyone's personal lives. The approach I eventually had to take with her was to just stop talking to her. Perhaps passive-aggressive in itself, but this was after months of other approaches not working. I stayed on a work-friendly level (hi, how are you, etc), but anytime she would ask something personal I would just smile and move on to something else. She did get the hint and stopped asking personal questions. Turns out, she stopped doing with our other co-workers as well and they all thanked me for it.
Not saying my approach was right or the answer, but it worked for me. Well, for all of us.


______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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I so can appreciate how you feel and don't think you are being mean at all. A few weeks ago my father in law says to me "those shoes are UGLY" (talking about my shoes I'm wearing)....I had enough of my in laws saying whatever they wanted to me and just taking in so I replied, "Yea well....SO ARE YOU".

If nice doesn't work, go for the shock factor. That typically shuts people up; it did my Father In Law.

____________________________
Life is Short...Run Long
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [wolffpack] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
I so can appreciate how you feel and don't think you are being mean at all. A few weeks ago my father in law says to me "those shoes are UGLY" (talking about my shoes I'm wearing)....I had enough of my in laws saying whatever they wanted to me and just taking in so I replied, "Yea well....SO ARE YOU".

If nice doesn't work, go for the shock factor. That typically shuts people up; it did my Father In Law.
hahahahahhahahhahahahhahahahahhah
I love it :)


______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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I tend to get so worried about what people think of me that I forget I really don't need that shit in my life. Sometimes mean is what it takes. It would be great if we could all be nice all the time and everyone would love us but it isn't realistic. For me it is about keeping my life free from people who make me unhappy. At least, the people I'm not related to ;-). I would avoid her, play passive aggressive back and if that doesn't work repeat you don't want to talk about it over and over as a response to every question she asks and eventually she will give up. I'm sure she drives other people around the office nuts. Also, don't feel bad about it. You are more important than she is.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [wolffpack] [ In reply to ]
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HA! that is AWESOME! but you can say that to 'family' not a coworker. Can you imagine if I said something like: No, I didnt have a colonoscopy but maybe you should as they might find Ronald Macdonald and Sara Lee up there making trans fattie babies?
OMG that is so mean I cant believe I thought that. Yes female, and if I think she knew I was only 2 years younger...
Am I overreacting? maybe. But this is just one example. Ok two. It is SO nice to have this womens forum where you can sound off, thank you.
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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>>I recently had a medical test that required me to fast the day before...I mentioned this at work only as a reason to say no to the bag of chocolate she was passing around.<<

Ah, there's your first mistake. You response should have been, "No thank you, I don't eat that crap." ;-)

clm

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [ironclm] [ In reply to ]
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ha! that is my planned response for getting out of the company 'ice cream social' on wednesday!
oh I DO love ice cream, but I know it will be 'crap' ice cream.
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [wolffpack] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
I so can appreciate how you feel and don't think you are being mean at all. A few weeks ago my father in law says to me "those shoes are UGLY" (talking about my shoes I'm wearing)....I had enough of my in laws saying whatever they wanted to me and just taking in so I replied, "Yea well....SO ARE YOU".

If nice doesn't work, go for the shock factor. That typically shuts people up; it did my Father In Law.
That is hilarious! Too bad you can't say things like that to co-workers or better yet (my) boss. I just had a review..went fine except for the part where I was told I am not "healthy" and I am coming into work tired and sick all of the time because of my training. Which is completely untrue, but since he *thinks* he needs a reason for me being tired working 12 hour plus days I guess that one works. He said he doesn't want to tell me I can't run anymore but it's becoming a problem. HA! (Of course, I should say this is only during session. I work for the GA Senate-during summer we are bored to tears. heh) Anyhoo..thought that was rather comical. Like I'm going to stop running...or biking or swimming :)
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [Aimster] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
That is hilarious! Too bad you can't say things like that to co-workers or better yet (my) boss. I just had a review..went fine except for the part where I was told I am not "healthy" and I am coming into work tired and sick all of the time because of my training. Which is completely untrue, but since he *thinks* he needs a reason for me being tired working 12 hour plus days I guess that one works. He said he doesn't want to tell me I can't run anymore but it's becoming a problem. HA! (Of course, I should say this is only during session. I work for the GA Senate-during summer we are bored to tears. heh) Anyhoo..thought that was rather comical. Like I'm going to stop running...or biking or swimming :)[/reply]I... don't... wow. That's messed up. If it was me (and I'm sort of waiting for a better job to come along anyways), I think my response would be, "Thank you for the advice on that. Unfortunately, I feel that it is actually my job bogging me down. Since you are right that I should stop what is making me tired I feel that this would be a good time to submit my verbal resignation". Fortunately for me, my boss digs that I'm doing Ironman.


______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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Say it back to her one day!

I've had friends and acquaintances do the same thing and it irks me.

Once, I had the husband of a friend tell me I had "put on weight and not just a little". I was peeved!



Proud member of the Guru Cartel, EH!
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [Aimster] [ In reply to ]
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Wow. I did once have my boss have a meeting with me and ask me what I really wanted out of my career, and that maybe I should pursue a career as a pro triathlete - to which I had to reply, I cannot, because pro triathletes don't run 9 min miles (I'm a touch faster now, but definitely not anywhere near pro level). I had to then say that triathlon was my hobby and that my career was here at my job... I think in the same conversation he suggested maybe I should just be a stay at home wife.

I told him about the first ironman I was doing, he thought it was cool - until I got back from it and he hardly congratulated me, just said I needed to do another one because I didn't meet my goal time (yes, I had told him what I thought I "might" have a shot of doing time-wise before the first one). I haven't told him about this year's ironman, might not... I figure it's none of his business what I do in my free time and I have stopped talking about it.

I only talk about my hobby with those that are supportive of it.
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [determination] [ In reply to ]
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Oh I do NOT talk about training at work EVER! made that mistake before at another job...and they'd wonder how I could get work done if I was training too...but I seem to work in offices of very unhealthy people. It is hard to face it but most people don't 'get it', and they are not interested. I keep quiet about it, unless I sense I am in a group of people that would be supportive.
At one school where I worked, every time I got the sniffles they'd say to me: maybe it is because you run too much??? crazy.
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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I had the passive agressive coworker with major eating/health issues who'd tell me every time I got sick that I trained too much. Very manipulatively trying to put me down and done in such a way that I couldn't defend myself. Sometimes working with women can be a pain!

She's gone now and happily the rest of my coworkers seem to think the training is cool, or that I'm totally nuts (but in a good way), and don't hassle me about it.
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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I have to say, I have had some good laughs here this afternoon... reading some of these posts! I can't believe what people say! Seriously, it's ridiculous. I guess I am rather fortunate that my husband, most of my friends, my [former] employer and my family, are supportive. That's not to say they don't think I am crazy... and I am sure there are a few who really have no clue how many hours go into training for an endurance event like Ironman. Some think 'it's a marathon', right? Right... and then some!

Anyway, I agree with most, that I only share this part of their life with like-minded, supportive people, who are genuinely interested in what you're doing and why you do it. All those other self-conscious, lazy, good-for-nothin's can kiss my pretty well-toned ass (and all of yours too!).

Happy training :)
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [wolffpack] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
I so can appreciate how you feel and don't think you are being mean at all. A few weeks ago my father in law says to me "those shoes are UGLY" (talking about my shoes I'm wearing)....I had enough of my in laws saying whatever they wanted to me and just taking in so I replied, "Yea well....SO ARE YOU".

If nice doesn't work, go for the shock factor. That typically shuts people up; it did my Father In Law.
HAHA!!!

The look on his face as you throw it back at him: PRICELESS





Come crawling faster
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Re: "gee you look tired today!" [kbee] [ In reply to ]
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Yup, I get that too. Funnily enough, I'm in university and the girls in my dept that are out partying CONSTANTLY never seem to get it...
Maybe I'm not wearing enough cover-up to hide the dark circles??
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