No idea, in regards to the compensation/ground rules etc.

I can see a lot of cons as a parent and personal levels. Different parts of the country, different cultures I guess, but having someone live with you I'd have a fear of the children calling the nanny "mom". A few times my daughter has called my wife her daycare lady's name. It hurt my wife's feelings really bad even if it was an honest mistake for a two year old. Does the wife have a concern about that? Would she or you be willing to reduce FTE or reduce travel/workload?

One of the best choices my family has made is reducing my wife's FTE to 4 days a week. Thankfully our employer is very supportive of this but the extra time with my daughters is priceless.

My old boss had live in nannies for her 3 kids when they were growing up and the kids and nannies are still friends to this day (the kids are now all over 30 yo).

Main thing: Have an employment contract with her which lays out hours and emergency coverage when stuck with travel (and payment for this).

Add her to your car insurance.

Some ideas of what to consider here: https://www.babycenter.com/...ep-a-good-nanny_6063

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

If you are planning on calling on her in an emergency make sure you have a very clear policy around how those hours get made up/ compensated for. The most angst I have seen is when that goes from an emergency to just a normal growth in hours. And if you want a good relationship be generous. So if she ends up on call unexpectedly she gets 1.5x the time off to be made up within 30 days or something. How does she block off time where she is not on call? What vacation time/ weekly down times does she get?

I’d also make rules like your kids and you are not allowed in her space- or call out under what circumstances you are. Are you okay with her keeping personal food in her room or is there a cabinet she can have in the kitchen (this turned into a big issue in one relationship that I never understood).

Is she allowed to entertain friends and family at your house if that is now her house? Under what circumstances?

All of this is based on things I have seen happen with Au Pairs - but most probably apply.

I’ve seen this go pretty well though and based on what you call out as paying it sounds like you have pretty realistic expectations. I’ve only hired people to help part time- but man has paying over market and being generous paid off in spades when I was in a bind.

I think you should just get in the habit of putting on a robe or pants for your midnight ice cream- it’s not that hard.

Dear Penthouse...

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Favorite Gear: Dimond | Cadex | Desoto Sport | Hoka One One

Another option is to sell everything, buy a boat and sail around the world :-)

My husband has this dream of someday buying a catamaran and having the two of us just sail around the world or some place warm like the Caribbean. He follows a couple families where the parents previously had these big full-time, stressful, high-powered jobs with lots of travel. They hardly ever saw their children or had enough quality time with them. So they sold everything, bought a sailboat and travel the world with their family. They youtoube eveything. Sailing Zatara is the channel I believe. There are a couple other families that have done this but can't recall the names. I know it's most likely not practical with aging parents needing your care. But something to consider. At least maybe watch one episode. They are truly living life to the fullest!

No offense but I feel stress just reading about your situation. I do realize buying a boat is a bit radical. But life is too short to not see your kids much and have someone else raise them. Children are precious. Spend as much time as you can with them. They are only little once.

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Death is easy....peaceful. Life is harder.

I appreciate the advice probably comes from a good place, but we're devoted parents. Other than work and 8-10 hours of triathlon training per week, we basically spend 100% of our time together as a family (no screens, doing real stuff). Maybe not as much time as 40 hour working husband and a stay-at-home mom, but I think more than 95% of "power couples" we know. But we derive a lot of satisfaction and joy from our work or we wouldn't do it. And I think that's an important thing for kids to see.

My wife and I love to sail and we intend to sail the world together once are kids are in college and do bareboat charters around the world together in the meantime. Before you sell everything and buy that catamaran, I'd suggest some offshore trips. It's not for everyone (or every marriage).

Anyhow, would appreciate it if most of the advice focuses on how to make live-in childcare arrangement most successful.

A friend had a live-in nanny. He owned a car dealership so he was able to give the nanny a car. If you are going to expect your nanny to shuttle the kids around, you'll either have to add her to your insurance or work out some means of reimbursement if she uses her own vehicle. His nanny pretty much worked Mon-Fri and had the weekends off. Hours were pretty standard each day. He and his wife went into work a bit later but got home late so they got the kids going in the morning and the nanny would take over once they left for work. On mornings they had to leave early, the nanny would handle the kids. Not sure if they compensated her for the additional hours, I would assume they did.
Like someone said above, the biggest thing is to talk to your nanny and lay out rules that work for both of you as to what you expect of her and what can expect from you, hours, compensation etc.

If you both find joy in your work, well that's a different story. I understand that and it's important to be happy especially around your kids. (how many of us grew up with miserable parents? I'll raise my hand first)

My husband spent summers as a teen working on his Uncle's charter boat based in St. Thomas and loves sailing. I'm not as warm to the whole idea. We recently moved out of rural suburbia. Our radical life change was moving into a forest completely off-the-grid into a log home. (we do have Starlink, solar, batteries, generator and live very well but it's very different). I'm relieved my husband now watches more youtube content focused around off-grid living. He loves his tractor and other outside toys and that keeps him very happy.

Anyhoo, I'm digressing. When I saw your post it made me think of the families that have had enough of the normal busy stressful life of suburban America, and then do something radical like sailing around the world or buying a farm someplace remote. But everyone is different. It works for some but not others. Best wishes!

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Death is easy....peaceful. Life is harder.

We had a live in when the kids were young (infants through about 5th grade). It worked very well. My wife worked mostly from home but could concentrate on work and I was at the office and traveling a lot for business. The kids were kept busy and when we had the kids (evenings/weekends/holidays) housecleaning, laundry, etc was done so we didn't have to spend time on chores.

My kids reflect on their early lives with great memories of walks and activities and hardly any tv time, etc. Also, healthy meals were always available. We still have someone come and clean for us because it's just so convenient.

As for compensation, we just agreed on a monthly amount, paid for all of her food costs, etc. It's too hard to figure out an hourly rate and we started with 'on/off' hours but we just settled into a rhythm that worked and didn't stick to it strictly. We had the same lady for all those years and she became part of our family.

Our experience was excellent.

On another note, we are now preparing for a long-term sailing trip. Years ago we took off on our sailboat with the kids for 6 mos and sailed throughout Mexico and the Sea of Cortez. We've sailed to Hawaii and done some other weeklong trips on our boat. Our kids are now in college (one in the last year) and we plan to head south and see where we end up. Our girls will join us whenever they can as they absolutely love getting out on the boat and are often down at the harbor with their friends just hanging out, paddleboarding, cruising in the dingy, etc. I certainly agree that anyone considering long-term cruising to do some multi-week charters. We met plenty of cruising couples on our adventures that we really struggling as one or the other did not like the lifestyle and made both miserable. It's very challenging to make it all work given stresses that are not dealt with in land-life, and if the marriage isn't strong at the beginning, it'll end quickly. I actually bought our boat from a man who commissioned it to sail around the world with his wife and he spent a very large sum purchasing and fitting out the boat then on their very first sail to Catalina Island, his wife decided this was not for her and that was that. He held onto the boat for a few years then sold it at a fraction of the price he paid to purchased and fit out. You'll find great cruising sailboats in Hawaii or southern Mexico for sail for this exact reason - first offshore trip and the marriage is over (or atleast the trip). We met a cruising couple in Mexico with two your kids we were hanging with and they made their way from San Francisco to La Paz on the way around the world. He had enough trying to handle the boat the boat had a lot of issues (production boat not really designed for offshore work) but she wanted to fix the boat and keep sailing. They flew home and sold the boat. Interestingly, I'd say it was a 50/50 split between the man and woman being the catalyst to bail out on the dream.

As others have said. The main thing is to have a contract.

Also understand the huge power dynamic that goes hand in hand with you being her employer + landlord.

You being her only source of income you understand what she is able to afford (car + cell phone + etc.).

Her room / living area is her room. No one else can stay there.

With the new born, I would let her know that you want her to live with you guys for the year, and then keep her still on as the full time nanny.

That way if things are going bad for the living arrangement you can get out of it within the year. If things are going well at the 6 month period see if you can extend it.

You're obviously rich (good for you). Have your lawyer draw up an employment contract. One issue I could see is residency. You fire her for cause, but she is a legal resident of your home, which is also her home because she lives there. Do you have to evict her? Which can take a month (or significantly longer, depending on where you live and the status of the court system).

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*****
"In case of flood climb to safety"

I'd counsel you to seek an employment attorney in your area to advise you on whether or not a contract is the best way forward, and ask them what employment law issues a live-in arrangement may trigger in your jurisdiction. Like, do you need to have a literal "clock in, clock out" system (I'm sure such apps exist) to track hours so you know exactly where you stand on hours she's worked vis-a-vis hitting some number of hours allowed per week before you are obligated to pay OT? (E.g., has she worked more than eight in a day or over 40 in a week, and do such numbers trigger an obligation to pay her OT? What, exactly, is OT where you live?) Must she be given a 15-minute break every two hours, or similar? If she's entitled to a 15-minute break but voluntarily foregoes it, then are you obligated to pay her for that 15 minutes? If she's "on call," then must you compensate her for the time she's waiting around to find out whether or not you need her? If she's off the clock, then must she remain with X minutes of the house just in case she's needed in an emergency, and if so then to what compensation, if any, is she entitled in exchange for such a limited scope of travel? To what benefits and vacation pay is she entitled, if any? What do you do (from an accounting and payroll perspective) with unused vacation time, if any?

Where I live, an employer can get financially slaughtered by what are called "wage and hour" claims brought by disgruntled employees when the employer hasn't calculated OT, break times, etc., perfectly. Statutorily-prescribed penalties for screwing up that kind of recordkeeping can make such claims much larger than just the wages owed, and therefore they're attractive to entrepreneurial plaintiffs' attorneys.

Maybe a salary is preferable so you don't have to worry about OT?

Again, I recommend you seek legal counsel on the employment law issues that lurk within such an arrangement.

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War is god

I never went the live in route but almost everyone I know did.

I’ll share what I think I know.

You buy the car and the insurance. You want your coverage covering your kids in the car and you also want to be authorizing where the. At goes and supervising the maintenance.

It’s okay to eat ice cream in your boxers ... it almost definitely won’t be the most embarrassing thing she sees.

Even though she’ll live in all the live ins I know had “work hours” which included days off and they took them seriously. There’s also her vacation. Most folks I knew who had long unpredictable work hours actually had a team of two an early morning person and a live in who worked through bedtime.

If you go on vacation and don’t take her it’s normal that you would pay her and she can be expected to housesit in your home. For young live ins this is when they throw parties ...which is usually a hot mess.

One thing that isn’t on your list which was an issue with most of my friends was meals. Will she eat with you ...will she make her own food?
There’s a million ways to handle this but it usually came up.

Good luck!

I worked as both an au-pair and a live-in nanny for a few families and from reading your post think it may help if you contact a domestic agency in your area to get a feel for what to expect and pay.
Know that if your childcare provider has a place to live, staying full time at your house is a bonus for you, not her. Though space is given, she will be working as long as the child is awake. Children tend to gravitate towards the live-in help and this can cause a rift with the parents. Hired help is hired help, not a family member so the “treating like family” mentality does not exist. Provide a car with insurance. If the help has a car that is not well maintained and/or insured and doesn’t tell you, it puts your child at risk.
If you need more hours, work out something like 50 hrs one week and 30 hrs. the next week paying and providing as a full-time employee. If you go on vacation and she stays at home, pay her (live-in or live-out). It has been some time since last living with a family for to think of everything now but feel free to ask any questions that you may have.

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DISH is how we do it.

What about instead of live-in you pay her extra for weeks that you need her to be on call? When you see that something big is coming up with work or you have a work trip? Pay her to make herself available on short notice to work odd hours. The posts on here so far seem like a real headache.

Personally I would not contemplate a shift toward a live in situation with anything less than 15k sqft and at least one separate residence on the property of at least 25 percent of that total space. Ideally, 30k sqft is preferable with defined living space for the staff with a layout such that they are at your beckon call without being noticed. Pay should be commensurate with performance as full room and board, let alone vehicle privileges, should suffice as more than ample compensation.