After my dad died, my mom would come down for two to three weeks. My wife and I would take a week off and do local roadtrips, the rest was self entertaining I worked from home at the time and made sure they had a plan everyday.

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Jim
"In dog beers, I've only had one"
http://www.shakercolonial.com/
Creating custom made furnishing to your requirements

my parents are retired as well and they are welcome to stay here as long as they want each time they come. They are self sufficient though and my mom makes a super mean all-star breakfast. we always try to get them to stay longer, but they have settled into retirement and have to get back for their golf, poker, and line dancing commitments.

My dad won’t stay more than 3 days, my MIL wouldn't leave if we didn’t set limits and that is generally 5 days.

Love my dad and my mom passed years ago but we just run out of things to say and do. It always comes back to the same subjects we have rehashed for years. With my MIL, I run out of things to say after, hi.

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TEAM HD
Each day is what you make of it so make it the best day possible.

We're currently living in a different country to both sets of parents, so stays of 1 week or even longer have become the norm. We both work, so this has required some re-education of parents about what to expect in terms of us being hosts. I.e. They need to entertain themselves during week days, and the more helpful stuff they can do (groceries, school run, homework with the kids, putting on laundry, etc) while we're at work, the more quality time they'll get to spend with us. Took a couple of trips to find a good balance but actually it's been great, particularly with my parents who previously had a tendency to just sit around our house reading the paper and waiting for something to happen, and now are much better guests and also have a better relationship with their grandchildren.

Bigger challenge is actually getting my wife on board with the idea that visitors take us as they find us and can look after themselves, she has a tendency to try and play the perfect hostess and can get quite stressed and run herself into the ground when we have our parents staying for more than a few days. I have to force her to do things for herself like going to the gym and not feeling guilty about it.

This

Although even when in ME my dad would book himself for 3 nights my mum for a week plus as he doesn't really do young kids

I moved countries and see family for arranged visits. In June my dad and wife are coming for a month.

Their comments to me were they would have a hire car the whole time and would be self sufficient.

Can’t wait as I value any time with my dad. He is in his 80s now.

My in-laws usually stay a week or 2 BUT they do not stay with us. They have a camper in summer and rent a condo in fall/winter.

My parents will stay for months with us. My mom cooks, cleans, does laundry, goes to the park, takes kids to movies, short hikes and walks. My dad goes and drives around taking photos or goes for walks. We live at 9000 ft in altitude, and it really messed with him last time he was here, so not sure if he’ll be back, which is a huge bummer (he’s 85). My mom has come out by herself twice in the winter for 10 days once and almost 6 weeks after my daughter was born. My dad can’t be here in winter anymore. To precarious - snow, ice and too cold.

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Harry: "I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this."
Loyd: "I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man."

How old was your mom when she was that active.

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My mother is 76, is 6 months past a total knee replacement and leads 3 six mile walks per week plus travelling etc......

Took the kids up to the Tower of London for the day last Saturday.

My mom generally visits 2-3 times per year, ~2 weeks each time. Even though she is now 93, she can keep herself entertained, while we work.

Your dad could try a three day acclimation in Denver. As my parents got older that made all of the difference for them. They could not fly in and straight to 9k but if they stopped at 5k for three days they were fine. Good luck! The wildflower festival was one of my parents’ favorite things to do in CO.

Around 2, maybe 3 hours.

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Long Chile was a silly place.

My parents were wanderers so though they visited a lot either they went off and traveled during the week while we worked or we all did. Frequently they would get a B&B and we would camp and meet up for meals and activities. I found that worked really well- when we were all under one roof for more than a few days people got on each other’s nerves. As they got older and needed help I would fly down with my baby to help them for a week or two. Them they moved close to us- but had their own apartment.

She is 73. She does this now! My daughter is turning 3 in February, the 6 week stint was almost 3 years ago, and they (mom and dad) just left in November after hanging around for 2+ months in the fall. Granted they stayed about a month - 6 weeks longer than originally intended this time. We were in the final stages of building a house, and I was doing a LOT of the finish work. I’d take kids to school then come work on the house and she’d essentially take care of the home. Got kids off the bus, did laundry, cooked, grandma’d the 2 year old). We wouldn’t be in the house yet if she hadn’t been there. My husband is a sole proprietor of his business and works insane hours (although at the time he had an office in the basement where we were renting so could be dad when needed when I wasn’t home). It helps tremendously that my parents get along with my husband (almost always). We’ve taken them to Yosemite and Hawaii as thanks for all the help over the years.

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Harry: "I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this."
Loyd: "I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man."

40 years ago we bought our first house. My father came to visit. He went to light up a cigarette and I explained that we didn't allow smoking in our house. So he and I sat on the patio and visited. He was offended that "he couldn't smoke wherever he damn well pleased". He never visited again. Died a few years later from smoking related illnesses.

MIL visits for a week at a time. Very quiet. She's 80 now so mobility is an issue.

We are set up for visitors. The downstairs has 2 guest bedrooms with private baths and a coffee bar and a social room with TV. They all overlook the lake. Many guests stay for a week at a time.

4 days.

I typically stay with family 2 days, 3 max.

Enjoy every minute you can with them because when they are gone you'll rue not doing so

^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is all that matters.

We have a 72 hour rule, which is closer to a 50 hours. That equates to time over 3 days. So for example, they drove up on Thanksgiving, stayed Friday and left out on Saturday early afternoon. Even that amount of time is pushing it. And they do NOT stay at our house.

And yes, it feels like a 24-7 job entertaining them. They never really want to do anything. My mom complains about everything. When we visit them, wife and I will get out of the house constantly. We don't look for them to entertain us. We make plans and go about our time.

For their stay, can you rent an office space somewhere for the week, so you have a quiet space to go and do your work during the day?

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Long Chile was a silly place.

I'm interested in learning how you go about setting a time limit. I may need this ability for my in-laws in the not too distant future. Currently they only hang out for a couple of hours, but I feel I need to be prepared.

It all depends on the relationship you have with your parents and how you communicate with them. As you can see from the other responses, some people can't put up with more than a few hours and some are fine with months. When they were in their late 60s and through their 70s, my parents (both dead now) would come in once a year for 3 weeks. They drove 1700 miles and had their own truck. They would kind of take over the house which was a little annoying for my wife. But my dad started doing renovation projects that I hadn't gotten around to and that made up for it. I came home from work one day and my dad (at 75) was up on the garage re-roofing it. He handed me a receipt for $200.00 and said that's what I owed him for the materials. Also said my circular saw was no good and bought a new one and I owed him for that as well. My mom redid the kitchen which slightly annoyed my wife. But we both came home from work to cooked meals and a full fridge. When the babies came they helped with watching them. We had 10 good years like this and then came illness, strokes, Alzheimers, and then death. When they're gone, they're gone.

My MIL has visited multiple times when we first came to Gainesville, once when in Chicago and certainly soon again now that we're back in the Swamp.
She's stayed as long as 6 weeks. When the little one was born. Most other times 3-4 weeks. But, she's very independent, does not need to be entertained, and her room is always ready for her. Also, I get along with her very well, and she cooks Mexican food for all meals while she's here. So basically, I live at a Mexican restaurant, which is pretty awesome after training :-)

I wish mine were still here to come visit.

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

For some parents it is better to visit them. I've lived in my house for 13 years, I think my father in law has been in it twice. The place before was for 7 years, he was never there. So that has worked out perfectly.

My dad won't stay anywhere for more than a few hours before he has to get home.

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

What if they just stop by?

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

Vacation? Probably a couple days at most. That's for both sets of parents, wife's and mine. And even that's rare. Both live out of state, but they also have other family in California, so when they're out here, they don't stay at one place that long, and sometimes they will stay in a hotel. We have a guest bedroom with it's own bathroom, so it's not much of an imposition, but I think they're also considerate of us..

Several years back, my in-laws moved out of state while my father-in-law still worked near us. He tried to do the long distance commute thing, where he lived in town for four days and went home for three. For about six months or so, he stayed at our house when he was in town. He was super considerate, would leave early in the morning and would often eat out for dinner or see a movie in the evening in order to give us out time. He was enjoyable to have around because it wasn't an imposition. After around six months, he bought a condo so that he could have a different place to stay at.

Ha, I was thinking the same thing!

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Long Chile was a silly place.

Not to mention, not everyone has the best relationship with their parents.

I love mine, and they are rock star grandparents. But our relationship is complicated, especially with my mom. She is incredibly overbearing. Some hard boundaries need to be put in place and constantly enforced. It gets tiresome and creates a lot of needless stress in the house.

I prefer short, more frequent visits so I don't feel bad if I have to pull the plug on a moment's notice. We live close enough that we can do this.

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Long Chile was a silly place.

This is was my first experience with an extended trip but I am just rolling with it and see where it goes. I do like to use pretty powerful computers for some of my work and I also like to walk on a treadmill while I walk. I am sure I could ad-hoc it with a Panera or a Starbucks, and it has been totally fine but I am curious about a lot of things and how we age/how we change is one of those things so it gives me a different lens My dad has always been a go-go-go type of guy. It can be exhausting, most people his age can't keep up. While I am a super friendly person, and very talkative, I also need a fair bit of solitude as well.

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