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Re: Mens: Who's Getting Their "21" in? For the Prostate. [Barks&Purrs] [ In reply to ]
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Barks&Purrs wrote:
Rick_pcfl wrote:
That is really sad. I am sure her husband would gladly slow down in exchange for more regular sex if she would just let him know. It makes me wonder if she's being truthful. Either way, it is sad for both of them.


The scenario doesn’t make sense to me either, but two other friends agreed with her general negative/ avoidance attitude about sex.* I don’t think the women lied about how they feel about sex. Is this where you think she was not being truthful?

There is a running joke that the husbands like when the wives get together & drink a little and have fun because it means the husbands will score. This kind of confirms what my friend says about drinking.

I would think that cultural taboos about assertiveness or communication are a problem impacting female expression of preferences. This, in turn, reduces satisfaction for everyone. This is striking to me because I’m friends with independent, strong-willed women. I think the self-censoring must be pretty strong and deeply ingrained.

* Don’t have the impression that it was a complaint-dominated conversation. Two of the 8 expressed happy satisfaction with frequent sex. Three of the 8 had negative attitudes. One friend is single and said she couldn’t comment because of lack of opportunity. Two friends were busy talking about something else.

I absolutely believe your conversation and friend to be truthful. I was trapped in such a relationship for quite a long time. It sucks.

I wonder if "independent, strong-willed women" generally have less satisfaction with sex than more traditionally feminine women. I'm sure it would vary widely, but across a large enough sample size, I wonder if there would be a significant difference.

Outside of social taboo, and religion, I'm of the opinion that having sex with someone outside of a marriage should be fair game to alleviate the pressure and stress of mismatched sex drive/desire which is a huge stressor and breaks up a lot of families.
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Re: Mens: Who's Getting Their "21" in? For the Prostate. [Barks&Purrs] [ In reply to ]
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Barks&Purrs wrote:
Why is the idea of a vibrator bad?

It's not! That level of repression and cultural restriction of communication of your friends is foreign to me.

Like I've always been excessively shy about initiation of a first attempt at sex. (though it's been over 20 years since that's been an issue) Some women have been exasperated with me and just gotten blunt.

But once actually initiated, I've never had a problem with, "OK, how am I doing here? Slower, faster?" Or even gentle feedback the other way, "That's nice, but a little toothy!"

And I don't understand how a man could not get a general sense of things not going great, faking, etc. Or women be accepting of that being their "burden."

I figured out in college pretty quick that drunk sex is not where it's at. I think Shakespeare had a line about that.
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Re: Mens: Who's Getting Their "21" in? For the Prostate. [307trout] [ In reply to ]
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307trout wrote:
I'm of the opinion that having sex with someone outside of a marriage should be fair game to alleviate the pressure and stress of mismatched sex drive/desire which is

If open, and after reasonable attempts at correction, sure. Secretly, that's not for me. My wife and I have a pact that we're not doing that secretly. If there's going to be an affair, there's going to be a talk first. Only fair to allow equal opportunity.

We've never had that talk.
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Re: Mens: Who's Getting Their "21" in? For the Prostate. [Barks&Purrs] [ In reply to ]
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Barks&Purrs wrote:
Rick_pcfl wrote:
That is really sad. I am sure her husband would gladly slow down in exchange for more regular sex if she would just let him know. It makes me wonder if she's being truthful. Either way, it is sad for both of them.


The scenario doesn’t make sense to me either, but two other friends agreed with her general negative/ avoidance attitude about sex.* I don’t think the women lied about how they feel about sex. Is this where you think she was not being truthful?

Sorry, I should have explained myself. My thought was that she wasn't being truthful as to why she didn't enjoy sex with her husband. If she didn't enjoy it because he got up to full speed too soon, it would be easy enough to ask him to slow down and give her time. Asking him to slow down seems to be a lot easier than just cutting him off except for when she's drunk, and is certainly healthier for the marriage.

Not ruling it out, just find it curious.
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Re: Mens: Who's Getting Their "21" in? For the Prostate. [trail] [ In reply to ]
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trail wrote:
Like I've always been excessively shy about initiation of a first attempt at sex. (though it's been over 20 years since that's been an issue) Some women have been exasperated with me and just gotten blunt.

I'm still too much of a "Gentleman" sometimes

"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin
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Re: Mens: Who's Getting Their "21" in? For the Prostate. [trail] [ In reply to ]
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trail wrote:
And I don't understand how a man could not get a general sense of things not going great, faking, etc. Or women be accepting of that being their "burden.

Perhaps men are in denial? My three girlfriends (the ones who are sexually unhappy) are sending a pretty clear message with their avoidance behavior.

My main point in this thread is that if guys aren’t getting their “21” and want to improve things, please keep in mind that there are subtle messages everywhere (including in this thread) that a woman who asserts herself is not feminine. She won’t easily publish her ideas on this subject.

I think the vast majority of women, myself included, want to feel and look feminine. My independent and strong-willed girlfriends are totally feminine. (My husband has stalked us and told me that we’re the group of hot women at the restaurant/bar. I think it was a little pervy of him to do that.)

Discussing this subject can be a challenge for a lot of reasons— one of the reasons relates to femininity. The only other reason I can imagine is if the wife thinks her husband is an ass. But I think these wives really love and admire their husbands. So I really don’t know.

Finis.
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Re: Mens: Who's Getting Their "21" in? For the Prostate. [Barks&Purrs] [ In reply to ]
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Have any of the unhappy friends considered non-monogamy?

Or, joining Slowtwitch😉😎

"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin
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