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Body image and athletes
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HI all -

I'm not sure this is women specific but traditionally we are told we are the ones that worry about it the most: body image. I am 39 next week and still wrestle with it. I've done some pretty tough things with this body but still, I'm not happy in a pair of shorts. Why do we do this to ourselves? If I have a big butt and look like I carry a baby kangaroo on my belly why should that matter if I can run a marathon or finish an Ironman? I've decided that I have one year until I turn 40 and by that time I really need to forgive myself for not looking good in a pair of tri shorts or bathing suit.

We are athletes for crying out loud. I wonder if we are more likely or less likely to be happy with our bodies. Since we focus so much on pushing our physical abilities does this make us more critical or less critical of how we look?

Anyone out there get over this?? I'd love to hear how you did it. I imagine I'm not the only one who'd like to know :-)

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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Jen, in the circle of triathletes in my area, body image is a big deal, even amongst the men. I don't know if men tie value to it as women do, but I know a couple of men who are borderline in their eating habits and make frequent comments about it and they are very successful athletes.

I have been tall and thin most of my life and people have generally resented me for it. I grew up hearing, "Do you eat?" and other jabs, but as I got older I wasn't as thin and started exercising to maintain my weight. Eventually that led to triathlon and working out 2 hours a day and watching what I ate. When I wanted to get a really low weight, I restricted food and went to bed with hunger headaches and suffered from anemia and fatigue. I recently put on weight to help with fertility issues and have had a hard time adjusting to a plump body. I miss "getting off" on being thin which for me meant wearing whatever I wanted and walking onto the pool deck in a suit with confidence.

I had a triathlon friend who used to model and she constantly obsessed about her weight to the point that I didn't enjoy our friendship and we are no longer friends. I have never seen a more miserable person in my life and she had a lot going for her, a great job, a well off family who helped with a nice life style, and plenty of interest from men but man was that chick miserable!

Right now I have bigger dragons to slay than having an ideal body type and that feels pretty good too. I don't think obsessing over your body will make you happy, no matter what you actually look like. You hear models and actresses making comments about how they don't like their bodies, I think you should believe them and realize that the people who are happy with themselves are the people who have decided to be happy with themselves. I think the fastest way to make yourself miserable is to look at what other people have and wish you had that too. Whether it's a nice house, a cool car, lavish vacations, or a perfect body, you have to decide if that's something that is appropriate for you to pursue.

After gaining some weight I realized it wasn't the end of the world, that I was happy enough, and if someone wants to stare at my plump behind while I walk to the pool in a swimsuit then GO AHEAD AND HAVE A LOOK SINCE IT'S JIGGLING AT YOU ANYWAY. I haven't actually yelled that but felt like it a few times.

If you really think about it, who really cares what you look like in tri shorts? Not me! I'm sure you are a lovely person and a great friend to many and none of those people care either. Maybe a few women in your circle who are competitive with you might notice what your butt looks like and judge you for it but you know how to get back at those types? By being happy. I think it's something we all need to work on and support each other with because it isn't easy.
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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I wish I had more muscle, my butts to flat, Geez, are those love handles. My hair is turning gray, My calves lack definition.

Nope, pretty much a woman specific thing.....I'd say ; )

My bet is you probably look alot better than you think you do in those tri shorts.

My wife, who is 44, and is smokin hot.....do you think I can get her to wear a bikini?



Hurry Up Every Chance You Get

(formerly LuctorEtEmergo)
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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For me, what's been helpful is to realize the insidious influence of parental programming. My mom has struggled with her weight her whole life. So, whenever I have put on a few pounds, *she* has gotten way more anxious than me about it. She doesn't want her baby to struggle the same way she has. What's insidious about it is that she is obsessed with 'thinness' and the number on the scale; she totally doesn't get the concepts of: Being strong; looking toned; allowing some muscle weight to replace fat weight.

Mom was visiting me recently and, maybe, a lightbulb (or maybe just a little twinkle) sparked for her. She kept saying: "You look fantastic - but you're not thin." "You're not 130 pounds like when you were 24, but you look better now." (I just turned 40.) Not Thin - But Looks Great - Does Not Compute.

I then tried to push it with her, encouraging her to work out in her gym more (which she *likes* to do!) in order to gain lean muscle mass and possibly encourage fat loss by speeding up metabolism. The problem is that she's in the Weight Watchers system (weekly meetings) and is utterly obsessed with reaching a certain weight number by x date. So, now she won't consider going to the gym more often because she is afraid of gaining lean muscle weight! Frankly, she's STRONG right now, she's a very fast walker, has great balance, looks good, etc. etc. But she openly wants to have the figure of her best friend: 120 pounds, skinny legs and a very tentative walker who, IMO, is probably on her way to osteoporosis.

Anyway, sorry to go off on a tangent. I guess my point is that your notion of what is "beautiful" in your own body, may have been helped or more likely, hindered, by peer/parental/society's expectations. People do not know what to do with "very strong muscular women" who also have extra body fat in one location or another.

One thing that has helped me is to be utterly proud of what my body can do...And, to celebrate the body parts that *do* look freaking fantastic...For me, it is legs legs legs! And surely, you have a thing or two you could be showing off more often...

p.s. Who looks good in tri shorts?? NOBODY! I wonder how many women bother to order those official race photos of themselves...I'd rather my friends take some photos of me pre-race in a skirt...
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Re: Body image and athletes [Oleander] [ In reply to ]
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Wow, you didn't tell me we are sisters. I find it seriously hard to talk to my mom because she's been giving me the 'subtle' suggestion to get plastic surgery since I was a teen. Even now that I'm 32 and we see so little of each other, her dialog with me revolves around weight 95% of the time. It gets to the point where I find it toxic to be around her at times because I could be having a great day and she'd say something along the lines of, "You really should get your nose fixed." and as self-assured as I am, my self esteem usually diminishes to zero after that exchange.
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Re: Body image and athletes [Adventuress] [ In reply to ]
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This might be juvenile (I am 26 and a man, so probably it is), but why not get a very realistic prosthetic for your nose. BUT make it big and weird for the next time your mom comes by, then tell her look I did get my nose fixed. It should at least make for a funny story, and you already don't like your relationship with your mom as is.
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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I spent most of my tweens, teens, 20's, and 30's fretting about not being thin enough, thighs too huge, calves too big, boobs too small. If I could recycle all the time and energy I worried, dieted, and exercised to achieve the fashion magazine body, I could've probably earned an MBA and learned a 2nd language!
Now that 40 is just around the corner, I've come to learn that all those years of being dissatisfied with my body was really me being unhappy about or lacking confidence in some aspect of myself. I KNOW that even if I achieved that fashion mag body 10 years ago, I would not have been happy. I know women who are twice my size, my age, and my saggy-ness, who know from the core of their being that they are gorgeous and sexy and aren't afraid to show it. I used to think they were delusional, but now I know that they've resolved/accepted/learned to love themselves completely. I'm trying to get there too without sounding too flaky.
For now, I'm focusing on translating my big butt and thighs = muscular gluts and quads = hell on wheels for a bike split. Boobs too small = no keel on the swim = no bouncing pain on the run. About 10 years ago I stopped fussing with my hair (too straight) and now after a decade free of perms, curling irons, and hot rollers--it's beautiful. I'm hoping eventually the rest of me will follow suit.
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Re: Body image and athletes [triengineer] [ In reply to ]
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LOL! I love that suggestion. Wise words man. :) She's going to be back in the country so I guess I better get that prosthetic soon.
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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All I know is that the more active I am, and the faster I get, the better I feel about my self image - even if I don't look any different. I think it's beating boys ;-) AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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I'm 31 and while I'm getting a better grip on body issues they're definitely still there. What's really helped for me is looking back at old photos at times I specifically remember feeling fat. Looking back now I realize how good I really looked. Good as in darn healthy - not super skinny or model thin - but fit and strong and healthy in every aspect. I also went out and bought myself a really sweet hot pink race skirt. I love it - it makes me smile and I've gotten tons of compliments on it during races. It makes me happy and it doesn't necessarily highlight my thighs like tri shorts do. Silly I know but it makes me happy. :)

Course if I could just stop eating Cadbury mini eggs that would also help...


http://smallfoodbiz.com
</blatent self-marketing>
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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It's weird because I do feel self-conscious about the little things that I notice... and they are probably so little no one else sees them. But then I have huge pretty hideous scars all over one leg from waist to ankle, and I forget they are there unless someone asks about them. Somehow I get a lot more hung-up on the little things.
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Re: Body image and athletes [lilpups] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
Course if I could just stop eating Cadbury mini eggs that would also help...

Oh girlfriend, when I saw the mini eggs in the grocery store I literally squealed. I love those things and look forward to them every year.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Body image and athletes [lilpups] [ In reply to ]
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OMG!! Aren't those mini eggs the devil in disguise?? :-) I love those things! We've already gone thru ...mmmm, bout 7 bags. Tho I do have a husband and 3 teens I can blame it on. ;-) As for body image, yeah I think it is the nature of the beast with us women whether we are athletes or just common everyday Janes. I just turned 45, and I know that I'm in way better shape than I was when I was in my 20's. Tho at 125, I still want to break the bank and get down to 116 for some reason. It is just a number, but one i've had in my head for the last yr or so. I'm running alot now and the lowest I've been is 122. I know, crazy, crazy. My husband read a headline at the grocery counter the other day (Glamour I think), it says Your man loves you just the way you are. I sorta snorted when he mentioned that to me, sorta like "I love ya, just the way you are" is what he was saying without saying it directly, but from the cover. It is really sad when we always try to change our bodies even tho we are probably at a really healthy set point. I like myself right now, but there is always something that just isn't right.*L*
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Re: Body image and athletes [kitkat] [ In reply to ]
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minieggs are the devil in an oh so good chocolate coating. I tell my husband he's not allowed to mention the "M" word outside of the runup to easter for fear I'll start craving them. I think we've gone through about 7 bags as well but since my husband doesn't really eat them the only one I can blame it on is the dogs. :)


http://smallfoodbiz.com
</blatent self-marketing>
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Re: Body image and athletes [lilpups] [ In reply to ]
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If we think we have issues with food, go check out the thread on the main forum "Going to bed hungry". Seriously messed up. These are guys talking about trying to drop weight and starving themselves at night. Drinking water instead of eating. Getting some willpower to just ignore the hunger and go to sleep....wow....

There are some serious eating issues reflected over there.

This has been a body dysmorpia day all around. I was on the bike trainer surfing the channels and came across Dr Phil. Because I enjoy trash TV I decided to watch. The show was about a woman with severe anorexia and bulemia. She is killing herself because she thinks she is fat.

This all must be a message from the cookie goddess telling me to let go of the saddlebags on my hips and get some perspective.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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i wish i could say i'm over it, but quite honestly, i'm not. I am still on a never-ending quest for a six pack or at least definted abs, and i'm starting to think that its just not in the cards for me, no matter how much training i do or how many calories i cut. i can never look in the mirror and be happy with what i see, and i am annoyed that i can't seem to get past it. i know there are more important things in life, but i look at desiree ficker or heather gollnick and just get mad. i don't want the cosmo body but i do want the elite triathlete body. i guess the question is at what point do you work towards how you want to look, and at what point do you just accept the genetics for what they are and move on?



"What am I on? I'm on my bike busting my ass for six hours a day. What are YOU on?" - Lance Armstrong
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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Why do we do this to ourselves?

i think the appropriate question is "why do you do this to yourself"...not "ourselves".

in truth, i don't do to myself the things you suggest. certainly, i have bad days, but i guess i focus on other things. i'm strong, healthy, and don't have breast cancer or bone cancer (had scares for both in the last few years). so for this i'm very grateful and enjoy working on myself each and everyday--be it with exercise, a new venture or idea, using food as medicine, whatever.

it's my belief that i will never "arrive". this is a journey, this thing called life, and we've got 1 shot at it.

today i'm 33 years old and God willing will live a 3-5 more decades. if i don't look good in shorts, frankly, i don't give a shit. there is always another thing that will look better. personally, i think shorts are a fashion design disaster anyway (they're absolutely dreadful outside of exercise, IMO).

besides, i'm sure you've got a smokin ass and legs in skirts or jeans. so just wear those things, and be done with it. ;)

shorts were originally made for schoolboys, and that's exactly where they belong.
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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Very good topic. I spent way too much time in my teens & 20's thinking I was fat (at 5'9" I weighed around 124 lbs) Part of this could be attributed to the fact that I was a dancer, but a lot of it was just how I saw myself. So many people accused me of being anorexic that I started doing copious amounts of research about it. That research is probably what kept me from going down that dangerous path, but it was still a huge struggle.

Things eased up a little in my late 20's. I got married and things became a little more stable in my life. I gained a ton of weight (at my heaviest I got up to over 200 lbs -- not sure by how much, as I didn't weigh myself any more) I hated how I looked and was totally miserable. My mom had been extremely thin as a young woman and then after having four kids basically blamed her weight gain on metabolism, so I suppose I accepted that as my problem as well. I'd join a gym and try to work out, but it felt so impossible and I would quit. Then, a friend and I joined a gym together and started working out together. Having her waiting for me made me go to the gym with a consistency I'd never been able to do on my own and vice versa. At first it was just 30 minutes on the elliptical, twice a week. Then it moved up to 45 mins, three times a week. Then we added some weights. The weight started coming off. I cleaned up my eating habits and more weight started coming off. I felt so good about myself. Each time I stepped on the scale and saw that I'd lost more weight I got a huge surge of excitement. Before long, I found myself slipping right back into my old teenage self, eating a little less, working out a little more and living for that number on the scale. Friends that at first were complimentary stopped mentioning my weight. One came right out and said that I should stop losing. (In response I dropped five pounds.)

Then my gym friend moved away and in a fit of craziness/inspiration I signed up for the Danskin. The training for that race helped me start to realize that my body could do things like run and ride a bike (and not quite drown in a pool... :-P) and that my energy would be better spent feeling good about that rather than a number on a scale. I still have days where I really struggle with my body image, but I try really hard to keep that in check. I'm trying to focus on eating healthier and not worry so much about the numbers on the scale.

I hope I can get to that place where I can be happy with my imperfect body and not worry so much about it.

M

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The beatings will continue until morale improves
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Re: Body image and athletes [kittycat] [ In reply to ]
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today i'm 33 years old and God willing will live a 3-5 more decades. if i don't look good in shorts, frankly, i don't give a shit. >>>


!!! AMEN!!

And LOL about the schoolboys.


IMO the most important factor is to make sure your clothing fits properly and is flattering.

Anyone here on a Masters Swim squad? In my area, those are no skinny minnies (or men) but they *work it* in those speedos and they look damn good. I learned from them , that being ashamed of your body isn't going to help you look any better right this minute, so might was well throw your shoulders back and be proud of what you have.

And honor "what you have" by buying the right size clothes. ;-)
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Re: Body image and athletes [WeRide] [ In reply to ]
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Great. So my very first post ever on here is about mini eggs. I hate you all for mentioning that they are in the shops- up until now I hadn't noticed.

As to body image- 'Chin up, tits out' ladies.
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Re: Body image and athletes [kittycat] [ In reply to ]
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>>personally, i think shorts are a fashion design disaster anyway (they're absolutely dreadful outside of exercise<<

Amen to that. I think it's from all my traveling but you never see the proliferation of shorts as you do here in the U.S. but even if I see them on women with "smoking hot" legs, I think there's something that looks very silly about them if the person isn't exercising or maybe at the beach.

Good topic. I recently said to a friend -- I'm strong, got my blood test results and couldn't be healthier. So I lose 10 lbs, drop a dress size, maybe run faster, what for? My husband thinks I'm hot anyway, even tho at 5'4, 140 others might think "I could stand to lose a few" I'm having way too much fun in life to forego a glass of wine or dessert to satisfy some arbitrary vision of what in shape or being thin is.

I really cannot understand how the media has perpetrated, and folks continue to buy into it, that emaciated, skeletal women are attractive. Really, when I can see an actor's spinal column protruding from her back on the red carpet, come on, ewww!
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Re: Body image and athletes [cindyloohoo] [ In reply to ]
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Well I, for one, think all you tri womens are smokin' hot!!!!
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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Wow, what a thread! It seems as if the body image thing is universal. I'm actually surprised that this topic took this long to come up on the Womens.

Like many of you, I've suffered with body image problems for most of my 42 years. I went through years of eating disorders, which were especially bad in my teens and early 20's. I'm a "normal sized" person, I guess (with large hips/thighs and no boobs) -- fat for a triathlete, but not for a non-athlete. I'm 5'6" and comfortably wear a size 8. A few years ago when I was doing really well with my training, I was briefly a size 4. At the time I loved how I looked, except my face looked really gaunt. I think a natural weight for me, one which I don't have to starve myself to maintain, is probably about where I am right now.

Ironically, the happiest I've ever been with my body was when I weighed 175 lbs. and was pregnant enough to pop. And also when I weighed 150+ lbs. and was breastfeeding. It might have been the happy hormones, but I was fully able to focus on what my body could DO as opposed to how it looked. When I first started marathon training and then triathlon training, I had a similar feeling. Now that I've been training for years, I'm kind of slipping back into hating this bulge and that bulge, and the thicker waist that has come along with turning 40. I can't help but think that I'd run faster, feel less "clunky," etc., if I lost some weight. The saving grace, if there is one, is that I'm really having fun swimming lots of yardage right now, and an extra few pounds doesn't really interfere in the water.

I look at some of my (fit) friends, and many of them are a similar size, and I think THEY look great. I just wish I could get past my insecurities and this damned "clunky" feeling. But I remember how I used to look and it's very frustrating.

You know, I think as athletes we are less likely to be happy with our appearance than the general population. It goes right along with the type A, perfectionist attitude. I'm not sure it's ever possible for us to be completely happy with our own performances (or weight/body composition), but if we saw the same results from our friends we'd think everything was fine and we'd tell them how well they were doing. And I'm trying to be so careful not to voice my dissatisfaction with my own body, as I have an 11-year old daughter.

OK, attitude adjustment... almost time to see how many yards this imperfect body can go during our masters monthly 30-minute swim!
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Re: Body image and athletes [jenhs] [ In reply to ]
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This is my first post here and I had to add my 2 "pounds" worth. This is my second go around with tris-the first was 7-8 years ago and actually got up to the 1/2 IM distance and did well. But I didn't "look" like I wanted. I finished 2 marathons and still wasn't happy. So I gained the 80 pounds back that I lost to finish the 1/2 IM. Now I am close to 50, still hate the mirror, still hate to see myself with all the other svelte triathletes getting ready to swim. But I have learned to like the way I feel now, I move better and stronger, my endurance is great. So those things I can measure-not the lying mirror in front of me. I measure myself on how I feel, and move. At any given day, with a days notice, I can gut out a 10 mile run or a oly tri. Not too many models can say that. And I have learned to appreciate what I can do-not what I look like.
That being said-I want a great photo at the finish of IMF in Nov-my 50th birthday!
C
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Re: Body image and athletes [kittycat] [ In reply to ]
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I am ridiculously happy to know that I am not the only one that never wears shorts unless I am working out! I think they look awful on just about everyone. Skirts are more comfortable and look a million times better on a woman. As long as they are the right length. :) And forget about capris too. Better than shorts, but still not good.

Jessica
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